Introducing a girlfriend to gaming...

[LcKedovan]

Zaruthustran says,

Unfortunately, this is a particular area where, in my experience, patriarchal social stereotypes benefit everyone. Because your girlfriend is female, she will be judged on completely different standards than a male player; I have the identical dynamic in my current gaming group. Every single game for 17 episodes, this player has asked that very question. Every game, we show her in which field it appears on her character sheet.

And every game she asks again.

Right or wrong, no one has any problem with this.

I have to admit, my wife often asks about things or isn't sure where it is on the character sheet (still new to it, but been through about 10 episodes) but the issue is the length of time between games due to my work means she isn't able to absorb everything and then keep it aborbed for a month before using it again..... then again, in a middle of a combat she will whip out some vague use of a feat and shock us all

-W.

 

[Darklone]

My girlfriend joined my group too. She's still not very familiar with the rules, but she's a crazy reader (reads everything that has letters) and got into it pretty fast.

Just take care to give her a character at first that's easy to play... a warmain perhaps.

 

[Tyler Do'Urden]

Possibilities:

1. Let her 'hang out' without having to actually participate in the game, to see what the interaction in a gaming group is like. She would be wise to bring a book.

Considering how much studying we usually have, bringing a book shouldn't be problem. And my group is a fun one to hang out with... as long as you can understand our language (a bizzare combination of gamer-speak, anime-speak, C++, German, and philosophical jargon)

2. Have her character be able to help the rest of the group, but not *required to*. (i.e., she shouldn't be playing the main tank or the only magic-user) Then she can jump in when necessary and sit back when she feels overwhelmed.

I'm already running a large group, and I'm tailoring my adventures to the abilities and interests of the groups, so dependency shouldn't be an issue for anyone unless I decide to make it one for story reasons.

3. If she has problems with you socializing in mixed-sex groups without her, I think you have bigger problems than explaining gaming.

LOL- that was intended as a joke. I don't think she'd have a problem with it at all.

Don't do it man! Save your game and your friendships! "Couples gaming brings more problems than it's worth." It's best to get her into a different game on the same game night you play.

Sometimes this is true, sometimes it isn't- it varies from person to person and group to group. As I said, I wouldn't want to bring her into a group full of smelly game-store grognards (and I've played with more than a few of those), but my current group, being half female and including one couple, should be fine. I've noticed that when my friends get really involved with a significant other and they don't bring the significant other into their social lives, their relationships and their friendships suffer as well. I don't want that kind of duality to arise here.

Yet I'm not going to force anything on her. We haven't even talked about gaming- although I imagine she noticed the shelf full of books in my room on gaming (a tiny part of my overall collection of non-game related books), she didn't comment either way. Being a small town girl, I doubt she's even familiar with the hobby... but if she's going to give it a try, I think that I have the right group for her. But time will tell. Thanks for the advice.