I need some useless Magic Items.

[Theo R Cwithin]

Doily-caster - This intimidating looking device resembles a heavy crossbow studded with gears and spindles. When a command word spoken, a lacy doily is instantly crocheted from the user-provided material and propelled in the direction the device is aimed (range increment 20'). A doily-caster is configurable: a single skein of yarn provides 50 "charges", of which a fine-sized doily (4") consumes one charge, a diminutive-sized doily (8") consumes 2 charges, and a tiny-sized doily (16") consumes 4 charges. Loading the device involves threading the yarn through intricate moving parts and is a very complex task, requiring 10 full rounds to reload.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Wand of Wander

Upon saying the command word, the target creature becomes Confused for 2d10 rounds and wanders off. While it is confused, the creature is miraculously protected from attacks.

After the effect dissipates, the creature is free to act normally...but it has no idea where it is.

(thus answering the question "Where do all those wandering monsters come from, anyway?")

 

[Ampersand999]

I noticed that in Adventurer Vaults 2, there's the fabled Ring of Windows. Which make me think it has to have a drawback. Mainly, you must upgrade the Ring to the latest version, every day before you use it, it must make a 30 minute check to make sure you're genuine, and if you encounter a blue smokescreen, you have to make a DC 40 check or you basically die.

Too obvious, perhaps?

 

[Theo R Cwithin]

I noticed that in Adventurer Vaults 2, there's the fabled Ring of Windows.
...snip...
Too obvious, perhaps?

Nice Reminds me of these:

Reboots - Once per week, this pair of boots allows the wearer to lose all XP, treasure and conditions accumulated during the current adventure, and teleport back to the beginning (or last save point) to start over.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Figurine of Wondrous Powder

When this magic statue's command word is spoken, it becomes an elvish dressing servant who will clean up the statue's owner and clothe him in magically produced fashionable elvish courtly attire (of a dandy of 4,000 years ago) but will, in the final moments, apply too much talcum powder.

The person so attended will be blinded for 1 round and cough for 1d4 rounds. He will also look like an elvish fop for 6 hours, after which the clothes will disappear.

His previous attire will appear- fully cleaned, folded and perfumed- in a neat pile in his arms. If his previous attire was a suit of armor, he may find the load unwieldy.

 

[Theo R Cwithin]

Cat-herder's crook -
This graceful staff resembes a long, striped feline tail curved in the form of a shepherds' crook.
- It is Dogbane quarterstaff +1/+1
- It constantly radiates an aura of calm animals (cats only) to a radius of 30ft.
- It grants the wielder the ability to speak with animals (cats only).
- (1x/day) The wielder can create enough water and fishy-smelling meat paste to feed up to 40 tiny-sized cats.
- (3x/day) The wielder can shoot forth a 30ft Cone of Catnip: any cat caught in the area of effect must make a Will save (DC18) or be dazed for 1d6+4 minutes.

 

[Set]

Baby djinni bottle - Looks like a normal djinni bottle, but produces a baby djinn. He can only produce very small wishes. 1gp for example. On the positive side, most of the wishes come out as intended, not twisted like adult djinns do.

I love this one. Maybe the baby djinn's 'wishes' stem from his being able to cast prestidigitation at will, or minor image, or something.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

The Ever Empty Bottle

Its a Klein bottle which changes constantly. It is otherwise unmagical.

Figurine of Wondrous Power: Möbius Stripper

This alabaster statuette of a woman comes to life when its command word is spoken, and begins dancing. However, no matter how much she dances, you never see her front. She reverts to statuette form after 1d4 rounds.

 

[Theo R Cwithin]

Genius in a Bottle
This bottle contains a single dose of clear, colorless liquid. When it is drunk, roll d% and check the result:

1%: "inspiration" - gain a +20 insight bonus on your next Craft, Profession, or Knowledge skill check

99%: "perspiration" - tastes like sweat.
....

My last use of this item resulted in the following:

Klein bottle

Klein bottle, klein bottle,
What have you got within?
Intoxicating faery meade,
Or maybe baby djinn?

O! Klein bottle, mine bottle,
Your twistedness ne'er ends:
Your deepest inside's always out
And your farthest outside's in!


--the_orc_within

:curtsey:

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Battleaxe of Great Cleavage

When first used in combat, this +2 Battleaxe turns the wielder into a female of their species, granting a +4 bonus to Charisma and magically altering their armor to show off their "attributes" to their best advantage. The armor's protective value does not change.

When the weapon is not in use, the Charisma bonus fades at a rate of -1 Cha per hour. The owner's gender does not change back, however, unless powerful magic (Limited Wish or better) is used.