Humorous descriptions for skill failures/successes

[Dragonhelm]

Nat. 20 on Listen... "You hear a cricket chirping three miles away."

Fumble on Move Silently... "Clang! Clang! Clang!"

Spot seems to involve neon signs. Hrm...

 

[Tonguez]

Half-Orc barbarian was failed save vs fear and so ran away terrified the halfling rogue tried to grab the half-orc and succeeded at the grapple check
I said "do you want to let go?"
Halfling "No"
DM " you successfully wrap your arms around Turgs legs and find your self carried along by the huge terrified half-orc, your legs flail around behind you and undergrowth and clumps of dirt slap against your face and body - but you don't let go!!! "

 

[hong]

I got a 4!

 

[Quasqueton]

First off: FOR THE LOVE OF SANITY! THERE IS NO AUTO-FAIL (1) /AUTO-SUCCEED (20) ON SKILL CHECKS -- NO SKILL FUMBLES OR CRITICALS!

Geez.

. . .

I had a paladin who had suffered some serious Wisdom damage from poison; Wisdom was at ~5. Another PC was questioning a captive about 30 feet away while the paladin watched the tunnel out of the room. When it was asked whether my paladin heard the menacing interrogation, I rolled the Listen check. The normal DC for hearing people talking is 0, +3 for distance = DC 3. I rolled a 1, -3 for Wisdom = -2.

"La, la, lalala la..." [Smurfs theme]

Quasqueton

 

[Dragonhelm]

First off: FOR THE LOVE OF SANITY! THERE IS NO AUTO-FAIL (1) /AUTO-SUCCEED (20) ON SKILL CHECKS -- NO SKILL FUMBLES OR CRITICALS!

I actually use that as a house rule in my game.

 

[tensen]

Spot roll of 1(of course, this always happens with low/average Wis character):

"You're lucky if you notice your hand in front of your face."

And variations of the above each other time...had a character in one game that could only roll low on Listen/Spot, so it always allowed for some fun.

This works well with my character that is a shaman and constantly paying attention to the wrong things. Talking to plants when a mad killer army is charging the party.

Note as a DM I find I give different results to people based on their skills. Someone that has a high spot and rolls poorly just notices something else that draws his/her attention away. Or was doing something else.. like picking up a item that fell from their backpack.

Someone with a really low or non-existant skill but rolls a 20, might get it from a different perspective. Ie. Scout party of orcs traveling a mountain pass below the party but otherwise moving stealthy. The party of adventurers is otherwise moving long at a good pace on the mountain pass above them, but one of the party trips and lands on his chest, with his head at the edge of the ledge.. while there he notices the orcs below. if he hadn't fallen, he wouldn't have noticed.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

This is one of those areas of D&D that annoy me.

1s always fail. So, I could have a guy with 20 ranks in something like listen, and someone near me could have 1 rank in it, and he could a 20, and I could roll a 1, and he succeeds, and I horribly fail.

It's just illogical.

Yeah, but often dang funny.

 

[Ambrus]

Once the PCs were neering a forest that an NPC had told them the BBEG was hiding. One player wanted to check the path into the forest for tracks and then rolled a Search check of 5 so I tell him: "There is in fact a forest where the old woman told you it'd be." Eh. You'd probably have had to be there... We all had a good laugh about it.

Once I was playing a druid/shifter in a game in which the DM hardly ever used skill checks for anything except Spot, which he called for every few minutes. Unlike most people at the table, I'd clued into this fact and had subsequently maxed out my Spot skill and acquired a set of Eyes of the eagle. Combined with my high Wisdom and the right animal form it made for a high Spot check even at 8th level. The DM and the other players though were new to D20 and didn't really grasp it's possibilities. So at one point in a game I ask the DM if I could make a spot check to find some sneaky NPCs who were trying to sneak away into the forest. The DM says: "Sure but it'll have to be really good." I roll a natural 3 and everyone around the table starts chuckling until I total up my modifiers and say: "32". It was more fun seeing their surprised faces than actually finding the NPCs.

 

[Insight]

On a related note, I'd like to start a petition for the reduction of Listen and Spot checks in games. It seems that every time there is ANYTHING to be seen or heard, the DM calls for a Listen/Spot check (sometimes both). Why? If it's there to be seen/heard, tell the players. Also, if it's critical to the plot that something be seen or heard, JUST TELL THE PLAYERS ABOUT IT. Don't have the Players rolls dice just for the sake of rolling dice! You know you're just going to tell the Players about it anyway - cut to the chase already!

I have been in situations where the DM called for Listen and Spot checks, we all rolled in the 10s and 15 at the most, and he gives us all the information anyway. If it's something anyone would see or hear in that situation, just tell us. It's a waste of time to go through all that die rolling and results announcements.

Here's a simple litmus test when thinking about calling for die rolls:

Is the result of the die roll(s) going to change something in the game?

If the answer is no, then don't call for a roll. Just tell what happens and move the game along. You don't need to roll Listen checks for every songbird that happens to chirp when the PCs walk by, you don't need Appraise checks to determine the market value of a simple dagger, and you don't need a Spot check to see whether a door is open or not.

 

[Eluvan]

Alright. Three members of the party are standing around in an alley outside the inn they stayed at the previous night, waiting for the rogue to catch up so they can leave. The rogue, meanwhile, is upstairs in a room he shouldn't be, waking up next to a girl who looked good last night but is now looking suspiciously like the mayor's daughter (and things have been... delicate... between the party and the mayor for a while). Sure enough, just as he is coming to some unpleasant conclusions and wondering how to extricate himself from the situation, three armed guards break the door down and point sharp things at him.

Reacting on instinct, he grabs the bedclothes to cover himself and jumps out the window. He's only on the first floor, so with a jump modifier of +12, he should be okay right?

*rolls*

It's a 1.

To the Party: "A figure awkwardly entangled in a big white sheet falls from above, nearly hitting you, and lands in a crumpled, groaning heap on the floor."

The Ranger, without missing a beat and absolutely deadpan: "'Bout time. Let's go."