Game stopping events... (funny)

[Vraille Darkfang]

This is an old thread. But one that fits the situation. I've cleaned up the grammer a bit, but here it is:

The Carrying Capacity of an Elven Backside: A moral tale.

The day known ominously known as the when the Halfling got the nickname “Gerbil Boy”

To Eric’s Grandma (despite my efforts to clean this up. It’s still in the South Park league), “This is not the post you’re looking for”

You're right. Eric's grandma wouldn't appreciate this. Let's jump to the end of the story, shall we? - Eridanis

So the moral here is:

If you drink & game, your character will end up receiving a body cavity search by Frost Giants.

 

[Sejs]

The PCs are trying to prevent some guild thieves from robbing a particular shop in Generic Big City. We're not doing too brilliant a job of it, but we're trying. We've got some people on patrol, when the following exchange occurs:

DM: "As you pass, you look down the alleyway and see two men, standing on eachother's shoulders."

Everyone: *dead silence, some blinking, everyone staring quietly at the DM*

PC1: "Wait, two men standing on eachother's..."
PC2: *interrupting* F*** it, we're fighting Cirque de Soleil! Run for your life!"

 

[the Jester]

So the moral here is:

If you drink & game, your character will end up receiving a body cavity search by Frost Giants.

Looks at empties from last session.

Puts on RBDM hat.

 

[Romnipotent]

Friends PC "We should see a cleric of Obad-Hai, raiser of crops."
My PC "Who?"
FPC "Obad-Hai, worshipped by farmers."
Me "Why do farmers worship him?"
FPC "Because he raises crops."
Me "Why would farmers worship a razer of crops?"
FPC "No, he raises crops!"
Me "Yeah, why would any farmer worship a god who burns down fields of hard work? To appease him?"
FPC "NO! RAISER OF CROPS! HE HELPS THEM GROW!"
Me "And then burns them down? Sounds like a ..."
FPC "NO! He doesn't burn crops down!"
Me "These gods are crazy."

This is the shortened and highly condensed funny section, we actually did this a little longer than it takes to read, and all had a giggle.

Obad-Hai has been used as a generic example, we are playing in Kalamar though.

 

[greywulf]

In the middle of a very deep section of the Underdark, the players are stopped by a very powerful entourage of Mind Flayers and their Drow allies. Combat look set to break out until the party wizard says that he puts his hood over his head, waves his arms in front of the lead Mind Flayer and says:

"These aren't the humanoids you're looking for."

The Mind Flayer turns to his companions and squelches to the rest of his armed-to-the-teeth party:

"These aren't the humanoids we're looking for. Let's go."

The drow and mind flayers wander off.

Mark (the wizard player) turns to the other players and says:

"What? What???!!!!!!!!!!"

Stunned silence, then riotuous laughter and applause.

 

[Rel]

"Always expect to lose an hour of the session the first time the party encounters Changeling hookers." - Rel

 

[Tolen Mar]

Looks at empties from last session.

Puts on RBDM hat.

Of all the stories here, that simple pair of lines had me laughing the most.

In our weekly AE game, there arent many running gags or true funny items. However, we do have a sort of unwritten bet going. This is the 'wow' bet.

Simply put, using innuendo (IYKWIM), we try our hardest each sesssion to:

1) Cause the DM to say 'Wow'
2) Beat our record of 7 wows in one night.

As an example, two weeks ago we entered a hall. Hanging from the cieling of this hall was a series of round spheres. One of the first comments made was "I'm not touching any strange balls." Followed closely by "You mean you only touch your friends balls?"

That's a DM wow moment. You get the idea.

 

[Clueless]

Midway through Shemmie's story hour:
Vorkie is threatening the party, and trying to corrupt us each individually...
Vorkie: "... what is it you desire?"
Toras: "... are you *hitting* on me?"

A few seconds pause and everyone died laughing.

 

[devilbat]

From our old Deadlands campaign:

Player 1 is playing a harrowed (undead) gun slinger, who has the ability to breath unlife into animals. The horse he rides is undead, but to keep it moving, he has to "breath" unlife into it every 24 hours. He leaves it outside the local saloon, and forgets to renew it's unlife. He returns to the scene, and finds several people looking at the dead horse. He makes his way through the crowd, leans down, grabs the horse muzzle, and proceeds to breath into the creatures mouth. In turn, the horse stands up, and the crowd starts to scream. The player cups his mouth and yells "Easy folks, the horse was just funnin".

Every player busts a gut laughing, and play is suspended for five minutes, as we tried to regain composure.

 

[PrinceZane]

Man, oh man, how much I love my char.

Alright... so our session just ended, like 15 minutes ago and I *had* to put this here. This might be a little legnthy, let me know what you think.

So my 1/2ling rogue is "fairly" (understatement) competitive and is jealous that the casters have familiars. So while he's watching guard, he notices a small monkey in a field about 150' away. Between a few hide/move silent checks he gets about 50 ft away. Then I make a deal with the DM to make a charge while moving silent, at a -20. He agrees and low and behold I crit. So I unleash my mighty sling of doom knocking the snot out of the poor monkey (hp of 10 he said... 1d4+2+7d6sa). So I run to the corpse, tie a rope around it, and drag it back to campsite. After everyone wakes up, I proceed to anounce a new member of the party: my monkey familiar. There's a pause in play with laughter and a few side comments. Then they realize that I'm not joking. I drag the monkey along with us the hour trip to the cave entrance and decide due to stench and all of a rotting monkey, to have the wizard cast Presid... on it to smell like "air, and if not, something appropriate." Well, they end up talking me out of bringing it into the cave with us, so I tell him to make it smell like dirt, and i untie it, but hang it above the cave entrance and move some shrubbage around to make it hidden. Then announce that the monkey will be our "guard dog" and warn me of anything that "enters" the cave while we're inside. "He's dead, how will he tell you?" the caster asks. Without missing a beat I reply "Telepathic link with familiar - duh!" There's more laughter.

After 2-3 days travel (finding out its an underground cavern/maze thing instead of a simple cave) we hear something behind us that had apparently been tracking us since we left town (about a week before). Again with the quick thinking I say (while "negotiating" with what appears to be a threating foe) "Just wait till I see that monkey again..." followed by a blurting of the fighter "Zane's going to spank his monkey!"

And I also had an idea... Tie a rope to the monkey, throw it at the enemy. DM said 1d2+str+SA if applicable. What do you think: Dice for a small monkey?