Geek Dating site.

[xrpsuzi]

*laugh* Come on...let's look at this rationally. What this is about is companionship. Djeta, you may be one of those rare individuals who would be content as a hermit and needs no human companionship. But, if that were the case, I doubt that you'd be attending these boards quite so frequently.

I'm am of the firm opinion that what matters most in life is those you love and care about - friends, family, and loved ones. If you are able to find someone to share it with, all the better. I'm perfectly comfortable with myself - but it sure is nice to have someone who I can talk with until the early hours of the morning and share my thoughts with.

Come now, no need to pick....
Of course humans crave human companionship. That's not the issue. Djeta and I were simply saying that there are different motivations which lead people to look for companionship. And one of those reasons is to fill a hole. They aren't Ok with themselves (especially by themselves). If someone is like that, I'm suggesting that they look for the peace of mind internally rather than looking for the next boyfriend/girlfriend to mellow them out.

And you're right-life is shaped by how much and who you love. I'm just saying choose wisely. know and love yourself first, because without knowing who you are and accepting that, any relationship you have with other people is not the whole truth.

-suzi

 

[Nellisir]

I think you can be happy, relaxed, and content with yourself...AND still visit internet dating services. I really don't think they're exclusive. If I were single, I'd probably do it just for fun. It's another (not the best, but another) way of meeting new people, with the added bonus of giving both of you a low stress enviroment to initially do it in.

And while happy, relaxed, and content is good, you still have to be -looking- and -open-. I met my wife by asking her out. We weren't friends, we didn't have friends in common...I saw a cute girl working at the vets, and asked her out to dinner. 2 months of casual dating, 10 months of exclusive dating, 4 years of living together, 18 months of engagement, and 3 months of marriage later, here we still are.

(And she's not a gamer. She = jock; I = geek).


Nell.

 

[Dirt]

Come now, no need to pick....
Of course humans crave human companionship. That's not the issue. Djeta and I were simply saying that there are different motivations which lead people to look for companionship. And one of those reasons is to fill a hole. They aren't Ok with themselves (especially by themselves). If someone is like that, I'm suggesting that they look for the peace of mind internally rather than looking for the next boyfriend/girlfriend to mellow them out.

And you're right-life is shaped by how much and who you love. I'm just saying choose wisely. know and love yourself first, because without knowing who you are and accepting that, any relationship you have with other people is not the whole truth.

-suzi

I wasn't picking...honest. I'm not taking this as an argument. I'm just posting because we're discussing a topic that I think I can add something to.

I was just responding to her comment that:

"I've often thought that both men and women who go to dating services come across as needing someone in their life."

Everyone needs someone in their life, whether or not it happens to be a "significant other". You can be completely self-sufficient, but still want companionship or attention. I do agree that many people go to dating services as a remedy. But, there are many who also simply seek out a companion.

And I FULLY agree with Suzi. Choose carefully who you spend your time with. The people who you surround yourself with are a reflection on who you are as a person.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

*laugh* Come on...let's look at this rationally. What this is about is companionship. Djeta, you may be one of those rare individuals who would be content as a hermit and needs no human companionship. But, if that were the case, I doubt that you'd be attending these boards quite so frequently.

I'm of the firm opinion that what matters most in life is those you love and care about - friends, family, and loved ones. If you are able to find someone to share it with, all the better. I'm perfectly comfortable with myself - but it sure is nice to have someone who I can talk with until the early hours of the morning and share my thoughts with.

I do not deny that all human beings need companionship, I just don't think actively seeking out a boyfriend/girlfriend is always the best way to go.

If I were alone 24 hours a day every day, I'd be lonely, but I wouldn't really think that finding a man to be my boyfriend would be the best fix. I'd probably join a club, get to know people at work, take a class, join a gym or do something where I'd be meeting a lot of people who may become friends and possibly more than friends.

I laugh at these stupid books and Cosmo articles on "How to Score a Man". That sort of thing is just silly to me.

I don't really know what else to say.

 

[alsih2o]

I object, respectfully, to the use of the word "hunting". You're looking for a friend, not game. Sheri

we have bargain hunters, and just this morning i was hunting for apair of clean socks.

you may be overdoing the politically correct thing here.

alsi "bagging produce without a gun" h2o

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

And you're right-life is shaped by how much and who you love. I'm just saying choose wisely. know and love yourself first, because without knowing who you are and accepting that, any relationship you have with other people is not the whole truth.

-suzi

Absolutely.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

we have bargain hunters, and just this morning i was hunting for apair of clean socks.

you may be overdoing the politically correct thing here.

alsi "bagging produce without a gun" h2o

Ironically, I hate political correctness more than anything in the world.

I didn't mean that he was in any way being non-politically correct, only that Hunting or Seeking out a person to be his girlfriend , as opposed to just enjoying life and seeing who comes into his life per chance, would not be my first pick for the best way to find happiness in a relationship.

 

[Dirt]

I do not deny that all human beings need companionship, I just don't think actively seeking out a boyfriend/girlfriend is always the best way to go.

If I were alone 24 hours a day every day, I'd be lonely, but I wouldn't really think that finding a man to be my boyfriend would be the best fix. I'd probably join a club, get to know people at work, take a class, join a gym or do something where I'd be meeting a lot of people who may become friends and possibly more than friends.

I laugh at these stupid books and Cosmo articles on "How to Score a Man". That sort of thing is just silly to me.

I don't really know what else to say.

Well, it might help to think of online dating AS a way to make friends. In fact, many post simply that they are looking for friendship. I checked the EnWorld Member gallery...it seems that you have quite a few pictures in there (and by the number of hits, they're fairly popular with the Enworld crowd). It's not really so different from posting a picture and describing yourself on a matchmaking site, really (particularly if you are just looking for friends). It's all about friends and companionship.

I agree...Cosmo articles are dumb (and from what I've seen, often the wrong way for a girl to the sort of guy that she'd actually WANT).

 

[fusangite]

Guess what? The person on whose behalf this site is being sought is not going to magically stop wanting a girl/boyfriend because it has been rationally explained to him/her that the state of desirelessness is more attractive than a state of desperation. So, let's take that off the menu right now. Desirelessness is not a state one can "decide" to enter.

I don't think anyone on this site has anything like sufficient data to predict whether internet dating will work for the person whom we are discussing. We know that it works for some people and not for others. I know people for whom it has worked and for whom it has failed.

Some of us find it easier to date individuals not connected to our existing social circle so that the highly predictable gaffes, humiliations and rejections are not taking place infront of an audience. That recommends internet dating. Some of us are in large social circles whose membership changes slowly or not at all or which massively over-represent a particular gender or sexual orientation. Rather than finding fault with that kind of social circle, I think we should maturely recognize that some people's social circles do not make for ideal dating pools while nonetheless offering all the other good things a social circle should.

Djeta, much as you think that you don't need sexual validation from the relationships you pursue, I think you might want to re-examine your behaviour. Look at the proportion of threads you have started on ENWorld designed to get people to compliment you on your appearance; look at the effort you have gone to, compared to other ENWorld users, to give us a chance to see how attractive you are and confirm that for you. These needs exist in humans; the diversity of their manifestations is incredible.

A lot of this zen/daoist/passive advice is not going to help. Telling people: don't be needy; feel complete; be mellow/comfortable; don't look at attractive people as potential mates, etc. is about as helpful as saying, "don't be bald." Actually, it's less helpful because people can purchase toupes and wigs.

Remember, also, that women are often socialized to believe that "romance" is this thing that takes place with no effort, through casual meetings and correct circumstances. Men take drugs, simultaneously pursue multiple women, practice self-hypnosis, etc. in order to appear desireless. Men spend days or hours planning those apparentluy spontaneous moments; and many of us understand that we can never show off how much work/planning we have done because such an admission will crush a woman's perception that the relationship arose spontaneously or naturally and thereby, suck the romance out of it.

 

[Czhorat]

Hunting?

I object, respectfully, to the use of the word "hunting". You're looking for a friend, not game. In the same way, I don't belive in "going out looking for a man" offline either. Even though I don't meet a lot of people in my job, or very small circle of friends, when I was not involved with someone, I never felt the need to go out and find a guy to date. I feel that when you are in that state of mind, where you are looking, you end up wasting a lot of time and energy going on dates with people just to date. Of course, my perspective may be different from the norm, as I have no desire to follow the tradtional pattern of finding a man, getting married and having children. I realize that there are some , many, people out there who feel they need a husband/wife & kids for their life to be whole and I respect that, but it's not the life I choose for myself.

Perhaps hunting wasn't quite the right word. I have nothing but respect for your choice to be happy without a mate at this point in your life, but it IS a goal for many people. For many people - myself included - finding someone with whom to share life IS an important goal. It always amazes then I hear someone say that one should just enjoy life and wait for a potential mate to stumble across them. I've never heard, for example, someone suggest that one should approach the goal of having a better job by just being happy with life in general until someone comes along and offers one. Why should finding a mate be different than any other goal in life?

I'm not trying to be confrontational, and there IS truth to your point that happiness with oneself must come before happiness with a partner. However, my wife and I have several single friends who are otherwise happy but want someone to share their lives with. We've both suggested online dating as one way to meet potential new mates.