Geek Dating site.

[Hida Bukkorosu]

emotions are not under our conscious control. we can't controll when we fell happy, sad, or angry. this isn't Blade Runner where we all have Penfield Mood Organs that can "dial up" a mood - if there was i'd dial up "blissfull euphoric happiness" and set it on permanent.

 

[jgbrowning]

emotions are not under our conscious control. we can't controll when we fell happy, sad, or angry. this isn't Blade Runner where we all have Penfield Mood Organs that can "dial up" a mood - if there was i'd dial up "blissfull euphoric happiness" and set it on permanent.

You've never calmed yourself down while being angry?

joe b.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

emotions are not under our conscious control.

No. But typing something rather innapropriate, pushing the post button, re-reading it and opting to leave it as is, cursing and name calling and all, instead of editing the post, IS under a person's conscious control.

 

[d20Dwarf]

No. But typing something rather innapropriate, pushing the post button, re-reading it and opting to leave it as is, cursing and name calling and all, instead of editing the post, IS under a person's conscious control.

Unless the person decides to abrogate all personal responsibility for his actions and state of being.

 

[Piratecat]

I'd prefer not to close this - so please, all, keep showing respect for one another.

Many thanks.

Mistergone, if you wish this thread closed, please say so and a moderator will do so.

 

[Sharraunna]

Just to add a perspective that maybe hasn't occurred to anyone in this discussion yet, I have agoraphobia/social anxiety disorder. Basically, I get nasty panic attacks in everyday social situations. I don't really speak to anyone outside my gaming groups and my husband.

For people like me, an internet dating site might be one of the very few options available to meet someone in an environment we find comfortable. Bar-hopping is definitely not an option.

~~Sharraunna

 

[fusangite]

Crothian says,

Each person is in charge of their own life, and if your current circumstances are not to your liking: Change them. If you can't change them, then you are not in control of your own life. Find out who is and take control from them.

Actually, no. You don't control the circumstances in your life; you can sometimes effect them and if you can, lucky you. One should try to change one's circumstances if they are not to one's liking but that sure as hell is not the same as absurd statements like this one or Joe's about happiness.

One has some control over how one feels but, for God's sake, there are limits. One has a reasonable degree of control over how one appears to feel, and somewhat less over how one actually feels. With a lot of practice, one can get better at faking particular feelings, which usually leads to a commensurate increase in one's ability to induce such feelings.

But please, guys, Joe, Crothian, if you want these people to take you seriously, tone down the claims you are making. Firstly, admit that maybe just because you can do a particular thing, it does not automatically follow that every single other human being on the face of the earth also can. Emotions are like any other aspect of humanity: some of us are better with them than others. Secondly, step back from this "create your own reality" language you're verging on and acknowledge that there are always some circumstances beyond our control. Then, maybe, people will be more accepting of some of the good advice you're offering.

And Djeta, obviously my post didn't have the desired effect in causing you to re-examine what it is you think you're looking for. I'm in no mood to scroll back and enumerate the threads you've started, their titles and the focus of their contents. Clearly, you are pretty insistent that my observations about your behaviour are wrong. Maybe, at some future time when you're more receptive to observations about your behaviour, you'll re-examine what I've said. Until then, I'm not going to fight with you because, frankly, no good can come from doing so.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

And Djeta, obviously my post didn't have the desired effect in causing you to re-examine what it is you think you're looking for. I'm in no mood to scroll back and enumerate the threads you've started, their titles and the focus of their contents. Clearly, you are pretty insistent that my observations about your behaviour are wrong. Maybe, at some future time when you're more receptive to observations about your behaviour, you'll re-examine what I've said. Until then, I'm not going to fight with you because, frankly, no good can come from doing so.

In other words, you have no proof to justify what you accused me of thinking. And I am so insistent that your observations are wrong because :

1. Your observations ARE wrong. I am in a very happy relationship. I have wonderful friends and family. I have a cute puppy. I work with awesome people. As much as I love my friends here online, I don't need them to compliment me in order to feel some sort of self worth and I found what you said extremely insulting.

2.You aren't observing an opinion of mine. If you had questioned my opinions on the meaning of life, or if you had stuck to the happy/not happy topic, or internet dating vs. not internet dating then I would be more than happy to debate you while still respectfully accepting that our views clash. What you were observing was what you think my thoughts are. I, being the keeper of my own thoughts, can tell you without a doubt, that your observations about what you percieve to be my thoughts are incorrect.

3.You made statements claiming to know my thoughts in a public forum and I believe that in a public forum, having had a person state my thoughts incorrectly, that I have every right to correct you , in said public forum.

Do you think everyone who has pictures in the member gallery or has started a thread on the social mechanics of gaming is doing so to get compliments? I think I've stated numerous times on this board that I hold degrees in psychology and sociology and that I find the social aspect of gaming fascinating. I also think I've stated numerous times that I like the gallery because I like putting names with faces.

I'm dropping this now for the better good of the thread. The last thing I am going to say is please use a little more discretion the next time you go claiming to know what someone else is thinking and posting in a public place.

And to steer this back on topic, in my initial post my biggest concern was that the friend was described as depressed and I take that very seriously. Real depression can't be fought just by adding a new person to your life. If the guy isn't seriously depressed but just very miserable, IMO, if a person is that miserable being single, then IMO, they need to look first at themselves and be happy with who they are.

I also really think it's disheartening to see all these posts about looks and "Getting some". That might be fun for a while, but like Buttercup said, after that, you still have the person there, so then what? And I won't deny that looks matter but it's not so much looks (ie. that guy looks like Orlando Bloom vs. that guy looks like Weird Al) as it is grooming/personal hygiene and how you present yourself and your attitude. So, I think as long as you are well groomed, clean and friendly, you should be ok.

I think people are in control of their own lives to a point. While I know there can be obstacles to overcome, I really think anyone can change their life for the better if they stay true to themselves. As someone who a little over a year ago, made a big change in my life (many of you know what that was), I can say that changing IS possible, no matter how bad you think life is (and trust me, it was bad...real bad. Family, friends, co-workers....everyone disaproved of what I knew I had to do. It was bad.)

If you are not happy in life, change your life. If other people don't like the changes, so long as you aren't doing anything illegal, who cares, if it makes you happy?

*Sharraunna - I agree and that is a really good point. I wonder if some of the people who say they have a hard time finding friends/dates have serious social phobias. I used to see a doctor about a phobia like that a few years ago, because I was literally terrified of going out in crowds. I still don't like going out and being really social, but it's a lot better now then it was then. Panic attacks are scary. I can recall some nights when it took me hours to get home from work because I had to keep leaving the subway cars because they were so crowded and I'd get a panic attack and have to get out, sit in a corner of the station until I calmed down and then try again. Not fun.

 

[alsih2o]

And I am so insistent that your observations are wrong because :

1. Your observations ARE wrong.

 

[Heretic Apostate]

I vote for thread closure. Anyone agree with me?