[Humor] News in the Realms !!! Headlines....

[Rashak Mani]

Reports from local teachers indicate that classrooms are packed full with adventurers of all kinds. Clerical and Magical Schools also report suddenly return of alumni.

"All our "Knowledge" classes are full... it seems those students that stopped studying beyond the basic levels are coming back. Classes like geography, nature, dungeoneering and the planes that were usually empty are all crowded. " said the Director of the Drizzt Ranger School. He added: "In fact our students are staying beyond the first year now that we added archery classes !!"

In the Temples it seems young clerics are enthusiastically upgrading their studies in the areas of Arcana and Religion.

"It was a really shame before... these so called Clerics running around with barely any knowledge of Religion or of any appreciable amount of skills at all. They should study beyond the fifth rank book thou... why do they all stop on the fifth rank ?" commented Reverend Moon.

In Rogue Schools Bards and Rogues are happily getting up to date in Local and History classes and curiously the before unheard of Architecture and Engineering. Once again students seem to lose interest beyond a certain level of study....

 

[Rashak Mani]

Re: Re: [Humor] News in the Realms !!! Headlines....

It must get really crowded under the basket with all the squeezing going on.

Ysgarran.

Sports: The Ogre Team was disqualified after their sudden increase in girth totally blocked out other teams... the Dragon Lance Minotaur team that was large size seems to have become a healthy medium and were not penalized in the recent tournament.

 

[jonesy]

this thread is great! Definately worthy of being put in the archives.

I second that wholeheartedly. Brilliant stuff.

 

[jasper]

Greyhawk (ap) Kid legs torn off in bizarre recess accident.

Mrs.Gray the spokeswoman for PSB 638 would only comment that some horrible when on during the hopscotch game yesterday. Little Dick and Jane were playing when Dick screams of pain echo down the halls of the Elemental School.
Jane was quoted as "All he was doing was threeis and fourees"
Mrs Gray did not reply to question on whether Dick's legs were found twenty feet away from each other. But the School Cleric did have use two regeneration spells to fix the problem.

 

[Rashak Mani]

Sports: After winning several recent races Arnan the Light, champion jockey and the best halfling rider in the Realms, finally revealed his secret for a number of straight victories: Spurs.

Yes apparently "Spur Mount" works and gains some speed. The horses bleed but the races are won. Animal Protection groups are filing complaints and warning of health hazards of spurring mounts to almost.

Says Arnan: "It wasnt enough being an Outrider to win races anymore.... so even thou I love these creatures I put on my extra long spurs and I won those races... thou I only spurred them on the final stretch. Other riders are going to far with this now."

Religion: Paladin Orders around the Realms are discussing the ethical dilemma of Spurring their Magical Mounts. After menacing a strike the Union of the Mounts accepted entering talks regarding this prickly subject. They say that since they are voluntary mounts that such measures even when running from raging demons is too much.

The Mounts Union Leader commented: "After we started going back to rest in the outer planes we have seen a higher number of Paladins pushing their mounts in combat beyond what they would have done in the past... our temporary death has lost its sting to these fanatical holy warriors. We arent afraid of dying of course... but SPURS !"

 

[Rashak Mani]

Wierd... when I posted a similar thread when 3.0 started... it ran 3 - 4 pages long and everyone gave great contributions...

Seems 3.5 hasnt been taken in too well...

 

[Zappo]

Wierd... when I posted a similar thread when 3.0 started... it ran 3 - 4 pages long and everyone gave great contributions...

Seems 3.5 hasnt been taken in too well...

Nah. It's just that the changes from 2e to 3e were immensely greater and more numerous than the changes from 3e to 3.5e.

 

[Particle_Man]

In News of the Odd section:

In major cities throughout the Realms, a large number of destroyed spell books have been found in trash heaps and middens. Wizards are confused as to why such valuable items would be deliberately burned, rather than sold.

Conspiracy theorist Gladdy Plums had written a letter to our paper stating that it was the work of a secret organization whose members were changing the way they do magic. However, Plums died of food poisoning recently, and was hence unavailable to elaborate on his claims.