D&D 5E Gimme your best villain one-liner!

Legatus Legionis

< BWAH HA Ha ha >
"You will surrender to me! Join my forces willingly and completely, swearing allegiance to me, doing my every bidding without question or hesitation. Or you will die and be raised as one of the undead, joining my forces for all eternity. Either way... you... are... now... MINE!"

So says one of my high level PCs, whom has several armies containing humans, dwarves, orcs, goblins, zombies, skeletons, wraiths, etc, and many subdued dragons, and castle gardens and city filled with statues of fallen "heroes" and creatures/monsters whom my PC decided to "turn to stone" as a warning to others. This PC has many wizards and clerics who are more than willing and able to do just that to the fallen.

Ok, so it is more of a monologue than a one liner.

It also speeds up encounters if they surrender and we don't have to do combat.
But sometimes, doing combat just for the fun of it when you know you and your group has the overwhelming advantage in magical armour, weapons, spells, hit points, THAC0.

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Lord of the Hidden Layer
"I will send you my Apprentice, and he will take care of you."
- Darth Sidious, to loyal but bumbling lieutenant

Then he calls in the Apprentice to give him mission instructions that are sure to provoke a fight.


I always had a soft spot for Jack's joker.

"Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

As for in-game biz, it always seems like the villains fall over dead before they can get a good line in. :(


Not a villain, but a bard I once played when another PC decided to make some jokes about promiscuous bards.

"I don't think you understand friend. I deal in the power of the heart, yes. But the metaphorical heart is the mind. The spirit. The soul. Everything that makes you who you are rather than what. And if you push me? I will make you sexually attracted to fire."

Level Up!

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