Introducing a girlfriend to gaming...

[fusangite]

I must disagree with those who advise some kind of separation between your gaming life and relationship life. The ex-girlfriend whom I introduced to gaming when we were together went on to become everyone's favourite player.

We split up seven years ago and I still game with her regularly; she really likes my GMing and I really like her playing style, as do my other players.

 

[CanadienneBacon]

Wow, after reading the initial question and then the latter three replies, I couldn't help but to add my say to this thread. I'm a girl much like your new girlfriend. Despite a love of books and games and intellectual pursuits, I wasn't at all into roleplaying until I happened across my husband. My experience being introduced to the roleplaying genre goes as follows. My husband, before we were wed, tried to get me into gaming by sitting me down for a one-on-one private session. We rolled up a character and then he tried to DM me through a mini adventure. That attempt failed miserably. There's nothing that will kill love of the game for a woman new to roleplaying more than feeling like a huge dork. I just couldn't get into the game with just him and me sitting around like a couple of geeks. D&D is a social event, that's why I say you should definitely NOT try to go down the "sit-her-down-in-private-for-an-introduction-to-the-game" route. Several years after the first time my husband tried to get me into gaming, he decided to start up a new group and I decided, of my own volition, to join. He basically said, "Here's this thing that I want to do, I'm going to get some of the new books, and you can feel free to join in or not." I love to read and after I finished the PHB I knew it was something I wanted to try. The key for me was that we had a group of mutual friends come over to play at our house, and that we were all having a good time together. Sometimes it's difficult to insert an outsider into a pre-existing group. The other key to my enjoyment of roleplaying was that my husband started up a new campaign. We ran through "The Sunless Citadel," and everyone enjoyed it from the longtime addictees to the newbies.

So, there you have it. No private sessions, start up a new campaign, and make sure your girl is comfortable around the other players. Above all, let her generate her own excitement for the game rather than forcing yours on her. I suggest you leave your D&D books lying around your home.

 

[Shadeus]

I've done a lot of training in my professional life, so I have some experience with getting people to grasp new things or concepts.

IMO, you should first start by asking if she's interested. If she not interested in playing stop right here because you cannot force her to like it. (It's an obvious one, but worth mention.) Next, I would do a one-on-one session with her going over the rules. Go over uses of skills, combat, some basics of magic. Then go through a brief overview of the classes and see which one appeals to her.

Finally, armed with that knowledge, I would agree that sitting in on a session is the best thing. It will give her a feel for how the people interact and how the game is played in a group setting. It might not even be a bad idea, if she would like, to have her character there. If she doesn't do much, that's fine. She's still learning. A lot of hand-holding will be necessary. I would suggest you even appoint one of the other players to do that hand-holding instead of you as the DM.

If she doesn't like it or doesn't get the hang of it, you can easily kill off her character or run it as an NPC.

What's odd is the game you want to run sounds more rules-light in a rule-heavy system. It's an interesting mix. Good luck!

 

[tonym]

...We rolled up a character and then he tried to DM me through a mini adventure. That attempt failed miserably. There's nothing that will kill love of the game for a woman new to roleplaying more than feeling like a huge dork. I just couldn't get into the game with just him and me sitting around like a couple of geeks. D&D is a social event, that's why I say you should definitely NOT try to go down the "sit-her-down-in-private-for-an-introduction-to-the-game" route.

Holy moley!!! I totally SUBTRACT my earlier advice saying you might sit her down for a on-on-one.

Come to think of it, when I did exactly THAT with a girlfriend once, the D&D experience for the girl was 100% awful. Ugg. :[

I think I lost 2 levels as a DM over that debacle.

Listen to the advice from CanadienneBacon!



Tony

 

[Zaruthustran]

So, should I invite her to the game or not? And, if I don't, how do I explain that I'm spending my Sunday afternoons with three other attractive young ladies? How would you handle this situation?

If you think she'll enjoy it, go ahead and invite her. But first do a one-on-one "prelude" adventure to get her familiar with the mechanics and her character's abilities. Your players won't appreciate it if you bring a stranger to the game, say "Okay, roll for init" and the stranger asks "What's an 'Init'?"

As to "explaining" how you spend your sunday afternoon: dude, just tell the truth. Any stable woman wouldn't be bothered by your spending time with other women. And as my girlfriend says, "I'd rather you spend time gaming than wasting time guzzling beer and watching football!"

-z, strong believer in seperation of girlfriends and games.

 

[Xeriar]

For years, my wife-to-be would sit and listen to the rest of us game. She didn't want to play, just to watch, and enjoyed it. One day she decided she wanted to make a character, and the rest was history...


Chris

Just like men, women have differing opinions about everything.

I know one girl who, upon being introduced to D&D, made her first character a sorcerer/cleric.

Another would sit and watch campaigns, but didn't care to join in D&D - she joined a Deadlands campaign.

I would invite her to watch a session, and if she wants, make a character after (or during, for simpler systems) the game, to get a feel for things.

 

[S'mon]

Assuming she wants to play, I'd encourage her to start at the deep end, with the group. The basic roll d20 & add number mechanic of d20 system is pretty simple to grasp. Help her create a character with a schitck - a special power that relies on good roleplaying rather than min-max play. Eg she could play a powerful noblewoman with great wealth & influence (she should have similar combat/class capabilities to other PCs - don't use NPC 'aristocrat class', a warrior class might be best), or a priestess who's the anointed keeper of a powerful holy artifact of somewhat unspecified abilities, or a roguish courtesan type with contacts in the boudoirs of the high and mighty. Or even (if she's the more aggressive type) an amazonian warrior-woman with a sorcerous blade that works for her alone, and slays anyone else who tries to wield it...
It doesn't really matter what the schtick is, as long as she has one.

Edit: It's best if the other PCs get schticks too, of course - wouldn't want you to seem biased. Everyone should have a schtick.
The main thing is that they should be different enough that every PC gets their spotlight time. This is in-built to the classic rogue/fighter/wizard/cleric dungeoncrawl group, away from that it needs more work. What you _don't_ want is her playing "second best rogue/fighter/whatever" in the group, without something more.

 

[Conaill]

Rather than "throwing her in at the deep end", you might consider giving her some choice NPCs to roleplay. It gets her much more involved in the game than just sitting in, and you can hand-pick NPCs for her that don't require too much rules knowledge. Give her a barkeep who's suspicious of the PCs but has a piece of important information. Or an arrogant noblewoman with a knack for messing up diplomatic negotiations. Or a mysterious old woman who delivers a prophecy to the PC party.

Plus once you get her hooked on the roleplaying aspect, she'll have much more of an incentive to figure out the roll-playing part as well...

 

[fusangite]

Zaruthustran says,

If you think she'll enjoy it, go ahead and invite her. But first do a one-on-one "prelude" adventure to get her familiar with the mechanics and her character's abilities. Your players won't appreciate it if you bring a stranger to the game, say "Okay, roll for init" and the stranger asks "What's an 'Init'?"

Wrong.

Unfortunately, this is a particular area where, in my experience, patriarchal social stereotypes benefit everyone. Because your girlfriend is female, she will be judged on completely different standards than a male player; I have the identical dynamic in my current gaming group. Every single game for 17 episodes, this player has asked that very question. Every game, we show her in which field it appears on her character sheet.

And every game she asks again.

Right or wrong, no one has any problem with this.

 

[LcKedovan]

I think the most important thing to remember is to let her decide. I totally see Canadienne Bacon's point of view vis-a-vie the one-on-one and would normally have agreed 100%......except...(and you knew an except was coming admit it! ) that is exactly what happend when I intoduced the game to my wife. The thing about that is she asked me, so the situation was a bit different. I mentioned things about gaming to her, but did my own thing and one day she decided she would like to try it... the rest is history. The important thing to remember here is although YOU want your GF to game, she may not want to. I would suggest the most you do is ask if she is interested in sitting in on a game sometime, then let her do the rest. Of course, the game she sits in on might be better if it weren't overly complicated for a beginner... but hey.. that's what one-shots are for

-Will