Intelligent Items & Their Wacky Motivations

[Fauchard1520]

You guys know the Intelligent Item Purpose table, right? It's mostly full of things like "Defeat/slay nonspellcasters" or "Defend a particular race or kind of creature." There's got to be some more interesting concepts out there. So I ask all ye gentle forum dwellers: What would you include on a new and improved Wacky Intelligent Item Motivations table?

(Comic for reference.)

 

[ElectricDragon]

Defeat Purple.
Defend Roses.
Instill Harmony.
Embody Peace.
Stave Off Entropy.
Lose Fraternity.
Betray Sharks.
Bewilder Oaks.

 

[snickersnax]

Friendship ala Freddie the Flute

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJhthxRiR94