IRON DM 2025: Round 1, Match 2, bedir than vs humble minion
@bedir than and @humble minion, you have 24 hours to post your entries to this thread. Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 750 additional words. Please include your list of ingredients at the beginning of the entry and please do not edit your post once it is submitted. Please refrain from reading your opponent's entry until after you have posted your own. You are on your honor to do so.
Entries that are between 1 and 59 minutes late will have their word-limits reduced to 675. Later entries that are at less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 525. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 375. In addition, entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the judge with consent from the match's opposing competitor. Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; I will ignore everything after.
Your ingredients are:
- Iron Diem
- Ugly Duke-ling
- Sniper Blind
- Open Heart Surgery
- True Identity
- Broken Wagon Wheel
And He Commenced a Great Burning (hereafter referred to as "Burning") was turned in on time and well under the 750 word count limit. The entry remains unedited, and all other tournament rules appear to have been well followed. The entry is well written, organized, and highly readable. I'm not a copy editor by any means, but I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling errors that took me out of the experience. Top marks on this front.
Sadly we did not receive a competing entry to this adventure. This is a situation without precedent, at least for me as a judge, and so I've found myself having difficulty deciding how to proceed. My judgment style is often predicated on a comparison between two entries, and so having to provide critique to a single adventure on its own merit has necessitated an unwelcome shift. I will say that as a result I think that I will end up being more critical about the ingredient usage than I otherwise would be; with particularly difficult ingredients (and some of these were very difficult!) it's a little bit easier to see two authors both struggle incorporating the ingredient, and also easier for me as a judge to pull out the positives to decide which adventure had the upper hand. I hope that I am still able to provide feedback that is helpful, inspiring, and educational, not just to the author but to all of our participants.
Adventure Flow & Potential
This is my subjective "what did I generally like/dislike about the adventures" section of the judgment.
Burning is a compelling adventure that feels perfectly emblematic of its genre. It is not reinventing any wheels, certainly, but it hits all the usual notes and is, I believe, a strong example of the form. You have your mad cultist, blood sacrifices, a solid environmental hazard, a gang of street thugs inexplicably working for somebody trying to bring about an apocalypse, the whole works. If there's anything missing it's the presence of squicky things to fight/flee, but I guess that's only if the investigators fail to stop the ritual!
If I had to nitpick one thing, it's that the investigators in this adventure don't get to do much actually investigating. The fire breaks out before they even have a chance to process what they've learned at the stockyard, and from there it's straight to the action. Introducing a gap in time would allow investigators to, for instance, research more about the number and type of cattle, allowing them to, perhaps, prepare some of those blessings and spells to best counteract the ritual.
The Ingredients
As mentioned earlier, this is probably the part that is going to come across as harsher than my normal output as a judge. There are some weak ingredient uses here. There are also some remarkable strong ones as well. This is typical! Again, I hope that you all are able to find this segment of the critique instructional and inspiring.
Loosed Change
Okay, okay, look, so sometimes, some judges <eyes Rune> get into their head to contribute ingredients to the larger pool that... don't make a whole ton of sense. I in fact received a "this was a typo, right?" message regarding this one. Here's the really dirty secret; you might be wondering what we judges would be looking for out of an ingredient like this. The answer is, we don't have the foggiest idea, but luckily for us, that's your job to deal. Some people just want to watch the world burn. We wouldn't know what to do with it ourselves if we got it. We just... do things.
But enough judge secrets and Heath Ledger Joker references. You want to know what I thought of how well Burning incorporated this ingredient. And the answer to that is... pretty well, actually. The villain is certainly trying to loose change on the world (or at least London), and it's a central piece of the adventure that the players have to engage with. That's about all that we could ask for, honestly. I might quibble a bit on the conjugation (the Change is not actually Loosed, past tense, unless the players fail), but that's the sort of the thing that would only make or break the ingredient in a straight comparison.
Half a Hand
This is a good example of an ingredient usage that is merely "okay", and also one that would be massively helped by improving the flow of the adventure itself. Here, "Half a Hand" is the clue to the investigators that O'Malley is the culprit of the cattle robbery. That's not bad. The problem is, as a clue, it's largely irrelevant, because the fire breaks out while they're still at the stockyard. This is a great example of how improving the flow of the adventure would actually benefit the ingredient use as well.
Cattle Wrangler
Here's a great example of an deceptive ingredient that on the surface looks well used; there's a whole cattle wrangler right there, in the adventure. Great, right? The problem is, this usage here is actually fairly weak; James Burke is largely irrelevant to the adventure as a witness (again, a culprit of the "there's no time/room for actual investigation in this investigation"). It's even irrelevant that he's a cattle wrangler at all. There's some relevance to the cattle aspect, at least, so it could be worse, but even had the witness been relevant, they still could've been a farmhand, or a handyman, or a shepherd (you could also replace the bulls and sheep in the ritual) without changing the nature of the adventure at all. As far as ingredient usages go, it's better than being completely absent.
Fire Brigade
This, however, is a top tier ingredient usage. The Fire Brigade in question is related to the environmental hazard but also critical to the villain's main plan. They are, depending on things are going in any given moment: allies, obstacles, victims, and enemies. Their presence makes perfect sense, they are central to what the players are dealing with, and replacing them or removing them from the equation altogether totally alters key elements of the adventure. For those of you preparing for your own entries, this is the example you want to follow the most.
Positive Impact
I would call this one a solid usage, one that would again have benefitted from giving the adventure more room to breath. The interpretation is a little bit of a stretch (the blessings and spells the investigators can cast to counteract the negative powers being added to the ritual), but given the difficulty of the ingredient it's really not bad at all. Nyarlathotep knows I've pulled my own share of incredible reaches in my time.
Image of Success
This is probably the best example here we can get of what not to do; an ingredient that occurs entirely "off-screen". As a motivator for the villain, it has potential. But what chance to the players have of ever knowing or interacting with this fact? Again, this could have been another clue in the investigation that wasn't allowed to take place, something for the investigators to interpret and pull conclusions and useful strategies from. In any case, if your ingredient use is never interacted with by the players, that's barely a step above not being present at all.
In Conclusion
Look, I've been through this rodeo many times before myself. I know, all too keenly, that repeatedly hearing "this adventure would've strongly benefitted from more time to breathe" has got to sound rich coming from the same person that told you that you only had 750 words to work with. I get it. In more than a few cases, this additional scene would have greatly improved your scoring, overall, in this tournament. Probably far more than worth whatever you'd end up having to cut to work it in under the word count. But I also think, in general, that it would be good advice for you or anybody else who might want to turn your entry into an actual play. Sometimes that's valuable feedback to get too.
Feels weird to spoiler a foregone conclusion, but I feel it's best to keep this consistent.
@Fenris-77, you have provided here a genuinely good Iron DM entry. It's a fun adventure, and you have, or at least come close to, nailing a particularly tricky set of ingredients. As long as you focus on making each ingredient incredibly relevant to the players' interactions, and irreplaceable with any other potential ingredient, you'll make it far in these tournaments.
As it is, congratulations are in order! I will see you in the second round!
@Fenris-77, I really dug the vibe of your entry. And your descriptive headings struck me as a good bit of formatting that would make scanning the entry for information in the middle of a game pretty easy.
Now, to defend myself since Gradine lightheartedly called out my ingredient contribution: I always at least have an idea what it could look like. And Loosed Change had the potential to double as a thematic underpinning to an adventure. It is no secret at this point that that’s the kind of thing I like to see in an ingredient.
@Fenris-77, I really dug the vibe of your entry. And your descriptive headings struck me as a good bit of formatting that would make scanning the entry for information in the middle of a game pretty easy.
Now, to defend myself since Gradine lightheartedly called out my ingredient contribution: I always at least have an idea what it could look like. And Loosed Change had the potential to double as a thematic underpinning to an adventure. It is no secret at this point that that’s the kind of thing I like to see in an ingredient.
And He Commenced a Great Burning (hereafter referred to as "Burning") was turned in on time and well under the 750 word count limit. The entry remains unedited, and all other tournament rules appear to have been well followed. The entry is well written, organized, and highly readable. I'm not a copy editor by any means, but I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling errors that took me out of the experience. Top marks on this front.
Sadly we did not receive a competing entry to this adventure. This is a situation without precedent, at least for me as a judge, and so I've found myself having difficulty deciding how to proceed. My judgment style is often predicated on a comparison between two entries, and so having to provide critique to a single adventure on its own merit has necessitated an unwelcome shift. I will say that as a result I think that I will end up being more critical about the ingredient usage than I otherwise would be; with particularly difficult ingredients (and some of these were very difficult!) it's a little bit easier to see two authors both struggle incorporating the ingredient, and also easier for me as a judge to pull out the positives to decide which adventure had the upper hand. I hope that I am still able to provide feedback that is helpful, inspiring, and educational, not just to the author but to all of our participants.
Adventure Flow & Potential
This is my subjective "what did I generally like/dislike about the adventures" section of the judgment.
Burning is a compelling adventure that feels perfectly emblematic of its genre. It is not reinventing any wheels, certainly, but it hits all the usual notes and is, I believe, a strong example of the form. You have your mad cultist, blood sacrifices, a solid environmental hazard, a gang of street thugs inexplicably working for somebody trying to bring about an apocalypse, the whole works. If there's anything missing it's the presence of squicky things to fight/flee, but I guess that's only if the investigators fail to stop the ritual!
If I had to nitpick one thing, it's that the investigators in this adventure don't get to do much actually investigating. The fire breaks out before they even have a chance to process what they've learned at the stockyard, and from there it's straight to the action. Introducing a gap in time would allow investigators to, for instance, research more about the number and type of cattle, allowing them to, perhaps, prepare some of those blessings and spells to best counteract the ritual.
The Ingredients
As mentioned earlier, this is probably the part that is going to come across as harsher than my normal output as a judge. There are some weak ingredient uses here. There are also some remarkable strong ones as well. This is typical! Again, I hope that you all are able to find this segment of the critique instructional and inspiring.
Loosed Change
Okay, okay, look, so sometimes, some judges <eyes Rune> get into their head to contribute ingredients to the larger pool that... don't make a whole ton of sense. I in fact received a "this was a typo, right?" message regarding this one. Here's the really dirty secret; you might be wondering what we judges would be looking for out of an ingredient like this. The answer is, we don't have the foggiest idea, but luckily for us, that's your job to deal. Some people just want to watch the world burn. We wouldn't know what to do with it ourselves if we got it. We just... do things.
But enough judge secrets and Heath Ledger Joker references. You want to know what I thought of how well Burning incorporated this ingredient. And the answer to that is... pretty well, actually. The villain is certainly trying to loose change on the world (or at least London), and it's a central piece of the adventure that the players have to engage with. That's about all that we could ask for, honestly. I might quibble a bit on the conjugation (the Change is not actually Loosed, past tense, unless the players fail), but that's the sort of the thing that would only make or break the ingredient in a straight comparison.
Half a Hand
This is a good example of an ingredient usage that is merely "okay", and also one that would be massively helped by improving the flow of the adventure itself. Here, "Half a Hand" is the clue to the investigators that O'Malley is the culprit of the cattle robbery. That's not bad. The problem is, as a clue, it's largely irrelevant, because the fire breaks out while they're still at the stockyard. This is a great example of how improving the flow of the adventure would actually benefit the ingredient use as well.
Cattle Wrangler
Here's a great example of an deceptive ingredient that on the surface looks well used; there's a whole cattle wrangler right there, in the adventure. Great, right? The problem is, this usage here is actually fairly weak; James Burke is largely irrelevant to the adventure as a witness (again, a culprit of the "there's no time/room for actual investigation in this investigation"). It's even irrelevant that he's a cattle wrangler at all. There's some relevance to the cattle aspect, at least, so it could be worse, but even had the witness been relevant, they still could've been a farmhand, or a handyman, or a shepherd (you could also replace the bulls and sheep in the ritual) without changing the nature of the adventure at all. As far as ingredient usages go, it's better than being completely absent.
Fire Brigade
This, however, is a top tier ingredient usage. The Fire Brigade in question is related to the environmental hazard but also critical to the villain's main plan. They are, depending on things are going in any given moment: allies, obstacles, victims, and enemies. Their presence makes perfect sense, they are central to what the players are dealing with, and replacing them or removing them from the equation altogether totally alters key elements of the adventure. For those of you preparing for your own entries, this is the example you want to follow the most.
Positive Impact
I would call this one a solid usage, one that would again have benefitted from giving the adventure more room to breath. The interpretation is a little bit of a stretch (the blessings and spells the investigators can cast to counteract the negative powers being added to the ritual), but given the difficulty of the ingredient it's really not bad at all. Nyarlathotep knows I've pulled my own share of incredible reaches in my time.
Image of Success
This is probably the best example here we can get of what not to do; an ingredient that occurs entirely "off-screen". As a motivator for the villain, it has potential. But what chance to the players have of ever knowing or interacting with this fact? Again, this could have been another clue in the investigation that wasn't allowed to take place, something for the investigators to interpret and pull conclusions and useful strategies from. In any case, if your ingredient use is never interacted with by the players, that's barely a step above not being present at all.
In Conclusion
Look, I've been through this rodeo many times before myself. I know, all too keenly, that repeatedly hearing "this adventure would've strongly benefitted from more time to breathe" has got to sound rich coming from the same person that told you that you only had 750 words to work with. I get it. In more than a few cases, this additional scene would have greatly improved your scoring, overall, in this tournament. Probably far more than worth whatever you'd end up having to cut to work it in under the word count. But I also think, in general, that it would be good advice for you or anybody else who might want to turn your entry into an actual play. Sometimes that's valuable feedback to get too.
Feels weird to spoiler a foregone conclusion, but I feel it's best to keep this consistent.
@Fenris-77, you have provided here a genuinely good Iron DM entry. It's a fun adventure, and you have, or at least come close to, nailing a particularly tricky set of ingredients. As long as you focus on making each ingredient incredibly relevant to the players' interactions, and irreplaceable with any other potential ingredient, you'll make it far in these tournaments.
As it is, congratulations are in order! I will see you in the second round!
I find the judgement fair and honest. Sometimes things don't occur to you until afterward, and double when some of the concepts (ingredients) are tough. I think to use image of success a lot better I would have used it as a visual timer of the ritual for the players (as well as the dream). As the ritual begins reality flickers ocasionally, and outside instead of fire you see a grim totalitarian and non-euclidian hellscape (or whatever). As the ritual builds the flickers get closer and closer together (like a strobe light), and if the players mitigate the ritual in some way they become further apart. Since the ritual would effect the minions and investigators as well, that flicker would also involve their bodies warping and twisting,or seeming to, and then snapping back to normal. As for the investigation, I'd probably be specific that the investigators get to do their thing at the stockyards and then see the smoke, and thet they have to continue investigating to find the basement encumbered by all the hazards. It's not a liesurely investigation of course. I had in mind the culminating scenes of some polive procedurals where thet final phases of an investigation unfold in a race against time. Ahh, the clarity of hindsight.
Read aloud text: Every month, the Duke in this region hosts the Iron Diem. Farmsteaders from around gather for their grant of iron, gunpowder and supplies. Those that qualify also get petrol or alcohol. You are outsiders, not related to this town with its ‘castle’ and Duke. You need petrol, or you aren’t getting home.
Goals: Get fuel, survive.
Problems:
The group has enough fuel to get to town, but not go around it.
There are a lot of civilians with few guards.
The following scenes can be completed in any order after scene 1. The GM should follow the narrative in how the group wanders town and solves challenges.
Scene 1: Blockage.
Along the road into town you hear rumors of an impending attack from a rival leader. While talking to other travelers you notice four people in a horse-drawn cart that is stopped. They are trying to repair a broken wagon wheel. They block the road.
If the group attempts to repair the wheel, they are rewarded by civilians who were slowed down, getting to town with an additional rumor about the Duke’s daughter partying hard. This is a difficult task as the four people interfere with the repair.
If the group attempts to go around, they are ambushed by the bandits. It is a medium encounter. The bandits are armed with bolt action rifles and axes.
If the group asks others to help move the cart off the road the four bandits reluctantly watch the crowd move their wagon.
Challenge A: Beloved, dying.
While the civilian crowds are getting their dole of supplies there is a loud bang. One of the Iron Diem gifters falls to the ground, shot near the heart. The town lacks medical supplies. The crowd is panicking.
If the group tries to perform open heart surgery it is a very difficult task. If they succeed they learn that the victim is the Duke’s eldest son. He is respected and loved by the community. On an extreme success he asks for the group a day later.
If the group seeks information about where the attack was from this is a medium task. It is a local church in the area.
Challenge B: Gift of pain.
If in scene 1 the four bandits survive they will seek vengeance. They use a church as a sniper blind. One uses a rifle, another operates as a sighter, granting advantage on the sniper’s attacks. The other two guard the main entry to the building. This is a hard encounter due to the cover from the blind and at least one angle of assault covered.
Challenge C: Party until the world ends.
It’s been years since the world ended and you were told you’re on your own. The ring and roar of a party attracts attention. While others are waiting for their dole, one building, the Ugly Duke-ling, is full of light, laughter and the abandonment of reality.
If the group parties, it costs them some ammo (10%) for food and more (20%) for drink.
If the group observes they notice that one woman is the center. She’s an older teen, who commands the room. It is a medium task to learn that she’s the Duke’s daughter.
If the group gambles or games successfully (a hard task) they learn that the Duke’s daughter runs the parties. The Duke’s son runs the dole, another hard task. On three successes the daughter asks to see them tomorrow.
Challenge D: Bread and circuses
After days in town you’ve seen violence, parties, and civilians who adore a Duke that’s never present.
If the group meets the son they notice there isn’t a Duke.
If the group meets the daughter during daytime there is no Duke with her.
If either of those conditions is met they realize there is no Duke at all by succeeding on a hard task. If both teens are met it is a medium task. If neither are met it is a difficult task to realize that the Duke’s true identity is the pair of teens who have taken over the town through bread & circuses. A GM can override these checks due to the play at the table.
Finale: If the group is successful on at least three of the previous challenges they are granted ammunition. If they succeed on four or more they are also given the Iron Diem refilling their petrol, plus a favor from the two teenagers.
@Fenris-77, I really dug the vibe of your entry. And your descriptive headings struck me as a good bit of formatting that would make scanning the entry for information in the middle of a game pretty easy.
Now, to defend myself since Gradine lightheartedly called out my ingredient contribution: I always at least have an idea what it could look like. And Loosed Change had the potential to double as a thematic underpinning to an adventure. It is no secret at this point that that’s the kind of thing I like to see in an ingredient.
I use that same formatting in my published adventures for room and NPC descriptions. I do like how scannable it is without scattering too many bolded terms through a paragraph, and and also to keep other formatting like bullet points down to a dull roar.
These entries should be collected, cleaned up, and published as a zine for each Iron DM. I think that would a fun zine to both make and read. It could include some of the judging commentary and stuff.
These entries should be collected, cleaned up, and published as a zine for each Iron DM. I think that would a fun zine to both make and read. It could include some of the judging commentary and stuff.
Goodness yes. I was thinking about starting with the current one. A retrospective would be cool though, and could just include the authors who can be found. One competition seemed like a decent amount of content for a zine. Seven short adventures, each with the judge's and author's commentary, cleaned up and ready for use. A combination of design blog and adventure compendium.
A retrospective would be cool though, and could just include the authors who can be found. One competition seemed like a decent amount of content for a zine. Seven short adventures, each with the judge's and author's commentary, cleaned up and ready for use. A combination of design blog and adventure compendium.
