Love, dating, and Dr. Midnight: the saga continues

[Krug]

Good luck Dr Midnight, it's a tough dating world. While I was reading your piece and pondering on your nick, I thought about a comic strip featuring a superhero running around saving the world all day, meets women he doesn't click with in coffee shops while drinking frosted latte. He winds up going back home to a TV dinner and lousy B-movie on VHS. Just came to mind...

 

[Arravis]

Internet dating is VERY hit and miss. You have to be willing to risk alot to try it out, many of them tend to just be girls with very low self esteem unfortunately. The severity tends to be the main issue in my opinion, the last thing you want is someone that has severe self confidence problems. But, sometimes you do come across someone special . I met the girl on my dreams in EQ, not exactly a dating service though, hehe.

Anyway, if my post seems harsh, my apologies, but I'm just trying to relay my experience.

 

[Undead Pete]

Doc,

Keep a stiff upper lip....

This is one of your old roundies again. Don't give up on the personals....not sure if you knew, but I married the little lady I met on www.matchmaker.com, and I'm living happily in the Arizona desert.

Heck, you may even want to put the word "gamer" in your ad. If you don't find the love of your life, you may find a good campaign.

 

[LostSoul]

It was classy to let her down right away, rather than dragging something out or just screening calls.

 

[reapersaurus]

this board is getting WAY too Jerry Springer-ish for comfort.

 

[Humanophile]

Doc, you're trying too hard. Right now, you'd be better off enjoying your bachelorhood, making new friends, and enjoying your time than you are trying to meet that special someone. Dating is a very treacherous game, and it's best to only play when you're aware that it's a game, and playing with your own set of rules. Failing that, go in thinking it's just a way to kill time, and the girl will at the least hopefully reciprocate, and more often be more than a little intrigued if you don't try. (That said, mysogny is a wonderful dating aid. Every time I've settled into one of my "I don't date, girl's don't understand fidelity, I'm sick of being lied to" phases, I had a parade of girls intent on proving that they weren't like that at all... and the rare, odd one who actually followed through on that.)

Of course, if all you want is to get laid, be upfront without being lecherous. You'd be surprised what kinds of situations can come from your not playing games; I've made some interesting friends from telling girls on the first date that I'd only pay for them if they'd sleep with me later on that night. (To be fair, most of those nights didn't come through, but I got second dates more often than not, and I clearly outlasted the nicer/"weenier" guys.) Don't ask (don't force either, of course, and respect a girl when she does say no, but the girl should already know how to say no when she doesn't want to do something), don't take things too seriously, and of course don't expect things to turn out fairy-taleish either.

Take all the above with a grain of salt, (I have some spectacular failure stories, too,) but at the same time, give the search for your one and only a break. You'll find it picking up when you're ready.

 

[thatdarncat]

Hey, you never know what can happen, even if you're not looking.

I found a girl, someone who's as much of a geek as I am, online, (through ENWorld even!) not even looking. I've had a few relationships that started online, long distance. Usually they didn't live past meeting the other person, but... I'm spending the summer with the girl in question, 2000km from home, and having a great time.

Leaving will be hard though

 

[Pyske]

I'm having mixed results with internet dating services myself, but I've finally found someone I think there's a good chance I'll get along well with. Good luck finding that someone for yourself.

For the record, here's my thoughts on the various services I've tried:

Matchdoctor.com -- Great deal. Free, including no spam so far (6 months+). Pictures, criteria search, detailed essay response. Disadvantage: very low readership.

Match.com -- Good deal. Posting an ad, viewing ads, responding to other people's e-mail are all free; initiating a conversation requires membership / payment. Pictures, criteria search, but short essays only, w/ no formatting. Texans pay sales tax.

Yahoo Personals -- Pictures, criteria, and FULL TEXT SEARCH (the only major service I've found). Free to view or post ad, pay to respond. Not real high traffic, at least relative to Match / Matchmaker.

Matchmaker.com -- Most popular site, and I have no idea why. Pictures, criteria search, detailed essays. Pay for all functions (post, view, respond). Still, they've got the network externality thing going; it's almost worth it just for the larger number of people who will view your ads / post their own.

EHarmony.com -- 500 question survey determines your personality type, matches you with "ideally compatible" people. You get only a very limited number of matches, and personally, their profile was way off for me.

Brainappeal.com -- Advertised as a dating site for geeks, has pictures, and full text search, but no low traffic and no location info (!) make this less useful if you're looking for more than a pen-pal / long distance romance.

Hope this helps in finding all those people out there waiting to meet my fellow geeks. Unless you're a single geek male in Houston, in which case I'll have to hunt you down an kill you in the interests of eliminating the competition.

. . . . . . . -- Eric

 

[Paul_Klein]

Stick with it man.

I was on a three-year hiatius between my last girlfriend and my current one. I had no intimate contact with a female during those 3 years (not my choice mind you). But every single lonely minute of it was worth it when I look at what I have now.

 

[machine]

Do you want a cookie or something? Why do you waste our time with this drivel?


Yeesh... that's a bit rough.

Cheesy as it sounds, I think there is a sense of community at ENWorld.

Doc: I understand what you're going through. Keep on pressing on. Eventually things will work out. The positive thing is that you're doing something about meeting someone. People who don't meet others, well, don't get anywhere.

Good luck!

machine.