[Firefly] Ruthless Bastards of the 'Verse (Completed 3/6/09)

[Ao the Overkitty]

Synopsis of 2/13/06 session

“Episode 6 - Mort's Bad 'Day' ” - First Session

Synopsis of 2/13/06 session –subtitled Good, Honest Work

The crew had been stopped at a spaceport for a day while Daniel tried to find out information about the fall-out of their activities on Ebbon’s World and the state of his good name.

While Asta was at work in the med bay, a rather pale looking Daniel stumbled in. She tried to find out what his problem was, but he only responded in grunts. Jenny then stumbled into the med bay and puked on Daniel’s shoes.

Take: (over intercom) I’m dying!

From Daniel’s grunts and Jenny’s responses in between retching, Asta quickly determined that they both had a bad case of food poisoning from their lunch at Wong’s Chinese Buffet.

Take: (over intercom) I’m dying!

She sent them both back to their quarters and told them to drink lots of fluids. Over the intercom, she told Take that he should have avoided Chinese food, to drink lots of fluids and stay where he was. She then heard a crash and a thud out in the hallway. She called for Campan to check on what was going on in the hallway. She called the station authority and told them she had a case of food poisoning from Wong’s. They told her they’d send someone over to shut his place down and save the puppies (though it sounded like they said kick instead of save).

Campan called out that Daniel had collapsed in the hallway. Asta told him to bring him back to the med bay. Campan went to grab one of Daniel’s shoes to drag him, but quickly decided to grab an arm instead. Asta got Daniel set up with an IV for fluids on one of the beds then she cleaned up the mess Jenny left behind (thankfully most of it ended up on Daniel’s pants and shoes). Asta then headed for Take’s room to check on the big crybaby. She let Mort know that both the Captain and XO were incapacitated. His immediate response was to hop in the pilot’s chair, request permission from station authority to depart and get on their way.

Campan wandered onto the bridge.

Campan: So, driving huh? Sweet! What does that button do?

Alex: That’s the self destruct.

Campan: We have a self destruct?

Mort: No. That’s the Emergency Alien Self Destruct. Left over Jasp button.

Campan: Oooh! Neat!

Campan then pushed the button. The button flashed and beeped a few times, then Campan got hit in the face with a pie. Sadly, it was a really old, liquidly cool whip type protein pie. It smelled horrid.

Mort: That’s why you shouldn’t touch the Emergency Alien Self Destruct button, man.

Campan: Well you didn’t say anything about pie!

Mort: I was saving that for an evil hijacker.

Mort reset the spring mechanism while Campan went off to go wash.

After talking with Take, she found that he didn’t have a case of food poisoning after all; he just had a massive hangover. Asta told Take to drink lots of fluids and he’d feel better later.

*Ryan glares at Dan for Take going drinking without Campan*

Dan: What? If I take Campan drinking, he drinks three quarters of the beer! How am I supposed to get drunk then?

*Ryan continues to glare*

Up on the bridge, Mort leafed through the manifest to see where they were supposed to be taking the ore. When he saw the name of the buyer, he panicked slightly and hit the intercom button.

Mort: Uh, Asta? How is Take? I kinda need him up here to fly.

Asta: Oh, he’s just hung over. He’ll be fine.

Take: (in background) I’m dying!

Mort: Don’t let Campan hear he went out drinking without him.

Campan: (joining intercom discussion) Who went out drinking without me?!

Mort: Campan, get Take up to the bridge. I need him to fly so I can go make the ship go much faster.

Asta watched as Mort went to set up the ship for full burn and wondered why he looked worried. They were just going to be a couple of days late with their shipment. She looked up who the shipment was going to, but didn’t get any answers. What would this Adelai Niska care if his ore was two days late. It shouldn’t be worth nearly draining their fuel to get there.

She went down to the engine room to find out.

Asta: Who is this guy?

Mort: THE local crime boss. So, will somebody be dead soon? Can we use that as an excuse?

Asta: I suppose I could say there was a plague or something. We can claim to have been stuck in planetary lockdown for some of it, can’t we?

Mort: I don’t think he cares. We’re late and I’m worried about criminals who kill people for being late. These are not rational men.

Asta: And I suppose we can't lose ourselves somewhere else with his ore shipment? That’d be worse, huh?

Mort: Uh Yeah. Being late, probably we get yelled at a lot. Maybe broken kneecaps. Stealing all his stuff, definitely all dead. Possibly all tortured and all dead.

With Take’s flying and at full burn, they just made it in under the wire for ‘acceptable’ arrival times. After docking at the skyplex above Ezra, Mort and Take went out with the paperwork to talk to the guards while Campan pushed the ore off the ship to the grunts.

Head Grunt: Boss wants to talk to Daniel Jardin. He has your payment ready.

Take: He’s kind of indisposed at the moment.

Asta: He’s very indisposed at the moment.

Campan: He’s pukin’.

Head Grunt: Then I guess he’ll want to talk to the XO.

Take: Right. Uh.. Mort! Wanna take a trip?

Mort told Campan and Asta to guard the ship while they went off and did Captainy things. Campan looked like a wounded puppy for being left behind.

Mort made a quick run back into the ship and grab a video capture of Daniel sitting on the john looking very sick. Mort managed to get back out of Daniel’s room before Daniel could get his gun.

They were led up to Niska’s office by the head grunt. It was a spacious room with a large window overlooking the central tube of the station. The room was warmly lit by an antique desk lamp sitting atop a very nice looking desk.

An old man of Russian descent stood near the door as they entered. He was balding with white hair further back on his head. He wore small spectacles and a very nice striped grey suit.

Niska: Ah. Good to see you.

Take: Hola.

*Mort slaps Take on the back of his head*

Niska: And Daniel Jardin is which?

*Mort holds up the video capture of Daniel*

Mort: Food poisoning. He would be here, but he is preoccupied and you don’t want to talk to him right now. We brought the captain.

Niska: And you two are?

Mort: This is the captain. (pause) Take. Captain Ivan Take. I’m Mort Cassé.

Niska made his way over to his nice desk chair and sat down, leaving the head grunt over by the door while Take and Mort walked into the room.

Niska: I am Adelai Niska. You… are earlier than I expected. After hearing of problems on Ebbon’s World.

Mort: Yes, well, we made up time. We like to be punctual.

Niska: You must have expended a lot of fuel to make up that time. Fuel costs much money. It is good to see young men who understand the value of being punctual. There are so few these days.

I have a situation you may be interested in.

Take: I’d be interested in being rich and retired.

Niska: This job should be quite profitable. *turns to Mort* You and Daniel have reputation for ruthlessness.

For a man too kill an unarmed sheriff in cold blood. THAT is the type of person I need for this job.

*Mort pulls out his clipboard and starts going through his list of names.*

Mort: That wasn’t me. Oh yeah, I think that was Daniel.

Niska: There is problem of famine on nearby moon. Alliance ignores their requests for aid, so they come to me. I say I can help them. There is nearby freighter working for the Alliance that is transporting food. I would like this food to be diverted. You have no problems stealing from Alliance, yes?

Mort smiled at this request.

Mort: Stealing food and giving it to people who need it? Good, honest work. If the Alliance has to have their things stolen and their ships blown up, well, these things happen.

Niska: This Alliance freighter, Heart of Gold. They are headed for Regina.

Niska stood up and poked the computer matt on his desk. It changed to show the system with a line connecting two planets.

Niska: This is their registered flight plan.

Take: Where are the cruisers hiding?

Niska: Good to see you know Alliance. There are no cruisers. They are freelance, like you. They take on job for Alliance often. Their Captain was big hero in the war.

Mort: For which side?

Niska: For Alliance. They are scheduled to make drop on Regina in two days time at three in afternoon here.

*Niska brings up map of Regina and docks*

Niska: This is last chance for you to acquire cargo. Two crates. I leave up to you when you appropriate goods. The goods will then be taken to moon Zorba. Buyer there, Alma Cook, has payment for goods. We have agreed up payment for goods. It is not negotiable.

Mort: So we’ll be picking up the money and bringing it back to you?

Niska: You will receive payment and then meet Arsov here.

*Niska brings up map of hunk of rock for rendezvous*

Mort discussed with Take how they could possibly hijack the ship. He suggested playing victim and hoping they stop

Mort: Or we could just dock with them whether they liked it or not. We’re faster than them. Asta and I could pop open the doors. She probably wouldn’t go for the whole venting them into space. I think we’ll look as pathetic as possible so they’ll stop for us. Ship full of orphans. Radiation leak.

Take: (to Niska) Okay, yeah. I guess we can take the job.

Niska: Good to see someone so enthusiastic about your work.

Take: Oh yeah. We’re all about the enthusiasm.

Mort: Anything else we take along the way is okay for us to keep?

Niska: Yes.

Mort: (Mr. Burns voice) Excellent.

Take: I assume the middleman is trustworthy.

Niska: I suppose you mean Alma? She less middleman, more buyer. I am setting you up with job and ready buyer. Payment is agreed upon and is not negotiable. It is expected.

Take quickly discussed payment with Niska.

Niska: Payment for job two thousand platinum. Half money now, Arsov give you other half at rendezvous point.

They collected the payment for Tako, half payment for the current job, and the information Niska had for them before heading back to the ship.

Back on the ship, Mort prettied up the job for the others.

Mort: We’re going to go steal food from the Alliance and give it to people that need it. And to cut down on excess casualties, I think we should fake transporting starving orphans to food. Then we just need a ship problem that is so pathetic they’ll have to stop. Like ‘heat radiator busted, children freezing to death.

Asta pointed out the problem of not having the heat signatures on board to simulate the orphans, so Mort said he’d rig some heating units to up to look vaguely human shaped. They then discussed how to deal with these people and talked about how to go about gassing them. Asta pointed out that they still had the air guns from looting customs.

Mort: Captain. The doctor is making us all nonfatal.

Campan: We’re supposed to kill the orphans!

Asta: There are no orphans.

Campan: What?

Mort: She wants us to use the tranq guns we made up previously and sleep gas and she’s taking all the fun out of it.

Take: So the problem is you’re not allowed to kill anybody anymore?

Mort: I think we should talk to the doctor about this.

Campan: Well, you can kill people with the tranq guns, though. You know, shoot them in the neck. I kinda left one at the robbery. Didn’t mean to.

Take: Are you trying to replace all our guns with tranq guns?

Asta: Well, I’m just thinking, you know, that the stealing food and giving to hungry people sounds like a good idea. Um, having more murders on our plate maybe less good of an idea.

Mort: Consequential.

Take: Well, if there is no one left around to identify us…?

Asta: It’s not nice to kill people, you know. It is really wrong.

Mort: I suppose we could cut out the taking their ship entirely.

Take: (whispers to Mort & Campan) I think we need a new doctor.

Campan: I don’t want a doctor that is pro killing people.

Take: She’s really good, but.

Mort: I’m with Campan. I don’t want a doctor that is pro killing people. This will lead to bad things later on.

Take: Yeah, but she keeps trying to stop us from doing our jobs…

Liz: She lets you rob people blind, she just has problems with you killing.

They left it at that.

Fade to Black

 

[Ao the Overkitty]

Synopsis of 2/27/06 session

“Episode 6 - Mort's Bad 'Day' ” - Second Session

Synopsis of 2/27/06 session –subtitled Mort...........In...........Space!!!!!!!

The crew stood around discussing their plan for a while. Daniel emerged from his room, feeling much better and ‘took charge.’ Their conversation revolved around trying to come up with a better plan than starving orphans. They couldn’t, so they worked on trying to make the plan workable. Daniel suggested ‘Sister Jenny’ be the face person for this. Jenny refused to impersonate a nun, stating she didn’t want to go to hell. Mort stated that he didn't believe in hell.

There was talk about how the other ship had an independent on board, but he had clearly sold out, since he was working for two Alliance people.

Mort and Asta set about making fake orphans using heating coils. His plan included having the engines off to appear they were having engine problems and life support was off. Freezing, suffocating, starving orphans are just that much more pathetic, after all. He also set up an overly complicated device at the airlock to eject knockout gas and blow it towards the attached ship as well as clamps to hold the other ship attached and both airlock doors open. Finally, he created a remote control to operate the device. That was a lot of work for one day’s time.

Asta and Campan set up some cover blinds for Campan and Daniel to hide behind when the fighting started. Mort would be outside in a space suit working on the engines, so that he could shift over to the Heart of Gold and muck up their engines.

Since this plan involved the engines being off, the ship was going to get rather cold, so Mort told everyone to bundle up. Jenny went to Asta for some warmer clothes, but was just given scrubs. She then went about gathering up ‘orphans’ to stay warm in her room.

Since Mort was going to be outside, Asta set herself up in the engine room, ready to turn the engines back on at the opportune moment. Take sat in the bridge, ready to fly. Campan set himself up behind the blinds in the cargo bay with one of the tranquilizer guns. Daniel stood up in the bridge to transmit the distress call. When the Heart of Gold was finally within range, he waved them.

Daniel: This is the Precarious Orasca hailing the freighter Heart of Gold, please respond. Come in, Heart of Gold, we are in distress.

He repeated that a couple times before they responded. The conversation was audio only, at Daniel’s setting. He explained that they had a broken engine part and needed a replacement, or they’d have a lot of dead children on their hands. They said they could help and would send a shuttle over to transfer the part. This changed The Plan a little to taking a hostage. Daniel went down to the cargo bay and told Campan they’d be tranquilizing one, or gassing several.

Mort watched a shuttle detach from the bottom of the other ship and head over towards the Orasca. Once the shuttle was out of his view, Mort transmitted that he had dropped him radio and life sign monitor and to just ignore it. He then launched himself towards the Heart of Gold.

As the shuttle docked, a quick scan revealed that there were two heat signatures on the shuttle besides their own engine. The airlock doors opened and a tall, slender thirtyish year old Asian woman walked off the shuttle, presenting the engine part. She had with blue-black hair worn in a bob and was wearing fatigues. From the information they had received from Niska, Daniel mentally identified her as Hwa Ling, a former Aliance commando. Daniel greeted her and instructed where she could leave the part. She asked if they needed someone to install it, to which Daniel replied no.

Outside, Mort twisted through space and managed to latch onto the other ship. The freighter had a tri engine set up, so he made his way to the left engine as quickly as possible to start sabotaging it.

Back in the cargo bay, Daniel hit the button, shutting the airlock door and releasing the gas. He then pulled out the second tranquilizer gun and shot the woman. Campan shot at her as she dove to the ground, but failed to hit. The way she was moving, she was clearly getting groggy already. As she searched for cover, she reached into her hair and pulled out a hair stick, lobbing it roughly towards Daniel. Daniel dove behind cover, but failed to anticipate the bright flash of light and the loud bang. Unfortunately for the woman, her groggy state left her a little slow on closing her eyes.

Asta heard the loud bang and called up to the bridge, asking Take what that loud explosion was. Having seen the security camera flash white and then go staticy, he reported that a flashbang grenade was used. They then discussed who should leave their position. Since neither wanted to go check, they both stayed where they were and ‘prayed for the best.’

Campan had opted to protect his senses more than his body from the grenade, allowing him to quickly recover from its stunning affects. He got up, wobbling a bit, ran over to the woman and kicked her in the head. He kicked her twice more for good measure as she went unconscious.

Take signaled down to the cargo bay for them to tie her up once they’ve subdued her.

Campan: If you want to do something, you get out of the ing cockpit and do it!

Take came down to the cargo bay while Daniel and Campan suited up to go into the gas filled airlock. Take frisked the woman, finding a derringer and another hair stick, before tying her up.

The suited duo walked through the cloud of gas onto the shuttle to find a scrawny looking man slumped on the console, whom Daniel identified as the ship’s mechanic. Campan tied the man up while Daniel checked out the shuttle. While frisking the man, Campan found a ball with a recessed button. Campan was intrigued and frightened by the ball, wanting to press the button. Finally, he gently set it down and rolled it away as he slowly backed away. Daniel inquired what Campan was doing and he responded that he thought he had found a grenade. Daniel ultimately got Campan to pick the grenade back up and hand it to him.

Campan: So, are we going to fly this ship over there and them up from the inside?

Daniel had to explain that the needed the shuttle for a hostage transfer, people for food, so no. He then had Campan cart the tied up man back to the cargo bay.

Daniel: Campan, keep them alive.

Campan: Okay.

*Thumping sound of Campan kicking the woman again*

Campan carted the two back to the brig while Daniel deposited the grenade in a drawer in Jasp’s room. Heading up to the bridge, he found out that the other ship was moving into a more advantageous position. He told Asta to fire up the engines.

Meanwhile, Mort had finished the fast and sloppy muck-up job on the left engine and moved along the bottom of the ship to the right engine. He received a short Morse code message from Asta stating SNAFU. He moved faster.

Daniel called down to Campan for him to close the airlock door in case the shuttle got dislodged. Campan went back to the cargo bay to shut the door then returned to the brig to guard the prisoners.

An image of a man with a weathered face and leathery skin came over as a wave. Take identified him as the pilot of the other ship.

Pilot: I suggest you release our crew members.

Take: (muttering) Oh, we’ll release them, alright.

Daniel made sure they weren’t transmitting visual before he responded.

Daniel: Well now. That all depends on how things go, don’t it? Don’t worry. We have no intention of seeing anyone get hurt.

For some reason, Campan felt compelled to kick the woman at this point. Thankfully he was nowhere near a camera.

Daniel waited a few moments before stating that they had two of their crewmembers on board, one of which was wanted by some Chinese gangsters.

Daniel: Now, I certainly don’t want to see anyone sold into that type of situation, but first you have to handle getting what we want out of you guys.

Daniel explained that all these starving orphans were mighty hungry and wanting the food they were carrying. He offered to transfer back their friends safe instead of delivering them to the triad in exchange for the food.

Meanwhile, Mort was getting to be about finished mucking up the engine he was working on when a sharp pain coursed through his body. A bullet entered the back of his suit, penetrated his back, came out his chest, exited his suit, and severed the cord connected to his hydrospanic screwdriver. Mort’s suit started to deflate as air escaped from both holes. Mort screamed out in pain as he grabbed onto the ship to stop himself from drifting off into space.

Mort: Owwww! !

Hearing this over the radio, Daniel cut audio in the conversation with the other ship’s pilot and told Take he was going down to the Korv and to keep the guy busy.

Mort steadied himself and turned around to see a guy crouching low on the belly of the ship with a rifle. Mort grabbed his pistol as he hustled along the hull to get out of the guy’s line and shot at the guy. The man shot at Mort again before Mort managed to get along to the side of the ship and out of his line of fire. Blood droplets streamed out of the holes of his suit along with the air. He stopped just long enough to slap a quick patch on the holes. He had just lost a lot of his air supply and was losing a lot of blood, so he needed to get to an airlock first.

With the Korv powered up and headed over towards the Heart of Gold. Take signaled him and told him they were willing to deal. Daniel responded that he was a little busy at the moment and, if he didn’t get shot at, he’d be willing to talk again.

He buzzed the man with the rifle, but failed to scrape him off the hull. Mort headed for the main cargo bay airlock. He knew that he’d be taking himself really close to the guy with the rifle, but seeing the Korv, he figured the guy was occupied. He was willing to take the risk.

Fade to Black

 

[Ao the Overkitty]

Synopsis of 4/3/06 session

“Episode 6 - Mort's Bad 'Day' ” - Third Session

Synopsis of 4/3/06 session –subtitled Not Without Cost

Asta stood in the engine room with her back to the door, mucking around with the engine while she was waiting for more instructions from Take. She wasn’t expecting an arm to reach around her and press a cloth up against her mouth and nose. When she opened her mouth to breath in and bite the hand, she smelt a familiar odor. The chloroform made her a little light headed, but the person behind her was no stronger than her and she managed to get away.

Asta breathed in a lung full of good air and started yelling her head off as she headed for the intercom. She dodged past a slender, bald woman whom she recognized from the profiles as the other ship’s doctor. Asta stepped over a red wig as the woman tried to grab her and finish chloroforming her. She slammed the intercom button and yelled into it.

Asta: Their doctor is on the ship! In the Engine room! With chloroform!

As Asta slipped out the door to avoid the woman, the other doctor slammed it shut. Asta quickly realized leaving the engine room might not have been a good idea and started heading for the space suits.

Standing over the unconscious and tied up prisoners, Campan heard Asta’s yelling a few seconds before the general intercom message. He left the room, locking the door, and headed up to the engine room.

Meanwhile, Mort was making his way towards the closest airlock that was away from the other ship’s Captain. Once inside, he jammed both the door into the ship and the door to space shut. He then proceeded to take his suit off and bind his wounds with duct tape.

Daniel swung back around near the Orasca to set up a dastardly plan to knock the other ship’s Captain off the hull of the ship with the Korv. They should have been more surprised when a missile launched from the underside of the Heart of Gold, but their luck on this job led them to expect it. Both ships deftly avoided a direct it and were only shook about a little from the explosive blast.

Campan got up to the engine room to find the door shut. He pulled out his gun, then put it back away, figuring the door and porthole were probably bullet-proof. Looking in, he saw the other ship’s doctor mucking about with the engine. Figuring Mort could fix it later, he went for the most expedient way to open the locked door. He took the grenade and wedged it in the handle before activating it. He then ran down the corridor into the galley and shut that door.

Take was not expecting the ship to rattle violently again so soon, since there was no apparent cause. The engines whined and shuttered, systems randomly turned off and on from power fluctuations, and the ship was now handling a lot worse.

Take: (over intercom) Is anyone doing anything about that person down there?

Asta was forced to grab onto a handrail on the catwalks in the cargo bay to avoid being pitched to the floor below. She thought they had just suffered a direct hit and there might be a hull breech any second. She hurried faster towards the space suits.

Daniel noticed the Orasca shake and shutter as he set up for his attack run. Now Daniel was pissed. Gone was his idea of scraping this guy off the hull. Now he was going to hit him with the Korv’s big gun. As Captain Williams rounded the corner into the main airlock, Daniel let loose a large energy beam, vaporizing Williams, melting a hole in the outer airlock door and partially melting the inner airlock door of the Heart of Gold.

With his wounds now properly duct-taped, Mort moved on to properly duct-taping his suit.

Asta grabbed her suit and put it on. She then grabbed Take and Campan’s suits and headed for the passenger dorms to find Jenny and the cat.

Asta: Jenny! Kitty, kitty, kitty!

Wanting to inspect his handiwork and see if there was someone he had to kill, Campan opened the galley door to head for the engine room. The door only opened about halfway, forcing him to squeeze past. On the other side of the galley door, he found a large chunk of the engine room’s door impaled in it, stopping the door from sliding open fully. He trotted down the corridor to see sparks and a little bit of flame coming from the engine room. As he got to the doorway, he could see the top half of the door sticking out of the engine. Wandering in to grab the fire extinguisher, he managed to skid but not fall when he stepped on some charred intestines. He turned towards where the intercom used to be, wondering if he should call for help in repairing the engine, but put that idea off. Some metal shards were scattered around the room and imbedded in the walls and some power cables. After Campan put the fires out, he headed for the cockpit.

Getting to the dorms, Asta tried stuffing both Jenny and the cat in the same suit. When that didn’t work, she put them each in their own suit. The cat mostly stuck to the bowl. It tried moving further into the suit a couple times, then thought better of it.

Not getting any response on the situation with the woman in the engine room, Take turned off gravity on the ship. It didn’t affect him much, since he was strapped into his seat. Campan found himself lift off the ground as he headed through the galley.

Campan: Whee!!!!!

Asta, Jenny, and the cat found themselves floating in between a lot of heavy heating units. As the ship twisted, turned, and spun, the heating units started bouncing off the walls and each other, making their own personal asteroid field. Asta, Campan, and Jenny managed to not puke from watching the ship spin around them.

Asta grabbed Jenny and the cat’s suits as she moved out of the small asteroid field and headed for the infirmary, closing the door behind her. Her initial idea was to use the intercom in the Infirmary, but she then realized the suits had their own radios.

Asta: What on earth is going on?

The sound of a cat retching was broadcast to everyone but Campan. It was probably a good thing he didn’t hear it, since the cat was in his suit.

Mort:: Is there an alien in one of our suits?

Daniel: Mort, are you okay?

Mort:: No.

Daniel asked if the other crew was trying to get into the airlock he was in.

Mort:: Don’t know. Busy. I have a plan!

Daniel: Take. Status.

Take: Someone is mucking up the engines.

Asta: Did anyone deal with the lady in the engine room?

Mort:: What lady in MY engine room?

Asta gave him a very short synopsis of what was going on, with highlights being chloroform, suits, explosion, and no gravity.

Daniel: Have any of you heard from Campan?

Asta: No. I was hoping he was going to deal with the woman in the engine room more efficiently than I could.

Asta watched as a heating unit come through the wall of one of the passenger cabins and started banging off the walls and through the other passenger dorm walls. Only the converted room’s walls were safe from the heating units. She was glad they were in the Infirmary.

Having fixed his suit as best he could see, Mort put it back on. He looked like a duct tape mummy. He then set about trying to open both airlocks, but found there was no power where he was. This annoyed him, since he only found a manual override for the outer airlock.

Daniel: Heart of Gold. Stand down. We have at least two of your crew. Alive and unharmed. They will stay that way if you stand down. I have an active plasma cannon trained on an inner airlock in your hull. We have two of your crew hostage. One of them is known to be wanted by one of the Tongs. I will sell her if you do not stand down now! Heart of Gold, this is your last warning. I will depressurize that portion of your hull if you do not stand down now!

Alex: (glares at Gabe) Daniel’s ship explodes.

Paul: Don’t pressure the GM.

There was a long pause before they got a response.

Pilot: You’ve already tried to take the ship and killed the Captain. I have no reason to believe you won’t kill the others or me.

The Korv opened fire with its plasma cannon as the Heart of Gold released a missile. The plasma beam melted through the inner door of the Heart of Gold’s main airlock. A few objects and some air escaped before emergency systems engaged and a blast door slammed shut over the airlock.

The shuttle attached to the Orasca was destroyed as a hole was blown in the airlock. Campan had just swam his way out of the galley when he was sucked down the stairs and into the cargo bay. He managed to grab onto a railing and hold on to stop himself from being blown into space. Of course, he had the problem of being suitless.

From his vantage point, Mort could see a bright light near the ship he was on. He could see a lot of stuff being blown out of the Orasca’s cargo bay into space much better.

Asta, Jenny, and the cat watched as the heating units flew past towards the great unknown.

Daniel: Mort, we need to fix this before we bash both ships to pieces. Any suggestions, aside from me taking out their weapons?

Mort: Uh, take out their cockpit? I’m going to go find another way in.

Mort used the manual release and headed back out into space. He didn’t notice the small leak in his suit under a patch of duct tape as he began a long trek across the Heart of Gold to another airlock. Daniel took aim at the cockpit of the HoG and fired. As the HoG did a spin to dodge the blast, Mort saw the Korv come into view and its front end light up as it discharged. Seeing the beam coming right at him, he quickly pushed off the hull with all his might. The beam missed him zipped between him and the hull of the ship, hitting neither.

Mort: (annoyed) Great shooting, Tex!

Daniel thought about picking Mort up, but decided to deal with the pilot of the HoG first and went around for another pass. Mort pulled out one of his tool cords, made a lasso, and hurled it at the HoG. Somehow, he managed to snag a stabilizer. Of course, the ship was still spinning, so that was a hard yank. By letting go of the cord, the auto retract pulled him to the HoG.

Back onboard the Orasca, Take decided to do something about the fact that they were losing a lot of air. He flipped the switches to shut off air to everywhere but the engine room, Mort’s room, and the cockpit. Mort’s ‘safety measures’ made it impossible to turn off the air in the engine room and his own quarters, with the cockpit being optional.

In the cargo bay, Campan made a last ditch effort to make his way towards air. He pushed off and dived towards the hatch to the shuttle. Sadly, his foot caught on the catwalk and yanked him back. He decided he liked it there and resigned himself to his fate of dying.

Take: (intercom) I’m turning the air off. When you close sections off, let me know and I’ll turn the air back on. (pause) Anyone heard from Campan?

Asta: (intercom) I’ve heard nothing from Campan. Want me to look for him?

Take: (intercom) He hasn’t been talking, does he have his suit on?

Asta: (intercom) I don’t know.

*Sound of cat purring over intercom*

Ryan: Somehow I knew that cat would be the death of me.

Asta attached her safety line to a girder and moved from the Infirmary to the hatchway leading into the cargo bay to shut it. As she looked up, she could see Campan floating off the catwalk without a suit on. She grabbed an O2 tank and floated up to Campan to retrieve him. He was almost dead when she slipped the oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. She dragged him back towards the infirmary, closing the door as she went.

Campan: (annoyed) Why is there a cat in my suit?

Asta: You weren’t in it. You want to go back out there?

Campan: (annoyed) Not in that suit. Jenny, give me your suit.

Jenny shook her head.

Campan: (intercom) Take, they blew up the engine room.

Take: (intercom) They?

Campan: (intercom) That’s right. They.

Asta headed back out of the Infirmary and headed to the upper level of the ship, shutting the door to the galley (the one with the chunk of engine room door in it). She told Take that the back section of the ship was sealed off and the air could go back on there.

Outside, Daniel aimed and fired at the HoG cockpit again. This time, the plasma blast went through the viewport and the cockpit door. A second later, the body of the pilot floated out the viewport.

With no one now flying the HoG, it evened out and headed straight for the Orasca. Take was able to coax the Orasca into moving out of the way.

Daniel: Okay, she’s headless. We might want to see about stopping her now. How is the Orasca doing?

Take: Very, very bad.

Asta: I’ve got everything closed off. You want me to check out engineering?

Daniel: Yes. There is still someone on that ship. We need to be careful.

Asta looked in the engine room. It looked the same as before, but now with a spleen and other random crap floating about.

Daniel: Oh, Mort. There is apparently major damage in the engine room.

Mort: What?

Asta: Holy crap! It looks like someone set off a bomb in the engine room!

Mort: (screechy voice) Why didn’t you (unintelligible) this? What the hell is wrong with you people?

Asta: I think maybe she suicided cause there is intestine that just smacked me in the helmet. Kinda gross.

Take: So that’s what the other explosion was?

Asta: I……. guess so? Umm… there’s…. We should power down…

Take: Should I turn the gravity on?

Asta: I wouldn’t turn on anything. Just things we don’t need. Umm. Sparks everywhere. Parts with shrapnel in them. Bad! It’s making some unnatural noises. There is a door in the engine. That’s bad, right?

At this point, Mort broke down crying. He cried as he worked on finishing disabling the remaining outer engines of the HoG. He told Asta how to power down safely.

Asta: Umm, I don’t recognize that from your description; I’ll have to look. (moves some intestines to one side, looks around) Umm.. that just floated over my head.

Mort: Find the green lever.

Asta: It’s red now… And gooey…

Mort: Okay, find the oval shaped lever…

Asta eventually got it powered down. Once she was done, Daniel instructed her to set up the power supply from the shuttle to life support. This was, of course, different than what Mort initially did because he powered the bridge with it. Mort tried hard to remember where he pulled that wiring out of. While Asta worked on the secondary power source, Mort worked on disabling that engine.

Mort: By the way, is there a big hole in the ship?

Asta: Yes.

Mort: Plug that.

Asta: Are you going to need surgery when you get back?

Mort: Yes.

Asta: Okay.

Mort: Large caliber bullet. Probably went all the way through. That’s what it means when you have a hole on the other side, right?

Asta: Yup.

She told him to dial up some antibiotics on his suit pack, which confused Mort. For some reason, he thought it sounded very funny, which is strange because he has no sense of humor. Mort started laughing.

Asta: Uh, Mort, patch the hole in your suit.

Mort: I did.

Asta: Uh, someone patch the hole in Mort’s suit. He’s running out of air. He’s laughing. There’s a problem.

Mort cut a few more wires, knocking out the engine, before Daniel ordered him to crawl in the front hatch to the Korv. Once Mort was inside and the air was recycled, Daniel got a good look at the duct tape mummy that was Mort. Daniel took Mort’s helmet off of him.

Mort: (reacquainted with oxygen): I’ll pass out now.

He did.

Back on the Orasca, they played around with opening and closing some doors and set it up so the galley to the cockpit was closed off from the rest of the ship and had air. Campan, Jenny, and the cat were moved up there. The power cables went from the shuttle past the infirmary, up the stairs and into the engine room to hook up to the environmental systems and some systems.

Daniel docked back with the Orasca, telling Asta she had a patient. Using the oxygen mask, they moved Mort to the Infirmary and shut Asta and Mort in there alone (with oxygen on). Then the gravity was finally turned back on (because moving Mort without gravity was much easier). While Asta performed surgery on Mort, Daniel headed back to the HoG to do a search. He checked out the ejected cargo from during the battle to make sure none of it was the food they needed. He then headed over to the HoG to check it out.

Fade to Black

 

[Ao the Overkitty]

Synopsis of 4/17/06 session

“Episode 6 - Mort's Bad 'Day' ” - Fourth Session

Synopsis of 4/17/06 session -subtitled God of Machinery

Smoke made it hard to see. Four men sat around a poorly lit table, littered with cards, shot glasses, chips, and ash trays. The end of a cigar flared bright red as a bald, older man in the undershirt of a military uniform took a drag before tapping off the ashes. He fingered the rank insignia on the jacket draped over his chair for good luck as he studied the cards in front of him.

A distinguished looking man in his sixties chuckled at this sight. He had on a blue dress shirt that went well with his peppered black hair. He also had a uniform jacket slung over his chair. He knocked back his white liquid before setting the glass back on the table and pushing his glasses back up his nose. He glanced at the cards in his hand before looking across the table.

Man with Glasses: Your bet, Jack.

A bald, black man in his forties smiled back across the table. He was handsome and wore a very nice looking black vest over a white shirt with a black neckerchief.

Jack: I think I’ll open for three credits, Marcus.

Marcus: Oooooo. Jack, Jack, Jack. This is supposed to be a friendly game. Here I think you might be trying to fleece me. You know Lucas over there can’t afford the usual high stakes of your games.

The bald man in his undershirt, Lucas, harrumphed and looked like he was going to respond, but a knock sounded on the door. A short, dour looking man in his mid twenties wearing an Alliance fleet uniform entered.

Marcus: What is it, ensign?

Ensign: Um, sorry sirs, for interrupting, but we’ve received a distress call from the Heart of Gold.

Jack laughed at this.

Jack: Don’t worry about that, boy. Maxx is just trying to give me an out if I was losing my shirt here.

Ensign: I don’t think so, sir. It sounded authentic. It was a prerecorded message to be sent in case of emergency.

Marcus: Alright, lets hear it.

The ensign wandered over to a computer terminal in the corner of the room and played back the message.

Maxx Williams: This is Maxx Williams, Captain of the Heart of Gold. If you are receiving this message, we are under attack and in need of assistance. We received the following distress call and responded to it.

Daniel: This is the Precarious Orasca hailing the freighter Heart of Gold, please respond. Come in, Heart of Gold, we are in distress.

The man introduced himself as Captain Bill Wilcox. He claimed his ship, a firefly, was transporting orphans, had a damaged engine and they were low on air and heat. The sensors checked out their story. We are sending over our shuttle to transfer the part they claim to need, but something about this situation just feels wrong. Their pulse beacon frequency is attached.

Jack turned to Marcus.

Jack: Think they’re after Ruiz?

Marcus: Ensign, respond we’re on our way and go to full burn. And get me anything you can on this other ship.

************************

It took Daniel some time of trying to figure out how to leave the Korv protected while he ventured into the Heart of Gold. He seemed very afraid someone on board would take his ship while he was inside.

While Daniel was being paranoid and starting searching, Asta sewed up Mort’s wounds. The bullet seemed to have missed any major organs or arteries and had gone clean through, so she didn’t have to worry about fishing out the bullet. Still, Mort was going to have to take it easy for a week or two to give the stitches time to do their work and help his wound heal.

After all that fancy flying, Take was just plum tuckered out, so he took a nap on the bridge. Campan sat in the dark mess area with Jenny and the cat. He could have used a beer, but didn’t think he’d be safe trying to find his way down a ladder to the fridge.

And, while all of this was going on, the shuttle was fairly rapidly draining of power. After all, powering the life support system takes a lot of juice.

As Asta was finishing up Mort’s back, Daniel piped in over the comm.

Daniel: Uhh, we’ve got a problem over here. We’re going to have company in about two hours.

Campan: Yeah!!!! Air!

Daniel: No yeah. Alliance cruiser. I’m going to wander around here some more. I guess Campan is in charge.

Asta: (not over the comm.) Oh dear god, we’re going to die.

Campan tried ordering Jenny around, but she refused to do senseless things like spin around really fast.

Paul: I want it on the record that Ryan is currently reading his torn-in-half character sheet, which he ripped when Campan almost suffocated last session.

Asta analyzed their situation and Mort’s survivability and decided that she needed to pump some stimulants into him to wake him up. He’d be in a lot of pain, but he could tough it out. Pain never killed anyone. Anything was safer than Campan being in charge.

As an after thought, Asta told Daniel it would be a good idea to bring back any suits he found over there. She then set about fixing Mort’s suit. This took her a little while, since she had to remove a lot of duct tape to find the hole.

Campan continued sitting in the mess area, a bit stupefied with the situation and being in charge. He knew he couldn’t punch the engines into working, so he really wasn’t sure what he could do. The best he could come up with was to strap both ships together and, between the two of them, they’d have one working ship. If he could just have a beer, everything would be all right.

After finishing Mort’s suit, Asta called up to Campan to have him turn off the gravity for a little bit. Campan wandered up to the bridge and flipped the switch. Take’s arms floated up, but the rest of him stayed in his seat, having been strapped in. Campan had the impulse to flip the gravity back on again, but thought better of it.

With a now weightless Mort, Asta had a better time putting him back into his suit. She grabbed a fresh oxygen tank and hooked it in before sticking a needle in Mort to wake him up.

Mort woke up in a LOT of pain and feeling like he had just had about twenty cups of coffee.

Mort: I need a cigar.

Asta: Sorry about the pain, but I needed you clear headed. I just heard we’ve got about two hours til we got Alliance coming. Our ship is not really working. The engine room is in very bad shape. There is a hole in the cargo bay and a vacuum outside the med bay, which is why your suit is one. The XO is off doing something or other on the other ship. Campan was in charge, but that’s part of the reason why I woke you up. Be very careful, I don’t want your stitches to rip; your guts will fall out.

Mort: (over intercom) I am awake! And in charge again.

Campan: ! But, I was in charge! I could make decisions!

Mort: (over intercom) Daniel, find the stuff we’re stealing.

Asta: Oh, and we’re powering life support with the shuttle.

Mort: Oh goodie. We might have three hours. Two hours before Alliance gets here. Everything is going so slow… Okay. Step one, we’re going to go steal an engine.

Asta: Okay.

Campan: Sorry Mort.

Mort: I need Campan… I need pretty much everyone in a space suit.

Campan: Mine smells.

Mort: I don’t care. You’re going to be moving an engine for me.

Take groggily woke up as his arm hit a panel above him. He looked over to his side to see Campan floating next to him.

Campan: I was… I was in charge.

Mort: Anyway, Asta haul me outside. Campan, meet us out there. Bring tools… And rope. You’ll find some on the floor in my room. Oh wait, we’re in zero-G. You’ll find it floating near the door.

Campan put on his stinky and slightly squishy suit, grabbed tools and rope and prepared to mess around with doors to make airlocks.

Asta, Mort and Campan assembled in the engine room.

Campan: Here are your tools. (pause) I’m happy you’re not dead.

Mort: Me too.

The engine room didn’t look much better than it did during the fight, but there weren’t any miscellaneous spare parts floating about, since they had all been blown out the air lock. Mort figured it would take him a day, maybe a day and a half to get the engine running at all.

Mort: Yeah, we’re stealing an engine. We’re putting the new one in the cargo bay. That should speed things up. We just have to worry about radiation within the exposed areas.

Campan: I’m just going to start shoving hooks in my face now.

Mort: No no, you’ll be in the shielded part of the ship. We’ll just be flying around with the lower half of the ship leaking radiation.

Take: So, we’ll look like a Reaver ship?

Campan: I need to go start collecting bodies.

Mort: Do we have any explosives? Campan, have you seen any explosives around?

Campan: Not lately.

Mort: Okay. I have to go to my room and get a cutting torch. The one from the engine room is gone.

After getting the cutting torch, he handed it to Asta.

Mort: You are going to take this and get the stuff we’re here to sell. I want mister psycho employer to be happy. And I want to get paid. Apparently Daniel can’t pull this off on his own, so you’re going to go do that while I go steal an engine. Daniel! We need a tow. Get in the Korv and come back here.

About ten minutes later, Daniel brought the Korv around in front of the cargo bay. Mort tied off the rope on the Orasca and onto the Korv. He then explained that Daniel was to fly very carefully over to the Heart of Gold’s airlock and drop them off.

Mort: Okay. Everyone tie on. Praying is optional.

Daniel got them close to the ship. From there, Mort untied from the Korv and pushed off towards the Heart of Gold. Hitting it, he grabbed for something to hold onto and tie off on.

Mort: Oww! I need a spacesuit that allows me to smoke cigars.

Lori: Dude. Chewing tobacco.

Paul: No. Mort likes fire.

Lori: Fine. It’s your guy who’s stuck in a space suit for hours having a nicotine fit.

Paul: I’d like to note that Mort isn’t addicted to nicotine, he’s addicted to smoking cigars.

Ryan: I would also like to point out I’m not addicted to drinking, I just like how it tastes.

Mort made his way over to the cargo bay airlock (which Daniel had blown a hole in) to find a blast door in place. He moved up to the cockpit (which Daniel had also blown a hole in) to once again find a blast shield in place.

Mort: They have the best security, anti-airlock hole system in the world. I so wish we could steal this ship.

Mort marveled at what emergency systems looked like for a second, then headed around to one of the one-man airlocks at the back of the cockpit.

Mort: Hey Jenny. Look at that file on these people and find out who their families are.

Take: Are you THAT mad?

Mort: Yeah. Clearly they need to die for this too.

Mort entered the ship into a singed area. Though mostly blackened, the control consol still had lights to it. Mort ignored them and went up the singed and slightly melted stairs, ending up in the crew quarters area.

Mort: No stopping!

Campan: But grenades! There are more here, I know it.

Mort: No.

Take: I have a grenade.

Campan: You have a flashy thing. That won’t blow an engine.

Asta started moving towards the cockpit to check things out in there.

Mort: No! Stick to plan!

Campan: But, if we can get something running, can we just hook this ship up to that ship or something and get the out of here?

Mort: No.

Campan: No?

Mort: No.

Campan: But can’t we just chain them together?

Mort: No. The connector will not hold when you take off or stop.

Campan mumbled something. Mort whacked Campan’s suit upside the helmet.

The others followed Mort into the crew quarters area and onwards towards the back of the ship. They entered the upper section of the cargo bay and could see Daniel puttering around down below.

Mort: Ok, you go find boxes. When I call for you, come help. Just ignore Daniel, just find the boxes.

Campan: Cargo Bay Ho.

Mort headed into the engine room while Campan and Asta headed down to the cargo bay floor.

Ryan: I find boxes. And grenades, if they’re on the way.

Daniel was still puttering around when the two of them got down the stairs.

Asta: Which boxes, Daniel?

Daniel: I think it is the ones with the Alliance seal on them.

Asta turned on the cutter and cut the boxes loose. Comparing the size of the boxes to the size of the airlock they came through, Asta looked over at the blast shield covered cargo bay door.

Asta: Mort, we may need to disable the blast shields.

Mort: No no, I have a plan.

Mort’s plan hinged on the ‘super emergency systems’ including an engine eject system. Silly Mort. He did find that it was possible to remove the hull casing around the engine room. This could only be done from the outside, since it was intended to be done in a shipyard on a planet with a crane.

Mort wandered back into the cargo bay.

Mort: Campan, you doing anything? Follow me.

Campan: I haven’t found any grenades yet…

Asta asked if she should work on the blast door and disabling the gravity to get the cargo out. Mort told her that gravity wasn’t going to matter once he ripped the roof off. Nor would the atmosphere.

Asta: I just thought the tiny hurricane blast of air moving out of a small area might be avoided?[/i]

Mort: No we don’t… we don’t have a crane to get the engine out. Move everything into the engine room. It soon won’t have a roof.

Asta tried to lift one of the crates and found them to be very heavy. She told Daniel to help her with the crates and to bring tie-downs. Once the boxes were in the engine room, she tied them together and put them on a tether attached to the ship. She then tethered herself to the ship as well.

Take sat on the Orasca playing with his dinosaurs and waiting for orders. He tried to get his spacesuit back from Jenny, but she wasn’t budging from it.

Take: (over intercom) Oh yeah, get me a spacesuit while you’re over there. Or better yet, get Jenny out of mine so I can have it back.

Campan: That’s very funny, sir. I don’t think enough people are unconscious for you to give orders.

Outside, Mort instructed Campan on how to properly break things to get the engine room open. Campan was offered a beer as incentive for doing a good job. His lines were a little crooked and there was a small Campan was here with the Campan crossed out and Jasp written above it, but it looked like he was doing what he was told.

Mort saw Daniel head back to his ship to make sure no one had stolen the Korv yet. He warned Asta when the hull was going to buckle and explosively decompress. Mort pulled Campan out of the way in time. Asta had been holding onto something down at the bottom of the cargo bay, but found it difficult to finely manipulate things with the suit’s sausage fingers. She got blown up into the engine room and out the hull breach, hitting a few hard objects along the way. Everyone was deafened by Asta’s scream as she flew out the hole and was yanked hard when she got to the end of her tether. At least she was now floating next to the crates.

Mort moved inside against the blowing air, closed the engine room door and started disconnecting the engine from its mooring while Asta moved the crates over to the Orasca.

Asta asked Daniel if he had found any spacesuits yet. Daniel replied that he had just gotten back from checking the Korv and all he had found was some fused ones.

Mort finished disconnecting the engine. The Heart of Gold powered down. He then tied a rope between the engine room and the engine and a rope between the engine and their rope to the Orasca. Mort opened the engine room door long enough to blow the engine out of the engine room. He managed to hold onto the door and close it again.

Mort: Campan.

Campan: Yes sir.

Mort: Take the engine and put it in the cargo bay. (pause) Captain, do we want to make up a cover story?

Take: I don’t think there is an explanation good enough for this.

Mort: It’s called Reavers.

Take: They attacked both of us?

Mort: Yes.

Asta: We should leave a friendly radiation trail. Don’t Reavers leave a radiation trail?

Mort: I was just going to leave a friendly message on their recorder here.

Take: Wouldn’t you know, there have to be mutilated bodies for that to be plausible?

Campan: I’m on it!

There was a brief conversation about where they would get the corpses, since there weren’t any on the Heart of Gold. Mort then remembered that there were corpses in their brig.

Mort: Campan, take the engine back to our ship. Then collect all the corpses on our ship, bring them back here, and mutilate them.

Campan: I thought you were supposed to be doing that.

Mort: No, I’m going to be hooking up the engine.

Campan: (sad eeyore voice) Campan don’t want to mutilate that…

Mort: Campan don’t want to get left behind if he doesn’t do what he’s ordered.

Asta: Hey Campan, did you see how that door got in the engine?

Campan: (sad eeyore voice) Yes, I did.

Asta: Yeah, how’d that happen?

Campan: Can’t talk now, pushing engine.

Dan: (imitating Ryan) Can’t talk now, violating corpse.

Mort: Good. Now I’ve got twenty minutes and three hours of work to do.

Mort took a lot of shortcuts with the engine. There was lots of open wiring and no radiation shielding. There was also a distinct lack strapping the engine to anything.

While ‘violating’ the corpses, Campan got the good idea to look around for security cameras. Daniel popped up and took a video capture of his activities, but that was about it. With the gravity and power off, Campan just chucked parts around the ship.

Back on the Orasca, Asta was moving anything they didn’t want irradiated out of the cargo bay and behind radiation shielding.

Just about the time Take thought the Alliance Cruiser should be showing up on the sensors, power started returning to the bridge. The little ‘Loading Systems’ message came up on all the screens.

*Paul, the bastard, rolled a whopping 43 on his Mr. Fix It roll, spending a drama point. That is 3 success levels beyond God-Like. His response was, ‘I’m Mort. I fix stuff.*

Take ordered everyone back to the Orasca. Asta started handing out iodine pills. Campan untied the rope from the Heart of Gold to the Orasca and pulled himself back to the Orasca.

Asta: Hey Mort, are you going to need a radiation treatment when we’re done here?

Mort: Oh no. I grew up on a planet with radiation. I’m chock full of iodiney goodness.

The engine started to slide a little as the ship got moving. Mort worked on chaining the engine down. He then worked on cutting down the amount of radiation leaking into the ship.

The Orasca limped away.

Roll Credits

 

[Ao the Overkitty]

Synopsis of 4/17/06 session

“Episode 7 – There’s Something in Them Thar Hills ” - First Session

Synopsis of 4/17/06 session -subtitled Broken Things

The scene from the bridge of the Alliance Cruiser Darwin was bleak. The Heart of Gold in its damaged state was joined by two other, smaller ships in view.

Jack stuck out on the bridge full of people, being the only one not in a uniform. His face relayed no feelings at all as he stood near the view port, overlooking the destruction. He paid no attention as Marcus walked up behind him.

Marcus: Damage control teams found our officers and the prisoner. They had passed out from lack of oxygen, but they’re going to be okay. Those savages ripped the ship open and gutted her. She should be able to be repaired. She needs a few days work to seal the breaches and install a new engine.

Jack: And the crew?

Marcus: We (long pause) haven’t found all of them yet. There were three hull breaches, two of which were the result of weapons fire, so it is possible some of them were lost to space. We have a squad out looking through the debris for their bodies. Those that we did find, weren’t pretty. It is best not to go into detail.

Jack: Who have you found?

Marcus: We… don’t know. Those Ung Jeong Jia Ching Jien Soh chopped them up. It’ll be a while before we can determine how many bodies we have.

Jack: Do we know where they headed? If it is possible some of the crew is still alive, I’d like to recover them.

Marcus: They didn’t make it out of the fight undamaged. They left a fairly large radiation trail behind them. It’ll be very easy to follow them.

Jack: Found out anything about this Precarious Orasca?

Marcus: Still waiting to hear back from command. Recovery will take another hour or two.

Jack: Jwei Gai Won Se.

Marcus nodded.

************************
Ung Jeong Jia Ching Jien Soh – Filthy Fornicators of Livestock

Jwei Gai Won Se – So guilty as to deserve a thousand deaths
************************

Having finished up the engine as best he could, Mort made his way up to his bunk where he ate iodine pills like breakfast cereal.

Mort: Unless there is something very important going on I’d like to be sedated now.

Asta checked Mort over and had to sew pretty much all of his stitches again. She drugged him up again and sedated him.

Not having a deadline for dropping off the food, Take made what he felt was the smart decision to land on the nearest planet to patch up their hurt. The less distance they had to go with the engine in the cargo bay with stuff just able to fly in was better.

Liz: What is going to fly in in the middle of outer space?

Paul: Anything someone drops further up the line, like Campan and a beer bottle.

Campan confessed to Mort what he had done. It made Campan feel better. Of course, Mort was completely unconscious at the time. This also made Campan feel better, since he felt he’d survive longer this way.

It took them about six hours to get to the nearest planet. Take did some fancy flying to bring the ship in through the atmosphere backwards so things wouldn’t burn up in the cargo bay. He then pulled a Bootlegger so he could see where he was going. He flew around a little bit to find a place to land. A flock of ducks flew in through the airlock and splattered around the cargo bay. Daniel spent this time in the Korv, just in case he had to do an emergency evacuation of himself before the Orasca crashed and burned.

They landed in a wheat field and turned off the engine. Campan went around taking stock of all the things they lost, which pretty much included everything that wasn’t firmly attached to the ship. The greatest losses felt were the barrel of bandanas and Campan’s favorite beer stein. No one missed the asparagus flavored food spray. They had gained a lot of feathers and irradiated, squished duck carcasses, though.

About this time Daniel decided that he agreed with the plan to land to fix the ship and told the crew they should do that. He was mostly ignored.

The next time Asta checked on Mort, he was still unconscious, but he now had a cigar in his mouth.

Campan: Glug Glug Glug Glug. Mmmmm… Iodine and beer.

Daniel went looking for Hwa Ling, the asian woman they had had in their brig. He was rather upset when he realized she was one of those that they had had Campan chop up, since he had wanted to sell her to the Tongs. No one claimed responsibility for this (Mort wasn’t there, Campan was just happy to mutilate, etc).

Daniel went outside to wander around the ship and survey the damage and the area. They were parked in a wheat field on some grasslands. He could see a farmhouse over yonder and some livestock grazing a ways away and hills in the distance.

Daniel headed back inside to figure out who was going to scrape the ducks off the walls in the cargo bay. Campan just started doing it, since he knew it was a task that would fall to him anyway. Daniel found a few pieces disconnected from the engine and asked the crew about getting the engine running in low power mode so they could have the med bay powered and have lights and stuff. The others convinced him that the med bay had been exposed to space and radiation, so had its own issues and they could make a campfire if they needed light. So, they didn’t need the ship turned on and leaking radiation.

They decided to wait for Mort to wake up, so the crew just relaxed. Campan climbed on top of the ship to get a suntan. Unfortunately, the sun went behind the clouds. He was pretty sure he saw a large ship behind the clouds.

Campan: There’s a ship coming.

Daniel didn’t see anything and told Asta that Campan had had too much radiation and sun. Asta coaxed him down with beer. That is to say, she acted like she was going to dump some beer down the drain. Daniel turned on the Korv to check the sensors, but only found there to be someone over at the farm house with no ships coming in.

Daniel: (over comm.) Campan, when you’re done with that beer can you clean those intestines off of our hull?

Campan: (over comm.) Umm, I put those on the other ship.

Daniel: (over comm.) Oh. I thought you put some on our ship as well.

Campan: (over comm.) No, sir. We’re not fully Reavers yet.

Daniel: (over comm.) So we have no evidence of being Reavers on the outside of our ship? Good.

Mort: (over comm.) Could you talk about that in person instead of over the comm.?

Mort stayed awake long enough to eat something, then went back to sleep. Daniel checked over the cargo they stole, just to make sure they had gotten what they had wanted to. He then asked Asta to let him talk to Mort next time he woke up. Daniel made his suspicions know that he didn’t expect to find many if any ship quality metal or ceramics in the grasslands or in any town they find around here.

Campan got bored, left the ship and headed over to the farm house. Daniel noticed Campan leaving and hurried after him.

*Bang, Bang, Bang*

Campan pounded on the door.

Campan: Do you have booze? (notices Daniel run up) Hey, you looking for booze too?

Daniel: No, I’m looking for a town.

Campan: Farmer will know.

Campan continued to knock. The door creaked as it opened, revealing an older man in his forties or fifties wearing overalls. He was a big, burly guy with a head full of white hair and a big, white beard. He was also holding a clear, glass container with clear liquid in it.

Farmer: Yeeeahp?

Campan: Uh HI!

Daniel: How’s it going?

Farmer: Heigh.

Daniel: Curious, um, are there any towns around these parts?

Farmer: Yeeeah.

Daniel: Where dey at?

Campan: Any booze around these parts?

The farmer gave that a think for a while, with lots of ‘hmming’ before responding.

Farmer: Oh.. its bout (mumble mumble) half a day’s ride over that hill.

Daniel: Big town?

Farmer: Eeeeh. Big enough.

Daniel: Any bigger towns? We’re looking for [unintelligible words] parts as well. On the planet.

Farmer: Wondered why you parked in my wheat field.

Daniel: You using it right now?

Campan: Is that a problem, sir?

Farmer: Nah.

Campan: We appreciate that. We done ed up our ship.

Farmer: Happens.

Daniel: We’ll try to get it out of there before you need to use the field. What’s the name of the town?

Farmer: Johansburg.

Daniel: Local mayor mind having a couple of strangers wandering through town every once in a while?

Farmer: Reckon not.

Daniel: Pleasure to make the day, the name is Bill Wilcox. This here is…

Campan: Campan. (Daniel elbows Campan) With a K.

Daniel: Pleasure.

Then Daniel walks off, leaving Campan behind.

Farmer: Name’s John.

Campan: Got any ship parts?

Farmer John: Got a tractor.

Campan: Got any whores?

Farmer John: Yeah, got a horse.

Farmer John lead Campan inside to the kitchen.

Campan: What kinda booze ya got?

Farmer John: Clear kind.

Farmer John handed Campan a glass carafe.

Campan: Mighty hospitale (Campan takes a drink) hospital hospitabo hobbity boo hobbity boo Wow! That’s good !

It was very strong moonshine that could likely be used to strip paint.

Campan: I’ll be sure to crash land here in the future.

Campan thanked Farmer John for the hooch and set some on fire to make sure it didn’t burn the wrong color. He then tested his sight to make sure he hadn’t gone blind. Looking around, he saw a Mule out the window.

Campan: That’s a mule, right?

Farmer John: Yeahp, don’t work.

Campan: Oh! It’s not like a hee-haw mule. Good. Thought my eyes had gone. Well, that’s fine. We got an engineer on board. I reckon maybe we could work out a trade. We got us a whore! We could work out something, maybe in booze. Some real stuff you didn’t have to make yourself.

Farmer John: Well, if you can get it to work, you can use it fer a while.

Campan: Well, now. Thanks. That’s mighty neighborly of ya.

Dan: What kind of fool lets someone borrow stuff that just came off a spaceship?

Ryan: A really nice fool.

Campan stuck around and drank with the farmer till he passed out. In the morning, when he woke up, he stumbled outside to look at the mule.

Daniel: (over comm.) Is the farmer still alive?

Campan: (over comm.) Yes. And he gave me booze.

Daniel: (over comm.) Is he sly?

Campan: (over comm.) Let me check. Nope. Not violated. I’m okay. Gave me a mule. He couldn’t get it to work.

Daniel: (over comm.) Ah, so he gave you a broken mule. Where is it?

Campan: (over comm.) Right over here.

Daniel: (over comm.) And where are you?

Campan: (over comm.) Back behind his house.

Daniel: (over comm.) What’s wrong with it?

Campan: (over comm.) Uh, doesn’t have any wheels? (pause) I have no idea.

Daniel: (over comm.) Asta? You’re pretty good with a wrench, right?

Asta: (over comm.) I’ve been know to take apart a few things in my time.

Daniel: (over comm.) Wanna take a walk with me? Go see what Campan got himself up to?

Asta: (over comm.) Yeah, let me just finish looking Mort over here.

Daniel: (over comm.) Campan. Have a few more beers or whatever you’re drinking and don’t let the Mule go anywhere.

Campan: (over comm.) Ain’t lost my sight yet.

Daniel: (over comm.) Good. Don’t.

Asta shot Mort up with more drugs then told him she was heading off to look at something with the XO. Mort said he was okay to look over the ship now and possibly fix things. She told him no. Then he said that he should possibly look at the thing she had to fix instead. Asta told him it was too far and she could handle it. She told him he shouldn’t be walking around much at all for the next several days.

After she left, Mort waited five minutes, then went to walk around the ship.

When Asta and Daniel made it over to the Mule, they found Campan standing next to it holding the carafe.

Campan: I can’t quite figger it out. I keep kickin’ it and it don’t move. I think it needs more antimatter.

Farmer John came out to watch.

Farmer John: Howdy, Ma’am.

Asta: Well hello.

Campan: That’s not the whore.

Asta got out a wrench and whacked Campan in the head with it.

Daniel: Campan, you been promising something you can’t promise again?

Asta looked over the Mule and thought she could probably fix it. She set about tinkering with it while Daniel, Campan, and Farmer John stood around watching and drinking. Daniel tried to help her at first, but it was clear that the hooch was too much for him when he dropped a tire on her head. Then Asta made him go stand over with the others by the house.

It took her some time, bypassing a few parts and cleaning off and reconnecting a few others, but she got it running.

Farmer John: Didn’t think that would run again.

Daniel looked over the Mule. It had five seats, but a sixth could fit in the bed. It was effectively an off-road truck without a hood. It had enough fuel in it, but the told Campan to grab a couple bottles of moonshine to fuel the Mule with, just in case. Daniel and Asta took the Mule back to the Orasca, leaving Campan behind to drink a few more bottles.

Campan: What do ya do fer entertainment round these parts, there, partner?

Farmer John: Do’in it. (pause) Gonna try fer town?

Campan: Eventually. Drinking moonshine at the moment.

Farmer John: Well, be careful. People haven’t been coming back.

Paul: Oh god, it IS a zombie game!

Campan: They haven’t been coming back?! They been going to town?

Farmer John: House… way over that way, sent a couple of their sons into town te get stuff. Never returned.

Campan: They go out looking for them?

Farmer John: Oh yeah. Sent a couple more sons. They didn’t come back either.

Campan: (suddenly very interested) Really? Are there any people left in this house?

Farmer John: Yeahp. Got a lot of sons.

Back at the ship, Mort watched Asta and Daniel drive up.

Mort: So, where’s Campan?

Daniel: Drinking.

Mort: Permission to go shoot him, sir?

Daniel: Not right now.

Mort: Aww. Oh, you got a Mule!

Asta: Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?

Daniel: Yup. We traded Campan for the Mule.

Mort: Are you sure he’s gonna keep him?

Daniel: Wait. Why do you want to shoot Campan?

Mort: He blew up the engine.

Daniel: He did?

Mort: Campan is with the loose lips. He made enough comments about grenades that I put two and two together.

Daniel: We might need him… shortly.

Mort: For WHAT? Oh. Moving heavy objects. Can I shoot him later?

Daniel: Yeah, once we get this all sorted out. And get off this planet.

Mort: Excellent.

Daniel: How’s the ship?

Mort: ed, sir!

Gabe: Daniel just realized he agreed to let Mort shoot Campan.

Paul: If only I had an exalted oath.

Daniel: Okay, anyway, we’re going to head off to town, pick up Campan, well, not now but later. Tomorrow.

Mort: I looked out the door. I don’t see town.

Daniel: It is over the hill. It’s a ways that way.

Daniel explained that they were going to town for ship parts and the possibility of a dock or knowledge of where to get ship parts or a dock. Mort tried to convince Daniel to take the Korv, but Daniel didn’t think it’d be appreciated to fly a space fighter into town and didn’t want the guns removed. Mort briefly considered taking the shuttle in before he realized that it had no power and now needed a new fuel cell. Since the Korv would only take two people.

Daniel: I’d take you, but you’re a little shaky still.

Mort: I’m fine. I’ve got a cigar and everything.

Mort then realized that it was his last cigar.

Mort: I need to go to town. Vitally important.

Daniel: What for?

Mort: To know all the schematics for the stuff we need.

Mort continued to . Daniel saw right through it. Daniel told Mort he wasn’t going. Mort said he was.

Mort: The farmer doesn’t have a daughter, does he?

Daniel: What for?

Mort: Good. We won’t have to get Campan out of the hanging later, then.

Mort then relaxed by tuning up the Mule.

Fade to Black

 

[Ao the Overkitty]

Synopsis of 5/08/06 session

“Episode 7 – There’s Something in Them Thar Hills ” - Second Session

Synopsis of 5/08/06 session -subtitled Daniel Gets Annoyed at the Locals

Still on the Alliance cruiser, Jack sat in a private room at a cortex terminal. He would have rather liked to have this conversation three sheets to the wind, but that wasn’t an option. A rather pretty blonde woman of about thirty appeared on screen. Her clothes were elegant and accentuated her beauty. Her face looked like it would dazzle with a smile. But there was no smile upon it now. Tears streaked down her cheeks as she blew her nose into a handkerchief. From the puffiness of her face, it looked like she had been crying for a while now.

Jack: I’m very sorry that I had to bring you this news, Irené. I wish we could have seen each other again under much better circumstances. I know Maxx was planning a barbeque back on Sihnon in a couple months. Captain Marcus Bryant is looking after the body. I’m told he’ll be buried with full honors in Arlington.

Irené: And those sons of bitches that did this to my husband?

Jack: We haven’t apprehended them yet, but we’re on their trail. With any luck, we’ll have them before long.

Irené: I’m coming out there.

Jack: Irené, you can count on me to see this through. Elizabeth only has you now. You can’t just go gallivanting off past the edges of civilization on some vengeance quest, because that’s what this will be. You need to take care of your daughter and grieve your husband’s death.

Irené: I need to do this, Jack. I won’t be able to properly grieve until Maxx is in the ground and those responsible are behind bars or sharing the ground with him. My sister will take care of Elizabeth for a few months. I’m a fair shot and can pilot a boat. I just need to put a crew together and make some arrangements before we’re off. I need to look the bastard that killed Maxx in the eye. My only question is, will you help me?

Jack: I maintain my opinion that this is a foolish and insane action, but I’ll help. Elizabeth isn’t going to grow up without knowing either of her parents.

************************

In the morning, a knocking rang out on the NotADoor in their cargo bay. A bleary-eyed Campan wandered over to look outside and was partially blinded by the evil sun’s rays. He saw Farmer John standing there next to a little brown haired boy of about ten years old or so.

Farmer John: Howdy, Campan.

Campan: Hi Farmer John. What’cha got there?

Farmer John: Oh. The farm up the way wanted to know if you’d take Little Jimmy into town. He could show you the way.

Campan: I, uh, oh boy, uh wait here. I’m going to go get the guy in charge. Last time I made decisions bad things happened.

Campan wandered off to go find Daniel. He quickly filled Daniel in on the nonspecifics.

Daniel: I don’t want a kid either.

Campan: Well, then you do something about it!

Daniel: He’s your friend.

Campan: But you’re in charge. You officially turn him down. Then I’m not the bad guy and he’ll give me more hooch.

Asta showed up and they discussed for a short while with Campan explaining that they might actually need a guide, since nothing is ever ‘just over that hill.’ Campan also postulated that the parents of the kid might be in a deal with the devil where they have to keep giving up their kids. Daniel reckoned that, if they turned down the kid, they turned down the mule.

Eventually they wandered down to the cargo bay to talk to the kid. Since they weren’t hung over like Campan, Daniel and Asta noticed that the little boy had a large pack on his back and a bow slung over his shoulder.

Daniel: Morning John.

Farmer John: Morning. (tips hat to Asta) Morning Ma’am.

Daniel talked with Farmer John about taking Little Jimmy into town.

Daniel: I’d hate to be the one to bring bad news if, uh, the town ate him.

Liz: Only, he says that all suave like. Cause, sometimes you have to r o l e play and sometimes you have to r o l l play.

Gabe: Daniel is all suave-like when he wants to be. Otherwise he’s rather standoffish.

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) Ican handle meself!

Campan: You ever kill anything with that bow, son?

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) Sure have! Wild Animals. Crows, birds, big things.

Daniel: How far is this here town?

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) Bout day an a half.

Daniel peered over at ‘that hill’ that the town was over. He figured it’d take several hours to walk there, not a day and half’s ride.

Daniel: (to Campan) You might have a point there.

Campan: Right. I’m Useful. A resource. A natural resource.

Paul: You know what people do with natural resources, right?

Ryan: Not a natural resource. An unnatural resource.

Daniel found out that Big Jim was the first to not come back two months ago and Jim was the second about a month ago. Little Jimmy said he was the only other Jimmy, but that he had five other little brothers. Little Jimmy also said his parents weren’t worried about him, since he was big enough and could handle himself. Farmer John just stood there drinking hooch while Little Jimmy answered Daniel’s questions.

Daniel: Do his parents know that he’s going off to town.

Farmer John: Oh yeah. He told me they did. He don’t lie.

When asked, Little Jimmy explained that he needed to go into town for some parts for the thresher.

Daniel: We’ll take you into town, but we don’t hold no responsibilities bout what you do when you get there or what happens there. If we see you hanging around when we’re leaving, we’ll gladly give you a lift home, but we going right now, we’ve got some injured crew. We can’t go around sheparding you up on your business as well. And make sure your pappy is okay with this too. You say you can take care of yourself.

Asta looked the boy over and determined that he looked like your average farm boy. He did seem to have a pack on his back about half his weight, so he looked strong enough.

Mort wandered down and saw the crew talking to Farmer John and a little boy. He wandered over.

Mort: You have any cigars?

Farmer John shook his head. Little Jimmy reached into his pack and pulled put a paper envelope. And handed it to Mort. He found some chew inside and was disappointed. He put his unlit cigar stub in his mouth.

Mort: Sir, we need to leave immediately. It’s imperative.

Mort looked the mule over and made the bed area into a bed area (pillows, cushions, and blankets). He didn’t really understand the crew’s need to check up on the boy.

Mort: Oh yeah, cause if they catch us, kidnapping is going to be SUCH a big problem on their list.

Campan: Cause our XO said we should. He’s got a case of the conscience.

Daniel: I have a case of avoiding the hassle!

Daniel went back up to his bunk to get his brown coat, shotgun, and a cup of coffee. He came back to find Take sitting in the driver’s seat, Campan sitting shotgun, and Mort laying down in the bed. After a brief conversation between Take and Daniel about who was driving, Daniel ended up sitting in the backseat. Little Jimmy happily sat in the middle seat.

Asta went and found Jenny to tell her they were going into town. She offered to pick Jenny up some dresses. Jenny told her green was her color.

When Asta got on the mule, she sat on the other side of Little Jimmy. Little Jimmy stared at her for a good part of the trip over to his folks’ farm.

Asta: Yes?

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) Don’t see women around here much.

Mort leaned into the backseat.

Mort: (to Little Jimmy) You want to sit down, shut up and be very, very quiet from now on. Trust me.

Asta: How do you have so many brothers around if there aren’t many women around?

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) There’s ma Ma.

Asta: She’s a woman, ain’t she?

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) Guess… She’s Ma.

At the farm house, they met Little Jimmy’s little brother, Big Johnny, along with his Pappy. They quickly verified Little Jimmy’s story before heading on. Mort laughed when Campan said they’d hopefully bring him back in one piece.

Campan: Okay. We’ve verified that. (points off in a slightly random direction) Okay, that way, Take.

Little Jimmy: (points in a different direction) No, that way.

Campan: (corrects his pointing) That way, Take.

Take: Vrooom!

And they were off.

Mort: (to Daniel) Sir. Why don’t you introduce yourself to the boy.

*Campan laughes*

Daniel: He’s already met me.

Mort: Did you tell him your name? (pause) Cause we should be very clear what your name is.

*Daniel looks at Campan, then shakes his head*

Mort: We need the practice, sir.

Daniel: Jimmy?

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) Yeah?

Daniel: My name is Bill Wilcox.

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) Okay?

Daniel: We didn’t get that out before.

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) Okay?

Mort introduced himself as Chris Smith, Campan as Campan, Take as ‘Jean sometimes called Take by Campan only,’ and Asta as Doc.

As they drove along, Campan regaled Little Jimmy with stories.

Campan: There was this one time, in a whore house, wow. That was crazy. There was a messed up whore. Got a cut up face.

Campan ended up having to explain that a whore was a woman who didn’t wear knickers.

Campan: Knickers are those things you wear under clothes.

*Little Jimmy looks in his pants*

Campan: That women wear under clothes. Stop that.

*Daniel cocks his shotgun*

Little Jimmy asked lots of questions, mostly about beating people up. Campan talked about guys with machine guns for hands. He then had to explain that a machine gun was like a shotgun, but faster. When asked, Take said he beat people up all the time. Campan confirmed this, adding that he did it with little, plastic dinosaurs.

Little Jimmy then pointed to Mort.

Little Jimmy: (to Take) Did you beat him up?

Mort: Nobody beat me up. I got shot!

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) Wow! Did that hurt?

Mort: yeah.

They then had to explain what meant. Asta said they were things that his pappy would take a belt to him if he said. Mort said it was a word you don’t say in church. Take said it was what you did to whores. Mort then rattled off a bunch of swears and told Little Jimmy not to ask about them and Asta added that he shouldn’t repeat them to his pappy.

The journey so far had been fairly boring, hence the corruption of youth. A few trees, lots of grass and lots of hills. When it got close to dark, Take begrudgingly stopped.

Campan and Jimmy collected stones and built a fire pit and fire. Asta checked Mort’s stitches.

Once unoccupied, Little Jimmy ran up a hill to look around.

Campan: Anything good up there?

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) Yeahp!

Little Jimmy then pulled his bow off his shoulder and shot an arrow at something. Campan recognized the sound of a cow mooing in pain, then heard a thump.

Campan: Jimmy, what are you shooting at?

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) One of the big things!

Campan: (to Daniel) Can we keep the cow, sir?

Campan ran up the hill after Jimmy. He found Jimmy smiling proudly over his dead cow.

Little Jimmy: (pointing at cow) Dinner!

Asta wandered up after then and looked to see if the cow was branded, but she found none.

Asta: You know, if you tame these things, you can get milk out of them.

Little Jimmy looked dumbfounded. Campan cut out a large chunk of the cow to make into steaks.

Campan: (to Jimmy) You are going to be everyone’s new best friend.

Mort woke up to the smell of meat cooking. When Asta handed him a steak on a stick, he stabbed it with a screwdriver and started enjoying his protein.

Mort: (between chews) Where’d this come from?

Campan: Little Jimmy!

Asta: Little Jimmy found a cow.

Little Jimmy: I killed one of the big things!

Asta: Didn’t find a brand on it.

Take: It’s called a cow.

Mort: Ah, good. Did you get the leather?

Campan and Asta set about cutting off the skin and meat off the cow, then Campan set up the meat to smoke over the fire.

Campan took first watch. He was a little groggy from all the steak, but managed to stay awake. Campan woke Daniel up by hitting him with a cow eyeball. Daniel had no problems on second watch. Take decided to do third watch in the driver’s seat with his eyes closed. When Mort woke up in the morning, the only person he found awake was Little Jimmy, who was poking at the fire’s coals. Mort went over to Asta and woke her up, letting her know it was morning and no one woke her up. Asta found the cow eyeball, holding it by the optic nerve and stood over Take, bopping him in the nose with it. Take woke up to a big eyeball looking into his eye. Asta threatened him with caffeine shots for the next night.

Campan: Little Jimmy. I think you’re a good luck charm. I think we’re going to keep you. Not gonna feed you to the Reavers.

They then had to explain what a Reaver was.

Mort: Okay. Take all those words we taught you yesterday and string them all together. That’s a Reaver.

While Take sat around watching the others work on breaking camp, he thought he heard some hoof beats. He asked Little Jimmy if lots of people used horses around here. Jimmy responded that his pa had a horse. Take told the others that he thought someone was coming so they should expedite their leaving. Daniel had Campan run up one of the hills to take a look while Take ran up the hill on the other side of their camp.

Mort: Hey Jimmy. You know what covering fire means?

Little Jimmy: (pause) When you put fire on top of something?

Mort: No. Get in the mule.

Up at the top of the hill, Campan could see many people on horseback riding towards them. Up on the other hill, Take could also see many armed people on horseback riding towards them. Take ran back down the hill while Campan stayed up on his, wondering if he should start picking people off.

Take hopped in the mule and told the others there were armed men coming on horseback. Asta quickly followed.

Daniel: We’re moving now. There is no packing of this mule. Get in the vehicle. Let’s go.

Mort: Um, everyone’s in the vehicle but you… and Campan.

Daniel got in the mule. Take tried starting up the mule. It sputtered and groaned. Mort reached over the side and thwacked the side. The mule started up.

As Take started driving, Daniel yelled for Campan to get down and get in the mule. Even with the mule going at full speed, Campan was able to catch up. He leapt into the bed of the mule, taking aim for Mort. He was half successful, with his body half hanging out the back and his head connecting with Mort’s kneecap. Mort pulled Campan up into the mule by his underwear.

Mort: That’s how we know he’s not a whore.

As they drove along, they could see the men on horses come up along the ridgeline on both sides. They followed them along the ridge, but didn’t pull their guns. Some came down the ridge behind them, but just followed them at a distance. Up ahead, the crew could see some more men on horses coming down to stop along the path, blocking it.

Daniel asked Jimmy if he knew about this, but he said no. Daniel then asked if Jimmy knew who these people were.

Little Jimmy: (squeaky voice) Aliens?

Daniel told Jimmy to tie himself to something while Mort asking him if he knew a guy named Jasp. Jimmy said he didn’t as he climbed underneath his seat. Campan and Mort put on their bandanas. Take wanted to blast past the horses and outrun them, but Mort pointed out that Campan was able to catch up to the mule. Asta suggested they talk to these people while Daniel was looking for a defensible position to start shooting from.

Asta: Why don’t we go and talk to these guys? I think that’s a novel idea!

Daniel: What makes you think we’re doing anything else?

Asta: You all have guns out!

Take still didn’t look like he was going to stop, so Daniel pointed out that a horse was going to stop the mule for good. Take stopped the mule about an inch in front of one of the horses. The horse tried to bawk, but the man kept the horse under control.

The people were all men, ranging from their twenties to their fifties. They all had long hair, long beards and weird, long sideburns. They all wore hats to keep out the sun and their horses had rudimentary saddles on them. The man they stopped in front of was older, with a long, grey beard.

Take tried the horn, but it didn’t work.

Take: Um, you do realize we’re trying to get through, don’t you?

Several of the crew smacked Take.

Old Man on Horseback: דוע אתה חודר לאדמות שלנו והורג את הבקר שלנו?

Clearly none of the crew had any clue what he had just said. Daniel popped up in his seat to look over Take.

Daniel: Howdy.

Take: (to rest of crew) Did you hear what he said?

The old man turned to his side and waved a younger man closer.

Younger Man on Horseback: How.

Take: No. Not Indian, English.

Take got whapped again.

Daniel: How.

Asta: No. Why. Why is he in the road?

Daniel: We’re trying to pass through.

Younger Man on Horseback: You kill cow.

The crew argued amongst themselves about whether or not they knew of or killed a cow and whether or not that was a problem.

Younger Man on Horseback: Group cow. You on our land.

Daniel: Obviously that was a misunderstanding. We were told that was normal around these parts.

Younger Man on Horseback: You come to our land. You take our livestock. You take our land.

Mort asked if they needed anything fixed. Asta asked if they had told the locals that this was their land.

Younger Man on Horseback: We locals!

Daniel: How long have you been local? Been here?

Take: We’ll give you these shiny beads.

Take got whapped again.

Younger Man on Horseback: Two hundred years.

Daniel: Have other people come through these parts? And have you stopped them? Have they killed cows?

Younger Man on Horseback: People encroach on our land. We stop them. You encroach on our land.

Mort asked them what they wanted for the cow. The man responded another cow.

Daniel: We can arrange services here, but if you’re kidnapping people in these parts for killing cows that they don’t know are yours. They don’t know you’re here. You can’t hardly expect them to not know the cows are yours.

Fortunately for the crew, Daniel’s rant was far too wordy for the man to fully pick up.

Younger Man on Horseback: Our land! Not theirs!

Campan asked how they could help fix things.

Campan: (gestures towards Asta) You want maiden?

Mort slapped Campan on the head. Asta threatened to make Campan into a maiden.

Mort: What do you want for the cow?

Younger Man on Horseback: Cow!

Campan: You want cow parts?

Mort slapped Campan on the head again. Daniel asked what happened to the others who came through. Mort said he’d translate and asked what it would take for them to let the group through to get to town. Campan looked ready to talk, so Mort slapped him a third time.

Younger Man on Horseback: Make people leave!

Mort: (muttering) Hmm.. people tend to leave irradiated planets.

Daniel told the man that he thought he could make people leave if they told them more. He then repeated that in as few words as possible. Mort told him he was improving.

Younger Man on Horseback: We been here long time. Since prophet Ezekial talk to god and build Ark. He lead us to new promised land. We crash on new Promised Land. And it was good, for a time. Then others come. They mess with planet. They mess with land. They bring others. They take our land. They take our livestock.

Daniel: So you want everyone off the planet?

Younger Man on Horseback: They on our land. God has shown us here. God not show them here.

Mort tried to get out of them how big the Promised Land was. He was nondescript, point at one hill, arching his arm over his head and pointing at another hill.

Younger Man on Horseback: From hill… to hill.

Mort translated that as meaning from horizon to horizon. Mort suggested building a fence and some signs. Campan counted about fifty people and decided they didn’t have enough ammo. Daniel tried to get more definitive boundaries for the Promised Land. The man mostly answered that the Promised Land was as large as god said it was. Take started talking about having talked to god last night. Daniel tried to determine if these people were nomads, but they didn’t look like it to him. Daniel reiterated that he thought they could make people leave. Asta muttered something about smallpox. This gave Mort a warm, fuzzy feeling because someone else was talking about genocide besides him. Mort asked the people what they were called.

Younger Man on Horseback: Pilgrims of Mount Sinai. Me Yossef.

Mort started to scribble their tribe’s name into his list, then scratched it out and wrote PMS. Daniel asked if there were other pilgrims. Yossef responded that they were many. Daniel asked if there were others of other mountains. Yossef responded that there weren’t. Daniel tried to find out where their people were, supposedly so they could go to them for help, but Yossef told them that they had scouts if they needed to be reached. Daniel then asked if they could go on their way or if they were going to hold them there longer.

Yossef: How we know you do what you say?

Campan: We’ll leave Mort.

Mort smacked Campan again.

Daniel: Well, frankly, you don’t, but I’m going to need everyone here to get the job done.

Yossef: We need insurance.

Mort reached under the seats and grabbed Jimmy’s ankle, yanking him out.

Mort: Sir. We don’t need this party member.

Take: I don’t know. He may be the best party member we have. I mean, he did kill a cow on his own.

Daniel: Yeah, that’s why we’re here. I told his folks we’d get him to town safely and then him.

Mort flung Jimmy from the mule for his own safety.

Campan: I’m not ing any children! I don’t care what your orders are.

Mort: I didn’t know these things about you, sir.

Daniel told Jimmy to get back into the mule. Yossef pointed at Mort and said he looked sick and couldn’t make the ride. Daniel said that Mort did make the ride and he wasn’t staying.

Asta, in her typical arrogance, questioned Yossef’s tribe’s honor, since they were questioning theirs. He said they weren’t originally from here either and had shown no proof that they would keep their word. Yossef said they were god’s people and trustworthy. And this was their land, not the others.

Yossef: We been here long time. God showed us the way. God did not show them the way. God did not show you the way.

Asta: How do you know?

Mort: I’m pretty sure god didn’t show us the way either.

Asta poked Mort in his stitches.

Yossef: Are you saying you talk to god?

Mort slapped his hand over Asta’s mouth.

Mort: No, she’s not saying that. Cause religious holy wars are bad.

Yossef: You strange people.

Mort: Yes.

Asta: We do not wish to stay on your lands. We do not wish to encroach on your lands. We only wish to go to town.

Yossef: Town on our lands.

Daniel: How could they build a town on your lands, have the time to build that, and you not stopping them?

Yossef: Town not on our lands. Town grow. Town on our lands.

Asta asked if they had ever sent someone to talk to the townspeople. Yossef replied that that they had, but he never returned.

Daniel: Your negotiator... you know what a negotiator is? You know the word?

Yossef: Rabbi.

Daniel asked if the rabbi spoke English, to which Yossef responded that he had spoken as much as he did. Daniel told him that they had to let his group go and trust them, or there was going to be a bloody mess and they’d lose far more members of their tribe than they’d want and would get nothing.

Yossef: You pass test. We accept deal.

Daniel: Thank you.

There was then a long pause as the two group’s stare at each other.

Daniel: Are you going to get out of our way?

Yossef: No. (pause) You follow us back to camp. You pass test.

Daniel sighed and agreed. After all, this served his plan. He discussed his plan quietly with the others in Chinese as they followed them back to camp. The plan included finding out where their camp was so they could come back later and force these people to move off planet.

Fade to Black

 

[Ao the Overkitty]

Synopsis of 5/15/06 session

“Episode 7 – There’s Something in Them Thar Hills ” - Third Session

Synopsis of 5/15/06 session - subtitled Campan Learns Hebrew

On the way to the camp, Asta checked over Mort and noticed his shirts were filling up with blood. Ripping open his shirts, she found his wounds had reopened. She stitched him back up as they drove.

One they arrived, Daniel took a moment to look around the camp from his seat. He noticed the camp itself not permanent. It was small with small huts made out of wood and branch roofs that looked like they were built for quick construction and transportation. There were some older women, i.e. Daniel’s age, tending to things in the camp, but no children running around. Daniel noticed that everyone had their head covered. Everyone seemed to defer to the older man who first stopped them. The younger men seemed to be surer with their guns, which he also noticed were definitely well maintained antiques. Finally, he noticed that their clothing was predominantly leather, but well tailored.

Daniel: (quietly to Campan in Chinese) Whatever challenges we get into here, unless the situation directly calls for it, like they say so, do not touch their headgear.

Campan: (quietly in Chinese) That’s important?

Daniel: (quietly to Campan in Chinese) Yeah.

Campan: (quietly in Chinese) Okay. That’s a good enough reason. Until we start killin’ I won’t touch their hats.

Daniel: (quietly to Campan in Chinese) When we start killing, go for the skull, not the hat. And the young men first.

Gabe: Which, actually, Daniel’s plan is, if we start killing, he’s taking out the elder first.

Yossef came over and asked Daniel to disarm for protection of the women until they have passed the test. Of course, Daniel didn’t want to do this. After much negotiation, they agreed to put their weapons in a lockbox outside of Yossef’s dwelling with Daniel holding the key.

Looking at the lockbox, Daniel found it looked more like a large toolbox than a safe. Inside, he saw it had a false bottom, possibly a reliquary. Daniel started unloading clips from his weapons and told Campan to get a sack for the ammo. Daniel stealthily checked the false bottom to peak underneath. All he saw was some scroll.

Daniel: Campan, help me move this outside near the trees.

Once outside, Campan noticed there weren’t any trees, but wasn’t surprised by this. They parked it outside the hut and unloaded their guns into it, keeping their ammo. They were permitted to keep their survival tools (i.e. knives). Daniel used this as a second opportunity to peak under the false bottom. He saw something glint from the sunlight, but mostly just saw the large scroll.

Once they were done, Yossef explained that they were to stay with them for the one day, help with day to day activities, and participate in the evening meal. At the end of the meal, they would decide what would happen. Daniel didn’t like this, but was assured that, if death was called for, they would be armed first. Daniel agreed to the test.

Asta went over to the elder and asked him if anyone needed a doctor. The elder led her over to an elderly woman and motioned for Asta to follow her direction. Asta carried her medical bag as she followed the elderly woman into the nicest of the temporary dwellings. When the elderly woman led Asta over to the dirty dishes, she gave a ‘one moment’ gesture and went out to Daniel and Yossef.

Asta: If anyone needs medical attention, I’ll be in there doing dishes.

Daniel: I was trying to talk about that. I reckon you fix people up better than dishes. Last time you cooked, well…

Asta: Hey!

Take: No no. She’s cleaning dishes. That’s safe. As long as she knows how to properly rinse.

Asta: It was very nutritious, just a little chewy.

Yossef was a bit confused and opted to just lead the men over to the cattle. As Yossef set them to the task of herding, Daniel talked at great length about the virtues of branding. Yossef seemed to take up that it was a good idea.

After Asta helped finish the dishes, she was set to mending clothes. Since she couldn’t understand a word the elderly woman said, she found her tasks rather relaxing. One day of this was kind of a mini-vacation for her. She did find it strange that all the women she saw were bald, but couldn’t ask about it.

Later in the day, Campan, Take and Daniel participated in the slaughtering of a cow. Yossef talked to the elder about branding, or so Daniel surmised. Daniel then relayed that they could use branding to stake land as well and they should show the townsfolk that they meant business.

Take and Daniel acted rather interested in their religion and asked Yossef lots of questions. Campan talked about beer and found out that they preferred wine.

With the cow dead and cut, Campan and Daniel carted the large hunks of beef to the elder’s hut. They passed the mule to see Mort still laying there with Little Jimmy kind of hiding next to Mort.

Campan: Why didn’t we kill it closer?

After the meat was dropped off, the elderly woman motioned for Asta to help with preparing the meal.

Asta: Uhh…. Captain? They want me to help cook. You’ve expressed opinions about this before.

Daniel took Yossef aside.

Daniel: Yossef, have you even known those who are excellent, very good with the needle and good with keeping things clean. But when put in kitchen, poison everyone… without meaning to.

Yossef: She none of your wife.

Daniel: None of our wife.

Yossef: Aaaaaaah!

Yossef then walked over to the elder woman and talked to her for a few minutes. Afterwards, the elder woman handed Asta water and pointed to the fire. For the rest of the meal preparation, Asta was relegated to the task of little helper in the kitchen. Daniel realized that he just made Asta no longer an adult in the eyes of the tribe. Both he and Asta were okay with that.

Yossef then led Campan, Take and Daniel to a place in the village where all of the men were gathering.

Campan: This must be where the naked mud wrestling is.

Campan was sorely disappointed as he got to sit through a religious service. They all found it really boring, since they understood none of what the elder was saying. They just took the cues of the other men for when to stand and when to sit. Daniel took all this standing and sitting as opportunities to elbow Campan awake. Daniel expressed a worry in Chinese about passing the test too well and becoming Jewish in the eyes of the tribe. Campan didn’t think having a place to hide was such a bad thing.

After the service, they were led to a large seating area set up for a meal. The elder sat in a place of honor. Yossef was seated near the elder. Daniel, Campan and Take were seated near Yossef so he could translate. Asta was seated at a separate table with all of the women and had to spend a good amount of time waiting on the men.

Before the meal was served, wine was poured. Campan liked that. When the elder was finished saying a rather long blessing, Yossef turned to Daniel and told him one of them needed to make a prayer to god. Campan started to say rub-a-dub-dub, but Daniel stopped him.

Daniel briefly considered having Asta say the prayer, but then realized that would be a slight, since she wasn’t at the main table. Daniel said some short and simple thanks in Chinese.

The meal was good, due in no small part to Asta not actually working on it. After the meal, Yossef told Daniel that they had been judged favorably. Asta went to check on Mort and brought Little Jimmy a plate of food. Mort was still unconscious, so she gave him some water. Daniel, Campan, and Take stood around with the men folk as they smoked pipes. The group slept in and around the mule.

In the morning, they collected their weapons from the lockbox and said farewell.

Campan: Meshugena!

Yossef: That mean crazy.

Asta: That must be why you heard it a lot yesterday.

Campan: Oh. Shmuck?

Yossef: That mean jerk.

Campan: Oh. Bye.

Yossef: Glad you take interest in our language.

As they drove off, Campan told Daniel that he needed to rename his shotgun, since he had a gun named Betsy.

Daniel: Why do you have a gun named Betsy?

Campan: Because a girl named Sue gave it to me.

Daniel: A girl named Sue gave it to you and it was named Betsy?

Campan: After my mom.

Daniel: Were you friends?

Campan: For a night, sir.

Daniel: Alright, then. One barrel is named Hammer and the other is named Jade. Happy?

Campan: Yes, sir.

A half a day later, they got to town.

Campan: Yeah! Town. Jimmy, get out!

The town looked like an typical boom town. After Campan saw the first couple whore houses, he changed his mind.

Campan: Sir, we can’t leave Jimmy here. We’ve got to take him back.

As they drove along, Take kept looking for a spaceport. As he was pointing out to Daniel what he thought could be one, Asta and Campan noticed the familiar blue uniforms of Alliance grunts.

Asta: Alliance, sir.

Daniel: Huh?

Campan: Cops, sir.

Daniel: The cows aren’t that bad.

Asta: No, I said Alliance, sir. No cows.

The small group of Alliance officers seemed to be walking around and talking to people over by the general store. Realizing that he and Take were rather exposed in their brown coats, Daniel took action.

Daniel: Take, park here. We’re having a drink. Now!

Campan: Woohoo!

Campan pointed out what looked like the best saloon to him. Since Mort was still unconscious, they left him in the bed of the mule and went in. Jimmy said he wasn’t allowed to drink and he didn’t think he should be in there. Seeing no other kids, Daniel sent Jimmy back outside. Little Jimmy headed over to the General store. Asta asked the bartender for a sarsaparilla for Little Jimmy. Daniel watched as the Officers stopped Little Jimmy and talked to him for a few moments. They appeared to hold something up to show Little Jimmy, but he couldn’t see what. Little Jimmy shrugged and went into the General Store.

Campan parked himself at the bar while Daniel looked around. The bar was decently sized, with a couple of tables. There were stairs leading up to an inside balcony with lots of room doors.

Daniel: Asta. Campan, Take and I are going to retire upstairs for a brief spell. Could you go keep an eye on Little Jimmy and find out what the officers want? I think you’re the least likely to have that picture be you cause you don’t blow things up like Campan and you’re not wearing a brown coat.

Asta: No, I’m just a deserter.

Daniel: Good point.

Campan: I’ve got a clean record, sir.

Daniel: Yeah, well, I guess Asta could get a whore for herself…

Ultimately they decided to have Asta go look after Jimmy and Campan sit at the bar keeping an eye out while Daniel and Take hide upstairs.

Daniel talked with the guy at the bottom of the stairs and got sent to door number six. Take got sent to door five. After a few drinks, Campan paid a whore walking buy to go up to door five and join them.

Outside, Asta took the sarsaparilla towards the General store and was stopped by an officer before going in. She was greeted and asked if she had seen any strangers around in the past couple of days that might have gotten off a ship. Hey told her they were looking for a Daniel Jardin, who often went by Bill Wilcox. When asked what he had done, the officer replied that Daniel was wanted for piracy, assault, assassination, and several other unpleasant crimes. He then showed her a picture from a security camera of Daniel dressed up to look older (like back on Ebbon’s World). Asta told the officer she hadn’t seen him, but would keep an eye out. The officer seemed to believe her lie and she headed into the General Store.

Inside, gave Little Jimmy the sarsaparilla and asked him how he was coming along. He said he had been told where the thresher parts could be bought and said he just wanted to get some candy here first. He discretely mentioned to Asta that the officers had asked about Bill. He said he hadn’t said anything. Asta told him that some bad men were trying to frame Bill and he should keep quiet about it.

Back in the bar, Campan noticed the officers enter and start questioning people. One of the officers moved down the bar while the other moved about. The conversation went along the same as with Asta and the officer moved along.

Upstairs, Daniel was keeping an eye out the window. The whore was rather thankful for the break, actually. Daniel paid her extra to keep quiet about it.

Asta took Little Jimmy towards the parts store. While they passed through town square, she noticed three heads on spikes near a fountain. They were clearly Pilgrims of Mount Sinai. At the parts store, Asta made sure she didn’t ask about ship parts. She helped Little Jimmy load the parts into the bed of the truck with Mort, who was still unconscious. She asked Little Jimmy about if he wanted to ask about his brothers. When asked if he had a likeness of them, Jimmy said they were like him, but bigger.

On the drive back, Little Jimmy asked more about Bill and Mort. She explained that, back in the war, Mort didn’t agree with some people. Little Jimmy suggested hiding Mort under some stuff, then, if they’d be looking for him to. She told Little Jimmy that was a good idea and they pulled his blankets all the way over him and positioned stuff around him to hide him.

Back at the saloon, Daniel was getting antsy.

Daniel: (over comm.) Are they still down there, Campan?

Campan: (over comm.. into beer mug) Anytime you’re ready, sir. Just make sure you wipe off first.

As Daniel left the door six, Campan realized that the officers were still in the bar. Daniel noticed them and made a quick back step back into the room.

Daniel: (over comm.) Jackass!

Campan: (over comm.. into beer mug) Sorry sir. I was enjoying myself far too much. I think I need more beer.

When Asta got back to the saloon, she led Little Jimmy in.

Asta: Okay. You just sort of keep your eyes shut.

Asta got a lot of strange looks when she brought the kid in, but she gave a rambling explanation that she was looking for his brothers and they looked like him. The bartender cut her off and told her to go talk to Suzanne. Suzanne looked to be the best dressed of the whores and likely was in charge of them. She said she hadn’t seen the boys in a couple months, but they did frequent the establishment when they came to town. After hearing when the boys went missing, Suzanne said it had been longer since she’d seen them. She suggested that they set up a missing poster at the sheriff’s office.

Campan: (over comm.) I just actually saw them leave now, sir. Really. Not kidding.

Take: (over comm.) You sure this time? Did you actually look this time?

Campan: (over comm.) Yeah, um… yes.

Daniel moved to peak out of his room but his foot caught on something and he stumbled out the door. He caught himself on the balcony railing and Righted up. After straightening his clothing, he headed down.

Campan: (over comm.) Graceful, sir. You’re supposed to disengage yourself before leaving the room, sir.

Daniel glared at Campan.

Campan: Don’t forget to get Take, sir.

Daniel: I’m sure he’s coming.

Campan: Heh… eww.

Asta filled Campan in on her taking Little Jimmy over to the sheriff’s office. Campan filled Daniel in on what the officers wanted. Daniel was confused where they got his name. Campan told Daniel that Bill was used up.

When entering the sheriff’s office, Asta found a few more Alliance officers inside acting like this was a minor base or something. The sheriff was standing to the side looking slightly annoyed and bored. Asta backed out and sent Little Jimmy in. She told Little Jimmy, that, should they ask, she was his aunt.

Back in the saloon, Daniel and Campan were wondering what was taking Take so long.

Campan: Think we should go drag him out of the room?

Daniel: We should wait for him to come out on his own. He said to me over the comm. Link, so I assumed he knew.

Campan: I don’t know.

Take: (over comm.) Oooh. Spaceport.

Campan: I, uh, don’t know what he’s doing in there, but it sounds kinky.

Take eventually made his way downstairs. Campan kept a look out outside while Daniel walked drunkenly out to the mule with the help of Take and plopped down in the bed of the mule. He then hid under the blanket with Mort.

Campan: Take, are you going to hang out here while I go get Asta from the sheriff’s office?

Daniel: WHAT?

Campan: Something about reward money and turning people in.

Once over there, Asta quietly filled Campan in about the Alliance in the office. Once Little Jimmy came out twenty minutes later, they all filed back into the mule.

Fade to Black

 

[Ao the Overkitty]

Synopsis of 5/22/06 session

“Episode 7 – There’s Something in Them Thar Hills ” - Fourth Session

Synopsis of 5/22/06 session - subtitled You Know You’ve Got Pilgrims in Those Hills?


With everyone back in the mule, Campan talked over his shoulder at Daniel, who was hiding under the blanket with Mort.

Campan: Comfy back there, sir?

Daniel: Let’s just get out of town.

Campan: To the Jews, Take!

As he started up the mule and drove towards the edge of town, Take asked what they were going to do now. He seemed to want to start a war between the Pilgrims and the townsfolk, but Asta tabled that idea for now.

Campan: I think we’ve got an issue with missing boys and Jews in the middle. (pause) Let me try that again. I think we’ve got a problem with boys going from their little town there and the city and not making it and Jews being in the middle. That looks mighty suspicious.

As they got close to the edge of town, they noticed a couple of Alliance officers stopping vehicles on their way out of town.

Campan: Uh, roadblock, sir?

Take: Really? I never would have noticed.

Campan: Not you! Captain Hiding.

While Daniel readjusted the Thresher parts and hid under Mort, Asta briefly considered telling the officers they had a sick man who’d been shot that they needed to get home. This idea was discarded as dangerous for Mort (and them). At Daniel’s request, Campan looked to see if the officers had any vehicles, but he didn’t see any. They figured that, if they were going to try and make a getaway, they’d need to steal the officers’ vehicle to escape. Take nonchalantly turned the mule down an alley and drove through the tent village where the town was expanding. Driving through the tent village was tight, but doable for Take. He only managed to collapse half a tent.

Once they were a couple miles out of town, they stopped to assess the situation. Campan let Daniel know they were clear, so that he could get out from under Mort and breathe clean air again.

Daniel: How do we know we weren’t followed?

Asta: I think that, if we were followed, the officers would have ran and caught up to us.

As for what they should do know, Campan suggested that they figure out what happened to Little Jimmy’s brothers. He also said he might be able to help with the parts they needed.

Daniel: How?

Campan: I knew this woman, once, by the name of Jessalyn. She did sell parts and stuff for ships. This might, uh, might move.

Asta: This isn’t another one of your aunts, right?

Campan: No! I don’t owe her any money whatsoever, at the moment.

Asta: You know I saw a Jessalyn’s back in town.

Campan: That’s why I bring it up. Always thinking.

Daniel supposed that he needed to lay low and let the others handle the legwork. He figured that it was Campan’s fault for all of this getting pinned on him.

Daniel: Who came up with the bright idea about tearing this woman up and all over the hull?

Campan: Mort.

Daniel: I could have sworn you said differently, before. I hear tell you were quite enthusiastic.

Campan: Well, I didn’t say that, uh, these people pissed me off, so it wasn’t such a chore. But, it wasn’t my idea and I was following an order.

About this time, Asta pointed out the small, wide eyed child sitting with them.

Campan: What? Hi Jimmy.

Little Jimmy: (timid and scared) Hi?

Daniel then had Asta list off again what he was wanted for.

Daniel: Just so you know, Little Jimmy, this assassination didn’t happen. At least, we didn’t do it.

Campan: There are some bad men out there that want to do us wrong. Very bad men.

They discussed the photo of Daniel and where it could have come from, plus what charges were actually true, whether he had been caught for them or not. During the conversation, it came out that Campan had problems with ‘large’ whorehouses.

Campan: I can’t deal with that many whore. Knowing there are so many whores under one roof. It’s weird; freaks me out. I like the smaller whorehouses. The Mom and Pop ones.

Eventually Campan brought the conversation back to the situation at hand. He asked Daniel if he wanted to stay with the Pilgrims while he saw about getting some parts.

Daniel: You leave me here with Mort and I’m liable to wander back into town before I find the Pilgrims.

Campan clarified that they’d drop him off with the Pilgrims and then go back into town. He also clarified that he didn’t want Daniel to die.

So they drove back towards the Pilgrims’ camp. Asta tinkered around with the mule’s lights and managed to get one of them working. It was around midnight by the time they go to where Campan thought the camp should be. Since they didn’t see a camp, they asked Little Jimmy if they were in the right place. He said he didn’t know because he had been hiding. He did point out a scout, though. Take called out to the scout and got him to come over. After attempting to speak with him in English, Asta just started asking for Yossef. The scout led them back to the camp, which wasn’t far away.

They talked to a bleary-eyed Yossef about Daniel and Mort staying a few days with them. Yossef said it wouldn’t be a problem, so long as Daniel worked. They took Mort to the doctor’s hut and woke up the doctor. Yossef had a very hard time translating Asta’s medical jargon for care of Mort. The doctor did seem to recognize medicine names, though. Yossef had an easier time translating that Mort had a tendency to be stupid and yank out his stitches and needed restraints. The doctor set Mort up with an IV and restraints, then went back to bed.

With Yossef gone back to bed, they briefly discussed telling the Pilgrims about the heads on spikes, but decided to wait on that. Asta claimed the bed in the back of the mule. Campan wandered around, looking for a tree to sleep under, then just settled on a piece of grass. The rest slept in the mule or on the ground.

Before leaving in the morning, they made sure Daniel was going to be okay. He said he would.

Daniel: You realize, if they’ve got people in town, they’re probably scanning the planet. We’ve got a nice, big, hunk of metal sitting out in a field somewhere.

Campan: I’ll try and acquire parts as soon as possible, sir. Then we’ll, like, stuff Mort full of adrenaline and fix her up nice. And get the out of here.

Daniel spent the day teaching branding in more detail. The cows were not amused.

Now Mort and Daniel-less, the group headed back into town. Seeing the Alliance was still there put a slight damper on their mood, but they continued on. They parked outside of a small, wooden one-story building. Over the doorway hung the sign Jessalyn’s Appropriation Specialists.

Asta: I don’t know. She sounds like a repoman.

Campan: Hey, she’s mostly legit, which is, you know, different than most of my friends.

Asta: You don’t owe her money, you said?

Campan: Nope! None whatsoever.

Inside the door was a small, fairly barren office/business area with a wooden desk and a door leading to a back area. The room was lit by small windows high up on the front wall and a desk lamp. Behind the desk sat a beautiful, young woman who looked to be about twenty-four. She had long, black hair that hung down over her shoulder in a braid. Her facial features were decidedly Mediterranean, with her dark eyes hidden behind a small pair of wire-rim glasses. She wore a white shirt with a black blouse. When she got up to greet her potential customers they could see that she stood about five foot seven and was a leggy. Her bottom half was covered in a long, colorful skirt consisting of lots of reds and oranges.

Campan: Jessalyn! Baby doll. How ya doin?

Jessalyn: Ah. Campan. You have not lost your sense of humor.

Campan: Why would I? It’s not like I’ve done absolutely horrible, horrible things!

Campan introduced ‘Doc’ and Take to Jessalyn. He explained that they needed parts for a Firefly, with Asta giving the specifics; two new airlock doors and a new fuel-cell for a shuttle. Asta asked about Little Jimmy’s brothers. Jessalyn hadn’t seen anyone looking like him, but she did give Little Jimmy a lollipop. She told them that she might have a place to acquire the doors. They wouldn’t be strictly for a firefly, but they’d work. Negotiating transport of the doors was the hard art, since they were fairly bulky items. They initially told her the wrong specifics about where they were parked.

Campan: Now, we are humble, little delivery people, but there might be people looking for us.

Jessalyn: (sarcastic) You? That’s just not possible.

Campan: No, not me. I said us. I’m not in this alone.

Asta: I’m sure you’ve noticed the extra… attention this town has been getting lately. We want to avoid them noticing all of the parts coming into it.

Jessalyn: Not just this town. On the Cortex, they’re watching this planet pretty closely.

Take: What are they looking for?

Jessalyn: Group of people. Some guy named Daniel Jardin. Some guy named Mort Cassé. Their posse.

Take: (complete lack of feeling) What did these rat bastards do?

Jessalyn: One of the officers told me that they held up a freelance transport and killed everybody aboard.

They had a whispered conversation about whether they could trust Jessalyn not to sell them out.

Take: (whisper) Has she ever been all ‘Yeah Alliance’?

Campan: (whisper) No.

Take: (whisper) Has she ever been all ‘Yeah Browncoats’?

Campan: (whisper) I don’t care about ‘Yeah Browncoats.’ She could piss on Browncoats, for all I care.

Take: You’re off the ship. I’m serious about that.

They briefly discussed getting the shuttle working to carry a door at a time. Ultimately, they decided that it would attract just as much attention as having Jessalyn bring over the doors. They really didn’t like the idea of picking the parts up in town anyway.

Campan: Well, how discrete do ya think you can be with our packages?

Jessalyn: If we’re meeting outside of town, people in town won’t notice a thing. But, is there anybody right around where your ship is?

Campan: There’s, uh, about two families. We’ve, uh, got one of their sons. Little Jimmy here.

Jessalyn: People tend to notice large doors being delivered.

Campan felt they could deal with them knowing. Asta mentioned something about a moonshine party and Campan commented that Farmer John had some good hooch. Jessalyn said she knew Farmer John and had sold him a mule. When asked about that piece of junk, she responded that he hadn’t had much money and it was working when she sold it. You get what you pay for, after all.

Asta and Campan asker her if she knew anything about the Pilgrims and heads on spikes.

Jessalyn: Well, some people can learn to play nice and some people can’t.

Campan: Were they bad Pilgrims?

Asta: So, who didn’t learn to play nice in this instance?

Jessalyn: Sheriff and some townsfolk. When you don’t understand what the other side is saying, it tends to lead to bloodshed.

Campan said that they’d had some dealings with the Pilgrims and they had been nice to the crew so far. Jessalyn agreed that they were reasonable people, if a little zealous in their beliefs. She knew enough not to kill their cows. They said that the Pilgrims should mark their property better. Jessalyn commented that, since the Pilgrims were the only ones on planet that had cattle, it made it easier for them. Asta, Campan, and Take all told Little Jimmy that he couldn’t kill any more big’uns.

Once done with the small talk, Campan and Jessalyn sat down to negotiate fees and services. Since the negotiations were going to take a while, Asta went out and got drinks for Campan and Jessalyn. When they were finished, Campan had talked her down a fair amount. It was still more than the thousand platinum or so they had, but it was an overly reasonable deal, nonetheless.

Asta: So, we owe her later, once we get paid for this job?

Campan: You know I’m good for it!

Jessalyn: Yes. I know where your family is.

Asta: You should leave his family out of it. They seem to be high maintenance.

Jessalyn: No, his actual family. I’ve heard all about his sick grandmothers.

Asta: How many has he got?

Jessalyn: I believe that’s for him to tell.

Campan: Watch it with the family. I know what you’re saying, but watch it.

Take made more comments about Campan being off the ship and needing his family. Campan said that the XO would have something to say about that. Take seemed to think that Daniel would side with him.

Jessalyn explained that it was going to be about a week to acquire the doors and transport them. They didn’t have a problem with that. Campan told Jessalyn that he greatly appreciated this, giving her a big, smarmy smile and moving his eyebrows suggestively. He also negotiated two fuel cells for the shuttle, since he felt it’d be good to have a backup.

They brought the mule around back and Jessalyn had two burly and less than pretty men carry out the fuel cells. Asta went around town quickly and found Jenny a dress before they left again.

Take: Okay. We’ve got to go back to the Pilgrims so I can tell Daniel that Campan is off the ship. He insulted the browncoats.

Campan: Then I’m taking my parts and leaving.

Take: Your parts?

Campan: Um, I didn’t see you there negotiating the price.

Take: Yeah, I don’t see you paying for them.

Campan: I don’t see you finding the person that you know is legit and can acquire these parts.

Take: If she has anything to do with you then she’s definitely not legit.

They kept this up for a while on the ride back until Asta threatened them with morphine. They got back to camp around midnight again. They found Daniel and woke him up.

Take: Oh yeah. Campan told us that, you know, someone should piss on browncoats, so he’s off the ship now.

Campan: That was out of context.

Daniel: So, how’d ya’ll do?

Campan: Good. Got fuel cells. We got some other things. And we got some stuff being delivered.

Daniel went over and looked in the mule, finding the thresher parts, fuel cells, and meat (along with Mort’s makeshift bed).

Asta: I figured that it would be good, since we seem to go through shuttle power sources, to get a second one.

Daniel: What’d ya give for it?

Campan: I negotiated a very good price for it, sir. But it is still a lot more than what we have.

Asta: But she knows Campan’s auntie.

*Daniel curses under his breath*

Campan: That’s a very bad habit, sir.

Take: Well, she knows his actual family, so we can always just let them die.

Daniel: You find Jimmy’s brothers?

Asta: Nope.

Campan: So, yes sir. We brought back parts. They’re good parts. I negotiated a fair price.

Asta: And other, larger parts that don’t fit on the mule are going to be delivered in about a week.

Campan: And Take’s got a bug up his ass because I said she doesn’t care about Alliance, I don’t care about her picking on browncoats, cause frankly, they aren’t the ones looking for us.

Take: That’s not what you said at all!

Campan: I said it a little more colorful than that, but.

Take: He said she could piss on browncoats, for all he cared.

Campan: I didn… well yeah. Closer quote.

Daniel asked why they were talking of browncoats and Campan explained that they had been questioning her allegiances and were wondering if she would sell them out. Daniel was then very wordy, but basically said that it didn’t matter and they’d deal with that when the time came and keep an eye on her. Their responces to that left Daniel a little worried.

Daniel: So, you didn’t exactly watch her after you left?

Asta: Well, considering how fast the mule goes, sir, I suspect that, if she went to the cops we’d have seen a couple cops running up behind us going ‘Stop! Stop!’ and overtaken us.

Daniel: You have a point there.

Daniel decided he was tired and went back to bed. Asta also decided she was tired and went to go lay down. Campan mocked Take for telling on him ‘to daddy.’ Take and Campan bickered for a while until Asta threatened them with syringes.

In the morning, Campan went and found Yossef.

Campan: Yossef. Have you seen any ones like these, but bigger.

*Campan pick up Little Jimmy by the head and holds him there*

Yossef said he had, a few moons ago. When asked if they were still around, Yossef responded no. When asked what happened, Yossef said that they angered god. When asked how god expressed his anger, it took him a long time to find the correct words. While he was doing this, Asta and Daniel wandered over.

Asta: Oh. Are you asking about Jimmy’s older brothers, who he’s looking for? His family is ever so worried about them.

Yossef: They were unrepentant.

Campan: (looking at Jimmy while still holding him) You hear that Jimmy? Repent!

Little Jimmy: For what?

Campan: Say you’re sorry.

Little Jimmy: I’m sorry?

Campan: Good.

After finding out that Little Jimmy’s brothers weren’t heads on sticks somewhere (Yossef thought that was barbaric), they dropped the subject. Asta asked in Chinese if they should mention the heads on sticks in town. Daniel said they should wait a bit, since they were waiting on the parts. She relayed that there was a pretty intense scrutiny of the planet. She also passed on that they were now also looking for Mort.

Daniel: Good chance they already found the ship. I’d like to not think about that.

Daniel was annoyed when he found out the delivery was at the ship. He made the final decision to not tell the Pilgrims about the heads, since Jessalyn resided in the town. They stayed with the Pilgrims for one more day before heading back to the Orasca. Asta spent the day with the elderly woman trying to learn to cook. The elderly woman used a wooden spoon as a teaching tool. Asta’s knuckles were bright red and aching by the end of the day.

Once back within visual range, the Orasca was still there and they didn’t see any people about. Still, they decided to visit Jimmy’s farm first. As they got closer, they saw the small farm house, barn with the hay elevator and fields beyond it. There was an older man and a bunch of boys in the fields. Daniel asked Jimmy if he wanted to tell his dad what happened, but he didn’t. Campan had Jimmy show him where the thresher parts go. Daniel walked out to the wheat field and talked to Little Jimmy’s father. He got the man to go inside, then explained about the Pilgrims and how his sons met an unfortunate end. When Jimmy’s Pa went and got his shotgun, Daniel explained that there were a lot more Pilgrims than there was of him. He also told him not to kill any Big’uns. When Jimmy’s Pa asked who started the trouble between the townsfolk and the Pilgrims, Asta piped in and told him that she didn’t know, but the heads on pikes in town looked pretty old. Jimmy’s Pa went out to go kill something. Daniel went to talk to Jimmy’s Ma. He found a pregnant woman doing dishes and asked her if anyone else had been around lately. She told them some Alliance men were around, checking out the hunk of metal about a week ago. She said that that woman over there came over and got her husband and boys for a bit before the Alliance showed up. She said the Alliance mostly just talked to John. They thanked her for her time and left. She thanked them for bringing little Jimmy back and the thresher parts.

They headed over to Farmer John’s and found Jenny out front.

Campan: We ed, Jenny?

Jenny: That all depends on what you did in town.

Campan: Got some parts.

Asta: Got you a dress.

Jenny got distracted by the dress until Daniel got her attention again.

Jenny: Have you been over to the ship yet?

Daniel: No. Why?

Jenny: It’s still there.

Daniel: I see that. That’s kinda why we’re not there. I hear tell that, uh, they paid a visit to us.

Jenny: Uh, yeah. That was, uh, I don’t know how many days. Yeah. The Alliance did come down and check it out. But, I was going through the ship and, you know you left the Korv on?

Daniel: No I didn’t.

Jenny: Yup. I don’t mean engines burning, just stuff like the radar-thingy. Remember? Well, anyway, I saw something big coming. So I got the farmers to help muck up the ship. Sorry, but they didn’t…

Daniel: Don’t apologize.

Asta: If you saved our asses, that’s what matters.

Jenny: We just played it off as that being John’s hunk of metal. Like he thought he could fix it up or something. They took one look at it, said it was the ugliest ri shao gou shi bing they had ever seen and left.

Daniel: To be honest, right now it probably is luh-suh. Still our ship.

Campan: Right.

Jenny: I mean, you show up at a ship that’s all busted up. It’s got no working parts and no power…

Daniel: I know what it’s got. I’ve seen it.

Asta: Well, they didn’t break off any parts worse than it already was, did they? Like engine parts?

Jenny: A little. I had to make it look like it didn’t work. So I’ve just been staying here in case they came back. I let them believe I was John’s wife.

Jenny let them know that Little Jimmy’s family helped. She asked Daniel if Little Jimmy came back, which Daniel said he did. He told her that the two he was looking for didn’t, but she figured they were dead.

Daniel: They ran into some religious pilgrims in the hills and got into a fight over a cow. I’m not making this up.

Jenny laughed. Asta asked if the Alliance had left any booby-traps on board. Jenny told her no and that they didn’t want to go too far in. Daniel went off to go talk to Farmer John. As Asta headed for the Orasca, Jenny suggested she bring a shovel. Campan wanted to go talk to Farmer John, but Asta told him he could do that later.

Campan: What do you mean later? I’m over you in the chain of command!

Take: Go help her.

Campan: Okay then.

Campan grabbed a couple shovels and pitchforks as they went.

Daniel asked Farmer John how talking to the bluecoats went. Farmer John told them that the Alliance was looking for them. Daniel let him know about the troubles with passing through the hills.

Daniel: You know you’ve got Pilgrims in those hills?

Farmer John asked if the Pilgrims were going to come down and massacre them. Daniel said they were more interested in the town and those that killed their cows. Farmer John said it wasn’t his problem, then.

The first thing Asta and Campan noticed about the ship was that there was hay, dung, and some other stuff on it. The ship’s identifying marker was covered in paint and oil. In the cargo bay, Campan noticed that the dead ducks were back. Or, at least, a bunch of their feathers. There was dung EVERYWHERE. It looked someone stuck a bunch of sheep and goats in there and fed them beans or chocolate. Or like someone spread some prefertilizer around very liberally. From the doorway, Asta could see that the engine was covered in oil or a like substance and the power cords were no longer hooked up or visible, for that matter. Asta gingerly walked over to the engine to take a look. She found a couple of parts were knocked off of it with something heavy, but nothing a little welding wouldn’t fix. She moved in to check on the medbay, which was fine, so she returned and started cleaning the gunk off the engine. Campan started shoveling . When he saw Take just wandering around looking at the ship, this annoyed him. He scooped up a shovel of and walked over towards Take.

When Take smelled him coming, he turned around and drew his pistol.

Take: You really don’t want to be on the ship, do you?

Campan: There is more than enough for all of us. You going to help shovel your ?

Take: What?

Campan: You gonna shovel your own ?

Take: Well, it’s what you get for insulting browncoats, now get to work.

Campan: It’s everyone’s job, sir.

Take: Nope, it’s yours.

Campan flung his shovel-full at Take’s pants, making a satisfyingly squishy noise. At the same time, Take fired. The bullet glanced off of Campan’s vest and grazed his arm.

When Asta heard the gunshot, she grabbed a wrench and ran outside. Daniel heard the shot and swore. He had been leaning towards depression or rage before this, with everything going on. It seemed rage won out and he hurried back to the ship.

Take: Have you had enough fun?

Campan: Do you want me to pull out my gun?

Asta: (yelling) What? Where? Who? What the hell?

Asta comes tearing out of the ship to see Campan dropping his shovel and pulling his gun on Take. Take still had his gun leveled at Campan. She noticed a bit of blood on Campan’s upper arm.

Asta: (over comm. to Daniel) Take just shot Campan. Get back here! (to Take and Campan) What the hell? Are you both ing insane? You morons! Don’t you think for half a second? We’re already in deep enough , figuratively and literally, AS IT IS! Put those ing things down and come help me shovel out this damn ship so we can get the hell off this planet!

Take looked down when she started talking about . About this time, Daniel made it back. He came to a stop near Asta and paused to catch his breath. He then reached behind him and pulled his shotgun.

Daniel: Now, are ya’ll both gonna put your weapons down and get whatever tomfoolery rednecks you are up to out of your systems and get back to work?

Silence fell over the group for a minute as no guns were lowered.

Campan: Yes, Captain. Are you ready to get back to work? Actually do some work?

Take: I was doing work.

Campan: You were insulting me, sir. And not doing any work. (pause) Which is how you end up with a pair of pants full of .

Daniel: Take? When the hell in the service did we ever point a live weapon at someone else who was on our side? Let alone SHOOT THEM?

Take: When they insult us?

Daniel: No.

Asta: (to Take) I don’t recall that being part of my army training, sir.

Campan: I don’t think that was part of anyone’s army training.

Take: (to Campan) Was that part of your army training?

Campan: Wasn’t part of mine.

Asta: I seem to recall part of my army training being keeping my mouth shut and doing my work.

Campan: I like the way this conversation is going.

Daniel: I see you’re a might dirty there, Take, but there ain’t no call for drawing a weapon on your own crew. (pause) I don’t care what the situation was that lead you to get dirty. I want to see you both put your weapons up and Asta I want to see you take care of Campan, here. So we can sort this out.

Campan: I’m fine. Just a scratch.

Asta: Well, you’re shoveling . That better be covered.

Campan and take put their weapons up and away. Asta walked off to wash off her hands and put a simple bandage on Campan’s arm. Take went back to doing a visual inspection of the outside of his ship, which looked like a piece of crap. Asta went back to working on the engine and Campan went back to shoveling . Daniel moved to catch up to Take.

Daniel: Take. Take! Where the hell are you going? What was that? (pause) What was that, Take?

Take: I don’t know. Apparently he decided to throw crap at me.

Daniel: That wasn’t what I was asking. I was asking what the hell you’re thinking shooting a member of your own crew when we need our crew at a time like this. When we’re in danger from the Alliance pounding, breathing down our necks. And we actually have to act as a crew, not a bunch of little children shooting each other with slingshots.

There was another long silence as Take refuses to answer Daniel and goes back to inspecting the ship.

Daniel: You ain’t got no sense of pulling your crew together, sir. (long pause) When you’re done out there, Take, are you going to come in and finish?

Take: That’s Campan’s job.

Daniel: That’s all our job.

Daniel left Take to go help Campan. Take found that the ship didn’t look any worse then when he left it, save for the ship identifier, which was covered with paint and grease. He didn’t come help them when he was finished.

Daniel: (looking at the engine while Asta was fixing it) Your girl did quite a piece of work over here. I can’t blame her for trying, but…

Asta: I’ll fix it up. She could have turned us all in and gotten a pretty reward-

Daniel: (cutting her off) I said I can’t blame her for trying, but .

Asta: I am nothing but entirely grateful to her. At this point in time.

Daniel: Where the hell did they find all this crap.

Asta: Farms. Scored it for fertilizer. Can’t put it raw in the fields, sir. Burns them.

Daniel: You put this in the fields? Suddenly I’m glad I’ve been eating soy for the past twenty years.

Campan: Uh sir. You know, soy, um… never mind.

By the time the sun was setting, Asta had the engine cleaned off and fixed again. After they had the floor all cleaned up, she moved Mort into the med bay. When a very tired Campan went to go to bed, he opened up the door to his hunk and was greeted by the power cables.

Campan: That makes tired Campan sad. (over comm.) There’s cords! In my bunk….

Asta: Cords? You found the cords?

Asta helped Campan move the cords out of his bunk. Campan plopped down on the bed and found was greeted by a disgruntled meow as he landed on the cat. He stuck the cat outside his room and closed the door. Asta grabbed the cat and put it in her room before it could go outside.


Fade to Black

Ri shao gou shi bing – Pile of sun-baked dog poo
Lu-suh – garbage

 

[Ao the Overkitty]

Synopsis of 6/5/06 session

“Episode 7 – There’s Something in Them Thar Hills ” - Fifth Session

Synopsis of 6/5/06 session -subtitled Smoking Makes Mort Less Homicidal


Mort woke up in a very dark medbay. The only light streaming in was coming from the doorway into the cargobay. He felt very tired and very hungry. He still felt horrible. Even more so, since he hadn’t had a cigar in around two weeks. The first thing he did was look for the intercom system. It annoyed him that the button was all the way across the room, next to the door. He picked up some random tool and threw it at the intercom. It annoyed him further when there wasn’t even a beep when he hit it. So, he started yelling.

Mort: (yelling) Where are my cigars?

Asta was in the cargobay admiring the engine being clean and looking functional. Campan was finishing cleaning up in the cargobay. Take was sitting in the cockpit pretending the ship had power. Daniel had wandered off without telling anyone and Jenny was at Farmer John’s, since her bedroom currently had no walls and was missing important things (like a bed). Mort’s yelling was forceful enough that all inside the ship heard him.

Asta: (to Campan) Aren’t they coming with that stuff from Jessalyn’s?

Campan: Mmmhmm. Drugs quickly, woman!

Take: (yelling from his chair) Knock him out again! They’re on their way!

Waiting around for someone to show up, Mort finally noticed that the cat was sleeping on his stomach.

Mort: Hi cat. Do you have any cigars?

The cat didn’t like it when Mort searched him for cigars and meowed angrily at him. It then went back to sleep. Mort started looking around for his gun, but didn’t see it anywhere. When he started thinking about getting off the surgical bed and looking for surgical equipment, Asta showed up.

Asta: Your cigars are on their way.

Mort: You didn’t get some?

Asta: Well, they’re in the order for the doors, at least. We kind of had to leave town a lot.

Campan drew his gun and peeked around the corner.

Mort: (seeing Campan) Where is my gun?

Campan moved back behind the wall.

Mort was sad that they hadn’t even picked up one cigar. Asta explained that there were a lot of Alliance troops in town. Mort asked if they couldn’t have just killed one troop and taken his cigar.

Asta: I didn’t see any smoking. I don’t think it is a standard part of their uniform. Well, actually, I saw someone smoking in the sheriff’s office, but there were a lot of cops there.

Campan: (remaining out of Mort’s view) Why would you tell him such things?

Mort: I’ll be right back.

When asked, Mort said he was going to town to get cigars. Asta had to physically restrain him from leaving. She called Campan in to help.

Campan: Hey Mort. How are ya doing?

Mort: Where is my gun?

Campan: I’m not allowed to have your gun. I think Daniel has it.

Asta asked Campan to go ask Farmer John if he had cigars. Mort said Farmer John didn’t have any. Asta tried changing the subject by telling Mort she thought she got the engine fixed.

Campan: I got us parts! I got us great parts! Cigars!

Mort: Good. This may save your life later.

Campan: Yes.

Asta: But yes. I got most of the smell and the goat out. (Mort looks terrified) Of the cargobay, not the engine! There is not goat in the engine.

Campan: Alliance doesn’t search ships that look like crap. We had to make our ship look like crap.

Asta: The ship literally looked like a goat pen.

Mort: Why didn’t you do that on the outside and not the inside.

Campan: Uh, Jenny was in charge.

Mort: Does she out rank you now?

They quickly explained that they weren’t around when the Alliance came a knocking. They explained that Jenny saved their collective asses and they were very thankful to her for not selling them out to the Alliance. Mort said that that just saved her ass from when Mort found out she sold him out.

Mort sent Campan to go talk to Farmer John about dry tobacco. Campan ran like the wind.

Mort: I believe there is grass outside. It’s flammable.

Campan caught up to Farmer John out in the fields. He seemed to be hoeing a stretch of the fields. He also seemed to be taking two drinks of moonshine for every little bit of tilling.

Campan: Ho there, Farmer John.

Farmer John: Howdy, Campan. (pause) Moonshine?

Campan: Yes please.

Farmer John said that Jimmy’s family had chewing tobacco, but they got that from town.

Campan: Got anything smokeable?

*Farmer John holds up the moonshine*

Ryan: I consider this, then see a small explosion in my future.

Farmer John told him the Jimmy’s Pa rolls up chewing tobacco with wheat and smokes it. Campan ran for Jimmy’s farm. Though it was a good distance away, he wasn’t out of breath by the time he got to their fields.

Campan: Jimmy’s Pa! I was wondering if I could ask a big favor of you. I got a friend who’s got a mighty hankering for a cigar. He’s also got a mighty hankering for his gun.

Jimmy’s Pa: I don’t got no cigars, but I got a gun.

Campan: No, no. I don’t want him to have a gun, cause then bad things will happen if he doesn’t have a cigar.

Campan quickly traded a day’s work in the fields for one of his weird wheat/tobacco cigars. They left the boys in the field. Jimmy’s Pa told the boys to keep working, but they just started throwing dirt once he was gone.

Campan: This ain’t gonna make him blind, is it?

Jimmy’s Pa: Don’t think so, but if it does, he can’t shoot.

Campan: Good point.

Campan watched as Jimmy’s Pa took what looked like parchment and slapped some wheat stalks in it, then some chewing tobacco. He added a little more of each before rolling it up. It looked more like a fat blunt than a cigar, but Campan wasn’t picky.

Campan was rather out of breath by the time he got back to the Orasca.

Campan: (huffing and puffing) Cigar. Ish.

Mort grabbed the cigar and looked for his lighter. When Asta handed it to him, he lit up. A couple of puffs later, he started dry heaving. He alternated between smoking and dry heaves. The cigar was adequate, so it granted Campan the two day reprieve he need.

Mort: I need to be unconscious for two days. After I finish this.

Asta wanted Mort to eat something first, so Campan went off to make some beer beef broth. He had to chop off a lot of rancid bits to get enough beef for the broth.

Asta filled Mort in on the engine being made to look broken, but that she fixed it. When asked why they needed to leave town in a hurry, Asta relayed about the Alliance in town and the pictures. She said she didn’t see the picture of Mort.

Campan came back with some boiled beef flavored beer liquid. Mort crushed a couple of vitamins in to it and drank. Asta then knocked him out.

Campan passed the time by working for Jimmy’s Pa. Asta went around to the farms around the area checking up on people and doing doctor work.

After about two days had past, everyone could hear a loud rumbling noise. It was even loud enough to wake up Mort.

Mort: Cigars!

Campan: They’re coming! They’re coming! They’re on the way! Hear them! Have faith, angry man!

Asta, Campan and Take congregated outside to take a look. Once unsupervised, Mort sat up and tried to walk off. Seeing his IV was attached to the pole on the table, he detached the bag and kept it elevated, hobbling outside. Once outside he could see what everyone else was looking at.

Off in the distance was a rather large vehicle (equate it to an all-terrain eighteen wheeler) with several mules trailing behind it. Looking around, they could see that everyone was coming out to take a look at what the noise was. Except Daniel.

Campan: That’s not subtle. (to Mort) Parts coming. Cigars.

Mort: Good. Cigars important.

Asta removed Mort’s IV while Little Jimmy ran up to watch. They got on the topic of the Pilgrims, which led asta to trying to convince Little Jimmy that he could trade with the Pilgrims for Big’uns.

Asta: Like a goat for a Big’un or six goats for aBig’un. Because, you know, you can breed them.

Little Jimmy: Goats to Big’uns?

After a while of standing around watching, the convoy finally stopped near the Orasca. Jessalyn got out of the cab and stretched. Her clothes were much more modest than the ones she wore in her shop. She was wearing a rather utilitarian pants and shirt combo and a fedora.

Campan: (running towards Jessalyn) Good god, woman! Cigars!

Asta: (walking briskly) Hi. We have an addict here.

Jessalyn: That’s going to take another two days. I had to send a guy to the city for that.

Campan: (whimpers) ing A!

Campan then noticed Mort heading back into the ship, presumably to get his shotgun. He quickly started running around asking individuals if they had cigars. None of them did.

Campan: Cigars! For my living!

Jessalyn: Do you need a place to hide out for a couple days, Campan?

Campan: Yes! I do! And I need Take to wear my clothes.

Asta said she could arrange the later part. Campan hid in the cab of the large vehicle, under the dash.

Mort slipped a little getting down into his room, so he set up a pulley system to raise and lower himself, using spare parts in his room. He then grabbed Lily (his shotgun), since Daniel had Sara (his pistol).

Asta checked out the doors in the back of the large vehicle. They looked old, but serviceable.

Asta: Hey Mort!

Mort: (cocks shotgun) Coming.

Asta distracted him with repairs. When Mort explained to Jessalyn that they needed to get the engine out of the cargobay and up into the engine room, she sent Little Jimmy home to borrow his hay elevator. While Mort was converting Farmer John’s mule into a winch to pull the engine up the hay elevator, Campan talked Jessalyn into letting him borrow a mule to go and meet the guy coming with the cigars.

Campan met up with Jessalyn’s man a day out.

Campan: I need to give these cigars to a man so he doesn’t kill me right away.

Employee #5: Ah. That’s why it was written twice.

Campan: You got extra cigars, right?

Employee #5: Yup. I got the big box.

Campan: (whimpers) That’ll get us off planet. It’ll do for now.

Employee #5: It holds thirty cigars…

Campan: It’ll do for now. I would bathe this man in cigars, if need be. Hmm. Disturbing mental image. Okay. Hand them over. That way, fast. Follow me! I know where the holes aren’t.

Employee #5: Um, I’m going to give them to my boss first.

Campan: (slumps) Okay. You first.

Employee #5: I thought you knew where the holes weren’t.

Campan: I do. I also know where the shotguns are.

Campan refused to lead the way, since he was paranoid Mort had some kind of contraption following him to take him out.

When Emploee #5 wanted to sleep for the night, Campan suggested they switch off drivers so they could drive through the night. Employee #5 said that would require going back to town to drop off one mule. Campan watched him sleep for six hours, then woke the guy up.

Campan: We go now!

Employee #5: I guess I’m not getting breakfast.

Campan: I will feed you any type of cow beer type product when we get there.

Over those two days, Mort worked as a foreman directing Jessalyn’s work force of brutes on getting the engine where it belonged and getting the airlock doors installed. One of those time, while he was moving through the ship, he thought he saw Campan.

Mort: (cocks shotgun and levels it at figure) Campan! Where are my cigars?!

Take was kind of startled when Mort yelled and leveled a shotgun at him. He wasn’t sure why he woke up in Campan’s clothes and he was just going to try and find out.

Take: Umm… I think your vision is going a bit blurry. You might want to rest them. I’m not Campan.

Mort: Yeah. I can tell. There’s not that quiver of fear in your voice.

Mort uncocked his shotgun and went back to work.

Looking out in the distance, he and Take saw two mules heading their way. They found it hard to see the second mule, since it was driving behind the first one. They didn’t see the driver of the second mule at all. They did see a mirror sticking up, though.

Mort: That would probably be Campan.

As they got close, Employee #5 slowed down and came to a stop.

Campan: Hold the cigars out if you value your life!

Mort walked up, still carrying Lily.

Mort: Those my cigars?

Campan: (still hiding from Mort) Don’t kill him! Don’t kill me! Don’t kill anyone! They’re cigars![/i]

With a quick nod from Jessalyn, the guy handed over cigars. He then asked the guy where the second box was. Mort didn’t agree that the ‘big box’ was particularly big. Mort didn’t like the conversation, so he tried to hit the guy in the head with the butt of his shotgun. The guy dodged out of the way of the recovering Mort. Jessayln told them that mistreatment of her employees would cause a significant increase in the bill. Campan distracted Mort, getting him to agree that this was enough to get off planet. Campan told him he’d buy or steal him more cigars later.

Campan: I’ll take them straight from Jesus, if you want me to.

Mort: I don’t think he has any.

Campan: But if he did, I would, if you asked.

Mort: Could he turn fish into cigars?

Campan: Yes. Yes he could. Cause he’s a holy man. He knows what’s good.

Mort pulled out a cigar and lit up. He wasn’t feeling that great, so the cigar tasted like the best thing he’d had in a long time, no matter what how good a quality it was.

Over these past few days, Asta noticed that some of Jessalyn’s men were looking funny at Mort while they worked. She brought this to Mort’s attention. Since Mort hadn’t shaved in weeks, she told him not to. She also told him not to smoke in front of the workers, since the cigar was kind of a signature for him. This made Mort grumpy, but he went along with it.

Once everything was installed, Mort tried flicking on the engine to test it out. This also allowed him to see what parts in the engine room needed repairing, since he couldn’t do that before. Between Asta and himself, they got all of the sparking wires fixed. The ship now had the engine installed and working. The engine room had a new, windowless door. Finally, the airlock had two, ‘new’ windowless doors. The Orasca was now operational again.

Take was a bit startled when the computer started booting up and all his switches lit up.

With their work done, Jessalyn and her crew started packing up to head back to town.

Mort made his way up to the cockpit to talk to Take.

Mort: Um, where is the XO?

Take: He kind of wandered off a few days ago while you were unconscious.

Mort: Oh, good. Cause that is never a problem when we’re about to leave the planet.

Take: (over ship intercom) Does anyone know where Daniel is?

The intercom really freaked Campan out, since he hadn’t heard it in so long.

Campan: Jesus? I’m sorry!

Mort: (deep, wrathful voice over ship intercom) You should be!

Daniel hadn’t told anyone where he had wandered off to. Quickly checking the ship, they saw he wasn’t onboard.

Mort: (over ship intercom) Campan?

*Campan flinches and hides a little from Mort’s voice*

Mort: (over ship intercom) Find the XO!

Campan: (over walkie-talkie) Daniel, come in! Dear god, come in!

Jenny picked up the walkie-talkie and said that he was at Farmer John’s. Mort went outside and turned the mule-winch back into a mule and drove it over to Farmer John’s. He could see Daniel sitting at the table with Jenny. They seemed to be doing shots. Well, more accurately, Daniel seemed to be doing shots and Jenny was distracting him while she poured her shots back into the jar.

Mort: You two need to stop drinking now. Sir, the ship is running. We should be doing that too.

Mort explained to Daniel just how long he’d been drinking. He then explained that they needed to go back to the ship, but they needed to take the long way around the people, since they could ID him.

Daniel: I knew I was here for a reason. You want a shot?

Campan used this time to thank all of Jessalyn’s crew for coming and handed out all of the beer they had left.

Mort got the better idea of telling Daniel to stay put and he’d bring the ship to them. Mort walked back to the ship while Jessalyn’s group drove off.

They did a test hop of the ship by flying it right over to Farmer John’s and pick Jenny and Daniel up. A rather sober Jenny helped a very inebriated Daniel out to the ship. Before he left, he filled up a flask with moonshine.

Once in the air, Mort went to go pig out in the mess, eating whatever they had left. After all, he’d lost a lot of weight.

Take kept an eye on the radar and didn’t see an Alliance cruiser on it. He just avoided all the other ships on it as they flew away.

Mort: Wait? Weren’t we supposed to burn down a town or something? Irradiate a planet?

Asta: No no no. We didn’t have to do that. We had no actual obligation to do that.

Campan: Yeah. We were remarkably unseen in town. We haven’t killed anyone in days. Weeks!

Mort didn’t look happy about this.

Campan: That’s a good thing!

Asta went and got a piece of laminated paper and took it into the mess. It has been many days since the crew has killed someone. Jenny looked both happy and worried about that sign.

Mort: You should also have no shootings in fifteen days.

Asta: Oh no. There has been shootings. In about four days.

Mort: Who got shot?

Asta: Campan.

Mort: By who?

Asta: Take.

Asta explained about the shooting. Mort wandered off to go have a talk with Daniel. He grabbed a bucket of cold water and went down into Daniel’s room. Once said bucket was applied to Daniel, Mort started talking.

Mort: Where is my gun?

Daniel: It’s cold!

Mort: Where is my gun?

Mort explained that not having his gun made him nervous.

Daniel handed over Sara and Mort left.

Daniel: I’m curious.

Daniel fell back to sleep. When he woke up several hours later, he had the expected major hangover. He went and found Asta and Jenny in the medbay, since Jenny was now living in there.

Daniel: Do you have something for my head?

Asta handed Daniel a hat. When Daniel started rummaging through the medbay for painkillers, Asta grabbed a syringe of morphine to stab him with it. Daniel eventually left the medbay in search of Campan. Campan made him a hangover cure. There was lots of torturing the hung over person.

Daniel stumbled around the ship inspecting. He found the airlock doors looked a lot different from the rest of the ship. He was surprised they were actual doors, since he was expecting plates of metal welded together from someone Campan knew. When he got to the engine room, he found a solid metal door that said Hydroponics Bay on it. Also, there was a message written in Mort’s handwriting. No grenades. No explosives. No decompression. Campan, this means you.

Daniel knocked before entering and looking around. Mort told Daniel that they were going to have to have a meeting at some point before they got to Zorba and met up with Alma Cook. Daniel nodded and made his way to the mess for more water and then to the cockpit.

Take tortured the hung-over person while Daniel found out how far they were from where they were going. Since they had about two days, Daniel plunked down in the copilot’s seat for the day.

Near the end of the day, they received a wave from Jessalyn for Campan. Daniel used the ship intercom to let Campan know he had a wave, then set it up so anyone could watch. Mort headed down to his own room to listen in, since he didn't know Daniel had already done that on the bridge. Everyone but Asta and Jenny watched.

Campan: Hey Jess.

Jessalyn: Campan. Since your crew seemed…… interested in the people the Alliance were looking for, I thought you’d like to hear this.

Campan: Yeah. Something like that.

Jessalyn: I checked it out when I got back and they released one final name and a picture.

Campan: .

Jessalyn: They are also looking for an Ivan Nigel Take, whom looks a little familiar.

Jessalyn sent over a picture, which looked like an Ident card photo of Take.

Campan: (giggles) Nigel.

Jessalyn: He’s wanted for piracy and murder.

Campan: Any details beyond that?

Jessalyn: That is all he is wanted for. I’ll send over the info on the other two. There is Daniel Jardin, aka Bill Wilcox.

The picture is a security photo of Daniel in his recent getup for Ebbon’s World, but without the bandana.

Jessalyn: He’s wanted for piracy, murder, assault, assassination and theft. And we’ve got Mort Cassé.

The picture is a security photo of a younger Mort.

Jessalyn: He’s wanted for piracy, murder, theft, grand theft, vehicular manslaughter, kidnapping, arson, assault, robbery, burglary and smuggling.

Campan: Wow. That’s not long. Vehicular Manslaughter is interesting. I’ll have to meet these people someday.

Jessalyn: Yes…. I figured you’d want to know this.

Jessalyn said there was no problems with negotiations for the parts, so the price they agreed upon stood.

Campan: If you hear of any fun things to do, that pay well, let me know.

Jessalyn: Ah, so you can pay me back quicker.

Campan: Yeah. And any little extra I can pay *mumble mumble mumble* Let’s just say I like my legs at the moment not broken.

Jessalyn said they’d obviously be in touch and signed off.

Campan told the others that they should have a meeting. Once everyone was gathered in the mess, Campan told them what he had learned, even though they already knew. Mort stated that he figured that was the case, since they were the three crew on the ship’s original manifest. Mort also applauded Daniel for his assassination charge, since he didn’t have one himself.

Campan brought up how much the parts and labor cost and asked how they were going to split up the bill. Campan suggested Take pay for it all. After that, they all agreed that they would indeed pay the bill and the five of them would split up evenly, since Jenny didn't have any money and they didn't pay her.

Mort brought up that they had a number of problems, the first being that they didn’t have a sign on the side of the ship. This prevented them from doing legitimate business or coming within range of any other ships, since the Alliance considered a lack of identifying mark to be an immediate impound worthy offense. Mort proposed that the first thing they did with money was to buy enough parts for him to make an electronic sign for the ship, which he could change when needed. He also said they’d need a number of new documents to back up these different names, which they’d need to deal with criminals to get. Daniel said that, once they got out of the Georgia System, he could probably deal with the documents.

Mort: So, I’m not going to have to stop going by Mort Cassé, since clearly I’m wanted for too many crimes for that identity too.

Daniel was still confused as to how they linked his name to the alias he was going by. Campan called Take Nigel a lot. With suggestions, Mort settled on being called Mer.

Daniel: I kind of liked living into my forties using my real name.

Mort: We need one where we won’t get you shot calling you it. We’re fine calling you Daniel on the ship or Buggs or whatever. But we need some alternate identities to use with people who may be encouraged to hand us in for our legitimate businesses. And we can continue to use our real identities when dealing with our criminal businesses. It’ll give us rep. But we need to get some actual papers and we need CAMPAN TO ACTUALLY USE THE NAMES WE WANT TO USE AT THE TIME!

Take: Why don’t we just cut his tongue out?

Campan: It was Farmer ing John.

Mort: I’m not worried about Farmer ing John. The problem is that we do it in front of John. Then we start doing it in front of Little Jimmy. Then Little Jimmy starts repeating it in town. That’s when we start having problems. You need to stop doing it at the source, which is all the bloody time.

Asta suggested they practice while on ship.

Mort: I’m not attached to names. I’m Mer now.

Campan: (to Take) You’re face.

Daniel: Jack Horner.

They figured Asta would need a alternate identity eventually, but she could just be called Doc. They figured that Jenny was fine, since none of them knew her last name.

Campan: Jenny, if we get anywhere near a core world, just run. Never look back. Well, wait till we’re landed first.

They then worked on coming up with new names for the ship. They liked The Red Herring and The Big’un.

Mort: Oh, and sir. We need to steal a mule. We need to steal a good mule. One that will annoy the horses, as opposed to one that will allow them to trot past.

Campan suggested buying a mule, but Mort struck that down, since they didn’t have any money. Mort listed off a long list of things they wanted to do that required money. This included fixing the passenger dorms, since they were currently missing a lot of things, like walls and functional beds. Jenny was all for these things, since her room was no more. The brig needed to be made airtight and capable of having air pumped into it. Also all of the dents in the walls needed to be hammered out.

Daniel tried to figure out how they could steal a mule with the ship.

Mort: I hate to break this to you, XO, but I can steal a mule. I’m not wanted for grand theft for nothing. You don’t take the ship into town, you take the mule out. Works much better.

Roll Credits

 

[Ao the Overkitty]

“Episode 8 – Wanted Men” - First Session

Synopsis of 6/26/06 session -subtitled Delivery

The town where they were to meet Alma Cook was small. It was bordered to the south and east by barren looking fields and to the north and west by forest. Terrain got hilly further into the forest and eventually turned into rocky mountains. Mort suggested to Take that they land near the southern edge of the western part of the forest, about a mile out of town. Campan went to drink a beer and then remembered he’d given the rest of the beer away. This made for a sad Campan.

Once landed, they stood around on the ship for a while discussing who was going into town and how they were going to make contact. They waited so long that a small band of malnourished farmers came out to meet them. Seeing some of them armed with shotguns, Campan got up onto the walkways with Bessy, his big gun. Mort set about covering up the crates, since he didn’t want the people just taking the food before they got paid. Daniel had Mort go get broken part from the old engine.

With his shotgun, Hammer, over his shoulder and an armed Mort at his side, Daniel hit the button to open the cargo bay doors. As the morning sun shone into the cargo bay, Mort and Daniel were hit by a cool, autumn wind.

Daniel: Evening folks.

Hungry Farmer: Food?

Mort: It’s morning, sir.

Daniel: I know it’s morning. I’m being polite.

Daniel managed to convince the starving farmers that they didn’t have any food on board and they landed to find a replacement part for their ship. The farmers left sad and hungry. Daniel did notice that a few of the farmers looked at Mort a little funny and then shook it off.

Mort closed the cargo bay doors again and they stood around changing their previously agreed upon plans. Daniel and Campan eventually left for town.

Town streets were fairly deserted. They passed a closed general store, a blacksmith’s shop a closed butcher’s shop and a grain silo. The livery actually had some horses penned there and Campan noticed that they seemed better fed than the farmers. They thought it a bit odd that the small schoolhouse had a gallows out front of it. Hanging from the gallows was a scarecrow with a crude placard. Campan and Daniel took a closer look to see that scrawled on the placard was the name Mortimer Perdeta.

Campan: Uh huh. Probably best he didn’t come into town.

Daniel: How’d you know that was Mort?

Campan: Mortimer! Besides, I’m just assume every single town wants him dead.

The two made their way over to the town leader’s house, where they were to meet Alma. Knocking on the door, they were greeted by a man a bit younger than Campan.

Man: Morning.

Campan: Morning.

Daniel: Evening.

Man: Morning.

When asked what their business was, Daniel said he was an old friend of Alma’s. After checking with Alma inside, the man came back to the door and brought Daniel and Campan in. They were led to a decent sized sitting room. A pretty, older woman in her fifties sat in a rocking chair all bundled up. Two men were sitting in chairs around the room and a third was standing over in the corner.

Daniel nodded to Alma.

Daniel: Evening.

Alma: Morning.

Daniel let her know that they had some things for her and asked where she would like them. Alma commented that they were much later than expected. Daniel was unapologetic. Daniel whispered to Campan, asking him if they were just dropping off the crates or picking up payment. Campan whispered back that he thought they were just dropping them off. They quickly worked out that she’d send two riders out with them back to the ship to pick up the cargo.

Daniel radioed ahead to let them know they were coming.

Daniel: The mechanic should get to work on that engine stuff because we made need to be heading out right quick.

The crew completely failed to interpret that message the way it was intended, but it still had the desired result of Mort not being in the cargo bay.

As they got to the ship, Take opened the doors and Daniel showed the men in. As Daniel pointed out the crates to them, Asta wandered over.

Asta: (quiet voice to Daniel) Did you get the payment for Niska?

Daniel: (to the two men) Either of you got the payment on you?

Man #1: You’ll have to talk to Alma about that.

Daniel: Thought so. Guess I’ll be heading back with ya.

The two men hauled the crates out to the horses and lashed them up to be pulled behind. Asta tried to bring up that letting them take the crates was a bad idea, but Daniel didn’t think so.

Once back to town, they stopped in front of Alma’s house again. They left the crates outside as the men led them back into the sitting room. They nodded to Alma, staying by the doorway as Campan and Daniel moved into the room.

Daniel asked her for the payment and she told him there was a slight problem with that. She explained that about a week ago, Mad Michael came into town and stole the money they had collected up for payment. Daniel didn’t quite believe the convenience of her story. When asked why she didn’t bring this up earlier, she said that there were a lot of hungry people in town. He told her it wasn’t wise to renege on a deal with Niska, to which she replied that they’d just have to give them more time to get the money back.

Alma: Bout a week ago, Mad Michael and his band rode into town and stole the four thousand platinum we had for ya and the rest of our food. We’ve got a band of men out there right now, trying to track them down. We know round about where he holes up.

Daniel: Then what? You’re going to wrestle back that four thousand platinum from that band of men?

Alma: Gonna try.

Daniel didn’t believe the men she sent would hand over the money willingly. He went into how going back on a deal with Niska would be far worse than the whole town starving to death.

Alma: If I didn’t get this food, my town dies.

Daniel: If you do get this food and my crew and Niska don’t get paid, my crew dies, your town dies, you die, and not a one of them is gonna be quick. We’ve gone through hell and high water for this food, so don’t think we’re doing this to spite ya.

Alma: Then it is in both of our best interests to get the money back.

Daniel questioned her for specifics. She told them that Mad Michael was about half a day to a day’s ride up in a cave in the hills. She said he brought six men with him this time, but she didn’t have a right count on how many he had. She’d seen him with as many as ten men. She said that Mad Michael preyed upon all of the towns in the area, not just their own. She said he liked to play at being a protector of the people. His little band of men called themselves a militia and ‘protected’ them from the Alliance and other offworlders. In return, they demanded tribute and food of the surrounding towns. If a town resists, then he’d get violent and kill a few folk. Otherwise, he played at being a hero. She said that his men rode horses, like him. Occasionally he’d bring along a mule when he expected a particularly heavy take.

Daniel: Anything else he got besides the four thousand?

Alma: He’ll be lookin ta hole up fer the winter, so whatever else he’s stolen from the other towns.

Campan: We’ll do it! (pause) I mean, sir?

Daniel glanced over at Campan in disapproval. Campan was smiling and nodding his head vigorously.

Daniel: I think, uh, that we’re going to need a bit more information. I think we’ll be able to see eye to eye on this.

She told him she had four men out looking for him, having left about three days ago on horseback. She said they’d be able to tell the difference between her group and Mad Michael’s, because her men dressed like farmers and his dressed like bandits. She offered them use of some horses, but Daniel declined. She did pull out a map of the area and showed Daniel about where Mad Michael was. She said her best tracker had been killed and her other tracker was out with their party. When Campan asked if the other towns might pay for Mad Michael’s head, she said that the other towns wouldn’t mind a corpse of him, but he’d likely stolen anything they could pay with. She said Mad Michael had a large pistol and a big knife. His men were armed with pistols and shotguns. Daniel asked if he had any likes or dislikes. She said he liked cigars. He asked if she had a communication device of some sort, if he had more connections. She pointed at the unlit candles around the room and said they didn’t have power. Daniel bid her goodbye and the two of them left.

Campan: Good god, man, jump on my back. I’m running!

Daniel just shrugged as Campan ran off. Campan tried to get Daniel to hurry up, but it didn’t work.

Once back at the ship, Daniel and Campan were greeted by the others in the cargo bay.

Daniel: (to Mort) What did you do to this town?

Mort: I don’t think I’ve been to this town particularly, sir.

Daniel: They’ve got a scarecrow in town in the gallows with a bandana over his face and a sign that said Mortimer.

Mort: Mortimer?

Campan: Mortimer Portabello or something.

Mort: Oooh. (pause) There are a couple of bad stories about me that appear to have gotten around beyond my criminal record. Completely untrue.

Campan: I don’t thin stories cause people to hang you in effigy.

Daniel: Campan, let me just point out one thing to you. Assassination.

Mort: Anyway, a lot of people dislike me for irrational reasons. It’s fine. Anyway, so where’s the money?

Daniel: Sitting in a cave about a half a mile from here.

Mort: So we need to go dig it up?

Daniel: They got robbed, last week, by someone who has a mule and cigars. They’re more than welcome if we were to go an liberate all of their stuff for them.

Mort: When do we start, sir?

Mort looked over at Asta and then called an officer’s meeting, to protect her sensibilities. As Take, Mort, and Daniel went off to the bridge, Campan called a non-officer’s meeting so he could exclude them instead.

The officers then discussed for a long time what they were going to do. They ended up deciding that Daniel, Mort, and Campan would walk out towards Mad Michael’s hideout. Take would sit in the Korv as backup. Asta would sit in the shuttle with Jenny and the emergency medical crash cart. The three of them would sneak in, slit the throats of sentries and attack the camp. Preferably they were going to draw Mad Michael out, possibly by telling him Mort Perdeta was there. They used the sensors to scan the mountains and see where the hideout was.

The three of them loaded up with various weapons and provisions. Daniel decided he wanted to bring one of the tranquilizer guns.

Campan led them off into the woods. As they walked along, he noticed that the forest was void of any animal noises. Since they were walking instead of riding, they were only about halfway there when night fell. They couldn’t light a fire, since it would attract attention, so they were very cold during the night.

During the second day it continued to get hillier and rockier. Campan found six sets of horse tracks and tracked mule’s tracks. It looked like they were a couple days old.

As they got closer, they started sneaking. Mort noticed that, as they were walking, Campan had a military like stride, like them. This worried him.

Campan pointed out a likely lookout point. Sure enough, Daniel and Campan saw a teenage guy up in a tree with a shotgun. Mort was adamant that there were two other guys in trees nearby and that one of them had spotted him. Since it was already getting towards sundown, they waited till it was darker.

They set it up where Mort and Daniel were hiding behind bushes and further away, Campan was hiding behind a tree. Campan made a very good bird call, making it sound like a flock of turkeys were around. The lookout got down to go check it out. As he got closer, Mort saw the guy had a single barrel shotgun with an external hammer and got out his screwdriver.

As the guy passed them, Mort lunged out and shoved his screwdriver in to stop the hammer from striking, stopping the shotgun from firing. As Daniel brought the butt of his own shotgun down on the guy’s head, Mort pulled the guy’s shotgun away from him. Daniel quickly finished knocking the guy out as Mort uncocked the guy’s shotgun. Mort then slit the teenager’s throat. Pulling the guy’s rope belt off of him, he used it to tied his legs together and hang him from a nearby tree.

Campan was pretty sure he knew where the next lookout would be.


Fade to Black