Help me make a chef

[Dannyalcatraz]

You realize, of course, your chef should:

1) Be prepared to use spice packets as grenade-like weapons. Trust me, many spices are amazing irritants for eyes and nasal passages- there are very good reasons for workers at the Tony Chachere's factories to be wearing the hazmat suits they do. (They'd suffocate if they didn't- its worse than tear gas.)

2) Say "Bam!" whenever you crit or have a crucial success.

3) Say "Bork! Bork! Bork!" a lot.

4) Always have Alcohol, Salt, and some way to cast Grease repeatedly.

Seriously, though, many famous cooks have VERY identifyable quirks. Gordon Ramsay's temper & creative use of language is legendary. Mario Battali has orange shoes on all the time, and usually wears shorts. Justin Wilson's "Ah-YEE" or Emeril's "Bam!" are unmistakable. Col. Sanders' cane wasn't just for walking- he HIT people with it when they ticked him off.

One of my Uncles had a successful restaraunt in New Orleans some years ago...his quirk was he was phenomenally messy. He lives here in D/FW now, and occasionally comes over to my house to cook (often unnanounce- we call this a "drive-by cooking"). After one evening of frying up catfish, our older Border Collie (who had been at his side in the kitchen all evening) was no longer black & white...she was yellow & white from all the cornmeal and flour that was flying around the kitchen. (She was happy, though...she probably caught something tasty.)

So, develop some kind of quirk- visual or behavioral- that helps you get into and stay in character.

 

[szilard]

Current plan:

Start off as a Rogue. Probably take at least 2-3 levels of both Rogue and Ranger.

After that, we'll see where it goes. I might write up a custom Prestige Class (or use the one in the Quintessential Halfling), but I may not have to do so. The DM is being cool about the Craft (cooking) skill. I'll be able to get minor effects (like bonuses to Fort saves and such) with high DC cooking checks. I'll have to come up with some examples, though.

Race-wise, I'm currently torn between Human, Halfling, and Dwarf. Dwarf is in the lead (both because it is funny and because they have nice saves vs. poison), but only slightly.

-Stuart

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

There was a Dr. Who character who was kind of a villainous sidekick of another character...

He was kind of like Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers movies, but like this hypothetical PC we're discussing, he was exploring the universe to find out what was tasty...even if it was sentient.

That is what I thought of when you said you were considering "dwarf" as a race. A short, barrel-shaped hungry Scotsman.

You realize, of course, that stereotypically, this is more of a Halfling role though.

 

[BASHMAN]

Actually, come to think of it, the wizard idea might work well!

Unseen servant sous chef, use fireball to cook edible monsters.

It'd be nice if you could cast "heat metal" though so you could make a pot start boiling, etc. A fun possibility would be a mage/cleric and eventually go mystic theurge.

The goal of all this magical study-- to make the best tasting dishes in all the multiverse.

A fun spell combo would be, at high level:
Wall of Iron, tilted horizontal on the ground.
Grease on the wall of iron.
Heat metal on the wall of iron under the grease.

Toss on any meat you want to cook, lightly dusted with flour and seasoning of course.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Hmmm...

I wonder if mithril or adamant would make non-stick cooking surfaces?

 

[Raven Crowking]

If you can get your hands on Nyambe: African Adventures, ask your DM if he will let you take the Culinary Magic item creation feat found therein. Cook your spells into a hearty stew! Yum yum!


EDIT: BTW, the Doctor Who character was Shockeye of the Quancing Grig, an Androgum that was encounterd by Doctors #2 & #6 in The Two Doctors. There's an amusing sequence where the 2nd Doctor is being turned into an Androgum, and they go into town to have a meal.


RC

 

[szilard]

You realize, of course, that stereotypically, this is more of a Halfling role though.

Sure. Halfling is a possibility. I'm a bit worried about carrying capacity, though... and, while, I will flirt with stereotypes, I want the PC to be distinct enough to exist independently of them.

-Stuart

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Thanks for the info, RC!

I had forgotten about Cullinary Magic- that would partner nicely with Brew Potion. Eat, Drink, and let your opponents be wary!

As for stereotypes (depending upon your campaign world, of course):

Gnome is a possiblity, based on Travelocity's Roaming Gnome and Anthony Bourdain! He's famous for travelling the world, just as you're theorizing! (http://www.anthonybourdain.com/)

If you're a fan of Futurama, you might want to make a Bender-esqe chef with a Warforged- remember, he did take cooking lessons from a master (after nearly poisoning his buddies)!

A felinoid race would be interesting, since they play with their food...

A Klingon-esque 1/2 Orc could design dishes like Gok (best served live, you know)!

Elvish dishes would resemble nouvelle cuisine. Heck, it might even be vegetarian.

Again with the dwarves- Terry Pratchett's dwarven cuisine has as its most famous incarnation Dwarven Bread- a very utilitarian foodstuff that can feed you, but could also be used as armor, as a weapon, or even as building materials.

 

[szilard]

Again with the dwarves- Terry Pratchett's dwarven cuisine has as its most famous incarnation Dwarven Bread- a very utilitarian foodstuff that can feed you, but could also be used as armor, as a weapon, or even as building materials.

::nod::

The basic idea would be a dwarf with a remarkably advanced palate, who was sick of dwarven foods and attitudes about foods. The campaign is beginning in a port city with no dwarf population to speak of - the PC would have come there to learn about seafood.

Other dwarven folk would, no doubt, consider him somewhat soft for his love of food that doesn't grind down your teeth.

-Stuart

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

His first innovation...soft Dwarven bread!

(As in, hard crust with soft, chewy interior.)