Help! My players are spooning apart my campaign!

SPOOOOOOOOOON!!! Not in the face! Not in the face!!

Sorry..had a Tick Moment there.

I'd talk to them first. Explain to them, 'Hey, this isn't very much fun and is really kind of silly.'

If that didn't work, time for some dwarves to come a-callin'.

If THAT doesn't work, have Moradin (or dwarve deity of choice) curse them.
 

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EricNoah said:
Another option: talk to the most reasonable player(s). Ask them to help come up with a fun way to get rid of the spoons. Explain that it's eithr that or the "final solution": "Campaign's over. You guys won! Congratulations!" And then roll up new characters.
This is the route I would go. Most other approaches are likely to make the players think that you're just retroactively come up with something to mess up what they think is a creative approach. It's far better to be open about the fact that what they're doing is causing problems for you as a DM and you'd like to work with them to find an acceptable solution.
 

I'd stick with "talk to the players and ask them if they're done having their fun." They got to have fun ... its time to give it up. Everyone yells at a DM who ruins the game for the players. Well, DMs put a ton more work into a campaign than any of the players so if they don't give it up voluntarily its time to talk with them about how the game is being ruined for you.

If that doesn't work... try and turn it into a "fun" sidequest. This was a weapon dedicated to a god? Someone above said send the dwarves after them. I say send the god after them. Curse them for damaging the weapon. Curse them with the worst curse of all curses. The god has stripped them of all special/class abilities until the weapon is reforged. Worse yet, they have a highly contagious disease as a result and nobody will talk to them or get close to them until the weapon is reforged!

Really, what I am trying to say is that a spoon can't go through solid wood, even though the rules say it could if it had a sharp edge. Spoons don't cut unless their made of plastic and in a cafeteria! :p
 

Oh, boy. Did these PCs really set themselves up, or what?

Others have already listed suggestions for the Dwarves/Dwarf hero wanting their stuff back, and being more than a little ticked off at the desecration.

Here are a few more. The ancient Dwarven hero, and his god, are outraged at the desecration of this artifact:

1. Spellcasters start having their earth-based spells fail.
2. Armor starts increasing in weight and encumbrance (lodestone).
3. Thieves, hearing about these wondrous implements able to chisel through solid rock better than, well, chisels, start trying to steal them. (Prestidigitation, anyone?)
4. Heat Metal. As a random, daily-occurring curse, it can be truly inconvenient... say, at the Prince's Feast, where the PCs are the guests of honor. (You burned... down... my... PALACE!!!)
5. A group of Dwarves keep trying to buy the darn things back. They follow the PCs *EVERYWHERE*, even when they're trying to sneak (or dig, or spoon) their way into the BBEG's castle. They arrive inside to find a coalition of the Dwarven Historical Preservation and Recovery Society waiting for them, with a new and better offer. (Those priestly divination spells are pretty useful, y'know?) This, of course, has the side effect of alerting many of the PCs' opponents that a) they're coming, b) right now, and c) what they're armed with. Note that harming these Dwarves will bring down the wrath of all Dwarven nations - both on the PCs, and on the kingdom they're in. The repercussions should be harsh... and reputation-destroying.
6. The gold-hungry Dwarves are now cornering the metals markets, causing prices to skyrocket. The Dwarves are a) trying to buy the remains of the artifact back, b) trying to hire every mercenary/kingdom/party of adventurers they can to recover the ancient heirloom, c) hiring every guild of spellcasters (good, evil, lawful, chaotic - ALL of them) to locate the PCs - which should make life very interesting for them when these groups try to swipe the goods and sell them to the Dwarves, d) have gone to every Paladin on the continent with the problem and recruited their help, or e) any combination of the above.
7. Merchants don't want to deal with the PCs, but being merchants, want to make money. They know the PCs have freakin' *adamantine* spoons! They must be *loaded*! Triple all prices at anything town-sized or larger.
8. The hammer was actually the keystone item for keeping a demon Prince imprisoned. Now he's loose. And he doesn't want anyone putting the hammer back together to lock him up again. Best thing to do is throw all the pieces into a sphere of annihilation. And if the PCs won't cooperate, well, spheres of annihilation are good at disposing of all sorts of problems.
9. The Host of Heaven (Celestials) need adamantine to forge weapons for the Heaven vs. Hell war. If the PCs are good, they, of course, need to help. Kinda sucks when your clerics can't regain spells, and nobody can benefit from (good) healing magic anymore.
10. The Hordes of Hell know that their counterparts are buying up all the adamantine. So they curse and corrupt it, making it unusable for the good guys.
11. Buying up more adamantine trashes the market. Increase the price of adamantine by x10. x100 if the Dwarves are cornering the metals market. Of course, selling adamantine crashes the price in that area. This should lead lots of hordes of greedy BBEGs straight to the PCs.
12. Now the gods are irritated. PCs start receiving visions of this wronged, desecrated Dwarven hero. Spellcasters can't get their 8 hours of sleep at night. Healing/Curing spells start failing on PCs. Looks like an Atonement is in order.
13. Retrievers. One for each PC.
14. Bebiliths. One for each PC.
15. All the food the PCs try to eat is soaked with Dwarven blood. Vampires will love them.
16. PCs are now pursued by the vengeful spirit of the Dwarven hero. He inflicts ability score damage, and always shows up when they're in a fight against other creatures. Each time they defeat him, raise one of his classes by 5 levels, and he comes back 10 days later. In combination with any of the other items in this list, it's probably overkill.
17. The miners' guild refuses to work with them, after divinations reveal the PCs plans. Heck, the PCs can't even *find* mining equipment now.
18. The smiths' guild refuses to work with them, since the god of smiths is angered at the belittlement of the craft - hammering adamantine into spoons, indeed! Any smith who helps the PCs is cursed with a wasting dissease that causes all metals the smith touches to begin corroding... with a matching drop in the smiths' Str and Con.
19. Druids, alarmed at the potential rape of the land by the PCs plans, organize and ally against them. Being attacked by hordes of giant insects, plants, and animals - with the Dwarven nations helping - should result in either a quick parlay or a TPK.
20. Enforce the rules. A spoon is a poor choice for any sort of digging. Have the PCs spend *days* trying to chisel through manacles... with an unbreakable spoon. Each chiseling attempt is a to hit roll, and as has already been mentioned, would have penalties in combat. If it's being done in manacles, attach a -4 circumstance penalty. A spoon is, furthermore, an improvised weapon (more penalties). It is also *tiny* and awkward - no, you can't get a Str bonus using a spoon (maybe a larger weapon, such as a shovel, would work). So it would reasonably inflict 1hp, and threaten on a 20 (for x2). This is in addition to the penalties already mentioned. All the sudden, your halfling thief is trying to chisel his way out of manacles, making to hit rolls with around -12 to hit. Do the same with all the tunneling.
21. Dragons. Elementals (especially earth). Take your pick of any big, nasty, metal-greedy monster. Have it stomp a PC (or the whole party) and demand the adamantine to spare their lives. It also gives you a plothook for later when the PCs are higher level: Revenge is a great motivator.
22. Xorn/Xaren. At night. They'll eat the spoons and extra adamantine. Problem solved.
23. The Overprotective Forces of Good show up. The PCs have caused too much upheaval, and this must be corrected. The adamantine implements must be removed from these unwise/unknowing fools (or the PCs can fight a bunch of high-level clerics, paladins, rangers, and wizards, who will retreat before dying, and keep coming back) before several kingdoms economies collapse (or are laid waste by various parties' attempts to get the goods).

(Really, they should have made them into adamantine *chisels*. Much more useful for what they're doing.)

In short, follow the consequences of their actions to their logical conclusion:

A. Who would be negatively affected by the PC's actions? Those are now enemies.
B. How would they gather info about the PCs?
C. Who else could they work with to solve their problem - specifically making the PCs disappear as a problem?

Your players are jerking you around. Stop letting them. Let them reap the consequences of their activity. If they (censored) and moan, tell them to quit trying to break your game or leave. Be prepared to lose some players.

Alternatively, you can talk to them, tell them where this is heading, and encourage them (metagaming) to sell the remnants of the artifact. If they refuse, you've got 20+ consequences above to use to remove this problem from your game.

In the future, build in some ultra-high-powerful organizations that serve dual-purpose: High-level opponents for PCs, and in-game control on freakish tricks that players tend to pull. Assassin guilds, thieves' guilds, and merchant guilds are great for this.

In the future, point out to players when they are engaging in campaign-breaking antics, and ask them to stop. If they don't stop, either end the game and don't invite them back, or gack their characters as outlined above.

My preference is for trying to talk to them first, then boot them if it doesn't work out. Less stress that way. YMMV.
 

merelycompetent said:
1. Spellcasters start having their earth-based spells fail.
2. Armor starts increasing in weight and encumbrance (lodestone).
3. Thieves, hearing about these wondrous implements able to chisel through solid rock better than, well, chisels, start trying to steal them. (Prestidigitation, anyone?)
4. Heat Metal. As a random, daily-occurring curse, it can be truly inconvenient... say, at the Prince's Feast, where the PCs are the guests of honor. (You burned... down... my... PALACE!!!)
5. A group of Dwarves keep trying to buy the darn things back. They follow the PCs *EVERYWHERE*, even when they're trying to sneak (or dig, or spoon) their way into the BBEG's castle. They arrive inside to find a coalition of the Dwarven Historical Preservation and Recovery Society waiting for them, with a new and better offer. (Those priestly divination spells are pretty useful, y'know?) This, of course, has the side effect of alerting many of the PCs' opponents that a) they're coming, b) right now, and c) what they're armed with. Note that harming these Dwarves will bring down the wrath of all Dwarven nations - both on the PCs, and on the kingdom they're in. The repercussions should be harsh... and reputation-destroying.
6. The gold-hungry Dwarves are now cornering the metals markets, causing prices to skyrocket. The Dwarves are a) trying to buy the remains of the artifact back, b) trying to hire every mercenary/kingdom/party of adventurers they can to recover the ancient heirloom, c) hiring every guild of spellcasters (good, evil, lawful, chaotic - ALL of them) to locate the PCs - which should make life very interesting for them when these groups try to swipe the goods and sell them to the Dwarves, d) have gone to every Paladin on the continent with the problem and recruited their help, or e) any combination of the above.
7. Merchants don't want to deal with the PCs, but being merchants, want to make money. They know the PCs have freakin' *adamantine* spoons! They must be *loaded*! Triple all prices at anything town-sized or larger.
8. The hammer was actually the keystone item for keeping a demon Prince imprisoned. Now he's loose. And he doesn't want anyone putting the hammer back together to lock him up again. Best thing to do is throw all the pieces into a sphere of annihilation. And if the PCs won't cooperate, well, spheres of annihilation are good at disposing of all sorts of problems.
9. The Host of Heaven (Celestials) need adamantine to forge weapons for the Heaven vs. Hell war. If the PCs are good, they, of course, need to help. Kinda sucks when your clerics can't regain spells, and nobody can benefit from (good) healing magic anymore.
10. The Hordes of Hell know that their counterparts are buying up all the adamantine. So they curse and corrupt it, making it unusable for the good guys.
11. Buying up more adamantine trashes the market. Increase the price of adamantine by x10. x100 if the Dwarves are cornering the metals market. Of course, selling adamantine crashes the price in that area. This should lead lots of hordes of greedy BBEGs straight to the PCs.
12. Now the gods are irritated. PCs start receiving visions of this wronged, desecrated Dwarven hero. Spellcasters can't get their 8 hours of sleep at night. Healing/Curing spells start failing on PCs. Looks like an Atonement is in order.
13. Retrievers. One for each PC.
14. Bebiliths. One for each PC.
15. All the food the PCs try to eat is soaked with Dwarven blood. Vampires will love them.
16. PCs are now pursued by the vengeful spirit of the Dwarven hero. He inflicts ability score damage, and always shows up when they're in a fight against other creatures. Each time they defeat him, raise one of his classes by 5 levels, and he comes back 10 days later. In combination with any of the other items in this list, it's probably overkill.
17. The miners' guild refuses to work with them, after divinations reveal the PCs plans. Heck, the PCs can't even *find* mining equipment now.
18. The smiths' guild refuses to work with them, since the god of smiths is angered at the belittlement of the craft - hammering adamantine into spoons, indeed! Any smith who helps the PCs is cursed with a wasting dissease that causes all metals the smith touches to begin corroding... with a matching drop in the smiths' Str and Con.
19. Druids, alarmed at the potential rape of the land by the PCs plans, organize and ally against them. Being attacked by hordes of giant insects, plants, and animals - with the Dwarven nations helping - should result in either a quick parlay or a TPK.
20. Enforce the rules. A spoon is a poor choice for any sort of digging. Have the PCs spend *days* trying to chisel through manacles... with an unbreakable spoon. Each chiseling attempt is a to hit roll, and as has already been mentioned, would have penalties in combat. If it's being done in manacles, attach a -4 circumstance penalty. A spoon is, furthermore, an improvised weapon (more penalties). It is also *tiny* and awkward - no, you can't get a Str bonus using a spoon (maybe a larger weapon, such as a shovel, would work). So it would reasonably inflict 1hp, and threaten on a 20 (for x2). This is in addition to the penalties already mentioned. All the sudden, your halfling thief is trying to chisel his way out of manacles, making to hit rolls with around -12 to hit. Do the same with all the tunneling.
21. Dragons. Elementals (especially earth). Take your pick of any big, nasty, metal-greedy monster. Have it stomp a PC (or the whole party) and demand the adamantine to spare their lives. It also gives you a plothook for later when the PCs are higher level: Revenge is a great motivator.
22. Xorn/Xaren. At night. They'll eat the spoons and extra adamantine. Problem solved.
23. The Overprotective Forces of Good show up. The PCs have caused too much upheaval, and this must be corrected. The adamantine implements must be removed from these unwise/unknowing fools (or the PCs can fight a bunch of high-level clerics, paladins, rangers, and wizards, who will retreat before dying, and keep coming back) before several kingdoms economies collapse (or are laid waste by various parties' attempts to get the goods).
PWND

Big time.
 

I can’t fathom how a group of adventurers would have the time or stamina to tunnel through an entire dungeon, even if they had the means.
 

What nomad said.

Start calling for Con checks. I suggest one per minute or per hour. Failure means fatigue, which takes 8 hours to relieve. Two failures means exhaustion - one hour to "recover" to fatigue.

Having said that, what DM actually calculates how much material must be dug?

Oh yeah, create rust monsters that dissolve adamantium and template them to heck and back. Make sure any save DCs they might have skyrocket. But only do that once :)

PS seems to me the smith shouldn't have created those things so quickly. He might not have been able to be persuaded at all.
 
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You know, it probably says more about me than the player, but what amuses me is this:

-=Xar=- said:
they also let the smith make a big corkscrew and the halfling ordered a teaspoon, which he hid into some interesting parts of his anatomy "for the case he would get captured".

These are spoons that cut through everything instantly, right? Go through steel like butter, that sort of thing? So he's got one of Wolverine's claws inside... interesting parts of his anatomy? Has he made any sudden movements since then? Jumped, sat down quickly, riding a horse and the horse suddenly stopped?

Because man, if those spoons go through everything, they go through everything...
 

Are any of them Bards?

In which case, all you have to do is exclaim, "You Spoony Bard!", and as everyone appreciates the erudition of this ENWorld member pun, all utensil-related hijinks will cease, and the campaign will revert to killing things and taking their stuff properly.
 


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