"Gaming Divorce"

[Quasqueton]

In any given week here, there is always at least one thread regarding dropping Players or withdrawing from a game.

Which is harder (logistically, emotionally, whatever you define as the most important):

Dropping a Player from your game.

Withdrawing from a game yourself.


Have you ever regretted the action?


Have you ever reversed the action?


Quasqueton

 

[Crothian]

It's harder to drop a player then to remove myself.

 

[fredramsey]

Dropping a player. I essentially lost two friends over it, because there was so much animosity I couldn't be around them anymore. It's too bad, really. But when you tell me there's no way for you to enjoy a game because someone else is not playing their character "realistically" and you constantly bitch when I bend the rules for dramatic effect, you're gone.

Dropping out of a campaign is pretty easy. If it is not my style, why should I spend my time on it? Different people play different ways.

The group I have now is very tight, and gets along great. It took a while to put it together, but it was worth it.

Life is too short to game with @$$||0L3$.

 

[Psion]

I never regretted dropping out of a group. There had to be a reason.

One time I had to boot two players. One I didn't want to, but her boyfriend was causing severe problems and had to be booted, and I knew I couldn't boot him and keep her. And she was a friendly and enthusiastic player that I hated to lose.

She was very embittered and sent me nasty emails about what s we were for a month after that. And, of course, as luck would have it, I never heard another thing from the guy who was actually the problem.

 

[Piratecat]

It's a lot more traumatic for me to drop a player from a game than it is to drop out of a game myself. I've done both, but I've never found either experience satisfying.

The player I dropped was a cheater (both on dice rolls and making up arbitrary wealth), but he was also the guy who tries to backstab the group whenever he gets bored, the kind who creates a loner character and then complains that he has no reason to adventure with the group. Cutting him loose after six years of gaming was traumatic, but it was the right decision.

I dropped out of one game because I really hated the player dynamics; this same guy was in it, and he was very disruptive. After he was booted from that group too, I went back.

 

[Teflon Billy]

Which is harder (logistically, emotionally, whatever you define as the most important):

Dropping a Player from your game.

Withdrawing from a game yourself.

Dropping a player. You are consciously excluding a person you have come (to some degree) to know, for basically not measuring up in some way.

That's rough, becasue no matter how gently you phrase it, the message is the saem: you are not welcome.

Have you ever regretted the action?

Yes. We had an immense Vampire LARP for awhile that was just awash with embarassing goofs. There was a massive "culling of the herd" so to speak, and we found that without a bunch of bad players around, the good players didn't shine nearly as much...harming the game.

Have you ever reversed the action?

No. I have invited previously booted players to new and different games (ones where their boneheadedness might not adversely affect things, like Toon or Feng Shui.), but never actually invited anyone back who had recieved the boot.

 

[Cthulhu's Librarian]

Dropping a player. It's not that hard to drop out of a game, especially if I'm not having fun or there are other circumstances (playing to very late hours on weeknights, incompatable schedules, distance needed to drive to play, etc.) I have telling someone not to come back, since almost all the games I have played in over the past couple years are with friends. Never had to boot a close frined, but was in one game with people I was casual friends with that I never hear from anymore.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

I've never had to ask anyone to leave. If they don't like the way things go or the group dynamics, they leave on their own. Half my long term gaming group has left over the last 2 years. We're still friends, but one hates 3.x and wants to play 2e only (and I'm not going back to it), the other dropped out because he didn't like the way the group got along anymore, and another found other interests. There was one guy about 3 years ago who invited himself along with the others, and he was a real piece of work. We managed to never let him know when we played again, and he moved away.

I get to play so seldomly anymore, I may as well be a game dropout myself, but I play when I can.

 

[francisca]

The player I dropped was a cheater (both on dice rolls and making up arbitrary wealth), but he was also the guy who tries to backstab the group whenever he gets bored, the kind who creates a loner character and then complains that he has no reason to adventure with the group. Cutting him loose after six years of gaming was traumatic, but it was the right decision.

6 years!!!

Was he a whack-job the whole time, or did he just go off the deep-end before you showed him the door?

For me, it's tougher to boot someone, though I haven't had to do so in the last 5 years (since I started playing again, after I left gaming in 86-87)

 

[Shallown]

I thinking leaving a game is easier than booting someone. When leaving a game its just you that you are having to deal with afterward. I mean it does affect the group but your not their to see it and be reminded of the pain/discomfort of the situation.

I have only left two groups I could have stayed with, meaning that it was a choice to leave. One I introduced my then girlfriend to gaming and she stayed with the grup while I left. No Fun. The second was justa difference in styles that made the game not fun for me. It upset the way I think even though I understood the GM's logic I just disagreed enough to suck the fun out. Sucked to since I liked the players and the gm just not his style.

I have booted several players mainly due to lack of commitment since most other issues resolved themselves. I felt bad but not to bad in those cases. like two years ago I booted my entire group. They started lacking commitment and putzed around during the game and after a few warnings I just told them not to bother to come back and took off a few months. After they groveled and admitted they had become lax they talked me back into gaming again and I picked up the campaign and played on. I still hung out with them and we went to movies and they tried to game as well but no one , at the time, had the commitment to run a game. I think they realized how hard it is to GM a good game. Since then we haven't had any major problems. I think since they know I have no problem stopping despite how much I enjoy gaming that they take it a little more seriously.

later