Funniest thing in a game (in character or out)

[RangerWickett]

This following post may offend both Russ's and Eric's grandmothers. It is sexual humor, and as such, you should probably not read it. Especially because it involves Goblins.



Consider yourself warned.

In one of our one-shot games, all the PCs were idiotic goblins or trolls. Sure, we were playing evil monsters, but they were Stupid Evil, so it was funny.

Well, the villain of this game was a nymph, who had been luring other goblins to their deaths. So the party, a team of high-level goblinoids and trolls, tries to ambush the nymph. Our party consisted of a troll barbarian, a troll cleric, a goblin rogue, and a goblin monk.

The high-level druid nymph manages to catch three members of the party in a giant Wall of Thorns spell, making it fairly hard for them to get out.

Then the goblin monk begins taunting the nymph. "Hey, I'm a high-level monk! One of my powers is Tongue of the Sun and the Moon! So I'm going to talk to your bush you just summoned. Hey, I'm using my tongue in your bush!"

The nymph, pissed off by this, tries to kill the monk with a Finger of Death spell, which is ineffective. This just delights the monk more, since now he has a nymph trying to finger him.

 

[ninthcouncil]

Playing Runequest some years ago, the PC's finished up a lengthy adventure in an audience with Sir Ethilrist. As old RQ hands may realise, this is easily the most powerful person they have ever encountered, a Hero level legend who commands an army of knights mounted on demonic chargers, and brought back from the Underworld as his slave the monstrosity known as the Hound of Hell. He is a bit of a grim old stick, and is not known for his sense of humour.

Almost before the audience gets going, Player H (name changed to protect the guilty), who has heard about the Hell Hound, pipes up:

"Do you ever take the dog for a walk?"

You could have heard a pin drop from the other players...

(He got away with it, too. I rolled a d100 reaction roll from Sir E, and got 02. The gaunt fella laughs like a drain for a minute or two, and spends the rest of the audience chuckling unpredictably. It is easily the most stupid thing anyone has ever said to him ever, and he is amused.)

The same campaign had also included Kozmik the comedy Dark Troll - who performed such tricks as shoving a small child in a bag in broad daylight in a busy town street, and eating the party treasury - and the shortlived Jared Two-Knives, a rogue type whose ruse to block off the back exit to a cave complex unfortunately involved burying himself under 25 tons of rubble.... Some people.

 

[BlackMoria]

In a recent campaign, two party members, the Barbarian and the Paladin are discussing how they can use a magical Huge Crossbow (size of a small ballista) that was the weapon of the Frost Giant Jarl the party just slew.

Paladin: "I can strap it to my back."

Barbarian: "But how would we use it?"

Paladin: "I'll bend over. You get behind me and start cocking"

Rest of the players break into fits of laughter....

 

[Ravellion]

It's kind of a "you should have been there" but here goes. I played Drendar, an "I'm surrounded by idiots" mage.

The party cleric had been annoying for about three sessions then, since he constantly made stupid decisions.

Then, to cover up for a stupid mistake, he gets polymorphed into a female (as a magical disguise as it were).

He likes it, and keeps it that way.

Next session, he makes the biggest friggin'mistake ever. My character's reply, after tapping him with the end of my quarterstaff:

"You used to think with your d*** now, didn't you? Because you now no longer seem to be capable of thought at all!"

Lotsa bonus XP for that one.

Rav

 

[kingpaul]

I think the funniest thing I had ever seen was in a campaign I just recently started with a group of friends. One of the characters is a book-worm gold-elf wizard. His master (an NPC) kept telling him that he needed to make friends. During the course of the adventure, our halfling rogue (are there any other kinds? ) got into a bit of trouble. Therefore, this elf grabbed the halfling and his rogue parents (they were in trouble as well), and brought them to his master's house. The master was about to yell @ him for bringing halflings into his house, but his reply was: "Master, you told me to make friends." The look of consternation on the DM's/master's face was so great, that we all burst out laughing for several minutes.

 

[DM_Matt]

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