I need some useless Magic Items.


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weedbane sickle (doesn't harm crops)
earrings of listening
spoon of subtle flavors (for spicing stews, etc)
moss-repellent stone
garden gnome golem
brooch of diplomacy
candles of seduction
cork of freshness - stored liquid never goes bad
+1 mithril letter opener of literacy
cube of sweetness - drop in liquid to sweeten it, but it doesn't dissolve
 

Figurine of Wondrous Power: Panda

This is a smoky quartz sculpture of a Panda in a bamboo grove. When activated, this figure turns into a life sized Panda and grove, and the Panda begins to eat the bamboo. If attacked or damaged in any way, it reverts to stone form.

However, if it is activated near anyone named Brent, the Panda will ignore the bamboo and instantly attack.

Figurine of Wondrous Power: Chihuahua

This is an agate sculpture of a small, short haired dog. When activated, the figure will bark incessantly until deactivated. Saying the command word to deactivate the figurine will only work 33% of the time.

Belt of Endless Levitation

When this belt's command word is spoken, the belt's wearer begins to rise from the ground. The levitation does not stop at any altitude- the wearer continues indefinitely until the belt is actually removed and released.
 


Encyclopedia Magica (2nd Edition) is your friend here. If you have it, it lists all of the magic items published by TSR to its printing, including all of the April Fools items. Some of the "useless" items are potentially pretty cool for world building, like a stone ball (presumably for well-to-do folks' gardens) that attracts birds to its vicinity.


RC

You read my mind.
 

Some items that would be legitimately usefull in the real world, but are less usefull to a D+D adventurer:

Quall's Feather Token: Pillow
When activated, this feather converts into a normal, soft pillow. Very usefull for those who want to travel lightly.

Bracer of Holding
When you place an item against this bracer, it is held against the bracer by magic. One bracer can hold up to 5 lbs of items. Placing or removing an item from the bracer is a move action. A successful attack on an item held by the bracer will knock it to the ground.

Tableware of Cleanliness
This complete set of tableware (plate, bowl, cup, saucer, knife, fork, spoon) will make itself spotlessly clean when the command word is spoken.

Hat of Shade
This wide brimmed hat makes it's wearer immune to sunburn.

Chalice of Carefullness
When this chalice is filled with liquid, it cannot be spilled. All liquid will stay inside the chalice, even if it is turned upside down. You can still drink from the chalice as you normally would.

Blade of Grooming Safety
This razor sharp blade grants a +5 bonus to attacks against hair or uses of Profession: Barber. However, the blade is completely incapable of attacking flesh, and will pass directly through it without harm.

Mirror of Reversal
This magic mirror shows images as if it were placed on the exact opposide side of an object than the side it is really on (i.e. looking directly into it gives you a view of the back of your head).

Spectacles of the Index
These glasses are activated by speaking a command word, followed by any other word you are interested in. From then on, when you see that word written, it will appear to be surrounded by a bright light. This effect allows you to quickly flip through the pages of a book to find a specific word.

Deck of Shuffling
This deck of playing cards will randomize themselves when a command word is spoken. Only cards in physical contact with the user speaking the command word are affected. The deck is otherwise completely normal.
 

Mirror +2,+4 or +6

Look into it and the viewer believes his/her appearance is that much better of a CHA. No truth behind it however.


We had a cook whom created a +1 cooking utencil. Gave him a +1 to his cooking skill check. Some use but very limited.
 

Teddy Bear of Quiet Slumber. Willing target activates item by snuggling, sleeps quietly for eight hours. Wakens refreshed and ready to face the new day.

Ring of Invisibility. Ring turns invisible when worn.

Bag of Useless Items. Reach in and pull out an item that is completely useless for whatever you need right then. Item lasts until it might be useful, then vanishes.

Ring of Hair Growth. Say goodbye to premature balding!

Trumpet of Flatulence. Fortunately blowing the horn covers up the sound of escaping gas. Unfortunately it does not mask the smell.

Glove of Waving and Pointing. Glove increases the apparent size of the wielder's hand by three times when he is using it to point something out or to wave hello. Large script on the glove reads 'We're #1!'

Ever Watered Pot. Plants planted within this simple clay pot need not be watered, the pot administering the correct amount of moisture each day.

Sundial of Weather Detection. Turns wet when it is raining, and white when it is snowing - time can be read even on cloudy days.

Ever Moving Bookmark. Placed within a book the bookmark transports to the last page read. A cursed version moves to a random page, even when placed by hand to mark the proper page.

The Auld Grump
 

Encyclopedia Magica (2nd Edition) is your friend here. If you have it, it lists all of the magic items published by TSR to its printing, including all of the April Fools items. Some of the "useless" items are potentially pretty cool for world building, like a stone ball (presumably for well-to-do folks' gardens) that attracts birds to its vicinity.

Are the April Fools Items sorted in the books in any way so they are easy to locate? I couldn't find anything in the books about April Fools Items.
 

Loofah of perpetual soapiness
Razor of sharpness, -20 versus flesh (actually, that could be useful...)
Clotheshorse of instant drying.

Why yes, I have just had a bath. How did you guess?
 

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