I don't think that is the case here (although you are entitled to jump to your own conclusions) I think my concern is more to do with people that go out of their way to telegraph their differences when there is no need to. Why insist that they want to be called They/Them (they are after all only one person so why use the plural?). I appreciate that some people my not particularly identify as a "he" or a "she" but why would any of us need to know that about them? My concern is that the sort of people that want to make a big deal of this sort of thing normally do so at the expense of the projects they work on. I am sure there are many LGBTQ+ people who are just getting on with the job but then we might not even know who they are because they don't telegraph it.
So a couple of things here.
Let me be fair to you out of the gate. I think I understand what you're trying to get across: some folks are performative about gender preference. Is this your position? You are concerned that someone who actively advertises as they/them has a high risk of being performative. Right? And that potentially leads to 'activism'? (You're going to have to define what you mean by 'activism' though.)
Let's assume you are right for a second. Why do you think someone might be performative about a topic like this? Could it possibly be because a person who is uncertain about their gender has lived their life in a society that has no pity on their situation? They live their lives pretending to be someone they are not. A point in time comes where they have a limited ability to express who they are. If this were you, might you not be tempted to be performative when this opportunity arises?
Is being performative ideal? No, it is not. It's childish, and weakens one's position when one behaves in this way. But before you start branding folks with this label, view the situation from the other's place, and think about the grander environment. Also, think about your definition of 'performative'. Is using a gender neutral pronoun performative? To me, that's just asserting who you are. If you have a different opinion, I'm open to hear it.
Above all, be kind. Understand the position of the person you are getting all worked up against.
I'm not trying to back you into a corner. But I'm asking you to think about why you're saying what you're saying.
