Gut-feelings and new players

[BlueBlackRed]

So, colourful one: You say that your gut is having second thoughts: What kind of second thoughts? Can you go into detail.

I didn't want to go into the specifics at the time I started the thread, just in case he frequented the forum, but as he didn't show anyway I guess I'll fill in a little more.

Basically I'm quite judgmental of gamers as they are quite a variety of personalities and such, but seem to have a higher percentage of control-freaks, elitists, hygiene-deficient people, and just plain creepy-guys. I've had my fair share of bad gamers and do not want to bring Crazy into my house.

With this guy there was no one thing that screamed out "Warning!", it was just a big bunch of things that added up to "keep your eye on this guy and hope you're wrong."

I talked to him through e-mail, and he gave me his link to his D&D-based website.

His site was nice since he was a college student with plenty of free time. But it did mention some Eberron related stories, which meant to me that I had to let him know that if he wanted to play or run an Eberron game, it wouldn't be with us. We're a group of 30+ grognards, 2 of our group will never play in Eberron, and the remainder would only play it if that was the only option. So I figured I better let the guy know that about us before joining.

He also did not answer one of my questions. He stated that he'd have to work late every other day. So I asked if that meant Fridays as well - no response.

It was just the combination of how good his site was, his assumptions that we would take him without having ever talked to or seen him in person, and the way he worded his e-mails.

Then I talked to him over the phone. He was very disappointed, almost argumentative over the "no Eberron" concept. Then he wanted to play a celestial race from the Savage Species book, which none of us owned and probably never will. I told him the DM will decide on whether that would be ok in the campaign.

And he wanted to know if he could come over 2 hours early because he gets off work that early. I told him that was out of the question because the guy whose house we play at is very busy up until game time and there was no way I was going to give approval for that, so he'd have to ask our host.

You see, none of this stuff individually was directly bad, but when I added it all up, I started hoping he would decide it was not for him and he wouldn't show.

And he didn't.

 

[freebfrost]

People think I'm crazy, but we still screen players with a questionaire (attached).

That's really cool Emirikol - I'm going to have to steal this for future use!

 

[werk]

My approach in that situation - and I will find myself in a similar situation in just over a year, when I temporarily move to the United States after my wedding - would be find local gamers and make friends with them first.

What better way to make friends with gamers than to play games with them?

I move repeatedly and fairly often, have started 4 diff groups from scratch and played in more than twice that...strangers are only strangers until you know them.
Comments like, only play with friends, make me wonder how those people would respond in my situation and also wonder why they think that statement is a universal solution, but I digress. It's a great opportunity to meet people with similar interests and for every dingus I throw out of my game, I find two decent people...YMMV. I find my greatest difficulty is with players wanting to bring in friends, or when I'm a player, and the DM isn't as selective as I would be.

As for following your gut instincts, do. I try to have a phone conversation or a lengthy email discussion prior to playing. Usually I'm able to solidify that gut reaction into full blown opinion. Actually, in the last year, I've lost two perspective players because we decided it was best to not even try that first session because of differences of opinion and playstyle.

You can get this info with some very broad open-ended questions like tell me about your favorite character/campaign.

 

[genshou]

After moving up here to Spudland (actually, Southwestern Idaho is Mintland as I learned, and boy does it smell great in the summer), I didn't have a gaming group anymore. I spent 3 years searching for one that wasn't averse to outsiders joining in like some of the more extreme examples from this thread. Finally, I actually ended up forming a group thanks to Gamers Seeking Gamers.

After a few emails I didn't know enough to be sure. The host and his brother-in-law are older gamers than me, with families and all that, and I wasn't sure if I would fit in with their playing styles. I decided I needed to at least meet them and give it a try, so one day a few weeks back I headed over to his house for our first session. I ended up being the one to run a game, and it was in a system neither of them had done before (d20 Modern). Right from the start I could tell they had a learning curve, but they'd both enjoy it, and I didn't get a gut feeling that either of them was a potential problem.

Now, as I was organizing the group, there was a coworker that was interested in D&D/d20 and knew I was trying to organize a game. He was a little neurotic and very much affected by ADHD. Perhaps if given a chance he could have been fine, but I decided to play on the safe side. We've got four players now and he's not one of them, so I think it was worth avoiding the risk in the end.

 

[Chimera]

Then I talked to him over the phone. He was very disappointed, almost argumentative over the "no Eberron" concept. Then he wanted to play a celestial race from the Savage Species book, which none of us owned and probably never will. I told him the DM will decide on whether that would be ok in the campaign.

And he wanted to know if he could come over 2 hours early because he gets off work that early. I told him that was out of the question because the guy whose house we play at is very busy up until game time and there was no way I was going to give approval for that, so he'd have to ask our host.

You see, none of this stuff individually was directly bad, but when I added it all up, I started hoping he would decide it was not for him and he wouldn't show.

And he didn't.

I'd probably have ended the phone call with a "thanks but no thanks". Being argumentative (even "almost") because a new group that you haven't even met yet doesn't want to play your favorite settings is a huge red flag.

I'm not big on off-races and LA adjustments, so the Celestial thing would be a firm NO. I understand that people want to do such things....though I'd still make it clear that it ain't happening in MY game.

Then the whole "come over two hours early" thing. Wow. You're not the host, it's another person, but he asks you. Besides the whole creepy factor. I'm not having a total stranger essentially unattended in my house for two hours. I don't care what his problem is.

 

[BlueBlackRed]

I'd probably have ended the phone call with a "thanks but no thanks". Being argumentative (even "almost") because a new group that you haven't even met yet doesn't want to play your favorite settings is a huge red flag.

I'm not big on off-races and LA adjustments, so the Celestial thing would be a firm NO. I understand that people want to do such things....though I'd still make it clear that it ain't happening in MY game.

Then the whole "come over two hours early" thing. Wow. You're not the host, it's another person, but he asks you. Besides the whole creepy factor. I'm not having a total stranger essentially unattended in my house for two hours. I don't care what his problem is.

Creepy wasn't the persona I was trying to portray of him.
He was more presumptious and assuming than creepy.

The overall vibe I received from this barely out of college fellow was that he was going to join our game and show us how D&D is really played. And it wouldn't be the first time that has happened :\

But since it is only a game, and maybe we could show him how to play D&D properly (which there really isn't one), I chose to let him decide if we were indeed the group for him.

 

[Fell Poopsmith]

My main pet peeve concerns those players who treat a game as plan B when they've got nothing better to do. Oh, I've got season tickets for hockey.... an old friend came in from out of town... I got laid off... my girlfriend let me off the leash for the evening... and other weak attempts at bowing out.

Either you're devoted or you're not. If you start mucking around, this game won't be there for you later on, so get with it, clown-meyer.

 

[VirgilCaine]

People think I'm crazy, but we still screen players with a questionaire (attached).

Ditch this new guy and keep looking.

jh

Hey, I'd love to see this nifty questionnaire.
What the hell kind of format is it in?
Microsoft Word asks me for a format to convert from.

Edit: Now it's saying the file appears to be corrupted when I choose "Microsoft Works 6.0/7.0"...WTF?

 

[mhacdebhandia]

What better way to make friends with gamers than to play games with them?

For me?

Absolutely anything.

I do not enjoy roleplaying games unless I'm comfortable with the people at the table, as people and as gamers. I've played in too many games where the whole mood was spoiled by someone bitching about how they can't see why their character would care about any of this, or by a railroading DM, or something else related to clashing personalities or playstyles.

I'd rather not play than play in a bad game. If I'm not gaming at all, that sucks, but at least I'm not actively irritated.

Much better to play a non-roleplaying game like Munchkin or just sit and chat about gaming, in my opinion.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Could someone put that questionere in here? No attached document, but c&p the text in here. That would be nice.