How to know your DM’s a Rat Bastard:

88. Something like this totally fictious story that really didn't happen to us happens to your party:

The party consists mostly of magic users which are quite dependant on their magic. The enemies' HQ - which you have to enter - is completely covered with permanent anti-magic zones (never mind that antimagic zone isn't one of the spells that can be made permanent). This extends below ground so digging with magic doesn't work, either. When you hatch a plan to go to the woods to rest (so they cannot get at you), and then return to burn the house down with oil, you find out that the whole village has less then 1l of oil for sale.

Then, in the night, deep in the woods, you are approached by dire boars. These are lycanthropes, but can emulate animal behaviour perfectly, not even the party druid can even try to notice that their behaviour isn't normal for animals. Then, out of the blue, one of the players gets a geas cast on him - without any notice, like 10 minutes of murmuring from the invisible spellcaster. The geas takes hold even though the order is clearly suicidal.

So in fact, you have been attacked, even though they could not know your plans (and the DM says it's a preemptive rataliation for the attack next day)

The invisible spellcasters and wereboar giants then attack your party - an attack which you should not have survived.

And when the party actually manages to beat the enemies, the DM stops the campaign right there.
 

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89. Players hold onto their char sheets like the last straw before they panick
90. Constant paranoia at the table, you trust no one, not even your own party
91. After an oponent escapes the party will constantly watch their six in fear of revenge
92. The party organizes a watch at night..be it in the middle of a dungeon or in a citdel-like inn with guards every 5 meters.

Edit:

93. You don't die in the game, because that would be too easy of an escape :]
 




Vraille Darkfang said:
38. You get 100 XP for letting the DM sleep with your wife. Strangely, your wife doesn’t complain and asks why don’t you take some Item Creation feats, since you just made 10,000 XP during your business trip.

Absolutely hilarious. :p :lol: :p :lol: :p
 


Your GM shows up at the session wearing any of the following:
1) A button that says "Never trust a smiling GM"
2) A button that says "When the GM is smiling, it's already too late"
3) Both buttons
 



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