Funniest Gaming Moment

[praetorian]

The party were in a dungeon and had just stumbled on a spiked pit trap that was 20ft long(which they nearly fell into). The fighter used a rope of climbing so they could hang from it and go across it hand over hand. The mage didn't want to climb, so before the mage could stop him, the fighter shoved him into their bag of holding and went across witht the mage in the bag. Now when the party has any kind of obstacle to face, the mage has to keep away from the fighter, who always tries to shove him into the bag as the solution.

 

[Clear Dragon]

Another naive DM story.

The party was traveling to such and such Tower, along the way we found the remains of a shrine. The cleric made is Knowledge check and told us (after learning from the DM) that it was dedicated the god Fallic. We laughed for a straight hour. Everyone made some sort of joke.

"What shape is the Fallic Temple"
"WHat kind of offerings should we make"
"I think <the female elf> should make an offering"
"Perhaps we should rub it for good luck"
"I wish I was a cleric of Fallic"
"I wonder what my granted power would be"

and so on....

Our poor DM had never heard of the terms Phallus or Phallic.

 

[drnuncheon]

These are from a basic D&D game a few years back.

Part 1: before I joined

The party was exploring somewhere - it escapes my mind where - and came upon a room containing giant shrews. The dwarf, Thorfinn Thorvaldsen the Irritable, throws his hand axe and rolls a 1. Out the door, into the corridor. Next round, he throws another hand axe. A 1. Out the window, into the courtyard. Next round, he pulls the battleaxe. Yes, a 1. Across the room and lodged in a ceiling beam.

Giant shrews have a fear power in BD&D due to the ferocity of their attack. When it actually connected with poor Thorfinn, he failed his save and went charging from the room, arms flailing madly, screaming: "Giant shrew! Giant shrew!"

Part 2: How Not to Find Traps

I joined shortly thereafter, playing a thief. Unfortunately, I didn't see the snare on the wilderness path that I was scouting down, and so I found myself dangling upside down by one ankle...and I heard the noises of approaching hobgoblins. Quickly I climbed up the rope and onto the branch, pulling out my dagger. The hobgoblins round the corner to check their trap and...nobody there. That's when the other PCs show up, looking for me. They engage the hobgoblins, and in the midst of the battle, I tell the DM, "I'm leaping off of the branch and trying to swing into the leader." Everyone looked at me like I was crazy...until I rolled a natural 20. Sure, I was dangling head-down from a rope for the rest of the fight, but it was one heck of an entrance.

Part 3: How Not to Find Traps, Part II

We were going through B2: Keep on the Borderlands, and headed into the kobold warrens. As the thief, I snuck ahead to check things out. Easily noting the pit, I crept around it and headed onwards, hiding in shadows.

That's when the elf decided that he was as sneaky as any thief. Unfortunately for him, he missed the pit. As I stood there not 10 feet from a pair of kobold guardsmen, I hear a crashing thump and see that the elf has fallen into the pit, and a lid has fallen over it. The rest of the party charges up to pull him out...and they don't see the horde of giant rats or the kobold guards. They need to be warned...but if I shout out, the guards will spear me. I need a plan.

Bursting from the shadows, I begin screaming, "Giant rats! giant rats!" at the top of my lungs, charging past the kobold guards. The little creatures fail a morale roll and run behind me in a panic, screaming "Giant rat! Giant rat!" and flailing their arms. It alerted the party, at least...but I was effectively trapped by the kobolds running along behind me (and pushing me along).

Finally, we all charged into a room and slammed and barred the door. Chest heaving I looked around to see where we were. Two panicked kobolds on either side of me...and across the room, the kobold chieftain. The biggest kobold I had ever seen.

I spun and tried to get out the door, screaming "Giant kobold! Giant kobold!" It didn't work.

I was taken prisoner and had to try to delay my execution with tales of great treasure that the kobold chieftain was almost but not quite dumb enough to believe. (I can't remember what happened - it was the last session we wound up playing.)

J

 

[kryhavoc]

We had a female rogue who was impersonated by the bad guy who was kidnapping people and draining their lifeforce to create magic items, then selling those magic items on the cheap. We saw a kidnapping and started a chase. The female rogue was caught by the city guard after they supposedly saw her run off with a kidnap victim and arrested. One member stayed with her to help her out and the other two of us, a male fighter and a female psion gave chase. We lost sight of her once and she hid the kidnapped person. I spotted her again and we continued the chase. Again we lost sight of her as she went around a corner of an alleyway. As we came around the corner, we didn't see her, but we found 4 drunk winos laying in the alley. Three were passed out and the third looked up at us and offered us a drink. We declined. The female psion stood watch over the drunks while I went on the check to see if I could spot our quarry still on the run. No luck. I came back to the drunks in time to see the female psion feeling up the drunks to see if she could find out which one had breastsand using an illusion to disguise herself. Again, no luck. We had to leave and find out what happened to the rest of our group.

 

[Sodalis]

the group was celebrating something and so was sdriking (we the players- not the characters) and so were a lil tipsy...

[in game]we were called into the home of a wealthy trader who wanted us to huint downa rare artifact. He said he would give us 100GP now, and 1000GP each when we get back with the artifact. A wizard looked at the pocket of gold and threw it back at him. The exchange went:

WIZ: give us the thousand now- or else we aint goin..!
RICH GUY: then don't
(DM- aside- if you dont take the mission- you can go home now- cause I aint got nothing else for you to do)
WIZ: then pay us more money
GUY: please take the hundred and take the task
WIZ: then pay us more
GUY: you can leave my house now- you are no longer welcome here
WIZ: (i slap him)
GUY: GUARDS!!!
BARB: (separates the two) Now, now, this is a business venture... let's not not bicker about who slapped who...

 

[Angelsboi]

Okwe're a bunch (5) of 5th level charaters. We were walking to a town and in the middle of the road stood this man. He was claiming to be Bob, God of this road.

We snickered at the mage and asked him to prove it. His finger glowed. We did the same. He said "Ah I can make you fall asleep." And he made one of our members fall asleep.

We were kind of worried b/c i know the GM has a habbit of throwing unsuspecting gods in occassionally (its very greek-esque that way).

Well after subduing the man and falling on the road he commanded, our DM told us that he was a 1st level mage with Grease and Sleep memorized. We, 5th level people, were nearly taken out by a 1st level mage. How sad is that?

 

[-Ekimus-]

we had a group of 6 in the White Plume Mountain book. and somewhere in there is a big acid lake with floating platforms to jump across to the other side. so me being the cleric, dimension door to other side with the druid, the mage fly's across, the thief and the ranger jump across the platforms, while the big barbarian with 80ish hp at the time dove into the acid and started to swim across. he made it all the way to the other side, being at around 8 hp, and he failed to climb up the ledge on the other side, and he ended up barely making it up at 1hp, it was hillarious.

 

[Bronn Spellforger]

This is NOT my story, but it is the single funniest story I've ever heard about D&D .. the famous "Head of Vecna" story by Mark Steuer.

http://home.hiwaay.net/~srberry/gurps/Vecna.html

Many years ago (back when we all were still playing D & D), I ran a game where I pitted two groups against each other.
Several members of Group One came up with the idea of luring Group Two into a trap. You remember the Hand of Vecna and the Eye of Vecna that were artifacts in the old D&D world where if you cut off your hand (or your eye) and replaced it with the Hand of Vecna (or the Eye) you'd get new awesome powers? Well, Group One thought up The Head of Vecna. Group One spread rumors all over the countryside (even paying Bards to spread the word about this artifact rumored to exist nearby). They even went so far as to get a real head and place it under some weak traps to help with the illusion. Unfortunately, they forgot to let ALL the members of their group in on the secret plan (I suspect it was because they didn't want the Druid to get caught and tell the enemy about this trap of theirs, or maybe because they didn't want him messing with things).

The Druid in group One heard about this new artifact and went off in search of it himself (I believe to help prove himself to the party members...) Well, after much trial and tribulation, he found it; deactivated (or set off) all the traps; and took his "prize" off into the woods for examination. He discovered that it did not radiate magic (a well known trait of artifacts) and smiled gleefully.
I wasn't really worried since he was alone and I knew that there was no way he could CUT HIS OWN HEAD OFF. Alas I was mistaken as the Druid promptly summoned some carnivorous apes and instructed them to use his own scimitar and cut his head off (and of course quickly replacing it with the Head of Vecna...)

Some time later, Group one decided to find the Druid and to check on the trap. They found the headless body (and the two heads) and realized that they had erred in their plan (besides laughing at the character who had played the Druid)...The Head of Vecna still had BOTH eyes! They corrected this mistake and reset their traps and the Head for it's real intended victims...

Group Two, by this time, had heard of the powerful artifact and decided that it bore investigating since, if true, they could use it to destroy Group One. After much trial and tribulation, they found the resting place of The Head of Vecna! The were particularly impressed with the cunning traps surrounding the site (one almost missed his save against the weakest poison known to man). They recovered the Head and made off to a safe area.

Group Two actually CAME TO BLOWS (several rounds of fighting) against each other argueing over WHO WOULD GET THEIR HEAD CUT OFF! Several greedy players had to be hurt and restrained before it was decided who would be the recipient of the great powers bestowed by the Head... The magician was selected and one of them promptly cut his head off. As the player was lifting The Head of Vecna to emplace it on it's new body, another argument broke out and they spent several minutes shouting and yelling. Then, finally, they put the Head onto the character.
Well, of course, the Head simply fell off the lifeless body. All members of Group Two began yelling and screaming at each other (and at me) and then, on their own, decided that they had let too much time pass between cutting off the head of a hopeful recipient and put the Head of Vecna onto the body.

SO THEY DID IT AGAIN!... [killing another PC]
In closing, it should be said that I never even cracked a smile as all this was going on. After the second PC was slaughtered, I had to give in (my side was hurting)... And Group Two blamed ME for all of that... So let that be a warning to you - don't let your head get cut off unless you really know what you're doing.
-- Mark Steuer

 

[Cloudgatherer]

Back in the early days of my campaign (I was still just the player then, I now DM), we had a cleric join our party. His deity really disliked undead, as did the character, and so while were in a small town....

Cleric: I want to go around town, searching for undead.
Me (wizard): Why don't you cast "detect undead"?
Cleric: I can do that?!?!

We all bust out laughing....

 

[Sodalis]

clear dragon: god Fallic. We laughed for a straight hour.

just a reply to that. We had someone tell us one day that with her reward, she wanted to buy a condom. We looked at each other for a second and started to laugh... she then said, "yeah.. it would be nice to live by the beach in a high rise building." she obviously meant condo

not my story
a group was on their way to steal a magical gem froma dragon that lived in a mountain that jutted out of the ocean. After sailing to it, they found that the dragon had gone out which made their mission really easy.

while sailing away, the dragon returned and found its gem missing... and started to look for it. It found the group and asked"what are you doing here..." the group said they were lost and the dragon got offensive: "Did you steal anything from my cave?" the fighter stupidly replied, "we didn't take your stupid gem...!" the dragon smiled and asked, "did i say anything abiout a gem?"