D&D 5E How to convince better half

SirGrotius · Aug 20, 2020

Hi all - for some of the old-school gamers here, do you have any tips for enticing your better half to the D&D side? I gamed back in the day and this quarantine has sprung the itch again, however, having a young family presents a few challenges as well as opportunities. My kids are intrigued, being 7 and 9 and full of wonder, but my wife is at that time in life when she's always busy, and likes to veg out with netflix or a good Stephen King book, etc. Any tips for bringing her over to the gaming side? I don't think she has a good conception of what D&D is besides being on the nerdy side of the spectrum and involving dice, although she had a penchant for fantasy and horror during her studies, so I know she can appreciate good lore.

Thanks!

commandercrud · Aug 20, 2020

My wife wasn't interested until my kid started playing. Now she plays more than the kid does.

Flamestrike · Aug 20, 2020

While a gamer girl has always been the dream, I prefer it without partners present.

It's kind of my poker night with the boys.

Scott Christian · Aug 20, 2020

Might try starting with board games. Then switch to one of the D&D board games. Then ask if she is interested.

That said, it is always neat to see two siblings play as a team and winning without the parents' "help." It can go a long way to build bonds without us adults messing it up. (Of course, this means you as DM might have to act like the pretend bad guy that they need to win against.)

WayOfTheFourElements · Aug 20, 2020

You could pull a Lysistrata and withhold sex until she complies. Although Aristophanes's advice to "pluck your delta" might not work so well if you're a man.

jasper · Aug 20, 2020

Dude, just send me your gaming stuff for just thinking about doing this. I promise I shipped back to after the divorce is final. Raise your hand people if you think this is a bad idea.
Raises hand.

J-H · Aug 20, 2020

Don't force it. Play with the kids and let her join if she's interested.

TheSword · Aug 20, 2020

Exclude them from it and keep it secret. There is nothing more guaranteed to make them want in.

Oofta · Aug 20, 2020

I'm one of the lucky few who has a wife that enjoys playing just as much as I do. In fact, we started gaming together before we started dating so I'm not sure there's much advice I can give.

On the other hand my sister just joined a game because we started up a game with her kids. Admittedly her kids are about to have kids of their own, but she sees it as a way of connecting with them in ways that she otherwise would not.

So I wouldn't push it, but let her know that she's always welcome to come play with you and the kids. Gently remind her that before she knows it the kids will be going off to lives of their own before she knows it and that this is a way to play with them and bond in a way she wouldn't normally.

But remember. You can lead a horse to water but if you throw it in, it just gets wet. Or something. I always get that one confused.

Point is, this may just be a chance for you and the kids to have something special together and your wife may never be interested. That's not a bad thing, after all your kids will be going off to live lives of their own before you know it.

Retreater · Aug 20, 2020

My wife was playing D&D regularly before we met. She doesn't play in every game I play (I still have game nights with "the guys," for example).
What I would suggest is how you might encourage any other friend to play. Make the offer, then play without her. Pressuring her would not be the right way. Let her see you and the kids enjoying it. She might come around. It's harder to dismiss something when you see the entire family enjoying an activity together.