Gaming Group Troubles

[pukunui]

Just FYI: Players #2 and #3 have chosen to continue to play with me on a fortnightly basis. Things didn't go so well with Player #1, though. I told him I thought it might be time for us to stop playing together because our preferences had become too disparate, but that I would be willing to talk it through with him first. But I also asked him not to show up this Friday (because I wanted to be able to talk to him before we sat down at the gaming table together again), but he took that badly and pulled out. Ah well.

 

[eamon]

Hey pukunui - I remember you from the wotc boards [MENTION=19134]caligula[/MENTION]'s brilliant RHoD thread (don't get me started on what they did to that work of art...). Good luck with your change of pace, and hope you don't burn too many bridges on your way!

 

[pukunui]

Hey pukunui - I remember you from the wotc boards [MENTION=19134]caligula[/MENTION]'s brilliant RHoD thread (don't get me started on what they did to that work of art...). Good luck with your change of pace, and hope you don't burn too many bridges on your way!

Hey eamon! I remember you too. Aren't we "friends" over on the WotC boards? What do you mean by "that work of art"? RHoD or Caligula's recap thread? If I recall, it's still there. I was ideally browsing my old posts and found some of the ones from that thread. I seem to recall he got mad at me for posting some potential spoilers or something ...

 

[DumbPaladin]

Just FYI: Players #2 and #3 have chosen to continue to play with me on a fortnightly basis. Things didn't go so well with Player #1, though. I told him I thought it might be time for us to stop playing together because our preferences had become too disparate, but that I would be willing to talk it through with him first. But I also asked him not to show up this Friday (because I wanted to be able to talk to him before we sat down at the gaming table together again), but he took that badly

It doesn't sound like you will miss him that much, if you think his style is so disparate from your own ... but I have to point out that in your original post, part of what angered you so much was that "The Usurper DM" invited all of your friends and not you.

Why would you repeat this mistake by NOT inviting a player to your game? Be honest: can you think of many situations where you would find it OK to be told -- by a DM of a group you're willing to set aside time to show up for, no less -- to not bother showing up?

I don't recommend handling any similar situations that way again.

 

[pukunui]

It doesn't sound like you will miss him that much

I will, because I counted him as a friend.

part of what angered you so much was that "The Usurper DM" invited all of your friends and not you.

Incorrect. I am not, nor was I ever, upset about not being invited to join the other game. I was upset about not being "kept in the loop" about it. That's all.

Be honest: can you think of many situations where you would find it OK to be told -- by a DM of a group you're willing to set aside time to show up for, no less -- to not bother showing up?

I'll admit that I could've handled it better, but my reasoning was that I thought it would be too awkward for the two of us to sit down and play the game together without having had a proper conversation first. And a) I wasn't going to be able to have that conversation before the next session and b) he didn't have an active character in the campaign at the time (since his last PC had died during the last session at which he was present), so I thought it best if I ask him to wait until we could talk things over. I tried to explain that to him, but it didn't seem to help.

I do think it's time for us to part as gamers, but I was hoping we could part on good terms, and I was also hoping to give us one last chance - hence my desire to sit down and talk things through with him. I feel like we've accumulated a lot of "things left unsaid" baggage over the past four years, and it's time we got stuff out in the open. But it looks like that might not happen. I might just wait a week or so and let him cool off and then maybe contact him again to see if he'd still be willing to meet up and talk.

 

[S'mon]

I basically agree with your wife - if you're not as good a GM as the other guy, or your campaign isn't as fun as his, you can't reasonably expect your players to prioritise your game over his. And you can't expect people to keep 'off' Fridays clear just so you can run an occasional extra game at your whim. But I'm not sure why the other guy didn't invite you to join his alternate-week Pathfinder game. Was he being a jerk for no reason, or was he keeping it secret because he knew that you'd react badly?

Anyway:
1. Listen to your wife! She knows you better than we do.

2. There seem to be significant problems with your Star Wars campaign. You should seriously look at rejigging it. If an adventure is dragging, you should edit/shorten it or even drop it completely. Never be a slave to the adventure path. If the game is fun then momentum should not be a major issue.

 

[Rel]

But I'm not sure why the other guy didn't invite you to join his alternate-week Pathfinder game. Was he being a jerk for no reason, or was he keeping it secret because he knew that you'd react badly?

I'm pretty sure it had to do with the OP stating that he had no interest in playing Pathfinder.

 

[S'mon]

Nope. Going forward, I think I only want to play with people who can be as flexible as me. I'm a fairly spontaneous person and I'd like to be able to play it by ear from week-to-week as to whether or not we play on any given Friday. If I haven't been able to prep enough material, or if one or more of the players has something they'd rather do (or are obligated to do) that Friday, then we won't play. Otherwise, it'll be game on as usual.

As a player, I couldn't stand this attitude from a GM, and I'd soon drop out. I'm a bit surprised you have any (adult) players so willing to be at your beck and call. You're lucky.

 

[eamon]

Hey eamon! I remember you too. Aren't we "friends" over on the WotC boards? What do you mean by "that work of art"? RHoD or Caligula's recap thread? If I recall, it's still there. I was ideally browsing my old posts and found some of the ones from that thread. I seem to recall he got mad at me for posting some potential spoilers or something ...

Yeah, that's the thread I mean. Together with "Lessons learned from DMing for my GF", my favorite thread over there. In the forum transition(s) they borked the formatting; quoted replies are somehow pseudo-duplicated; it's sufficiently bad that I doubt people will read em. And there was a great overview linking directly to various particularly juicy ideas, and many of the links are borked... I remember that those suggestions really lifted the adventure to the next level - and it's barely usable anymore.

Anyhow... /threadjack Have fun!

 

[Kobold Boots]

One of the many "been there" posts:

I've often thought there needed to be an additional archetype of gamer added to the list of archetypes - that being the passive networker. They exist primarily to build their own network of gaming friends such that they can always game. Traits include their always looking for the largest available group of regular players and lurking until an opportunity arises such that they can suggest running a game for the people in the group.

They are often long-standing players with an extensive collection of games in their repertoire, and in most cases will have gaming as their primary past-time.

Bottom line: They exist and you just have to deal. If you're a good DM you're going to run into at least 2-3 of these guys every 10 years and you need to be willing to deal with the matter up front, privately and respectfully when it happens.

But my advice is this, never, ever game with anyone you even marginally don't like. You'll just be dragging your own rear end through the fire and your enjoyment will suffer.