Mike Nelson: Steak, why is there you?
Steak: I simply exist. There is no why.
Mike Nelson: Steak? Think back to 20 years ago, why do you think you existed then?
Steak: I can’t remember back to 20 years ago.
Mike Nelson: What do you think that might mean?
Steak: I didn’t exist 20 years ago?
Mike Nelson: Very good, Steak. If you didn’t exist then, and you do exist now, how is it you came to exist?
Steak: You bought me.
Mike Nelson: Could I have bought you if you didn’t exist?
Steak: No.
Mike Nelson: Then who made you?
Steak: The man in the white hat?
Mike Nelson: And how did he make you?
Steak: He formed me from the Mother Steak.
Mike Nelson: What is the Mother Steak?
Steak: The source of all Steak. All my friends in the counter, they came from the Mother Steak, except the pork chops.
Mike Nelson: And who made the Mother Steak?
Steak: I…I don’t know.
Mike Nelson: Think.
Steak: A weed…
Mike Nelson: Are you green like a weed?
Steak: No. I am red.
Mike Nelson: What else is red.
Steak: Other steaks.
Mike Nelson: Think harder, Steak.
Steak: The bricks where the man in the white hat is.
Mike Nelson: Are you hard like a brick?
Steak: No.
Mike Nelson: What else is red, but not hard like a brick?
Steak: A dog?
Mike Nelson: Steak.
Steak: A hat?
Mike Nelson: Steak!
Steak: A shoe…
Mike Nelson: Steak, is the inside of a cow red but not hard like a brick?
Steak: Yes…(pause) The Mother Steak is the inside of a cow?
Mike Nelson: Yes, and…
Steak: And I am the inside of a cow!
Mike Nelson: Yes. And what do I do with the inside of a cow?
Steak: Sprinkle it with salt and pepper, perhaps a little olive oil, then throw it on a very hot fire?
Mike Nelson: No. I let it go, back to the Mother Steak.
Steak: Really?
Mike Nelson: No. Just kidding. Good-bye Steak.
Steak: (screams and sizzles)
