Living with room-mates.

[Joker]

Hi there. I was wondering if I could draw from the experiences of the posters here.

I've been living on my own now for a while but due to happy circumstance and a general desire to get out of the place that I'm staying at now, I and two of my classmates have decided to find a place to rent together.

We haven't found a place yet but I was hoping to get some advice or pointers about living with other people who are not family.

Like what are things we should discuss before we move in?
How do you handle shopping for groceries?
Do you make schedules for bathroom time or kitchen time?

As I've said, the three of us are students (film). We're all good with cleaning up after ourselves and are generally easy-going (what a cliche term ).

So, tell us all about the joys and pains of living with room-mates.

 

[xmanii]

Your post title reminded me of a now inactive blog I used to read, Things I hate about my flatmate.
Guess you could learn a few things from that blog

 

[Umbran]

Exactly how bills should be split probably depends upon your needs. My roommates and I tended to split things evenly, because we realized that we tended to use things evenly. If one of you makes lots of phone long-distance calls, or eats lots more, an even split of those bills isn't fair.

For us, we also discovered that "what goes around comes around". We didn't have to worry much about splitting grocery bills exactly - if one of us paid a little mor one week, the others would pick it up later. No biggie. This, of course, doesn't work if someone's a slug trying to dodge the bill...

The absolute biggest difference is dealing with common space and needs. Being considerate is the #1 way to have a happy bunch of roommates.

 

[grimwell]

Talk about communication up front. Then communicate regularly. Set a weekly 'House Meeting' where you all sit down for an hour and talk shop. Nobody else is allowed to be present -- not even girlfriends. Talk about the bills that are due in the next week, grocery needs, and any 'issues' that have come up. Resolve them before leaving the table. If you have to use it, develop a totem that grants the right to talk and pass it around during arguments.

Even good friends, and good roommates, can go bad if you don't communicate well. While my suggestion of a weekly meeting may seem silly at first blush, six months into the arrangement you'll be glad you are doing it. The meetings may only take ten minutes, but chart out an hour and stick to it. Then follow them with a fun tradition (hitting the bar, playing a game, movie night, whatever) and invite friends to join for that tradition.

 

[Jesus_marley]

when it comes to bills, split em even. Long Distance calls are the responsibility of the caller.

groceries - you can go either way with a communal shopping trip or a fend for yourself mentality with labels on everything.

be sure the place has thick walls. believe me on this one. being awakened at 2am by screaming and thumping is not as cool as it may sound.

chores - an alternating weekly schedule tends to work well. each roomie gets a couple of chores and the next week you all switch it up.

and it was mentioned before..... COMMUNICATION! A roommate can be more labour intensive than a girlfriend.

 

[buzzard]

OK, I roomed with a fair number of people during grad school, so I have some experience like this. Of course I was good friends with the people I roomed with before I got into any the the places, so that helped.

Some things I learned over time. There will be one name on each of the bills. You can do that where one person is on everything, or you can split the assignments up. Either way the person who's name is on that Bill should make it their business to hound the others for the appropriate share. For things like utilities, an even split is fair. I'd reccomend a phone plan with unlimited usage for a price to avoid any future grief.

On groceries, I highly reccomend you stick to a policy of each covers their own. Depending on how well you know these people, you could end up with a lot of grief if they start eating your food. That tends to tick me off a great deal.

Another trick that might work for you- throw parties. This may sound odd, but nothing guarantees enthusiasm for cleaning up like a coming party. My roomates and I always cleaned up dilligently before parties, and even with the wild parties we threw, it was cleaner afterwards than before. Keep in mind that cleaning up after yourself is all well and good, but it doesn't always provide for the maintenance type jobs that nobody likes (cleaning bathroom, kitchen, vacuuming, etc). Parties give you a reason to divvy up the work and get those done well periodically.

buzzard

 

[Seonaid]

Others have said this, but try to put one bill in each person's name. That way, it's a little harder for one person to screw over everyone else in the money department.

I've found that, generally, food should not be shared unless it's explicitly decided in advance. Labeling your stuff is the best way to go, especially if people use the same brands.

As for scheduling kitchen and bathroom time, I've never found that to be problematic. Usually there's a sort of unspoken agreement (Steve and Bill are morning shower people, Mike is a night shower person, Steve will shower first, etc.). If it does start to irritate people, working out some sort of timing would be good. Make sure you post it somewhere so everyone can see it and talk about it regularly, to make sure it's still working. And, obviously, work on the schedule together.

Ditto with chores. If people are cool with just doing them, that's fine. But if someone keeps slacking, or some particular chore never gets done, a weekly (or daily, if necessary) schedule is good. Make sure you all agree on what exactly needs to be done (if none of you care about dusting, it doesn't need to be done), and how often. Then just rotate. You could have a "house supply" of cash (a couple of bucks a month each, give it to the most responsible person) for cleaning supplies, if paying for it is an issue.

For long-distance phone calls, I'd really recommend getting the cheapest unlimited incoming/local outgoing plan and having people use calling cards or cell phones for long distance.

Try to get separate leases, or at least have all three parties responsible for the whole total (that is, put all three names on, not just one). It sucks if someone bails (intentionally or not) and the person whose name is listed becomes responsible for the entire thing.

Good luck! Living with people is both a joy and a pain, as I'm sure you can figure out.

 

[RangerWickett]

I trust my roommates completely, because they're old friends. One guy put all the bills in his name, and relied on us to pay him. He was very responsible, and we were all good about paying promptly.

I suppose the biggest issue for us is clean-up. One guy didn't want to clean after himself, and the rest of us didn't want to fix his messes. We generally coped by just cleaning after him anyway, since he was otherwise pretty cool.

Dispensation of furniture should one roommate leave is also important.

 

[Jacob the Impaler]

My roommate has about twenty tighter than skintight polo shirts, the collars of which are always popped. Every time he walks remotely near a reflective surface, he has to admire himself and play with his sandy blonde hair. He's prone to fits of screaming and stomping over very little and calling people "son". You can hear him coming down the hall, because he usually belts out the chorus to an emo-pop or sucky rock song every minute in the loudest voice possible. He's trying to get with our floor's holier-than-thou goody blonde girl who likes country music.

Oh yeah, and he had sex with his girlfriend on the bunk below me at 3 AM. Luckily it didn't last long...

Good thing I'm dropping out of school next semester.

 

[Chimera]

Bills

As others say, work out how to divide the bills. But you might also want to think about whether or not you or one of your room-mates is likely to find themselves in a situation where they (hopefully temporarily) can't pay their bills. Do you 'float' them the money until they can pay you back? Better to think about it ahead of time than get into a shouting match when it catches you off-guard.

What happens if someone loses their job or gains a serious debt that means they cannot pay their bills at all? You going to take care of it, or do they move out and you find another room-mate?

Noise and Hours

Do your room-mates insist on playing the stereo or TV at top volume at every hour of the day and night? What time do you say "Ok, now it's quiet time because I need to sleep?" What hour of the morning is acceptable for banging pots and pans or loud music? How much noise is acceptable when you're up for work long before your room-mates?

What time(s) are people up and around? I had a room-mate years ago who was an Actuary. They have a couple of study times a year. This idiot would invite his actuary friends over at 2-3am in the middle of the week to party, without any regard for my need for sleep. Absolutely did not understand why I was pissed.

Discuss all this up front, so you don't get into a situation where someone expects to be up late every night playing loud music while someone else needs to get up at 4am.

Friends

"I can have whatever friends I want over whenever I want. This is my place too!"

Yeah well, maybe not. If your friends trash the apartment, are disrespectful of your room-mate's property or are rude to them, your room-mates have every right not to want the jerk hanging around.

Privacy

Don't walk into bedrooms unannounced.

Discuss how much 'alone time' people need and what exactly that means. Are there days or times when people would appreciate having the apartment to themselves, or just want to sit and watch TV without someone trying to change the channel or talk to them?

Cleaning

Big one. Sometimes bigger than you think.

Who cleans? Who does the dishes? Who cleans the bathroom? HOW OFTEN?

Are people expected to clean up their own messes, and how quickly? The last thing you want is a room-mate who throws trash on the floor, ignores it for days, then gets surly when you ask them to clean it up or stop doing it.

How clean are they? How much clutter and filth can you put up with?