Fantasy Newspaper Problem Page

[Dannyalcatraz]

Dear Waldo,

I'm a soldier in the 5th Legion, and I recently visited the Emerald Isle, and met this really amazingly beautiful woman from Brigadoon. The days we spent together were magical!

However, my leave ended, and I had to return to duty. But I couldn't stop thinking about her.

I asked myself- "What would Waldo do?" but I'm afraid I drew a blank.

Signed

Serpenticus Niger

 

[Hand of Evil]

Dear Waldo,
It all started with a mispoken word and things went wrong. I have a succubus in my life and she is all my life, she is also so demanding in the bed room, don't get me wrong the sex is good, real good but twenty times a day! She is draining me and I need help!

signed: Not again!

------------------------

Dear Waldo,
My sword is smarter than me, while that should not be an problem, it also has an overblown ego and likes to show off and be the center of the action.

signed: To sheath or not to sheath.

 

[WillieW]

Dear Waldo,

I'm a soldier in the 5th Legion, and I recently visited the Emerald Isle, and met this really amazingly beautiful woman from Brigadoon. The days we spent together were magical!

However, my leave ended, and I had to return to duty. But I couldn't stop thinking about her.

I asked myself- "What would Waldo do?" but I'm afraid I drew a blank.

Signed

Serpenticus Niger

"Dear Serpenticus,

You must take heart. There will be other leaves when you can take her up the burn and show her your aul' sporran.

Work harder and slay more monsters to take your mind of your paramour.

-- Waldo."

 

[WillieW]

Dear Waldo,
It all started with a mispoken word and things went wrong. I have a succubus in my life and she is all my life, she is also so demanding in the bed room, don't get me wrong the sex is good, real good but twenty times a day! She is draining me and I need help!

signed: Not again!

"Dear Not Again,

Only twenty times a day? You're obviously not of halfling stock then.

I think your girlfriend should be encouraged to take up a hobby. Maybe she would like knitting, or perhaps she could qualify as a social worker.

See the middle pages of the Tennim Tympanum for lists of night classes.

-- Waldo."

 

[WillieW]

Dear Waldo,
My sword is smarter than me, while that should not be an problem, it also has an overblown ego and likes to show off and be the center of the action.

signed: To sheath or not to sheath.

Dear To sheath or not to sheath,

Inanimate objects are infuriating when they don't want to remain inanimate. I remember I once owned a brass poker that always wanted to be the life of the party.

I suggest you become a published writer. Then your ego will easily exceed that of the sword.

-- Waldo."

 

[Cerubus Dark]

Dear Waldo,

Recently I have been having problems with a small gnome family that seems hell bent on destroying my home. I have lined it with traps of all sizes and types yet they still manage to get past them all and steal my favorite things! The other memebers of my clan think I am crazy for writing to a pink skin, but I think you can help me solve my problem.

Signed: Skittering in the Dark

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Dear Waldo,

I have recently discovered that my spells do not work as well as they used to. I used to be able to get up in the morning, and after a brief set of prayers was able to make our barabarian more burly, our rogue more nimble, our Bard less useless, and it would last almost all day. Now I find that I am only able to help them for a few minutes at a time. I don't know what has happened, and my friends have tired to reassure me that it isn't my fault, but I have heard them grumbling around the campfire. Please help!

Balco ReBuffed

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Deeeeeeeer waldo,,,

BRAINS?

ZomB

 

[Turanil]

Dear Waldo,

I have recently discovered that my spells do not work as well as they used to. I used to be able to get up in the morning, and after a brief set of prayers was able to make our barabarian more burly, our rogue more nimble, our Bard less useless, and it would last almost all day. Now I find that I am only able to help them for a few minutes at a time. I don't know what has happened, and my friends have tired to reassure me that it isn't my fault, but I have heard them grumbling around the campfire. Please help!

Balco ReBuffed

LOL!

 

[Buttercup]

Dear Waldo,

I am getting so tired of the antics of the wizard next door. First, there are all the explosions caused by his spell research. Then, he actually stole some of the landscape rocks in my front garden to construct his stone golem. I have complained to the city watch, but they seem to be afraid to talk to him ever since he turned the tax collector into a squirrel. But now this is the last straw. This morning, I saw his nasty little monkey familiar pooping in my yard!

Waldo, what should I do?

Fuming in Flower Street