[Extremely OT]: Engagement Rings

[Fast Learner]

I agree, don't take her shopping, just casually ask about it or ask her friends.

I agree, it's deBeers that started (and largely maintains) the whole thing. Unfortunately they were extremely successful, so the fact that greedy (add long string of nasty adjectives here) merchants started it doesn't mean it's not something your bride-to-be will both love and, probably, expect.

Great place to get a good deal: Costco. They guarantee that their jewelry, including their diamonds, will appraise for at least twice what they charge. In the case of the beautiful diamond I custom ordered from them (gave them the specs via email and they came back with the gem a week later), I had it appraised twice by GIA-certified appraisers. One appraised it at 210% of what I paid and the other at 220%, both in addition to the GIA-certified appraisal that came with it at 205%.

(Understand what that means, mind you: it's not uncommon to only be able to sell a piece of jewelry for half its appraisal if you're not super-patient in finding a buyer, but at least we'd get our money back out of it rather than losing a ton selling it back.)

Yes, diamonds are overpriced, artificially inflated, etc., but if you're going to buy one, make it worthwhile.

 

[der_kluge]

I think the general rule here is that each woman is different. The advice we give only applies to each of our respective fiances, so keep that in mind.

For my wife, she definitely would not want to help pick it out, since that totally ruins the surprise. But, get an idea of what kind of ring she would want. I'm hoping that you have at least discussed wedding plans with her, and during that conversation it would be appropriate to ask her "what kind of ring would you like some day?"

My wife was very clear on the kind of ring she wanted - 1 carat - round stone, platinum or white gold band, with sapphires on either side of the diamond. That's pretty specific, which is probably the exception.

I had it custom made, which in the end, I think made the ring all the more special.

As for cost, ask co-workers for information on what kinds of places they had good experiences at. Avoid the malls. Mom & Pop jewelry stores are sometimes the best.

Expect a 1-carat diamond to cost about $4,000. That's before the cost of the ring itself, and any other smaller stones you add to it, which are all usually relatively cheap in comparison.

Anyway, that's my advice.
1. Find out what she wants.
2. Surprise her with it when she leasts expects it.
3. Have it custom made - let her know that her ring is unique, just like she is.

 

[der_kluge]

I wanted to add a few other things - my wife and I have been married for two years, and she still gets comments on her wedding set. It's quite beautiful.

Another thing is, don't go with platinum. It's not as shiny as white gold, tarnishes easily, and costs way more.

The last thing is, don't let some salesman talk you into the absolute top of the line diamonds. They have a ratings system, and the rating that is second best, has no visible imperfections. Which means, your fiance would have to get our a microscope in order to see the flaws. That ain't gonna happen. Go with second best, and save some money, and no one will ever know. Going with the top is purely an ego thing.

 

[mooby]

First off, thanks so much to all of you who have provided some great input.

I just got off the phone with her best friend, and her suggestion to me (she's been married for about 20 years), is to check out some online stores, because you can get a better bargain there.

I live just north of NYC, and I'm going to check out the two 'Diamond Districts' this weekend, but I've decided not to buy anything just yet.

Does anybody here have any suggestions on good websites, if not to buy from, then just to get a reference (I don't want to be ripped off by a jewler)?

Also, what about a mall store like Zales? Is that a good or bad idea?

Just to answer a few monetary questions, I make about $40K a year, and I have about $5K saved right now. I was thinking of spending in that range, maybe a little less.

 

[Quickbeam]

Simply put, do NOT buy from a mall store living so close to NYC. You fill find much better deals at independent jewelers (in my experience), and you are more likely to end up with a truly unique piece of merchandise.

Your other option is buying the stone and setting spearate from one another -- not a bad option given where you live.

edit:
I wanted to qualify my response. My grandfather spent 20 years working for a national chain of jewelry stores, and I tend to rely on his opinions pertaining to such matters. Additionally, our family has several friends that are independent store owners and/or jewelry designers. Their merchandise is almost always more stunning, unique and memorable...and can frequently be had for an equal or better price.

 

[WizarDru]

Not for the first time am I glad that I didn't have to buy an engagement ring, I inherited one. My grandmother left me hers after she passed on, and the sentimental value alone made it worth more than any stone I could buy. Is it a big stone? No. But my wife cherishes it all the same.

My personal opinion is to not take your wife with you to pick it or select it. Ask one of her friends (who hopefully is also your friend, as well) for advice...if necessary, enlist their aid in feeling out your potential fiancee. My wife knew that I was going to propose, but she didn't expect me to present her the ring on the beach in a colored shell. The suprise is a major part of the memory. Cherish it.

And, as has been said, everyone's experience is different. You need to find your bliss, as it were.

 

[Alejandro]

As mentioned above, each woman is different, but a good resource that was recently mentioned in our paper is BlueNile.com Apparently, it was started by a man who wanted compare/contrast information, and no store out there gave it to him.

As for my wife, she picked out her own ring and its matching band at Tiffany's, but our wedding rings were custom made to replicate the same rings she bought us when we first started dating (nekkid couple embracing, the two individual rings snugging together to appear as one). She loves all of her rings, and cannot be happier.

Mercule: 2 carats is honkin' huge.

 

[ladyofdragons]

as a woman, I have a few suggestions.

It really doesn't matter what the size of the stone is, or even what stone it is, as long as it's to her taste. personally, I hate thick bands and I hate yellow gold, so it was important to me to get a thin band of white gold. If you can't get her to hint what she'd like (either to you or through a third party), then you might want to do what my father did a few years ago when he remarried. The jewler suggested he get a 'temporary' ring, which is to say a good diamond in a cheap silver setting (or other stone, I know several women who have sapphire engagement rings with tiny diamond chips surrounding, they love their uniqueness). Then tell her she gets to pick out the setting of her choice for the diamond. This gives her the opportunity to decide if she wants a matched set (engagement and wedding ring fit together) or two separate unmatched pieces.

I love my husband to death, the stone in my engagement ring was from his mothers engagement ring because he couldn't afford a diamond, and the setting is nice and unique and I appreciate it but if I'd chosen the band I would have picked something completely different.

As for jewelers, I suggest you buy your ring at a local jeweler in your town rather than a mall jeweler. A good one will treat you like gold, because good jewelery customers tend to come back. They may even be prepared to cut you a good deal. Until he retired last year, our jeweler had sold jewelery to my husband's family for the past 50 years.

 

[Tom Cashel]

I just bought one for my (now) fiancee.

You should not believe the hype about how much you're "supposed" to spend, avoid the mall stores like the overpriced plague that they are, and do a Google search for "diamonds" and learn all you can about the four Cs (carat, clarity, cut, color). When you think you know it all, read a few more pages. Diamond salesmen are like used car salesmen--when they put the hard sell on you it helps to know the facts.

Keep in mind that for 5K you can get a big diamond that's not so clear or colorless, or a smaller, more clear, better-cut diamond. The best thing is to figure out which C (or Cs) are most important to you, and shop for them.

Don't let the salesperson tell you what you want!

And make sure you get a GIA (Gemological Institute of America) cerificate with your stone. Don't settle for an EGL cert (European Gemological Laboratories); I was told that these are pretty much worthless in the States (I'm assuming you're in the states!).

Talk to your girlfriend about it in terms of, "If you were to get an engagement ring, what would you want?" Then surprise her with the time, the place, and the actual ring.

You can also save money by buying a loose stone and having it set into a ring purchased separately. The mall stores will try to sell you the whole (overpriced) package.

Good luck, Mooby!

 

[Fast Learner]

I shopped online pretty extensively before I ended up getting the stone at Costco, but that was 3 years ago so there may be better deals now.

Zales is a huge ripoff. So is Jareds and, AFAIK, every chain jewelry store.

BlueNile.com was, indeed, helpful in educating me.

Very Important: If you shop online (or anywhere) you will want to see the diamond and compare it to others visually before making a purchase. While there are names for the various cuts (marquis, princess, etc.) that would lead you to believe that everything with the same name has the same cut, it's simply not true. Diamonds are cut to make them as nice looking as possible, but the various angles can change considerably in order to avoid (grind away) flaws in the original stone. As such, two 1.0 carat marquis cut diamonds with idental color and clarity can look very different: one may shine and sparkle beautifully while the other looks quite dull. You absolutely have to see the diamond and compare it to others.

Also, competent jewelers will allow you to freely look at the diamond using their microscope. You may not know what you're looking for (other than obvious flaws and a chipped girdle, some of which you'll have unless you buy an exhorbitantly expensive flawless diamond), but if the jeweler doesn't want you to look, just walk away and choose a different store -- they've got something to hide, it's that simple.