im all for a gender-equal society, but gods forbid a gender-less one.
i think D&D does itself and its players a disservice by becoming so politically correct that it ignores certain aspects of "reality". yes, yes - i know this is a fantasy game, but verissimilitude results from parallels between earth as we know it and our fantasy campaigns. gravity works, the sun rises and sets, and man and woman are two different creatures. not only is this a good thing, it's a wonderful thing.
i appreciate the differences that gender can inject into a campaign. part of the fun of d&d is the variability and the differences that it offers to gamers who enjoy the RP aspects of gaming. if a writer were to base mechanics on gender (e.g., males receive a +2 racial bonus to Strength), the yawps of "Sexist!" would echo throughout the d20 world. i think the issues we touch with kid gloves in the real world - racism, sexism, etc. - can make for extremely potent and interesting factors of gameplay. with the right (read: mature) group, of course.
as an aside, i found it a bit awkward while reading the phb when 3E first came out to see so many interspersed "he" and "she" pronouns. it seems wotc in particular doles out iconics in equal amounts of gender.
so back to the first question - i have no problems with "killing women and children" being more "evil" than killing (able-bodied) men. as someone suggested, perhaps they should have said "defenseless" humans instead. really doesn't matter much, i think.
but your mileage may vary - im the one with a penalty to my wisdom.
W.P.