How to know your DM’s a Rat Bastard:
- Thread starter Vraille Darkfang
- Start date
Vraille Darkfang
First Post
D-rock said:Just where are these kobolds hiding, and what exactly are they sneak attacking?
Well, since most outhouses in cities are just holes into the sewers.....
Lets just say there laying 'low' and sneak attacking that which is closest to their hidden lair.
Jürgen Hubert
First Post
22) You have to fight against Alchemical Killer Zombie Chicken.
VirgilCaine
First Post
ElvishBard said:My players would be thrilled by that one, except for the time it was going to be by spider gorillas.
Is that anything like a gorilla-bear? Or is is a Drider-gorilla?
howandwhy99
Adventurer
You have a story to tell as a player, which is every bit as good as "The Head of Vecna".
Vraille Darkfang
First Post
Rat Bastard II:
22. You get defeated by a pirate ship. It’s Captain Kangaroo. Mr. Green Jeans kicked your a** and your given to Mr. Moose to be his bi***.
23. All armor you find was designed with Pamela Anderson in mind.
24. He lets you take Vow of Abstinence, but then spikes your Mountain Dew with enough Viagra to make Trolls start looking pretty good.
25. Your elf must use the phrase “That is Illogical Captain” at least 3 times every session or he makes you karaoke to the “Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”.
26. He runs a d20 Modern based off “Dukes of Hazzard”. You can be either Daisy or Boss Hog.
27. He spikes the Tarrasques Mountain Dew with Viagra.
28. Spider monkeys open up six packs of whup-ass (Saki-flavored) and proceed to drop kick you into next week.
29. You’re polymorphed into Jar-Jar. Thus ensuring your destruction by any reasonable entity anywhere.
30. Your captured by Hill Giants who keep you caged in little metal balls, only taking you out to do battle with each other accompanied by the cry: “Elf Mage, I choose You.” You keep getting your backside zapped by some half-blue dragon rabbit-rat thing.
31. Aliens beam you up. Then probe you. Repeat.
32. You’re Halfling keeps getting bisected, followed by the DM laughing till tears flow while chuckling “HALF & HALF-ling. Get it?” Any who don’t laugh get some ‘quiet time’ with 'Mr. Straightjacket'.
33. He uses a paint ball gun to demonstrate exactly where the Drow Archers hit you. The groin appears to be a favorite target.
34. Your Mamluk warrior gets promoted to harem guard. DM hands you a knife & says: “Come on, you KNOW the special requirements of being a harem guard and I don’t think you can role-play THAT without some first hand experience.”
35. Your kingdom is obliterated by the neighboring kingdom, the Fiefdom of Mister Rogers. “It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood, bi***”.
36. Your special mount has to double as your ‘special friend’.
37. You have to use your “Lay on Hands” to heal the Halfling’s hemorrhoids.
38. You get 100 XP for letting the DM sleep with your wife. Strangely, your wife doesn’t complain and asks why don’t you take some Item Creation feats, since you just made 10,000 XP during your business trip.
39. You get to know every creature in the MM in the ‘biblical sense’
40. You find a Powder Blue Leisure Suit +8 of Dancing.
41. Fiendish Dire Crabs in your shorts.
22. You get defeated by a pirate ship. It’s Captain Kangaroo. Mr. Green Jeans kicked your a** and your given to Mr. Moose to be his bi***.
23. All armor you find was designed with Pamela Anderson in mind.
24. He lets you take Vow of Abstinence, but then spikes your Mountain Dew with enough Viagra to make Trolls start looking pretty good.
25. Your elf must use the phrase “That is Illogical Captain” at least 3 times every session or he makes you karaoke to the “Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”.
26. He runs a d20 Modern based off “Dukes of Hazzard”. You can be either Daisy or Boss Hog.
27. He spikes the Tarrasques Mountain Dew with Viagra.
28. Spider monkeys open up six packs of whup-ass (Saki-flavored) and proceed to drop kick you into next week.
29. You’re polymorphed into Jar-Jar. Thus ensuring your destruction by any reasonable entity anywhere.
30. Your captured by Hill Giants who keep you caged in little metal balls, only taking you out to do battle with each other accompanied by the cry: “Elf Mage, I choose You.” You keep getting your backside zapped by some half-blue dragon rabbit-rat thing.
31. Aliens beam you up. Then probe you. Repeat.
32. You’re Halfling keeps getting bisected, followed by the DM laughing till tears flow while chuckling “HALF & HALF-ling. Get it?” Any who don’t laugh get some ‘quiet time’ with 'Mr. Straightjacket'.
33. He uses a paint ball gun to demonstrate exactly where the Drow Archers hit you. The groin appears to be a favorite target.
34. Your Mamluk warrior gets promoted to harem guard. DM hands you a knife & says: “Come on, you KNOW the special requirements of being a harem guard and I don’t think you can role-play THAT without some first hand experience.”
35. Your kingdom is obliterated by the neighboring kingdom, the Fiefdom of Mister Rogers. “It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood, bi***”.
36. Your special mount has to double as your ‘special friend’.
37. You have to use your “Lay on Hands” to heal the Halfling’s hemorrhoids.
38. You get 100 XP for letting the DM sleep with your wife. Strangely, your wife doesn’t complain and asks why don’t you take some Item Creation feats, since you just made 10,000 XP during your business trip.
39. You get to know every creature in the MM in the ‘biblical sense’
40. You find a Powder Blue Leisure Suit +8 of Dancing.
41. Fiendish Dire Crabs in your shorts.
Tatsukun
Danjin Masutaa
-Your DM tells the party's Paladin that he's offended the evil gods, and has been cursed for it. He must apologise to remove the curse, but that would violate his code.
-Every hill giant has the improved sunder feat and a pet rust monster, and is stanting in a "natural" antimagic zone.
-Tatsu
-Every hill giant has the improved sunder feat and a pet rust monster, and is stanting in a "natural" antimagic zone.
-Tatsu
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