If you love something, let it go...

[ForceUser]

Disclaimer: I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Just trying to make a human connection, I guess.

I recently shelved a great D&D campaign that ran for almost a year. I call it great because overall I had a great time, as did most of my players. I had to sit down and stack the pros of continuing verses the cons, and it was a difficult decision--on the one hand, most of the players were fully immersed in their characters and the setting, enjoyed overcoming the challenges set before them, and had enjoyed spending time with one another. On the other hand, one of the players was consistently disruptive, several struggled with my GMing style, and going forward the group would have been composed of not one but two (!) recently-split couples, who comprised over half of the players at the table. Breakups are hard, and gaming with a recent ex--however amicably the relationship ended--seems even harder. It's sad, however, to end a game with such history, and that once had such camraderie. The ending of the game, of course, is simply a reflection of the distance former partners need to move on, but I am nonetheless as sad about the ending of the campaign as about the ending of other aspects of former relationships.

It's interesting how one's hobby can sometimes be so wrapped up in one's emotional life. I sometimes wonder if it would be better to game with casual acquaintances rather than good friends.

I suppose I should ask a question to move the thread along, so here it is: can anyone relate?

 

[sniffles]

Ouch! That sucks. I feel your pain. I've experienced putting several campaigns to rest in recent years. One game was shut down by the GM because he was feeling frustrated with the rules system, which was a great disappointment to the players because we were really deeply into our characters and hugely enjoying the game. Another campaign just petered out when the GM went through some changes (moved, went back to school) and just couldn't make the effort any more.

Even though it's disappointing to see a game die due to these emotional involvements, I think in the long run that playing with friends is much more satisfying than playing with casual acquaintances. Admittedly I haven't often played with acquaintances, but when I have it just doesn't have the comfort level of being with good friends. Hopefully whatever you decide, you'll keep the friendships. Those are more important than the game.

 

[dren]

ForceUser, I feel horrible for you. I recently ended a great campaign but for completely different (and positive) reasons. I had known only two of them before the group began, and now I have five damn fine friends. I'm one of the damn lucky ones...you got the opposite side of the coin toss.

Is it better to game with casual rather than good friends? Well, there are pros and cons. If they are casual, you may only have D&D in common with them, and that's really bad, well, actually just really boring. If they are good friends, well, your own post illustrates the cons of the situation. But at the same time, good friends can roll with the punches, laugh or cry at as appropriate or even, call you a turd for being a turd especially when you need to be called a turd. Casual friends won't do that.

It might be safer to game with casual friends; but the highs are so much better when you do game with your mates...cause really, they are more than half the reason why the game is so fun.

Good luck with this, and hope your friends remain your friends regardless of anything else that might happen.

dren

 

[Flyspeck23]

It's interesting how one's hobby can sometimes be so wrapped up in one's emotional life. I sometimes wonder if it would be better to game with casual acquaintances rather than good friends.

I suppose I should ask a question to move the thread along, so here it is: can anyone relate?

Of course.

Our game would likely be null and void if one of the two couples involved would break up. And I hate that thought.

(And I mean one of the two couples. The other doesn't participate half of the time anyway...)

Not sure if gaming with "casual acquaintances" would be better. If anything, the game would be less emotional. But is that a good thing?

 

[S'mon]

I suppose I should ask a question to move the thread along, so here it is: can anyone relate?

Yes.

 

[Meadred]

I suppose I should ask a question to move the thread along, so here it is: can anyone relate?

Definitely! I've been gaming with the same group for more than 10 years (actually close to 13 years now, we meet in college), and like any long-time relationship there has been highs and lows. The first low came about 6 years back when everyone graduated and started working. Some of the guys got so caught up in work that our regular gaming sessions almost died out. Then we had a revival a couple of years later, and we started playing more often.

Right now we're having a bit of a low again; one guy got promoted to a manager position at work and has to work a lot so he can't participate as often as before, a couple of other guys (they're all consultants) works for an UK-based client, so they miss quite a few sessions, and the only girl in our group teaches at a dance studio on her spare time, so she has taken a time-out.

Unfortunately the difficulties in getting a gaming session together has gotten to me, and I'm beginning to loose interest. I'm thinking about ending the campaign I'm responsible for (two of us take turns being the DM), and try to get my enthusiasm and creativity back. I will probably change to another rules set - for me, d20-based games take too much time to prepare, and the others' knowledge of the extensive d20 rules set hampers our gaming in a way (None of us know it well enough to let the game session flow, but some know it well enough to question any attempts to "hand-wave" things and claim to have read a rule regarding it 'somewhere'; "Oh, I know it's here somewhere, just wait a moment...").

Anyway, eventually this will pass, and we'll be gaming like before, having a good time together again, talking about our college days and so on. That's the good part about playing with your friends! BTW, we've only had one break-up (only one girl in the group) and that didn't hurt the group as the break-up happened when the guy moved to the US to get a MBA.

Phew, guess I had a lot on my chest today.

Cheers,
Meadred

 

[Yttrai]

Not myself, yet, firsthand.

But the SO DM's for a group of friends who've known each other since High School, more or less. Of 7 totall very good friends, 5 still game weekly, two of whom must drive an hour each way to be there. They will probably never break up, since they are pretty clear that Girls Shall Not Join, especially SO's of current players.

Now, i know the war of words going on about allowing chick gamers, but i actually respect their decision, because it is their Guys' Night Out, and if they were playing poker or watching the game no one would object. Its the tradeoff they've chosen to stay together for 15 years.

Our other two groups are people we met through postings, which lacks that intimacy of close friends of which people have spoken. On the other hand, we have no preconcieved notions of each other, which can be very liberating. And its not like we spend every last moment in character. We order food halfway through, drink beers and yak about Stuff. Our introductory dinner (blind date?) with one group we hit upon politics and religion within the first hour, and no one got pissed and left. It was a good test of our collective mellowness and compatibilty.

The short answer: Life is full of compromises. Game with people who you are comfortable gaming with. Sometimes that means close friends, sometimes that means gaming acquaintences. This too shall pass : )

 

[DaveStebbins]

Yes, sometimes life intrudes on our gaming in one form or another. Jobs, families, relationships, hobbies - they're all intertwined within our lives and will occasionally have effects upon one another. It can't be helped, I'm sorry it happened to you. One of my gaming buddies recently lost his job and will likely have to move out-of-state to accept one of the offers he has received. It stinks, and is made worse by the fact that he signed a non-compete agreement as a hiring condition which would prevent him working in his field within 50 miles of here. Of the rest, at least two, and possible as many as four, of us have signed similar agreements where we work. Major layoffs at the company we work for would drive us all out of state, most likely.

On the other hand, I can't imagine playing with people I'm not friends with. I hang out occasionally with everyone in my group, and the one married couple are my best friends in the world. We'll be having a new player joining us next week, and I'm pretty sure he'll end up being a close friend as well. However, for us, it's a case of gaming style. We are very casual gamers and spend almost as much time socializing as playing when we get together. We don't tend to become deeply immersed in character, and off-topic remarks are common and can spawn conversations which extend for some time. Game nights are more of a friendly get-together where we also game. I know it's not everyone's taste, but it suits our group perfectly. If someone wants a deeply immersive gaming environment, where off-topic discussions are discouraged, maybe gaming with acquaintances would be a better path.

-Dave