gaming group compatability

[Shadowdancer]

Given the new information, I'd say start trying to put together a new gaming group. With that long of a lay-off, if the other people aren't chomping at the bit wanting to start up again, it doesn't sound like your group will ever game together again. Or if it does, it probably won't last long.


But that's OK, too. I know trying to find a new gaming group can suck. However, try to focus on the positive, and think of it as a new group of players to try out your new campaign ideas upon.

 

[Aust Diamondew]

All the people I've gamed with (in my limited experience of the past 5 years) have been my friends and thus we do stuff out side the game a usually share similar views on stuff in general.

To be truthful it looks like your group is screwed with out that "bonding agent: member to bridge the group together. Your best bet is just to get a new group (I wouldn't want to hang with people who you described anyway just based on there political/religious view points and mine). Getting a new groups can be tough, I'm not good at forming an new group but obviously many people on these boards are. Good luck whatever happens.

How can you be atheist and pro bush anyway? He takes the bible litterally, I have a problem with that and I'm Episcopal.

 

[Painfully]

If you are hung up on the fact that they have different political/religious views, and that gets in the way of the game, or makes you uncomfortable, speak up.

Gaming for 3 years with anybody should build something of a relationship. As long as everyone is contributing to the fun of the group there should be no problems.

Perhaps you could ask the group to leave their politics and religion on the doorstep before the beginning of each session. Be prepared to argue your point, and accept that the consequence might be that they will drop you from the group. If they feel so strongly that they would rather talk politics/religion while knowing you are sitting there uncomfortably, then you probably shouldn't be there anyway. There doesn't have to be any hard feelings over it. Just be willing to accept that it might be what is best for everyone involved.

If talk about politics and war bother you because you want to speak out differently, just be prepared to back up your views. And when it's time for the game to resume, let go of your previous discussion and game on. If the comments are short, or irrelavant to you, ignore them. Don't put fuel on the fire if you don't think you can have an intelligent and friendly discussion with them.

I find it MORE interesting to discuss my thoughts with people who disagree than agree with me. It helps me think through my own answers, and more importantly, it often leads me to believe that both views are at least partially correct. The only difficulty comes when others cannot explain their points logically and with reason. It can often boil down to personal sentiment, and that is when you have to accept that that is their final position.

If you're lucky, you find someone who is as interested in your view as you are in theirs. It's the people who refuse to listen to opposing views that really bother me. IMO a person hasn't really grasped thier own decision until they know all the differing views and the reasoning behind them. Anyone less knowledgeable is definitively ignorant, and many people are happy to remain that way.

*edit* I happened to pick a new sig yesterday. How appropriate!

 

[AFGNCAAP]

Ultimately, I'd suggest playing it safe & try to find another group. However, that leaves the possibility of finding a group that's either "worse" on the compatability issues than your current one, or finding a more "complimentary" group to play with that happens to be sporadic/unstable.

You could make the current situation work by simply applying 1 simple rule--absolute avoidance of any sort of political/religious/socioeconomic discussion. And, out of respect for the other people, let them know of your concerns, & that you would like to avoid such topics out of respect for your views & their views. Of course, if they object to this, or even relish in trying to clash or one-up you on these issues (possibly trying to incite some sort of conflict), then I'd politely recommend you to get the heck outta Dodge.

There's always more to life than politics & religion--movies, literature, gaming, pets, food, etc. Try to avoid thinking only of them in political & religious contexts, and try to avoid having them think only of you in political & religious contexts as well.

Then again, I am curious about why your former "link" to the group dropped out--off of what MS mentioned, it sounds like there was some sort of incident or rift that occurred during their time off from gaming (whether unintentionally from some sort of past event, merely imagined, or what). Is it just toward you 2, or is it toward the gaming group in general? (Heck, there may have been some issues they had with everyone else that prompted them to move on.)

 

[danzig138]

(I snippped a lot of my personal experience stuf here)
Are you comfortable with the group without the presence of the person who invited you? If so, you should keep gaming. If not, you should probably leave the group.

 

[Khaalis]

Just to chip in another viewpoint...

From what I have read the two of you say, I would have to say you are facing the end of the former group. You have some very viable concerns about the group dynamic, and that IS important. I'm sorry people, but just because its a game and we all love it - doesnt mean we can all game together. I have had some very bad experiences with gamers in the past.

I have been looking for 6 months now for a game. Our old group of about 8-10 players finally fell of its last leg as we have all scattered to the winds in the last year. So, in fact I would give my left arm to be near some of you! The area I live in is very gaming depressed to begin with and finding what one would call "normal" gamer seems nigh impossible. For some reason the majority of gamers we DO have in this area are the poster children for the old late 80's unemployed, shifty-eyed, "Are there any girls there?", gamer-geek Stereotype. Not what one would consider normal people that have a life outside of a D&D book. Its quite sad actually.

Having people that you can be social with is important to a good long lasting gaming experience in my opinion. Strangers can work for a one shot deal, like entering a game at a convention, but not for a long haul. You have to be able to get along and have some form of social common ground.

If I were you, I would contact the other players and inform them that you are beginning your own gaming schedule and are inviting them to join if they so choose. You already know one (the terse woman) will decline. Maybe the others will, maybe they wont. If you get any, they are making an effort to breach that gap and that is good. If not - then you have saved yourself some grief with an incompatible group.

As for forming the rest of the group - I wish you all the luck in the world. As others have mentioned, it can really suck. However, I have to admit I would rather not game than game with poeple I am not comfortable with.

JMHO

 

[Li Shenron]

Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but Emerald and I are both "liberal/pagan/anti-bush/anti-Iraq-war" and they're pretty much all "conservative/athiest-agnostic/pro-bush/pro-Iraq-war." There's sometimes rather an uncomforable sudden silence when comments, as they inevitably will be, are inadvertantly made.

I understand. There was a similar divergence in our latest group as well, but we simply managed not to talk about these topics during gaming. Perhaps it was easier here in Finland, because the most common thing to do around here is not to disclose too much of your political opinions.

If it has happened to me in a group in Italy, where politics is nowadays the most sensitive subject (but at the same time everyone just has to let everybody know his own opinion ) it could have be much more troublesome. Sadly, I more or less lost a few friends in Italy in the past 10 years due to political divergences.

But back to Albuquerque, I think it always happens in a group of people to have strong oppositions about something, it even happens in every family! But it must be easy to work it out (unless some individual has an aggressive behaviour because of it) for the sake of enjoying the game, just as you have to work it out on your working place: putting aside what has nothing to do with the reason you meet if it brings only arguments.

So far the only reason that IMHO makes it really difficult to stay in a group is age difference: that really changes too much. Although I have to say that this is only a speculation of mine, since I always gamed with people close to my age, and I am sure that someone works this out as well.

 

[Piratecat]

For a campaign game, I'd much rather play with people who I also like to spend time with outside of the game. It means that every time you game, you also get to spend time with friends. That can't be over-rated.

 

[diaglo]

That can't be over-rated.

or over-stated.

the fact that we share an interest in the same hobby helps form a bond.

now the fact that they may like a different style of the hobby...well that can cause problems.

 

[WayneLigon]

From what MerakSpielman relates, I'd assume you're on the tail end of your relationship with these people anyway. I'd find out the reason behind the rudeness of the emails at some point.

The first thing I'd look at is: have there been any personal conflicts because of your differing views? If you have nothing to do with them socially outside of the game, that's one thing. Not really unusual after 3 years, esp. with young kids involved. If there have been no real conflicts, I might consider staying if the alternative was no gaming at all. I'd start looking around, though.

Think of it as a job you're neutral about: you have it and it's OK. It pays the bills, you have no significant personal conflicts... but you want more. Look around, interview, go up and see the place and people, etc. If you find a better job, give some notice, tie up loose ends, cut the strings and never look back.

We've got six people in the current game: two of us skew far to the left, one skews mid-Right, one is Moderate, and the two new people are basically unknowns pollitically and religiously but younger than anyone else: they seem to skew Left more often than not. We have one Buddist, one Atheist, one lapsed Baptist, one middle-of-the-road quasi-Agnostic. Most of us have been gaming together for 15-20 years on and off (more on than off) and we interact socially outside the game (go to the movies, eat dinner, go to the theater, etc); we're starting to integrate the two new people into that social circle to some degree as we get to know them better. We've known one about a year, one about six months; they work together.

We have four married people (none of the spouses play), two singles. One has a teenaged child who can look after herself; the other couples are childless.

For the most part, we just follow the standard dinner time rule of no politics or religion at the table (maybe that's just a Southern politeness thing?), though sometimes we get into those areas. Usually if we talk off game, we talk about work, what movies we want to see, what cool gaming Stuff we might want to pick up, various hobbies, personal stories. On some things, we just agree to disagree. We lay down that stick and don't pick it back up again.