Funny in-game quotes

[Calico_Jack73]

A Halfing Barbarian leaps out in front of the party when confronted by villains...

"Surrender vile fiends lest ye feel the sting of HALFLING FURY!!!"

He also used a +1 Flaming Sling and would yell the following as he launced a volley of sling bullets at his enemies:

"Eat hot rocks!!!!"

 

[David Howery]

well, there's the classic "we're here to rescue you", as said by the party to their fellow prisoners after being captured by the bandits of Falcon's Peak....

 

[babomb]

Well, there was the time our party was travelling and the DM says, "At about 4 o'clock, you see a ti -- city."

Same DM running an NPC whose daughter was kidnapped or something: "You've got to find the paper trader!" (instead of perpetraitor)

In a 2nd edition game I ran:
Me: You see a gelatinous cube.
Player: I eat it.
Me: What?
Player: Well, it's like Jello, right?

"Violence never solves anything except when someone takes your stuff and you have to stab him."

"I would like to slash at him with a slashing, slash-like slashinism."

"I'll just hide all of the dangerous equipment in this barrel of delicious candies! [The kids] won't dig in there!"

"Next level, I'm going to add skill points to basketball"

"Can you make me a cloak of elven hide?"

 

[orchid blossom]

My sorcerer has a Vest of False Life in the form of a negligee/camisole. We got it off a necromancers animated girlfriend. As the only female character, that was one bit of treasure I didn't have to fight for. The vest has kept me from going down on any number of occasions.

After one of those battles, the player with the cure wand asked how low everyone was on hit points. I loved the look on our DM's face when I said. "If I were to remove my underwear, I'd pass out!" I found an excuse to say it a couple more times just to watch his eyes go all buggy.

 

[Morpheus]

In a game of Little Fears (a horror game where you play children)


DM - Again, you see the huge, dark form pass by the outside of the window, and you hear it pause and sniff the air slowly

Thomas - We're all going to die. Let's experiment with our sexuality!

Yes!!!!

 

[jgsugden]

A thief was checking a door for traps and failed his find traps roll. When he asked, "What do I find?", the DM responded, "You find that contact poison feels sticky. Roll a saving throw."

 

[Epametheus]

Spelljammer, 2E. An enemy ship launched an all-out assualt against our vessel; we slaughtered the boarding party and launched a counter-attack.

The first thing out of our captain's mouth when we breach the enemy vessel's command room and face the enemy captain?

"Give me your boots!"

 

[Delgar]

In a game where a dwarf was exchaning riddles with a couple of creatures.

Dwarf: What do you call a bunch of fairies with pointy swords?
Creature: What?
Dwarf: Elves!!!

Delgar

 

[Sejs]

"No, you don't find any traps, and in fact that big red lever over there appears to be made out of candy!"

 

[Borc]

Funny warrior

This was back in 2e. We had a guy that had just started playing and we were just starting a battle with a wight. he was playing the main tank.

player 1: "I run up and attack the wight"
DM:"Ok wights turn, he attacks you player 1, you lose 2 levels"
Main Tank: "Did i see him lose those levels?"

it was priceless... we must have sat there laughing for a good 30mins. We still use that comment to this day whenever something really nasty happens.

borc