I need some useless Magic Items.

[Dannyalcatraz]

Ring of the Moonshadow

Makes the wearer's shadow turn the color of moonlight. This renders it invisible in daylight or well lit areas, but conversely, it glows in darkness.

Iron Panflute

When played by a Bard who fails on his Perform roll by 5 or more, it turns into a cast-iron skillet for 1d4 rounds.

 

[Alisair Longreach]

Plate with Airbag Level 2+
Armor: Plate
Enhancement: AC
Property: You negate one dice of falling damage per enhancement bonus.
After a fall you are prone and immobilized (save ends).

Idea stolen from Wizard of Id feb 7, 2010

 

[DeBasilisk]

Pole of the Master Fisher
-Fishing pole; when used, one can name a specific type of mundane fish or sea-creature found in the region (snapper, grouper, bass, octopus, eel etc.) and within minutes, one such creature automatically is hooked.

The Sadim Touch
-Oil, when applied to the hand, any gold, silver or platinum touched is transformed to lead shavings.

Nogain Powder
-Causes baldness.

Lamp of Wishful Thinking
-Ornate oil lamp, when rubbed, an eager Djinn announces he will fulfill 3 wishes for the lamp's owner. The wishes never come true. When asked, the Djinn always assures the owner "It's in the works." It isn't.

 

[Psychotic Jim]

The DMG (3.0 version) had a burnt out gray ioun stone that cost 25 gp. All it did was float around your head in a normal ioun stone fashion. One particularly crazy thief of mine find it to be high fashion.

The Nyambe African Adventures d20 setting had what it described as trinkets, small doodads that existed mostly for flavor and did minor things. Each one cost 25 gp.

You might also look at the d20 book Nuisances, which had a few quirky magical items (like a flying carpet size so that only a familiar could ride on it) as well as flaws for more serious mudane and magical items. Nothing really too systematic, but it might have a handful of ideas.

 

[David Howery]

the Pacifist Scabbard. Put a blade in this, and every time the PC gets into combat, the scabbard will twist and turn and refuse to let the blade out of it, all the while screaming "No! I don't want to hurt anything! Can't we all just get along?!"

okay, that's more of a cursed item than a useless one...

 

[Sylrae]

Last game I sold my players a broom that creates dirt when you use it to sweep. It was a joke item, meant to be useless. He bought it for and giggles.

At the end of the game he used it to put out a greasefire. It made my Day.

 

[darjr]

Slipper of the third hand. Put it on and the foot wearing it is as good as a hand, not a foot. Hopping on the other foot is good fun.

Little hands. Gloves that make your hands three sizes smaller. Surgeons and pickpockets love these.

Square pants. Pants with pockets that you can put things in with sharp or uncomfortable corners. You'll, however, remain nice and comfy. You'll also look like Bob.

Bobble head. A small hat or crown that makes your head a giant bobble head. It makes getting hit in the head much less of a hassle injury wise, but it'll take you a second or a few before your head stops bouncing around.

Everfull wallet. It's never empty and always over flowing... with receipts. It's good if you need a scrap of paper in a pinch, though for any particular use the receipt is the worst thing that's just barely good enough for the job.

Note all the above are cursed. The wearable items are impossible to remove without a secret archaic magic phrase. The wallet is the only wallet you'll ever remember where you put it, with out a key phrase.

 

[darjr]

Lamp of Wishful Thinking
-Ornate oil lamp, when rubbed, an eager Djinn announces he will fulfill 3 wishes for the lamp's owner. The wishes never come true. When asked, the Djinn always assures the owner "It's in the works." It isn't.

Or, after a lot of mumbo jumbo nothing happens. If asked the Djinn says, 'Your not the owner! Where's the title?'

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Or, after a lot of mumbo jumbo nothing happens. If asked the Djinn says, 'Your not the owner! Where's the title?'

Or the Djinn responds to your wishes with something like "Nice wish! You know what I wish? I wish I was on a beach with a cute little efreet on my arm..." then disappears.

When rubbed again, he bursts out "Or maybe, at least, that I didn't live in a cramped little bottle that people keep yanking me out of through a tiny little spout!" and disappears again...


Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

The Chillax

This is a battleaxe that, when wielded and the command word is spoken, makes every being within a 60' radius pause for 1 round and reflect upon whether the present conflict is worth continuing. For that 1 round, each affected being gains a +4 to their Wis.