how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[The_Universe]

After you deal with "making contact" and engaging the person in conversation, my best advice is as follows:

Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves - and women are (its worthwhile to remember) people.

The questions need not be invasive, as even trivial information can tell you a lot about a person. "What's your favorite movie?" "What's your favorite color? Food?" "What did you do in college? Involved in a lot of stuff, or just sorta 'hung out'?"

Now there's no need to be secretive about yourself. Although with general questions like that, your new acquaintance will probably ask of her own accord about your own favorite X or past activity Y, there's no harm in volunteering.

"So, what is your favorite movie?"
"Oh - Breakfast at Tiffany's. What about yours?"
"Hands down - Return of the Jedi! But why Breakfast at Tiffany's? Just a Hepburn-o-phile, or what? Isn't George Peppard (Hannibal Smith from the A-team) in that?"

Questions are the essence of good conversation - be interested in her, but not obsessive. It's fine to ask about a favorite jacket or shoes...but not (at first) to ask what kind of underwear she likes to wear, if any.

 

[mythago]

Teflon Billy's advice is good--if you want a certain type of girl. You know, the one who will lead you to laugh bitterly every time jokes about women being from another planet come up.

The nice guys I know, the ones who are kind and respectful and treat the woman as a person, have to keep a written calendar to keep their dates organized. Seriously.

The way you end up as "just a friend" and "too nice" is when you think being nice means you can't be interested in anything more than holding hands. It's also when you put on a "nice" front and it's not really you.

 

[mythago]

Teflon Billy's advice is good--if you want a certain type of girl. You know, the one who will lead you to laugh bitterly every time jokes about women being from another planet come up.

The nice guys I know, the ones who are kind and respectful and treat the woman as a person, have to keep a written calendar to keep their dates organized. Seriously.

The way you end up as "just a friend" and "too nice" is when you think being nice means you can't be interested in anything more than holding hands. It's also when you put on a "nice" front and it's not really you.

 

[Xath]

However, you should be making eye contact for the majority of a conversation. Eye contact is neither optional nor a one-time thing. Blink, nod your head, smile, and keep looking back at her face. If you worry about being creepy, smile and look at something else for a second.)

Note that *something else* should not involve lowering one's eyes to another part(s) of the body.

As for a "simple and direct way" : Make your first line an introduction. (i.e, "hey, what a beautiful sky." "Is that Shannara?" or "Can you believe these classes?") If she responds, introduce yourself, and remember her name when she gives it in turn. Once you have a name, you can either continue the conversation or suggest a more formal rendevous. (Offering to buy her a drink -- hard, soft, or caffinated -- is a good opener.) If she accepts, follow through on your plans.

"Is that Shannara?" is definitely not a way to strike up a conversation unless the girl in question happens to be reading one of the books from the series. Most likely, she won't know what it is, and even if she does, what the heck are you talking about.

At the first formal encounter, ask for a method to contact her again. She may give you a telephone number or e-mail address, or she may suggest another formal encounter. (i.e., "how about you meet me here again tomorrow / next week?"). If the encounter is a "date", a romantic gesture is appropriate -- a kiss on the back of the hand is a good classic, but I think kissing on the lips is something that you should wait for the woman to initiate.

No no no no no. A kiss on the hand is one of the first ways to creepify yourself unless you have some sort of European accent. A simple "Great. I'll see you then." is ample response. Especially if this is your first contact with this particular girl, a kiss on the hand is more likely to leave her confused than flattered. Perhaps *on* the date, or *after* the date, but certainly not when you've just met. And not in college.

The art of courtship is finding out what the object of your affection desires in a mate, and shaping her perception of you into that ideal mold. While some silver-tongued soundrels are able to do so by false words, the far more preferrable way is through wholeheartedly adopting or accentuating those aspects your Juliet wishes to see in her Romeo.

Don't change who you are for anyone. It's not worth it, because even if things work out well, you'll end up resenting her for it later.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

No no no no no. A kiss on the hand is one of the first ways to creepify yourself unless you have some sort of European accent. A simple "Great. I'll see you then." is ample response. Especially if this is your first contact with this particular girl, a kiss on the hand is more likely to leave her confused than flattered. Perhaps *on* the date, or *after* the date, but certainly not when you've just met. And not in college.

A kiss on the hand after the first "date" is incredibly romantic - something that would absolutely cause me to fall over with the swooning... which is, I believe, what Planesdragon was getting at in his post. Not kissing on the hand after setting up the date - but after the date.

I guess, I don't know if I speak for most girls, but I love cheesed out romance. I love a man that opens doors, kisses hands, and treats me like a lady. ESPECIALLY in college. Most of the guys I encounter on a regular basis at school are absolute pigs - they have no sense of respect for women (or anyone for that matter).

By my best guess, the standard college female would find it more than flattering - and unmeasurably refreshing - to meet a guy that was happy to kiss her hand and wish her sweet dreams on their first date. It's little things like that that made me fall in love.

So, I've got to say that I completely disagree with Xath and completely agree with Planesdragon.

 

[Hida Bukkorosu]

[QUOTE = Planesdragon]
Being polite and respectful to a woman is the path to getting not just a one-night stand (which being mean will get you plenty of), but being married -- which is a better deal in just about every way.
[/QUOTE]

i don't see myself ever getting married unless i meet someone who's so perfectly matched to me that it was either destined by God (who i don't believe in) or she's an empathic metamorph like the one Famke Janssen played on that episode of Star Trek: TNG.

i'm not neccessarily looking for a monogamous relationship, i'm looking to get laid by someone i find attractive, and if that can be by someone who i ALSO click with personality-wise, then so much the better, i would consider commiting to that person for something longer-term (not lifetime though, they would have to click with me prefectly for that).

Please tear that up and never look at it again. It won't do you any good, and having a tracking system of any kind will only make you despondent -- which will make you LESS likely to find feminine accompanyment, not more.

the matrix isn't a tracking system, it's more of an attempt to spell out what i want out of life... if i'm attracted to a girl, i'm interested in sleeping with her (or getting to whichever "base" she's willing to go to), if i don't click with her personality-wise then that's all i'm interested in, if i do, i might be interested in an actual relationship. if i'm not attracted to a girl but we click personality-wise, then i would regard her as a friend like i would a guy.

What, you mean a girl smiling at you isn't enough to make you feel happy? If you get past "hello" and she responds, you have reason to be genuinely happy. Don't try and fake it -- if a particular girl talking to you doesn't make you even a little bit happy, then it's not going to work at all.

no, the thing is being able to be happy BEFORE the girl talks to me is the problem. i can't give off an air of confidence when what i'm really feeling inside is a combination of fear and desperation. yeah, more than likely if a girl shows interest in me that will make me happy (but it has to be pretty obvious interest in order to overcome the self-doubt of "she couldn't possibly like me"). the thing is i can't pull off the fake confidence that GETS you that interest...

It's not the honesty that's the question, it's the presumption you seem to have that sexual relations (which a kiss falls under) are possible without knowing the person. Unless you're going to go the alcohol route, don't expect to find anyone that loose.

i'm that loose, and I don't drink i'd be perfectly willing to do someone i didn't know, as long as i was attracted to her.

Please don't think that this is complex. The type of girl that would make out with someone they don't know is NOT someone that you want to be sharing bodily fluids with.

why not? that's what condoms are for

 

[LiKral]

You seem very over-anxious about being seen as creepy. In what circumstances have you been called creepy by girls? What did you do immediately beforehand? Knowing this will help people here give you advice.

Eye contact: I have found that it is best to keep contact slightly longer than you are comfortable with, then look away sideways for a couple of seconds. You need more eye contact than looking away. But if you think about it too much, then you start to seem distant! Remember that when females complain about 'staring' they mean lewd staring or gawping, not eye contact.

As for the talking to girls who are sitting in the cafeteria reading, that is a great idea. Don't pass up the opportunity to talk to a girl reading a SF/Fantasy novel. This almost certainly means she is some sort of geek. If you like the book, then be positive about it - it gives you a vital thing in common. If you don't like that particular book, talk anyway and steer the conversation to something similar that you do like without saying something negative. Even if the girl is not attractive, it will give you valuable practice in talking to geek females and she might introduce you to her friends sometime. If you get on well, ask to borrow the book when she is done (that is a great compliment and means you have an excuse to meet up with her!)

If she does not want to talk to you she will either say 'I don't want to talk now' or repeatedly something short and non-committal like "Uh huh" or 'Maybe'. There is no danger of offending someone by simply chatting to them in a cafeteria unless they are already so highly strung that they are offended by everything, in which case, don't let it get to you.

The best way of asking girls out is to already know them. You don't have to be best friends, but prior aquaintance really helps. Have some casual conversations with a girl, then ask her out if she did not freeze you out the previous times. That way she will feel more comfortable with you. Don't ask her back to your room because that is coming on a little strong. Ask her out to a nice cafe.

 

[LiKral]

why not? that's what condoms are for

Infection is not the only consideration; what if you fall in love and she breaks your heart?

Remember that women like men who think of them as more than just sex-providers. If they think that is all you are after, then they will be wary of you, unless you are a Brad Pitt lookalike. It is just female nature, and a throwback to before birth control when it was disastrous to be literally left holding the baby. You can make sure that you have sufficient sincerity by only hitting on women that you have something in common with (i.e. geeks)

 

[Voodoo]

OK here goes,

Eye Contact: Before you've talked for the first time hold eye contact for about one more second then seems comfortable (this should be about 3-4 seconds) then look away and smile to yourself then look back. If shes not interested she will have taken the oportunity to look away, if she is interested she will look back at you. Now if your in a corridor, walk past her, without look directly at her as you pass, and after a couple of steps look over you shoulder. If shes interested she also will most likely be looking over her shoulder. Then smile at her and walk away to get on with your day. If she has looked over her shoulder at you she will probably be feeling a bit self conscious being caught peeking but also very complimented that she caused someone to pause for her. Next time you meet the mutual attraction will have been established without risky rejection or creepy full on pestering.

Body Language: This is incredibly important if you want to give off the right signals, unfortuantly is also quite difficult to 'learn'. Try to remember just a few body language tips but don't try everything at once, you'll never remember it all and you need to be focusing on her as well. Top body language tips: touching your face will make you seem nervous as will crossing your arms, respect her personal space (only ever put you arm up penning them in if you have fantastic biceps (and exceptional personal hygine), Make eye contact as much as you can, if you need to look else where look at her lips (it shows your paying attention) DO NOT look down at the floor and then back to her eyes, it will appear you have just sized her up like a lump of meat. One last thing on body language, if you're in a group try to notice where her feet are pointed, most people subconsciously point there feet where there attention is focused.

Female Friends: Female friends are the best help you can get, if you can make a few they will help in so many ways, telling you what to do, what you did wrong, what to do next time. However their best quality lies in the most women think they know best when it comes to there female friends relationships. If you have female friends who like and respect you they will be trying to set you up with there single friends.

Jerk or Nice Guy: Jerks get laid, nice guys get relationships, decide what you want.

Hygine: Always be clean as you never know when you might meet a girl you fancy. Always carry gum as bits of stuck food can make your breath smell really quickly without you knowing it (though bin it asap, no-one want to see you spitting out gum)

That about covers 101 in meeting girls, though if you want to 'understand women' you'll need a few lifetimes.

 

[mythago]

i'm not neccessarily looking for a monogamous relationship, i'm looking to get laid by someone i find attractive

Then be up-front about that. I don't mean walking in and saying "Hi, wanna get it on? My name's Hida." But if you are clear that you want a friendly hook-up, you will attract women who are, likewise, interested in friendly hook-ups. If you try the Mild Jerk Technique, or pretend you want a relationship, you will hurt a lot of people needlessly. And the women you DO want to meet will pass you by, because they are trying to avoid guys looking for more.

jumping to the other side wholesale will only convince the woman's reproductive chemistry to treat you like any other nonagressive, supporting and understanding person

If women's reproductive chemistry were all alike, we'd all want the exact same guy and none of the rest of you would get married. Some of us chicks have plenty of aggression and aren't looking for a mate who finds that to be a problem, you know?