[Extremely OT]: Engagement Rings

[Airwolf]

Congrats and Good Luck!!

I got engaged 4 years ago, last September and married in July 99. So I guess I can comment.

When I wanted to propose I made darn sure that she didn't know what was coming. I went shopping for rings several times. I took friends of mine along to see what they thought. I never once asked her about any preference she might have about rings. I recommend doing the same, the less she knows the bigger the surprise. She has commented on several occasions since then that she probably wouldn’t have chosen the ring that I did, but she thinks it looks better than anything she would have chosen. Along those lines we picked out our wedding bands several months later and she found one she liked but after a week she decided she didn’t like it and back we went to look for a ‘new’ wedding ring.

By this time you should know her and have an idea of what would look good on her finger, use this as your guide. Don’t worry so much about the price or the size of the stone.

I choose a .37K diamond surrounded by .5K of smaller stones. The main stone is E color and SI. The stone really sparkles. I also didn’t spend 2 months salary on the ring (I think a greedy woman came up with that rule.) To this day people will still comment on how beautiful her ring is.

In summary:
1. Don’t involve her
2. Buy quality not quantity
3. Spend what you can afford

 

[Tiberius]

I say throw the "guidelines" out the window. The one I got for my girlfriend cost me about 20% of my yearly salary, but is perfect. I can't wait to see the look on her face when I give it to her. Anyway, figure out first what you are willing (note that willing != socially mandated) to spend, then figure out what she would like (also note that what she would like != what everyone expects you to get, necessarily. This is about you and her, so forget everyone else exists.), then with both of those in mind, go hunt down the perfect ring. See? Simple!

I concur with the others who say leave her out of the actual out-picking process. Also remember that many of the defects inherent to diamonds are imperceptible to the naked eye, so don't obsess about getting the clearest, most achromatic (and thus, most expensive) stone.

-Tiberius

 

[NLP]

Ask her to marry you with something besides an engagement ring. An engagement pizza can be just as exciting. Then the two of you can go and pick out the ring together, ensuring that she is getting a style she likes (some like pear-shaped, or emerald, or square cut, some like gold, some like platinum, etc).

The standard rule is about two months salary, but it depends on how much you make. You can get some really beautiful rings at various price ranges from $800 to $5,000. Picking out a ring with your intended is also a great way to learn something about her. If she knows how much money you make and have, and still wants to see the overly expensive ring run then and there and save yourself the grief later.

 

[Balgus]

tiberus:
Anyway, figure out first what you are willing (note that willing != socially mandated) to spend

But by following your advice,he is following social mandate.

sorry- just being a dork

 

[drnuncheon]

I also didn’t spend 2 months salary on the ring (I think a greedy woman came up with that rule.)

A greedy jewelry store, more likely...

J

 

[Tiberius]

But by following your advice,he is following social mandate.

sorry- just being a dork

SMACK!!!

-Tiberius

 

[Claude Raines]

Let me reiterate other people in saying that you should pick out the ring together. You can still surprise her on when and where you ask.

If you want to buy a diamond, shop around. Really shop around. And take the time to learn about diamonds. If you go to some place like Zales (or other chain diamond stores), you might be able to get bigger diamonds cheaper, but they will be lower quality. Get her a higher quality diamond even if it is smaller. This is something that she will hopefully have for the rest of her life, so make sure it's something she'll always want to look at.

Another thing you can do is design the ring yourself. Look at the rings out there and find what you like in ring designs. It can be hard to find one ring that has everything you want, but a good jeweler can make any design you desire - and it doesn't cost extra. If you do design the ring, have the jeweler get your approval on a wax mold of the ring before he casts it.

As far as money is concerned, don't spend more than you feel comfortable. I spent almost two months salary, but there is no reason for you to spend a similar amount. If she loves you, she won't want you in bankruptcy court. Finally, be sure you get the ring insured, either through the store you bought it or through renters/homeowners insurance.

 

[Lazybones]

I add my vote to those that say that your future wife should be involved in the decision process. Heaven forbid you get something she hates, but feels she has to fake liking for your sake. The surprise can be where and when you ask her.

I also recommend staying out of the mall jewelry stores; you'll pay more. We went to several small private jewelers and saw prices that were 20-40% less for stones of comparable cut, weight, purity, and color. If you don't mind wearing something once worn by a now-dead person, you can also find good deals with jewelers (reputable, don't go to a pawn shop!) that carry estate pieces. We didn't go this way, but I had a little more money to spend by the time we finally got engaged. Get everything about the stone in writing before you fork over the cash.

If, like me, you didn't know anything about jewelry and/or gems (other than the treasure tables in the DMG ), there are a number of websites where you can find good background info. Try a google search; that's where I started.

 

[kenjib]

Diamonds are an interesting thing. The value of diamonds is hyperinflated by the DeBeers cartel, which artificially limits supply through monopoly to keep demand and value high. In fact, without this monopoly they are for the most part not even worth the effort required to mine and cut them. Diamonds are nowhere near being the rare commodity that the diamond myth declares. The market could potentially crash some day, and I think that every diamond owner should be aware of -- diamonds may be forever, but diamond value is not.

Another interesting thing is that diamonds as wedding rings was a tradition invented by DeBeers marketing in order to create a demand for the glut in the diamond market and to open it up as a consumer commodity. A brilliant move, but one that IMO really diminishes the spiritual symbolism of the diamond as a wedding stone when you become aware of it.

There is some background on this in the following article: http://www.jewsweek.com/society/249.htm

Nevertheless, the diamond holds a special place in our cultural consciousness and carries a certain meaning with it that's hard to refuse, but it's always good to know both who invented this "special place" in self-interest and whose pockets your money is lining, I say.

A final thought I pose -- what do love and monetary have to do with each other, anyway? I'm not necessarily saying that they shouldn't be connected. It's much more complicated than that. The anthropology and sociology of gift giving has always been very interesting to me. In some sense, it's not the value of the ring that's important, so much as what you are willing to sacrifice so much in order to get it as a testament to your love. DeBeers manages to take great advantage of this human trait.

Anyways, congratulations! I wish you a lifetime of great happiness.

 

[kenjib]

A greedy jewelry store, more likely...

J

Getting closer, but keep following the supply chain to the top.