[Extremely OT]: Engagement Rings

[mooby]

While diamonds may be the 'default' stone, it's become that way because 'a diamond is forever,' and it's supposed to represent everlasting love.

Anyway, I again want to thank everybody here for all the input. It's really helped a lot. I'm going shopping today, but I don't plan on buying anything just yet.

I have talked to her about it, but I told her that I won't be able to get one for quite some time. My personal guess is that I'd have one, and give it to her some time in January. I've found out exactly what she wants, snapped some photos of a replica (to carry to the stores), and I plan on checking out the websites suggested.

Again, thank you so very much everybody.

~Stephen

 

[boxstop7]

Well, since homo sapiens are neither biologically nor psychologically designed to spend their existence with a "life partner", IMHO the whole idea of engagement and marriage is just obsurd. Seems to me it's just another societal convention instituted to keep us lined up in an orderly fashion. Having said that, I'll play devil's advocate with myself: if you're girlfriend/fiancee truly loves you, it won't matter if you spend $12 or $12,000 on a ring. The idea that you want to spend the rest of your natural life with her should touch her so deeply that nothing else matters. Now, let's come back to the REAL WORLD, where the vast majority of women use the engagement ring as a status symbol (i.e., if the glare from the stone doesn't blind her friends, it's not a "real" engagement ring...). My advice: if your girlfriend is so materialistic that she'd scoff if you didn't fork over 3 months salary for the ring, I'd re-evaluate why you're marrying her. If she doesn't care, and is simply elated that you want to marry her, ask why. If she's been planning her wedding all her life, I'd run. If she's excited but rational about the whole ordeal and holds no unreasonable expectations, I'd consider myself lucky and marry her tomorrow.

~Box

 

[GreyShadow]

This is also something I've been thinking quite a bit about lately.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

Cheers

 

[mooby]

Just a little update...

I bought the ring today. It came close to breaking the bank, but I'm ok, and IMHO, the price was quite worth it. I went with friends of hers and mine, and I got a great deal, and I'm quite happy. I also got a guarantee with it, so if anything doesn't turn out the way I want, I can bring it back for a full refund.

I took the lady down to the store later this evening, to let her see it. The cat was out of the bag already, but I told her that I'm not proposing today, and that she'll have to wait until Christmas. I plan on surprising her on Wednesday in the place where I first told her that I love her.

No, I didn't break the bank buying this ring, but I came close, and I don't care. I fell in love with the ring when I saw it. As long as we both love the ring, and we love each other, I don't think anything else really matters.

 

[jgbrowning]

As long as we both love the ring, and we love each other, I don't think anything else really matters.

Congratulations! I wish you the best. As a happily married man i'll offer you my one bit of advice, and please feel free to ignore it.

Don't forget to love yourself. It will make your love for her and her love for you stronger.

joe b.

 

[WizarDru]

Well, since homo sapiens are neither biologically nor psychologically designed to spend their existence with a "life partner", IMHO the whole idea of engagement and marriage is just obsurd. Seems to me it's just another societal convention instituted to keep us lined up in an orderly fashion.

You're painfully single, then?

 

[Kahuna Burger]

2) Know your fianceé. Is she the sort of woman who would freak if you bought an expensive ring because you could have used that money on a house? (Believe it or not, some women don't even like engagement rings.) Then don't blow the bank. If she would really, really, really love a spendy ring, then you probably shouldn't go budget.

*ping*

Everytime I hear that awful "how else could three months' salery last a lifetime" ad, I want to shout at the TV "By starting a real life with it, you idiot!" If you are rolling in the kind of money where you can drop a few thou on a rock and a band, good for you. Otherwise, buy a nicely carved napkin ring and slip it around your morgage pre-approval paperwork.

My sister and her husband went way non traditional - they went shopping together after they had mutually agreed it was time and bought a set of earrings and each wore one of them. (since I've never had a peircing, this could be a far more significant step for me than putting a ring on my finger). My dream is to have matching puzzle rings (the kind where several interlocking bands form a knotted center after you fix them) because I think they have beautiful symbolism. If I was going to go way symbolic, I'd want silver, not gold. Love isn't forever, its for as long as you work at it. Get something that requires some upkeep to stay valuable - just like your relationship.

PS: debeers sucks, diamonds are hype, etc.

Kahuna Burger

 

[Kahuna Burger]

You're painfully single, then?

he sounds more like a polyamorus anarchist to me.

But I can't say I have too many romantic illusions left myself. "Forever" isn't in my romantic vocabulary anymore. That doesn't mean I don't believe in marriage - but its more a statement of how you are living your lives together as a unit than an imaginary unbreakable bond...

Kahuna Burger

 

[boxstop7]

Not that it deserves justification...

...but I actually have a great girlfriend. I've just been burned too many times in the past by clinically insane women, and I've had too many friends burned by the same thing. That and humans really aren't designed for marriage. Look at the divorce rates. Look at how the social attitudes surrounding "marriage" have changed. Call me anarchistic, call me jaded, call me whatever. But there are biological signs in human behavior that point directly back to the animal kingdom (we are, after all, simply animals with an intricate system of language and culture). And in the animal kingdom, there are barely a handful of species that actually mate with a life-partner. Every other species chooses different mates each season. Is it possible that we are one of those "life-partner" species? Absolutely. Do I really believe that? Not a chance. But maybe it's just the evolutionary psychologist in me...

~Box

 

[Kahuna Burger]

Re: Not that it deserves justification...

That and humans really aren't designed for marriage. Look at the divorce rates. Look at how the social attitudes surrounding "marriage" have changed.

Sounds more like marriage hasn't been properly designed for humans than that humans aren't designed for marriage... The core part of marraige for me is the relationship, not the length.

You do realize that the vast majority of those species which naturally take different mates each mating season have offspring which achieve independance by the next year? The prolonged infancy of human offspring changes everything. (Do not attempt to match evolutionary psych wits with me. )

Kahuna Burger