Humorous descriptions for skill failures/successes

[der_kluge]

This is one of those areas of D&D that annoy me.

1s always fail. So, I could have a guy with 20 ranks in something like listen, and someone near me could have 1 rank in it, and he could a 20, and I could roll a 1, and he succeeds, and I horribly fail.

It's just illogical.

 

[Babylon Knight]

D&D is illogical.

Logic is for real life, we play this game to live by the roll of a gaming implement called dice

 

[Testament]

This is one of those areas of D&D that annoy me.

1s always fail. So, I could have a guy with 20 ranks in something like listen, and someone near me could have 1 rank in it, and he could a 20, and I could roll a 1, and he succeeds, and I horribly fail.

It's just illogical.

Not for skills they don't, but for attack rolls and saves. Skills have no autopass/autofail provision, with (IIRC) one exception in "Use Magic Device".

Here's some of ours, anyway

Spot: "Where are my shoes!?" <or> "I can see my shoes!" <or> "You see Elvis"
Listen: "La, lalalala..." (Smurf's Theme)
Move Silently: (see listen)
Hide: "You put the teatowel over your head"

 

[drothgery]

This is one of those areas of D&D that annoy me.

1s always fail. So, I could have a guy with 20 ranks in something like listen, and someone near me could have 1 rank in it, and he could a 20, and I could roll a 1, and he succeeds, and I horribly fail.

It's just illogical.

Err, on attacks and saves, a natural one always fails, but I was pretty sure that wasn't the case on skill checks (nor is a natural 20 always a success on a skill check).

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

Spot roll of 1(of course, this always happens with low/average Wis character):

"You're lucky if you notice your hand in front of your face."

And variations of the above each other time...had a character in one game that could only roll low on Listen/Spot, so it always allowed for some fun.

 

[reveal]

Regularly occurs in our game:

Roll of 1 on a Spot check: "I'm blind, BLIIIIINNNDD!!!" (that was from the PC, not the DM.

We have the same thing for Listen check rolled 1's.

DM: Roll a Listen check.
Player: *rolls* All I hear is the ocean.

As in, all you hear is the air in your head, like putting a shell to your ear.

On the other hand, if someone rolls extremely well on a Listen check, I'll say something like "You hear a cricket fart."

 

[domino]

We're playing 0th level characters. I'm playing a mason's apprentice dwarf, with an Int score of 6, dumb as a rock. The town is under attack, and as everyone else panics from the kobold horde, my dwarf looks around, picks up a rock, and throws it at the bad guys.

Natural 20.

"The rock goes through the kobold, and knocks down the one behind him. The first kobold looks at the hole blown through his chest, and falls over."

 

[Altamont Ravenard]

A failed horizontal Jump check is usually described in a Wile E. Coyote fashion.

Appraise: you think that it's worth... 1,000,000 gp!
Balance: each of your foot slips on the opposite side of the ledge you are walking on.
Craft: you can't tell your creation from a pile of crap.
Diplomacy: "F* you!"
Disguise: you look like a Rocky Horror Picture Show cast member
Forgery: "Yes, crayons really make it look more official"
Heal: you pour salt into the wound.
Perform: people run away, yelling "banshee!"
Sense Motive: "yes, the Balrog wants to give you a hug!"
Survival: the most edible thing you find is Umber Hulk feces.

AR

 

[DarkSoldier]

Whenever a player rolls really low, like single digits, for Spot checks, I tell them: "You see a very interesting patch of dirt."

 

[demiurge1138]

Sense Motive: "yes, the Balrog wants to give you a hug!"

That reminds me...

I'm running a game with all reptilian species, and the party is flying on their airship from one continent from another when they're sabotaged by a former party member who has since gone insane. After the fight, the frenzied berzerker is still frenzied, and he comes up to the deck to see the scattered bodies of his cohorts, only one of whom is still concious.

The survivor takes a look at the berzerker and makes a Sense Motive check to determine if he's still dangerous. He rolls a 1.

"Your good friend Kyo is looking very stressed. You think he needs a hug."

Suffice it to say, he did not survive the hugging process.

Demiurge out.