How to be an internet stalker?

[frankthedm]

How to Track Down Anyone Online

 

[megamania]

For a small fee I believe it is called Intellus.

Gives address, phone #s, criminal history and the sort.

However, from being there, this kind of investigation / attitude can really drag you (meaning the brother) into a dark place. Been there...done that.


Sorry to hear about it just the same.

 

[Janx]

You could do the stunningly original and unexpected thing of ... asking your wife!

Me thinks in O's haste he did not read the finer point of Umbran.

Umbran said ask YOUR wife. Women talk. and talk. and talk. The odds are better that YOUR wife talking to HIS wife will get more info than he can.

as for doing all this research on the guy, he's in another state. That means it was likely an internet romance, and some heavy logistics for them to meet. Seriously, how hard can it be?

Also, be mindful that there's at least one courtcase of a man being charged because he snooped his wife's email (on his own computer I believe). But phone records, and credit card reciepts are probably "common" domain.

Lastly, as some other folks have hinted. All this tracking is mostly good for one thing, hunting him down and shooting him. I heard that in one state, if you caught the pair in the act, you could shoot them on the spot. But I reckon, post-coitus shootus ain't legal.

 

[Oryan77]

Umbran said ask YOUR wife. Women talk. and talk. and talk. The odds are better that YOUR wife talking to HIS wife will get more info than he can.

Yeah, I read that as if he was speaking in general to everyone, not me directly. Oops. My wife wouldn't be of much help in this case. My sister-in-law wouldn't give that kind of info to my wife.

Man, you guys must have had some very forthcoming cheaters in your time if you think it is as easy as asking the woman for the information.

All this tracking is mostly good for one thing, hunting him down and shooting him. I heard that in one state, if you caught the pair in the act, you could shoot them on the spot. But I reckon, post-coitus shootus ain't legal.

That's gotta be Texas then. I love Texas!

No, my brother wouldn't hurt a fly. Which sucked when we were kids and I wanted to box with him with our new boxing gloves! He'd just cower in the corner while I pounded on him. That wasn't much fun.

Anyway, my wife dug up quite a bit of public info on the guy since she works at a law firm (she knew where to look). Of course, I told my brother that now that he has his info, just let it go. Despite what people have said here, as silly as it is, this sort of thing can give you some peace of mind; which it has for him.

If anyone is interested in the situation, he has forgiven his wife and she finally started showing some remorse (I guess she just needed some time for this all to sink in and realize what she's doing to her family). So he's going to stay with my sister for a month or two to give each other some space. And they are going to go on a few dates during this time to try and "start over". If things go well, he'll move back in. He's a hell of a lot more forgiving than I have ever been. That's just how he is; he's a good guy. Hopefully it will work out for the best and his son will be ok. That's all that matters.

 

[Umbran]

Man, you guys must have had some very forthcoming cheaters in your time if you think it is as easy as asking the woman for the information.

You use a big grinning smiley, but I don't think it is very funny.

Nothing about this sort of situation is easy. I simply advised the one thing that had a hope of making something good come out of the situation - dialog between the husband and wife. Cheating doesn't "just happen". It happens for a reason - generally because someone's not getting what they need from their partner. You don't find out what your partner needs unless you talk to them.

 

[Oryan77]

You use a big grinning smiley, but I don't think it is very funny.

Please don't try to take the moral high ground with me.

You don't find out what your partner needs unless you talk to them.

And you assume that they were not talking. You'll just have to trust that I know the situation and I know my family.

My brother has been trying to talk to his wife for a very long time now because he knew something was wrong. He knew that he could have been a better husband (he's not innocent, but he did not intentionally do anything wrong), so when he noticed her being distant & hateful, he bent over backwards to try and please her. She would rarely talk to him, and when she was talking, she was lying to his face.

This isn't a D&D group with a problem player. The whole, "Just talk to him/her" response isn't as simple as that in this kind of situation. It should be, but when a person is willing to ruin a family by cheating, then it's not that simple.

A woman willing to cheat and not wanting to get caught may not be the type of person that will rationally talk about it and spill her guts about the events after getting caught. She's not going to tell us all about this guy just because we asked. It seems like people think they know better than I do about this, which is why you got the big grinning smiley.

I had already mentioned that he talked to his wife, but you seem to be arguing with me on the subject. I'm not interested in arguing when the only person that knows what is going on is me. I also don't need to be lectured to.

I don't think anything else will add much to this thread and I gave a follow-up on the situation for anyone that happened to be interested. It's probably best if you lock it (if you want).

 

[Umbran]

Please don't try to take the moral high ground with me.

I'm not taking a moral high ground. I am making a statement that I don't find it funny. It's kind of important for people you are discussing with to know when you don't find something to be a laughing matter - it helps avoid misunderstandings.

And you assume that they were not talking.

No. I assume very little about them, in particular. So, I limit myself to things I know are of general utility. It isn't like I do any harm to suggest they talk if they are already talking, do I? It is a perfectly safe suggestion, and even if it is not useful to you, it may be useful to some other reader who's in a similar situation.

 

[Janx]

I think coitus shootus applied in Tenessee or some such.

Here in Texas, shooting's got to be constrained to in defense of life or property of self or another. The Castle Law covers it. I think it might have to be dark. I don't shoot a lot of people to have needed to check the details.

I am reasonably certain she is/will confide in somebody, and that person will probably be a girlfriend. I guess the OP's wife isn't that person.

And Umbran is right, the cheatin usually starts because of some other problem in the relationship. Meaning, before the cheating started, something wasn't right between those two.

And since you describe your bro as non-confrontational, that probably let it fester long before the real trouble signs began.

But that's just me doing armchair psychology without a degree.

Your brother's gonna have to drop this other man thing. He ain't the problem. The problem's her and how he interacts with her. Because once a cheater, always a cheater. So if they don't learn to mend their ways and change how they identify and deal with issues, it'll happen again.

 

[RedTonic]

Don't blame that on my state, either. Blame Mississippi.

 

[BlueBlackRed]

Your brother is much nicer about it than I would be.
I hope things work out for the best (even if that means a divorce).

I believe everyone is thinking about a "Crime of Passion" defense.
It usually involves discovering your spouse in bed with another and you "snap".
The attack has to happen almost immediately and you cannot have been in your right mind.
In other words - you walk in on your wife, see her with someone else, you lose it, there's a hammer right there on the dresser and you grab it and go to town.
If for any reason you are shown to have thought about it in the slightest, you lose.