I need some useless Magic Items.

[Dannyalcatraz]

Genius in a Bottle 2
When the bottle is polished while the following is sung:

I'm a genius in a bottle, baby
Gotta rub me the right way, honey
I'm a genius in a bottle, baby
Come, come, come and let me out

The bottle's owner disappears, to be replaced by a diminutive blonde creature of magic...the owner replacing her within the bottle's confines She has a +20 Craft, Profession, Knowledge or Cha-based skill checks.

However, she will not return to the bottle until she is sufficiently flattered by the bottle owners' associates (their Bluff or Diplomacy vs her Sense Motive check). Until she is convinced of her usefulness, she won't transpose with the bottle's owner.

 

[Allegro]

Coin bag of change
All coins placed in the coin bag will be transmuted to the least number of coins that represent equivalent value. For example 1283 copper coins will turn into 1 platinum, 2 gold, 8 silver, and 3 copper coins. Additionally, the owner of the bag can reach into the bag and pull out the correct change to make a purchase assuming the bag has enough coinage currently stored in it.

Pot of Restaurant Service
The pot is activated when the PCs deposit at least 10 gold into the pot at a restaurant or tavern. Any wait staffing within 100 feet failing their will save DC 14 + (amount of gold/10 rounded down) will be compelled to give exemplary service to the owner of the pot. At the end of the night, the gold is disappears into the wallets of the wait staff.

Gelatinous Chew
This gum is made from cuttings of a gelatinous cube. While being chewed they provide a +2 bonus to resist the paralyzing poison of gelatinous cubes.

 

[Longtooth Studios]

Foppish Balls

A form of bolo tie that is worn around the neck and is extremely outdated in most fashion circles. These are enchanted to make the wearer believe that he is all the rage in his chosen fashion statement and prevent him from noticing the mocking laughter of others.

 

[TarionzCousin]

Evard's Everful Colostomy Bag

Do I really need to explain this?

 

[David Howery]

kinda OT, but did anyone else think the 1E/2E Bag of Tricks was inspired by Rocky and Bullwinkle?

"Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"
"RRRRRRRR"

 

[Ed_Laprade]

kinda OT, but did anyone else think the 1E/2E Bag of Tricks was inspired by Rocky and Bullwinkle?

"Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"
"RRRRRRRR"

In a word, yes.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Deck of Goats: if used to play cards, this deck will add +4 to any gambling check made by the deck's owner. However, if the Joker is dealt- and it cannot be removed- a stampede of goats will burst through the nearest doorway, generally causing havoc. Their stampede lasts 2d4 rounds, and then they disappear out of any open portal (doorway, window, trapdoor, etc.).

Once acquired, this Deck cannot be given away, only lost by gambling with that deck.

While it does not force its owner to use it, any deck with which the owner plays has the "Joker drawback"...and will not grant its magical bonus.

In addition, the cards are edible by the deck's owner, providing 1 meal's worth of nutrition. It re-forms 12 hours later. This power can only be activated once per day, and if used, cannot be used to gain the gambling bonus. As always, though, the "Joker drawback" is in effect.