Geek Dating site.

[Mercule]

in all seriousness, how are you supposed to be happy being alone when being alone means you aren't getting any?

In all seriousness, I don't see how getting some and happiness are related.

Enjoyable? Yup. Deep inner satisfaction? Nope.

Man, I give this thread three or four more posts, top.

 

[Piratecat]

Man, I give this thread three or four more posts, top.

Why?

 

[Heretic Apostate]

As long as someone doesn't offend Grandma, all should be okay.

It's a basic human urge to seek companionship. As the old saying goes, "No man is an island." There's few things as soul-searing as loneliness, the unrequited need to touch someone, to have someone happy just to see you.

Unfortunately, by being unrequited, it leads to desperation. People can sense desperation, and it's not very attractive.

 

[mistergone]

Mistergone,

This is going to be a tough post, but it's probably something you need to hear. As a person who's not much of a catch either (appearance or money wise) I just want to give you a few things to think about.

Thanks, really, but, I don't need your advice, note didI did not ask for it. No offense, I know you think you're helping. You're not, you are married and happy. You cannot speak to me and change my mind. Believe it or not, I am aware enough to know the way perhaps I should be, but decide how I will be. Do I choose unhappiness? In your mind, maybe I do, but I don't. It just has happened. I'm working on it.

1. The only thing you know with %100 certainty is that you are alone. You'd better get right with that, because there's only two possible outcomes in your life. Alone or not alone. If your smart, you'll realize that to have the best life you can have you better start being happy alone. If someone comes along great! You're already happy and now you have evenmore reasons to be happy because someone came along.

That's your opinion. I think you're wrong. I'm okay with being alone, but I don't prefer it. In fact it sucks a lot. But I've been there. I've spent most of my life alone. I'm done with it. We, you and I, have different goals and needs in life.

2. I'm telling you not to want. What you're wanting doesn't come from someone else. Love and happiness come from within, just like anger and bitterness. No one ever makes another person happy or sad. A person does that for themselves. As long as you believe that you can "find" happiness, you'll never find it.

I can't even begin to tell you how wrong I think you are. In fact, I am pretty certain, based on my life experience and being someone who I consider pretty perceptive and savvy to the way things work, that you are just plain wrong. In your mind, you're not. In reality, you are. Did you read my post? What is truth for you is not truth for others. I, however, am enough of an assh*le to posit that I am right in this case, and my view is the truth. Other people can make you happy just as you can make them happy. Self-love is fine, it's good. But it ain't all there is. You're fooling yourself if you really think otherwise. Your wife doen't make you happy? Please.

3. If you chose to not get right with being alone, don't expect anyone to care. You're happiness is your responsibility, it's not someone elses.

"If you are not zen and at one with the one-ness of being, all of us enlightened folk think you can f*ck off." Great. Or maybe you didn't mean it like that. But again, this is all your opinion, your moral values, and whatnot. It's what you think. And I think it's pretty twisted. People should care about other people to a reasonable degree, much much moreso if they are "with" another person. Yeah, you have to find happiness with yourself, but when you are with someone else, in a relationship, you have several responsibilities to that person, unspoken but there just the same. Happiness is one of them. If you don't make the other person happy, and they you, why are you together? For the sex?

These are the things I had to realize when I was 26, divorced for 5 years and not dating. I only have one choice in life: Happy or Unhappy. I am not going to be unhappy! ever again. If my wife, suzi, died on me tomorrow, I'd go on after a period of grieving. I'm not going to even let that ruin my happiness, because I'm not going to be unhappy anymore.

When you get to the point of being happy alone, you'll find that you probably won't be alone. Both women and men find independance (fiscally, emotionally) tremendously attractive. And guess what, even if you end up spending the rest of your life alone, you're still happy.

Not bad, huh? It's a win-win choice.

Interesting. This is where I say "Well, that explains it all." Excuse me if I don't take anything you say to heart. You make a couple good points, but overall, it's pretty obvious to me that your personal experiences are just that, yours, and you've made some sort of Vulcan logical detatched view on how you should be to maintain your sense of rightness in the universe. I can't really say much else without doing what is considered "personally attacking" you. I'll just stay unenlightened in your eyes and get on with my life best I can.

Just because I'm giving you advice that's hard to do, doesn't mean I don't understand the emotions involved. It simply means I'm honestly trying to help by not letting any "reasons," "considerations," "justifications," or "excuses" change my advice. You really only have one choice in life: "happy or unhappy?" Make the right one.


joe b.

But see, despite meaning well, here you've gone and pissed me off to no end. I think you're kind of a jerk for daring to tell me how to be. I think you do understand the emotions involved. But what you don't understand, is how I work, my mind. I don't need or want your intervention. If you didn't pick up on the tone of my initial post, it was one of outrage and smack-laying that people are all... well, being stupid, quite frankly, all over one little innocent request, and trying to make it into a big "be the wind, want not for blowing, just blow" line of crap when that just ain't the right thing to do in this case. And that goes back to the initial problem of the thread. The poor guy just wants to find his friend some online geek love! Why can't he just get that without all the lectures? If it's what makes him happy and it's not hurting anyone, then let him be.

 

[mistergone]

It's a basic human urge to seek companionship. As the old saying goes, "No man is an island." There's few things as soul-searing as loneliness, the unrequited need to touch someone, to have someone happy just to see you.

Unfortunately, by being unrequited, it leads to desperation. People can sense desperation, and it's not very attractive.

Well said, and I agree.

 

[maddman75]

in all seriousness, how are you supposed to be happy being alone when being alone means you aren't getting any?

Because the first step is to learn to like yourself, and to like being with yourself. After all, if you don't like you, why should someone else?

 

[Stormfalcon]

It's a basic human urge to seek companionship. As the old saying goes, "No man is an island." There's few things as soul-searing as loneliness, the unrequited need to touch someone, to have someone happy just to see you.

You get used to it over time. Loneliness is so much better than being in a bad relationship. If you're looking to get into a relationship, look at your motives and consider the question as to whether the person you're getting involved with would be better off with you in their life or not. If not, don't pursue the relationship. You're wasting your time, and more importantly, the other person's time, and life is far too short to waste on bad relationships.

 

[jgbrowning]

But see, despite meaning well, here you've gone and pissed me off to no end. I think you're kind of a jerk for daring to tell me how to be. I think you do understand the emotions involved. But what you don't understand, is how I work, my mind. I don't need or want your intervention. If you didn't pick up on the tone of my initial post, it was one of outrage and smack-laying that people are all... well, being stupid, quite frankly, all over one little innocent request, and trying to make it into a big "be the wind, want not for blowing, just blow" line of crap when that just ain't the right thing to do in this case. And that goes back to the initial problem of the thread. The poor guy just wants to find his friend some online geek love! Why can't he just get that without all the lectures? If it's what makes him happy and it's not hurting anyone, then let him be.

It doesn't matter what I think, or what you think, or what you think i think, or what i think you think. What only matters is that you're unhappy. And there's only one person that can do something about that: you. You're pissed with me because I telling the truth, and it's a truth you don't like. You're causing your own unhappiness: stop it. You don't have different goals in life than me, you just don't want to accept your responsibility for your own unhappiness. You want to do or find something external that will fix the problem: it isn't going to work.

That's the crux of the matter, you wouldn't be angry with me if you weren't unhappy. We wouldn't behaving this discussion if you weren't unhappy. You may just want to listen to the people who are happy when they tell you how to be so. As long as you think we happy people are feeding you a line of crap, you're going to be unhappy.

I realized how to be happy, and only after that decision did I find a great wife with whom I have a great marriage and am very happy with. I never ceased to be amazed at how many people write off my "happiness advice" because unlike them, I am happy. Apparantly many people think i need to be unhappy to give good advice on how to be happy.

I'm not going to coddle people by saying, "Well try to do this," or "That's a good first step," or anything else. I'm only going to give advice that works. Stop. Being. Unhappy. The how's involved are all internal and vary from person to person, but that's the only way people stop being unhappy and become happy: internally. Telling anyone anything else is being dishonest with them.

I think you're kind of a jerk for daring to tell me how to be. I think you do understand the emotions involved. But what you don't understand, is how I work, my mind. I don't need or want your intervention.

The only thing I'm telling you to be is happy. If you're angry because of that, well that's your choice. I don't need to understand how you work because my advice is to stop working that way. Whatever you got working on inside right now isn't making you happy, so perhaps you should just stop it and find another way. No matter what I say, you're not going to believe I "really understand" you because if I did understand I'd coddle you and say, "poor you, your doing the best you can." Sometimes people have to do better, but more often than that people usually just need to stop doing what makes them unhappy, even if that means stop "being themselves".


joe b.

 

[Heretic Apostate]

Because the first step is to learn to like yourself, and to like being with yourself. After all, if you don't like you, why should someone else?

But I've heard that liking yourself caused blindness.

 

[Hida Bukkorosu]

i guess for me, i don't wanna bother with a relationship unless it's the perfect person. since i've given up hope that that perfect person exists, i just want a "friends with benefits" deal... not likely to get that either though.

it's kinda hard to be happy when you're constantly longing for something not acessible to you. and when you're 26 years old and been longing for it since you were 15.