Lithping hilarity

[Olgar Shiverstone]

I'm one of those DMs who tries to give NPCs unique traits, or at least different voices, in order for them to stand out and be memorable. I'm not a great actor, so most of these tend to be a little funny for the rest of the group -- whether it's drow with heavy pseudo-Russian accents, or a dark-dwarf beast hunter with an Aussie accent and diction straight from The Crocodile Hunter

I may have gone a bit far today. In reintroducing an NPC cleric that the party had dealt with several times in the past, I decided he'd had a little trouble on a previous adventure, and had lost some teeth and had a damaged palatte from a hobgoblin mace (which makes spellcasting a bit dicey, but so much the better). Tho to make him memorable, I gave him a lithp.

Now, whiwe I thoughth thith might be funny, it turnth out that it wath truwy hiwawiouth. The DM ith thpeaking wike a demented Ewmer Fudd (who ith weawy a cwewic of Wathander, inthwert appwopwiate howy excwamathions), and my pwayers couwdn't thop wauphing. It got tho bad, I couldn't thop lithping when pwoviding dethcwiption, or thpeaking ath other NPCth. Thomehow, lithping became addicting.

(No offense to any with real-world speech impediments intended, but this -- while intended to be briefly humorous but otherwise memorable, turned out to be completely hilarious).

Anyone else have a silly NPC voice story to share?

 

[Pbartender]

Often, when we take a break from the D&D campaign and run a one-shot game, each player will roll twice on the DMG's "100 Random NPC Traits" table.

Once, for a Star Wars adventure, I rolled up both "Speaks with a lisp" and "Slurs speach". Let me tell you, its not easy slur a lisp. In the end, I ended up inadvertently doing a pretty good impression of Paul Reuben's 'The Spleen' character from Mystery Men...

 

[Crothian]

Usually when I tryu acents or something like this, I'm told to stop.

 

[Empress]

I'll put your cleric into my character's backstory. As she's also a cleric of Lathander, knowing about the dangers of adventuring first hand will give me the opportunity to insert a little fun into the game, like testing my speech after a harrying fight.

I once played a Toerador (that's a clan from Vampire) who behaved like movie vampires, complete with silly Rrrrromahniahn accent. It was a little difficult to remain serious in critical moments, especially when the storyteller had some higher upper chiding us.

We always joked she was a "VAMPire"

 

[howandwhy99]

Back in 2000 I ran a homebrewed adventure where the PC's found a village completely deserted only days before. While they went looking for clues to what happened to the inhabitants they met the only one left in town.

Splashing around in the town center's fountain they see a short, pudgy 1/2 orc making laughing and snorting noises. Approaching they have to yell to get his attention. It seems he's a little deaf.

P: What are you doing?
HO: *looks around* I'm looking for something.
P: Okay. What are you looking for?
HO: Umm... I forgot.
P: Did you accidently drop it in this pool?
HO: No.
P: *pausing* Then why are you splashing around in there?
HO: It's much more fun this way.
P: *getting frustrated* Okay, what's your name?
HO: uhhhh......Gunk.
P: *laughs* Gunk, do you know what happened to the rest of the villagers?
HO: Oh...yeah.
P: Well, what happened?
HO: They all went to the party.
P: What party is that? Where is it?
HO: Oh, uhh... I remember now. That's what I'm looking for.
P: *groans all around*

Not literature, but it had some fun prescripted questions just begging to be asked. Gunk was a great caveman/straightman. He followed the party around for awhile as they found the place the villagers were. He allowed me to ask questions of the party which lead in to one joke or another. But the players had to be witty enough to spot them.

For background, Gunk was actually a punishment the drow had inflicted upon an immortal fairy. After capturing the fairy they stole her mind with the help of mindflayers. Unable to permanently destroy her, the drow imprisoned her mind and soul in their city below and then dumped her body several hundred miles away above ground. Malicious beings as they are, the drow polymorphed the still living body into something they knew the fairy would hate if she or her kin ever found it: a short, ugly 1/2 orc. Binding the flesh with an animus using the homunculus spell, they created one very funny NPC: An ugly, dumb, overweight 1/2 orc with a mind like a sieve, who knows virtually nothing but snippets of ancient fey knowledge, and obeys its feyish impuses to frolick and sing bawdy songs. He was a very fun NPC to play.

 

[Committed Hero]

My favorite Villians & Vigilantes character (rolled up randomly, of course) had shrinking powers, armor, and some heightened abilities. The best part of the game being, like trying to justify weird results for Classic Traveller star systems, integrating these powers into a decent character. So I'm trying to think of something small and armored...

In his first appearance, he busts up some bank robbers, and is interviewed on the TV. After anouncing in his lisp that he is the "symbol of the American fighting spirit" he will forever be known as ...

...The Thimble!

 

[Kaffis]

For background, Gunk was actually a punishment the drow had inflicted upon an immortal fairy. After capturing the fairy they stole her mind with the help of mindflayers. Unable to permanently destroy her, the drow imprisoned her mind and soul in their city below and then dumped her body several hundred miles away above ground. Malicious beings as they are, the drow polymorphed the still living body into something they knew the fairy would hate if she or her kin ever found it: a short, ugly 1/2 orc. Binding the flesh with an animus using the homunculus spell, they created one very funny NPC: An ugly, dumb, overweight 1/2 orc with a mind like a sieve, who knows virtually nothing but snippets of ancient fey knowledge, and obeys its feyish impuses to frolick and sing bawdy songs. He was a very fun NPC to play.

*Yoink* I'm stealking this for a one-shot character someday. Except maybe as a dwarf.

 

[howandwhy99]

*Yoink* I'm stealking this for a one-shot character someday. Except maybe as a dwarf.

Thanks you. Don't forget the Diety level 0 DR vs normal and magical damage. Gunk never had a chance to show off his ability to withstand meteor strikes though. That would have gotten the players' notice.

 

[Dirigible]

Once, a PC was on the trail of a murderous graverobber, and decided to ask some questions of the criminal's acomplice's daughter. She happened to be an adorable six your old with a lisp. So, when asked about her father's parter she looked thoughtful and said:

"He hath a bag of thpades."

The player in question spent the rest of the adventure looking deeply, deeply unsettled. For some reason, a bag of spades chilled him to the bone.