I need your pizza delivery stories

[Harmon]

Couple of them (wonder if these will pass the Grandma test? I will keep them as clean as I can, Mods- edit if I go past that line, plz)-

Our local pizza joint (in my youth) didn't have sizes (small, medium, large, etc) instead they had diameter (6", 9", 12", etc) so one of my buddies calls and says- "I'd like a nine incher." The response was- "wouldn't we all." He dropped the phone, and walked away.

Went to a friend's (same friend) 'my parents are out of town and I am throwing a party' party. One of the guys orders a pizza then promptly passes out in the bath tub. Pizza guy shows and wants his money. He threatens us, and demands cash or else he'll call the cops (like a $10 pie and he wants $30 or something). So while we are looking for the guy that ordered the pizza (to mug him to pay the extortion and for the pizza), one of the party goers little brother (without our knowledge) sneaks to the guys car and steals all his pies. The passed out guy is found, his wallet grabbed, and taken to the front door- theres like twenty bucks in it, the pizza guy grabs it (wallet, money, ID, everything) and leaves.

So pizza guy calls the cops- he's been robbed.

The guy that ordered the pie wakes, someone has plugged the tub and he nearly drowns (drunk and stoned).

We are eating pizza.

The cops show for the second time, and talk to us, the guy that was robbed of his wallet is told the pizza guy came in and stole his wallet. The pizza guy has the wallet in his passengers seat. Guess who ends up in the back seat of a police car- yep, pizza guy.

Ahh- reasons to not do drugs and drink. Ya, stupid times. :\

Ordered a pizza, the pizza guy was a little religious and saw that we had some kind of Satanic thing going on (dice, maps, character sheets, well light room, everyone clothed, sitting about a table with D&D books, etc) and felt the need to preach to us about the evils of D&D. He ranted, one Player took the pizzas, and I paid the guy. He ranted, and I said- "thank you, could you please direct the virgins through the side gate, they are needed in the back."

Pizza guys car stayed outside for near an hour.

 

[Agamon]

All my best pizza delivery stories involve cops and strippers.

 

[Ranger REG]

Are you soliciting for Penthouse Forum?

Is this site being considered on the Net Nanny list?

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Our local pizza joint (in my youth) didn't have sizes (small, medium, large, etc) instead they had diameter (6", 9", 12", etc) so one of my buddies calls and says- "I'd like a nine incher." The response was- "wouldn't we all." He dropped the phone, and walked away.

This reminded me of a time ordering a pizza in college. New place opened up near the college campus. We decided to try them out so one of my friends calls to order. Not knowing anything about their pizza, he asked them what size their pizzas were.
Pizza Guy: "Small, medium and large."
Friend: "OK, how big is the medium?"
Pizza Guy: "Smaller than the large."
Friend: "Sure, but how big is it?
Pizza Guy: "Its about medium."
Friend: "But how big is medium?!"
Pizza Guy: "I don't know, its just medium."

My friend hung up at that point and called the place we ordered pizza from the year before.

 

[kenobi65]

The guy who was my very first DM had a job as a pizza delivery driver while he was in college. This was in the 1970s, and there was exactly one restaurant in Green Bay that did pizza delivery, so it was actually a pretty lucrative job.

He went to deliver a pizza one night, and the door was answered by a middle-aged woman in a negligee. "I'm sorry, I don't have any money," she said, with a wink.

"Then, you have no pizza, either," my friend replied, and left.

 

[lobsterGun]

Here's one.

When I used to deliver for Pizza Hut a couple of the other drivers were off duty Air Force enlisted guys.

...and there was this girl named Michele (she was a smok'n hottie). She was dating one of the Air Force guys. As it would happen she was under age....and the daughter of the Base Commander...and had a big mouth. One day, one of that Air Force Guys didn't show up to work. He was in jail. I never saw him again.

OK, that really wasn't a delivery story.

Here's one: On my first night, I was received a 10 dollar tip. It was the biggest tip i received during the three years I delivered pizza. I don't think I ever received a tip more than two dollars after that.

Here's another one. There was a guy named Gene that worked there. He actually declared ALL of his tips to the IRS. The rest of the drivers only reported a fraction of theirs.

One night, someone paid me with a ripped dollar bill. I kept trying to give it to people as change, but they'd just give it back to me as the tip. At the end of the night I realized what I had. I had actually been tipped at every delivery. I kept that ripped dollar bill for MONTHS. When someone finally took it and stiffed me, I made a new one. I always gave a torn one dollar bill as change. It was a trick that served me quite well.

One of the drivers, Trey, was quite the popular fellow. People would call and ask for Trey to deliver their pizza. Everyone thought it was cool that he was so popular...turn out he wasn't just delivering pizza, he was delivering primo ganja . One day, one of the drivers came back from a delivers and asked why there were a police cars parked all around the building. All of the color drained out of, Trey's face and he got really nervous. He didn't take any deliveries for the rest of the night. He wouldn't even answer the phone. He just stayed in the back and washed dishes. A few years later Trey did some time in county for torching some guys car in an insurance fraud scheme. Last I heard he was making bird houses for a living.

A driver from the Dominoes up the street got kidnapped one night. He took a pizza out into the sticks to an old farm house. When he got out of his car some guys jumped him, beat the crap out of him, and stuffed him in the trunk of their car. They drove him way the hell out into the country, took all his clothes and left him bleeding in a ditch. A week or so later I was sent to do the night deposit at the bank. As I was coming back a dude jumped out of the bushes and yelled, "GIMME YOUR MONEY!!!". I jumped about 10 feet in the air and nearly pissed myself. Turns out it was my roommate. I don't think I ever saw him laugh so hard. He'd seen me pull up to do the deposit then ran up and hid in the bushes while I was busy with the machine.

 

[Ayrk]

These are great stories. I'll share one from a friend of mine.

He was delivering pizzas in college and went up a house near campus and rang the doorbell. He heard a woman inside yell "Frank! Get the door!"

No one came so he rang again. Again "Frank! Get the door!"

Still no one came so he heard a disgusted noise and then this woman, obviously out of the shower, comes up to the door stark naked.

Dumfounded he hands over the pizza and she goes to get the money, all the while thinking thoughts that any college man would think. She comes back gives him his money, and tip. He turns around and goes back to his car, walking in a haze.

 

[Glyfair]

Here's one: On my first night, I was received a 10 dollar tip. It was the biggest tip i received during the three years I delivered pizza. I don't think I ever received a tip more than two dollars after that.

I still remember my two best tips from when I delivered pizza. The first time was when I delivered to a kids birthday party. The birthday boy wanted to give me the tip, so his mother handed him some change to give me. Then the next kid wanted to give me the tip, so the mother gave him some more change. At that point it snowballed and every kid gave me something for a tip.

The biggest tip, though, was to a restaurant/bar. It was a Sunday afternoon and they were doing the annual spring cleaning. Apparently they had taken all the booths up and scraped all the dirt up, including all the change that had become caked to the floor. They gave me all the change as my tip.

I took the change back to the store, soaked it in cleaning solution the rest of the day and counted it. It was about $17 (this was back in the 80's). Plus, this was for delivering to a place that was in the same shopping center only two doors down!

Never had any naked women, although there was apparently a prostitute who used to order when she had company. I did get a few scantily clad women.

 

[Glyfair]

Oh yeah, then there were the Stoners. I used to work for Dominos when they still had the 30 minutes or free. This was just before the 30 minutes or $3 off switch happened.

I got to the store and was told to deliver this pizza which was very late (about an hour old when I got there). When the guys opened the door the smoke poured out of the apartment. They paid me and the guy said "Wow, dude! That was fast!"

 

[dogoftheunderworld]

All the years I delivered pizza and I can only think of a couple of stories that are barely interesting...

Once, delivering to a new customer... for new customers (not in the computer), we always call and confirm the address, etc. so I go to the street and that address doesn't exist. I head back to the store (this was before cell phones were rampant) and call the customer. They give me the same address and confirm the location of the street. I go back... no such address. I find a pay phone, call again, they give me the same address. This time I ask for a description of there house. I go back down the street, find a house that look sabout right and make the delivery. They had given the wrong house number. \

Not mine, but a co-worker: When he worked on the not-so-nice side of town, he had a delivery to a bar. As he was pulling into the parking lot, two men come running out of the bar. Then a third man comes out of the bar and starts shooting at them with a handgun!
He whips back out of the parking lot and goes back to the store. His only words "Couldn't find the address." (He transferred to a different store shorty after that.)

On the receiving end... when Papa Johns first started making a splash, we lived outside there delivery area, so we went and picked up every week or so. Eventually, they put in a new store about 4 blocks from our house, so we immediatly start calling for delivery. The first time, the pizza ended up 3 hours late -- free pizza. The second time, 2-1/2 hrs late - free pizza, plus our next pizza free. The 3rd time (already free), about 3 hours late... I think we ate free pizza for about 2 months While my wife was pregnant with our first child, she got turned off of Papa Johns, and we haven't been back since...

Once I was paid with a plastic cup full of coins. I thought "yeah, that looks good". When I got home and counted it up, it was barely enough for the pie. After that, the customer had to count it up in front of me