gaming group compatability

[Emerald]

I was wondering what your opinions on gaming group compatability is. Is it important that you have other intrests with you group, be of like mind on other issues, politics, religions, ideology, ect.? Or can you have nothing in common with your group but you all like D&D and it still work long term?

I am asking because my husband and I were invited to join a group 3 years ago by one of the members. We joined and have enjoyed the group, but we never really made a connection with any of the other members. The other members all work together and hang out and we only see them during game time. We have young children and the others either have no children or their children are grown. (The member who invited us has a small child). We are on the other spectrum from them politically and religiously.

Now the member who invited us has left the group, and it seems kinda weird to us since the friendship part of the game will be gone. The member who left was kinda the bridge between the two sets of us. So we are now trying to decide if we want to keep playing with the other members or go and recruit our own group. I do want to reinerate that it is not that we do not like any of the other members just that I do not feel a real since of friendship and without the game, we would never see these people just because we have no common interests.

Emerald

 

[S'mon]

I was wondering what your opinions on gaming group compatability is. Is it important that you have other intrests with you group, be of like mind on other issues, politics, religions, ideology, ect.? Or can you have nothing in common with your group but you all like D&D and it still work long term?

I think it's perfectly possible to have nothing in common with the other players outside a love of the game, and if you're in-game compatible it can work long term. Ideally though it's nice to be friendly out of game too - my group likes to meet for drinks at the pub now and then, and do other social stuff from time to time. I hope it's not vital to have similar views on politics, religion & ideology since my group runs the gamut to say the least...

 

[Crothian]

I don't think it's that important that you have a lot in common with them. What is important is that you don't have any real negative opinions about the, Gaming is a hobby and its about fun. As long as you can go there and have fun, that's all that matters.

 

[Shadowdancer]

Finding a steady gaming group is pretty hard to do. If you can get along with them to game with them, stick with it.

 

[Trainz]

We're not talking about group sex here, just sharing a hobby. You are concerning yourself too much.

The fact that you ask this question to begin with underlies that you might be somewhat uncomfortable with those people. I'm not trying to read your mind here, just trying to observe all aspects.

Are you sure you are 100% compatible with them ? Is there some weird vibe that they don't perceive, but that you're not totally OK with ?

 

[evileeyore]

You know what i think doesn't really matter much.

What do you think. Do you enjoy gaming with these people? Do you and your husband feel left out of ingame stuff becuase they get together 'away from the table'? Does the group seem to mind having people they don't socialize with hanging around? Why haven't you and your husband tried to become more friendly with them? And finally; would you it cause the game to 'suck' if you didn't become their friends.


All that said. I have gamed with close friends, aquintances, and complete strangers. Most of the time the games have included at least one complete stranger, but they never seem to stay that way, damn them.

Currently I game with a group of very good friends, and that sometimes can be a liability.

Maybe you could suggest just getting together and 'hanging' instead of game one night every so often. Maybe catch a flick as a group, or go out to eat at a good resturant. My last group did this atleast once a month, as a reminder that there was more to life than game.


Whatever you and your husband do, I hope you the best.

TTFN

EvilE

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

We're not talking about group sex here, just sharing a hobby. You are concerning yourself too much.

We're not?

 

[StalkingBlue]

Do you feel comfortable gaming with them? Do they feel comfortable gaming with you?

If so, don't feel under some obligation to either socialise with them outside the game or leave the group. As long as you enjoy gaming with them that's fine.

Not that you couldn't recruit friends to start a second gaming group anyway, of course. There's no rule against playing in two groups at the same time. If that works out then maybe at some point you might find yourselves drifting away from the old group - or you might find that you still care about the old game even though you also have a new game with friends.

 

[MerakSpielman]

The fact that you ask this question to begin with underlies that you might be somewhat uncomfortable with those people. I'm not trying to read your mind here, just trying to observe all aspects.

Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but Emerald and I are both "liberal/pagan/anti-bush/anti-Iraq-war" and they're pretty much all "conservative/athiest-agnostic/pro-bush/pro-Iraq-war." There's sometimes rather an uncomforable sudden silence when comments, as they inevitably will be, are inadvertantly made.

We aren't really a serious "get down to gaming" group either. There's a lot of chit-chat, particularly (if I may say so, Emerald), between the mothers of the group. With the "binding agent" female gone, there is a communication gap.

Now, we've gamed with them for 3 years now, with few problems. Recently things have gotten a bit odd.

One couple (the wife of which our above-mentioned "binding agent" female) has been shopping for a new house. What with all the home repairs they needed to do to get their old house market-worthy, and their shopping for a new house, they have effectively dropped out of the game for the past 3 months. With one of us (me or Emerald) out each session to watch our child, that left almost half the group absent, so we called off D&D temporarily. We always assumed, though, that once they got settled they would get back into the routine, and our various campaigns would start up their standard rotation again. Now, though, the one woman wants to not play anymore, and we haven't met for a proper game in 3 months. In fact, she has been rather terse and almost rude during our email discussions.

I can't tell if this "slump" is the beginning of the end for our group or not. We're still willing to give it a chance, especially considering our long history together, but there's no real remaining bond of friendship. I'd hate for it to end this way - I have so many good ideas for my current campaign - but I can't help feeling that we'll never be quite the same as we used to be.

Sorry if I hijacked the thread with more information than you wanted to reveal, Emerald. Sometimes I feel like every time you post a problem, I come in a few posts later to re-explain the situation. Just trying to help out, love.

 

[Trainz]

I did read between the lines then.

Guys, D&D is a game. If it ain't fun, don't play. I kicked players out before because of personality incompatibility. We remained friends.

Maybe you should try (you or Emerald) to DM at home, with different people.

As for the political leaning... me and a player are totally opposite on our political views. Very rarely we make friendly jibes, but we are close friends and it doesn't impact our games.

YMMV