Lines you've always wanted to use in game...but never have.

[InVinoVeritas]

Originally from Shadowrun, but it works in a lot of games (it might not get through the filter, but you'll understand):

"You think you can kick my ass? Let me tell you a little story about my ass. I put my ass on the line every day. There are tons of people out there who want a piece of my ass, ream my ass, put my ass out to dry. My ass is worth its weight in gold, I tell you. Gold.

But tell you what, I'll make you a deal. If you ask really nicely, I might just let you kiss it."

 

[Papa-DRB]

Now you have to be my age to remember the Leslie Gore song "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to." All of the guys, except my teenage son at the time were in my age range.

That said, we were playing and getting our collective butts handed to us when the (newish) DM said "but I don't want to kill you all". Phil and I looked at each other and broke into song. "It's our party and we'll die if we want to!"

Hilarity ensued for about 10 minutes!

-- david
Papa.DRB

 

[Rel]

My experience is that all the best lines happen spontaneously rather than being pre-planned. They seem to occur most often at one-shot games too because those games are frequently less serious than ongoing campaign games. I always come home with a lengthy list of "quotable quotes" from GenCon. Many of them are...not grandma friendly.

However I do know of one that Rodrigo busted out this year during a game I didn't get a chance to play in. It was kind of a zombie apocalypse type game from what I understand. Anyway, he infamously said:

"There is no 'I' in 'TEAM'....but there is 'MEAT'!"

It was so funny that after GenCon Hypersmurf had a t-shirt made for him that said that.

 

[noffham]

It was 1979, City-State of the Invincible Overlord. Bob's fighter is chasing an assassin across roof-tops and down alleys. The assassin runs up a flight of stairs and through the door to a brothel.

Bob lunges through the door after him and yells to the assembled harlots- "Did a man come in here?" Pauses for a beat and then adds "What am I saying??"

We laughed for about an hour.

 

[TarionzCousin]

Last year, my PC was on point and rolled a 10 for his Spot check, telling the party the path ahead "Looks clear." The party advanced and was jumped by a foe that we took down quickly, after which my PC was asked to scout the way again, and again checked the path ahead. After rolling a 9, he declared the path ahead "Looks clear"

 

[Dykstrav]

Most of my group's funny stuff comes through healing.

After the AC Transit bus fight, whenever a character became bloodied, someone had to tell that character, "You leakin'!" And, of course, the bloodied character perforce responded, "Get the amber lamps!"

Before that, we were playing in a 4E campaign where the main story focused around overthrowing slavers in a tiefling-dominated city. Our party's leader was a tiefling warlord, and with his high Charisma, naturally found himself adored by the locals. This spurred several jibes about the tiefling warlord bringing "change" to the city, and whenever he used inspiring word, it was soon referred to as either his "hit point stimulus plan" or "hit point total reform." If you don't like his healing, you can always keep your current hit point total.

 

[athos]

This actually happened in an LG game...

We walk into a room full of demons, and one PC interrupts the bad guy's final speech and says, "Well boys, today we are handing out your choice of ass whuppings or cupcakes, but unfortuneately for you, we had a run on the cupcakes earlier."

We actually defeated the demons, and after that, we would always used that line when things looked grim.

 

[Rel]

Another one that came out of GenCon this year was Rebel Scum saying to one of the bad guys, "I'm eager to find out what you look like on the inside!"

 

[NewJeffCT]

It's not a funny line, but I would love to be able to use this in game:

Bad guy captures PC, puts him in a precarious situation, where my bad guy mentions something about finding out their plans or similar.

PC says something, "Do you expect me to talk?"
and, my bad guy, without missing a beat, will come back and say, "No, Mr <PC name>I expect you to die"

 

[ExploderWizard]

I heard one in a recent Burn Notice episode that made me crack a smile.

All the setup requires is an unknown captive:

Captive: " You have no idea who you're dealing with!"

PC: " It's your own damn fault, you won't tell us your name!"