I really would like to see the rules give everyone what they want, but I'm afraid the scope is too broad to provide separate rulesets to support HP as abstract and HP as meat.
Unfortunately, whether you leave in or strip out things like damage on a miss, you're left with a subset of people for whom the game isn't as balanced. If you say balance isn't important for you, you're saying nuts to the people for whom it is important, and presuming that your wishes supersede those of the other group. If you think that's acceptable, a pox on you.
While I don't dislike OP's damage on a "near miss" suggestion, it's still going to rub some people the wrong way, because the "______ on a miss" debate isn't just about HP abstraction. The underlying boogeyman in such debates is attack roll abstraction, but that doesn't get yelled about as much.
If you really want to satisfy everyone, the place to start is rewrite the rules to roll attack vs derived defense stats, then roll some damage types from that roll against the target's AC, or rework AC as a damage reduction mechanic. But, if you do that, the new streamlined ruleset becomes less so, and a cry of "that's not D&D!" will emanate from all the land.
So, barring that, you're pretty much down to writing two complete versions of everything dealing with mechanics like damage on a miss, or impacted by the inclusion/removal of those mechanics (class features, feats, player HP, monster HP, caster spell progression and damage, etc.). That's a BIG module.