Great Game Quotes

[palleomortis]

Yea, I agree with that one . We prolly wouldn't have recovered for a good ten minutes

I can hardly say "you come upon a gnoll" without stopping the game for five minutes

 

[Hunter In Darkness]

yeah same with my group 5-10 mins minimum

 

[DungeonMaester]

Wubba Wubba

Guy player: I judge your eyebrows
Girl player: I judge your ugly face

Barbarian: Lets get away from prying eyes
Bard: So we can consummate our love?
Barbarian: Yes...No....

 

[DungeonMaester]

'He doesn't say any of that because I waste him with my crossbow'

Sorcs cant cast spell. There only ability is bluffing. -Me on why bluff is a class skill for sorcs.



---Rusty

 

[jmucchiello]

"Cross your soul off your equipment list", A fellow party member to someone who just made a deal with Pazuzu.

That's worth finding an excuse to use as a DM.

 

[Dias Ex Machina]

BEN: “Back to the smash!”
ROY: “Paki-smash?”
BEN: “I said back to the smash!”
ROY: “Ohh…”
GREGORI: “What the @#$% is wrong with you?”

ROY: “I attack the new guy…no…wait. I’m still engaged to the first guy.”
BEN: “Give the guy a ring, then you can be engaged to both of them.”

BEN: “While you are in a body cast, I write vulgarities over you….Like “I suck C@#$” with an arrow to your mouth.”
ROY: “With your intelligence of 7, you’ll spell it wrong…”I like dock!” Why did you spell 'me' with a 3?”

GM: “You kick the thug out the window. He falls thirty stories. Falling….Falling…finally, he crashes through the truck he arrived in. Any words to mark his defeat?”
BEN (best Schwarzegger accent): “Sub zero…now, plain zero!”
GM: “Can you do a little better then that?”
BEN: “GET TO DU CHAPPAAAA!!!”

GM: “You hear screams from the cafeteria.”
ROY: “I call up Ben….Ben, what’s going on?”
BEN: “COFFEE MACHINE BURNT MEEE!!!!”
ROY: “Ok, just checking…”

GM: “What’s your contact’s name?”
BEN: “I never gave him a name.”
ROY: “And you always complain about not having any role playing!”
GM: “Just give me a Japanese name.”
BEN: “Taka…”
GM: “Full name.”
BEN: “…Sharkattacka…”
GM: “Taka Sharkattacka. No way….something better.”
BEN: “Taka….Itsinmypantsa”

GREG: “Oh god is that a “Ho Ho?!”
BEN: “Whats a Ho Ho?”
ROY: “Its like a Ding-Dong.”
GM: “Ding Dong?!”
BEN: “Why have a Ding Dong when you can have King Dong”
GREG: “What?”
BEN: “It’s real.”
ROY: “They thought Ding Dong wasn’t enough, so they made King Dong.”
GM: “That is so awesome.”

 

[Dias Ex Machina]

GM: “I played Axis and Allies once…I think I got second.”
ROY: “So you lost.”
GM: “There were more than two players.”
ROY: “There are only two sides….AXIS…and ALLIES.”
GM: “Then I lost.”
ROY: “What were you playing then….Axis & Allies & Indians!”
BEN: “Axis & Allies & Indians &…uhh…UFOs.”

GREG: “So whats the deal with Sunzec. They are a mining corporation.”
BEN: “They’re digging holes?”
GREG: “That’s stupid.”
BEN: “Their digging holes to China?”
GREG: “That’s still stupid.”
(pause)
BEN: “….They’re robbing banks?”

BEN: “Do you want to lend me 17 000 xp?”
SHARRON: “Do you want to die in a car fire?”

(Ben is asked to roll. He throws the die. It does not spin in the air and lands without jostle nor deviation. He rolls a 1)
BEN: “Wow…I think fate decided that rolled before I rolled it.”

SHARRON: “How do you do a trip?”
BEN (Seriously thinking): “Trip attack.”
GREG (Seriously thinking): “Yeah, trip attack.”
SHARRON: “That is the most useless thing you have ever said.”

SHARRON: “Luckily I called my contacts and they know we are coming.”
GM: “Did you?”
SHARRON: “I thought that was obvious.”
GM: “Nope…anything else?”
SHARRON: “In that case, I also poop before I leave.”

 

[Dias Ex Machina]

SHARRON: “I kick him in the junk!”
GM: “Its an android…it has no junk.”
SHARRON: “No junk?”
GM: “Well…maybe sausage, but no potatoes.”
BEN: “He’s got prizes…but no cash!”

SHARRON: “Did anybody survive Brett’s team?”
GM: “Yeah, two guys.”
GREG: “Their names?”
GM: “Bob…and…um…Billy…”
GREG: “Redcoats.”
GM: “Well, Billy’s wife is expecting their second child. They are both good friends really. They have a fishing trip planned to Alberta next week. Its Bob’s birthday and it somewhat of a tradition. They are both married and hang out often. Bob is also retiring in three days. Billy has organized a retirement party they are going to throw the moment they return from this perilous mission.
GREG: “Yeah, why don’t we just hold them back and see what happens.”
SHARRON: “Great, they’ll just die of their own accord.”
GREG: “A gator kills them.”
SHARRON: “Or one gets scurvy and tries to eat the other.”
GREG: “And we have to put him down for the betterment of mankind.”
SHARRON: “Does Scurvey even make someone do that?”

SHARRON: “My attack bonus is 11.”
GREG: “Mine’s 2.”
SHARRON: “Well, that includes everything though.”
GREG: “…mine’s 2.”

GM: “Okay, the 10 mm Gattling cannon hits you, Ben.”
BEN: “How much?”
(GM rolls…)
GM: “56 points of damage.”
(Ben holds in shock)
GM: “Just throw that character out…then make another character and throw that one out two.”
GREG: “The damage kills you and your next character.”

BEN: “My Raicannon’s name is Lucille.”
SHARRON: ”Isn’t your pistol Lucille?”
BEN: “Yeah…”
SHARRON: “You named your Railcannon after your other gun?”

 

[Voadam]

From an e-mail game after round one of a combat

DM: "Jake's AC in the bullet was originally wrong in one part and he was
sufficiently high AC to block the Vrock's AoO, so he has four more hp
than I posted before, he is only down 92, not 96."

Jason: "OH THANK GOODNESS! You're gonna be okay man! You're going to be okay...."

 

[Dias Ex Machina]

GM: “The doors name has been scratched off. Its been replaced by a single word. PAIN”
GREG: “Is there a room called HAPPY? Lets find that one.”
SHARRON: “Maybe its an acronym…Please Access In…Norway?”

GREG: “We go in stealthy.”
GM: “OK…you see the living room and kitchen. Its empty. Two doors lead to bedrooms.”
BEN: “Whats in the Fridge. Open the fridge…whats in it.”
GM: “Not much…just a few cans of caviar.”
GREG: “Oh, I eat them. I tear them open and throw the cans away.”
<Greg mouth gapes in awe>
GM: “…And Greg is stunned silent…”
GREG: “My God…why did we hire you?!”
BEN: “Hey, I have an Int 10.”
GREG: “Int 10 doesn’t mean stupid!”
BEN: “They’re obviously not here.”:
GREG: “WE CHECKED TWO ROOMS!”
BEN: “And I checked the Fridge.”
SHARRON: “Fridge clear, Ben?”

GREG: “We’ll need cops to guard the exits.”
BEN: “Yeah…get some cannon fodder.”
SHARRON: “We’ll get experience for the when they die, right?”
GM: “You don’t get experience for sending others to there deaths.”
SHARRON: “HORSE$%&!!”

SCHUYLER: “I want Orange Juice…”
GM: “Oh…Thanks…for a second I thought you said horsejuice…”

GM: “He just knocked him out”
SCHUYLER: “Who was that?”
GM: “Phillip.”
SCHUYLER: “What’s this place called?”
GM: “Phillip’s”
SCHUYLER: “Ooops”

CONAN: “Who was he?”
CAM: “He played that pirate in Pirates of the Carribean.”
CONAN (sarcastic and deadpan): “That’s amazing…”