D&D 5E Gimme your best villain one-liner!

[Oofta]

Does it matter if the villain was my PC? Because then it would be a situation where we had just recovered the last piece of an artifact crown (basically the rod of 7 parts) and I had sectioned myself and our opponent off behind a wall of force. I was about to take him out and he offered me a deal - let him live and we could rule the world together.

My response? "I don't share." just before killing the NPC and teleporting away.

 

[Oofta]

"Thank you for calling AT&T."

Soon followed by "Call volume is higher than normal, please wait while we put you on hold." No matter what day of the week or time you call.

 

[Urriak Uruk]

"I agree with every word you said. But unfortunately, you killed my mother."

 

[Vaalingrade]

Soon followed by "Call volume is higher than normal, please wait while we put you on hold." No matter what day of the week or time you call.

That message typically means a lot of terrible people are taking twenty minutes to harangue a call center worker for what would normally be a three minute call.

PSA: Call center workers neither care about, nor have the ability to change the things you have issues with R&D or corporate about.

 

[R_J_K75]

"Thank you for calling AT&T."

Can you repeat that, I couldn't understand you?

 

[Oofta]

That message typically means a lot of terrible people are taking twenty minutes to harangue a call center worker for what would normally be a three minute call.

PSA: Call center workers neither care about, nor have the ability to change the things you have issues with R&D or corporate about.

If you get the same message from a company no matter what day of the week or time of day, I blame corporate bean counters for not making enough resources available.

It's virtually never a problem with the call center employees or their customers, at least not for large businesses. It's a conscious decision on the part of management to understaff.

 

[Weiley31]

"Thank you for calling AT&T."

As a former Phone Associate who has dealt with cell phones constantly, I fully believe in the glory that is Prepaid phones so yes, yes I fully agree with you on that choice.

 

[Tinker-TDC]

For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.

I was gonna post this one, too. Anything that tells the players that the villain really doesn't recognize them.

Clip related:

 

[dogoftheunderworld]

From a high level villain in y long-ish running 3.5 campaign:

"Finally, some proper villains." -(riff on Oceans 11 Basher quote)

It kind a took a couple of seconds for the players to realize what he said... and a couple of both players & characters were shook by the implication

 

[AverageMojito]

"Too bad for you, I don't kiss and tell..."

Angel of Death, to the party's goliath in the end of her "revenge plot", when prompted about the reason they slaughtered her entire village. She's got her revenge (sorta), but couldn't find all the answers.

The look in their faces (and their cussing) made my day, so it's epic enough to me.