How do you tell someone that they smell?

[Chimera]

How do you stop yourself from smelling though? I brush my teeth, shower, wear clean clothes, the 9, but I just always seem to get really ripe say, at sundown. Its so noticable that I've been showering twice a day recently.

There's this newfangled stuff called Deodorant. Check it out.

I have noticed that there are certain people who don't like it, refuse to use it, and then don't 'get it' when they start to stink later in the day.

Maybe that's not you. Maybe you bathe in the stuff. If so, then you might need to consult a medical professional about the problem. (Seriously. I'm not kidding. It might be a medical issue.)

Your best bet is to be direct about it. Just stop by at his place on a non game night and tell him that his hygene is becoming a problem. Tell him that you expect him to be able to at least shower and wear clean clothes on days that he comes over for the game. Dont be mean about it, but dont soft pedal it either. And dont just bring it up in passing. You need him to get the message that the fact that your specifically sitting down with him to tell him this is a sign that this is a real problem. But do this one on one, in private. Doing this with the gaming group present will just make it a situation where he thinks everyone is ganging up on him.

What he said. Be direct, be honest, be sincere. Be alone with him at the time.

If nothing changes, repeat the conversation with the clear warning that you're going to stop inviting him over or letting him sleep at your place until his hygene improves. Repeat often that he's your friend and you like him, which is why you're being honest about this and trying to help him out rather than just making fun of him and/or kicking him to the curb.

I've got two gamer friends who I've had to have portions of this talk with. One who seems to have an issue with deodorant. Him I had to say something after a session where he kept leaning across the front of me to move his mini, putting his arm pits in my face. WHOA! The other has problems with his breath and needed to be told to brush his teeth and use mouthwash before coming to gaming sessions or going out in public with me.

I've also been through this with people who would come to Martial Arts sessions absolutely reeking. Um, that stuff gets on other people, most notably the people who are forced to partner with you. It may seem slightly counter-intuitive to some people, but you clean up BEFORE you work up a sweat with other people.

 

[Templetroll]

At a job I had in the past I was managing a shift. One day, a fellow came in with a distinct body ofor. This was not typical, luckily, but was incredibly bad so that even in a large room with insufficient ventilation the odor reached the entire workspace. Also, he was training some poor guy who had to sit right next to him.

Now, as his supervisor he had once gotten annoyed with me and told me, "Just tell me straight out if there's a problem, Ic an take it." so I took him at his word, and when he had gone out of the area to get a soda I went out a minute later and caught him in the hall.

I spoke to him quietly and told him, "I'm going to be right up front, because that is how you told me you like it. Today there is a problem with your body odor. I had to talk to you because it is bothering everyone. If you want to take some time off I'll accept the request and tear it up after you come back from getting it resolved." He nodded, went back in the office, filled out the request and took the rest of the day off. When he came back in the next day there was no problem and it didn't happen again. Happily he didn't hold it against me, I expect because he realized that I did try my best to deal with it as subtley as possible.

Others did notice that he took off early and were shocked that I had spoken to him. They would have likely suffered through the day instead. I couldn't see doing that. The guy who was in training thought I was the best thing going, too.

 

[Mark CMG]

How do you tell someone that they smell?

From a distance. Email, phone, telegram, etc. . .

 

[frankthedm]

Lice doesn't necessarily have anything to do with being dirty. That's more about where you stick your head than anything.

Catching lice is more about where you stick your head. Keeping them has plenty to do with hygene.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

My freshman year roommate had a terrible odor problem. I kept the windows open year round - in Rochester, NY (one of the snowiest cities in the US). If i didn't, I would wake up choking. Needless to say, I had a chat with him. Unfortunately, he obviously had a medical problem and it didn't resolve things. He would shower every day, and immediately after the shower he would come in smelling of the soap, deodorant and under it all, his body odor. t had infused his clothes to the point where they came out of the laundry smelling. In the end I had no choice but to deal with it, but at least he was receptive to my talking to him about it and made an effort to correct things.

The lesson from this is that if your friend has such poor hygiene, the odds are that even a shower before a game may not help - his clothes may be so permeated with the smell that a shower won't fix it.

 

[ssampier]

My freshman year roommate had a terrible odor problem. I kept the windows open year round - in Rochester, NY (one of the snowiest cities in the US). If i didn't, I would wake up choking. Needless to say, I had a chat with him. Unfortunately, he obviously had a medical problem and it didn't resolve things. He would shower every day, and immediately after the shower he would come in smelling of the soap, deodorant and under it all, his body odor. t had infused his clothes to the point where they came out of the laundry smelling. In the end I had no choice but to deal with it, but at least he was receptive to my talking to him about it and made an effort to correct things.

The lesson from this is that if your friend has such poor hygiene, the odds are that even a shower before a game may not help - his clothes may be so permeated with the smell that a shower won't fix it.

I feel bad for you, but I feel sorry for him, too.

 

[Chimera]

My freshman year roommate had a terrible odor problem. I kept the windows open year round - in Rochester, NY (one of the snowiest cities in the US). If i didn't, I would wake up choking. Needless to say, I had a chat with him. Unfortunately, he obviously had a medical problem and it didn't resolve things. He would shower every day, and immediately after the shower he would come in smelling of the soap, deodorant and under it all, his body odor. t had infused his clothes to the point where they came out of the laundry smelling. In the end I had no choice but to deal with it, but at least he was receptive to my talking to him about it and made an effort to correct things.

There are three problems at work here with one source.

In the Martial Arts (and other situations), I occasionally came into contact with some extremely virulent scent-causing bacteria, which was hard to eliminate.

1> It's on him. His soap may not be killing it off. In one particularly bad instance, I had to resort to spraying myself down with Lysol to kill it. While I can't recommend that, he might need to switch soaps.

2> It doesn't matter if you take 50 baths or showers a day if upon getting out, you simply 'repaint' yourself with the stuff by using the same crusty, bacteria ladden bath towel that you've been using for the last month. Wash it*, use a clean one.

3> It's in his clothing, his bedding, his chairs, his shower, everywhere. Clean up, wash everything*

* OXYCLEAN! Buy some and wash EVERYTHING. Clothes, bedding, towels, etc.

Get some Lysol and spray down the shower and all contact surfaces - door knobs, light switches, handles, faucets.

Get some Oust or something like that and spray off the furniture. Make sure to remove pets (or they'll be injured) and throw open the windows. Clean the carpet.

 

[Henry]

My take on it (if you use it, that's up to you):

I wouldn't come right out and say, "you smell" or "you stink!" but I would tell him, confidentially, "I don't know how to say this, so I'll be direct: You tend to have a bit of an... odor problem, and you may not even realize it. I'm not being judgmental, I'm just telling you because it's a very noticeable problem." Sheer embarrassment may get him on the right track. If he requests, offer him some advice on deodorant and anti-perspirant brands, "beyond the usual stuff like showering, body wash soaps, clean towels, etc."

That's how I'd handle it, but as I said, use at your own risk.

 

[diaglo]

From a distance. Email, phone, telegram, etc. . .

Mark,

d00d. i gotta tell you something.

but wait til i get on the message board.

thnxmkay

 

[Christoph the Magus]

I figured that this would be the general response from a lot of people.

Has anyone ever actually told someone that they smelt before? As in, "You smell, can you please shower more often. Thanks."
Olaf the Stout

Yes, yes I have, and it's not a fun conversation. It does, however, tend to drive the message home. Just tell him it's a problem (heck, tell him your wife is complaining about if it makes you feel better). He'll either improve (hey, everybody wins), or he'll get pissed and stop gaming with you, which, aside from the guilt you'll probably feel for a couple of weeks, is still and "everybody wins" situation.