Memorable Phrases uttered by PCs

[Donovan Morningfire]

A couple from prior games...

Deadlands:
"Away you... undead livey thingys!"
- Reverend Horatio Pratt, Southern Baptist Blessed upon first meeting Walking Dead

"My god, they finally killed Kenny!"
"Nope, still breathing."
- Gambler said regarding a brawny farm hand Blessed named Kenny. The name was given by the rest of the group because the player went through three characters in two sessions. Kenny then proved to be nigh unstoppable.

"I wanna be like Mike."
- Kenny, after watching my Kung Fu expert whose name was shortened to Mike (don't recall the original oriental-sounding name right now) using Monkey Goes to Mountain to bounce up the ravine walls to reach the bandits that had ambushed us.

"Oni no Inga! Oni no Inga!"
- Japanese ronin after waking up from a wild night spent with the extremly large barmaid named Inga.

Recent D&D game:
Arakana (Drow Female Rogue aka Bondage Porn Diva): [to GM] So I've got two bugbears ready to tear me apart? (GM nods). Oh Quintin...
Quinton (my Human Male Warblade): *Jump check to land adjacent to her and the bugbears, execute manuever w/ greatsword to drop both as a single attack action.*
Wellaby (Gnome Conjurer): Since when did the rogue learn to cast Summon Beatstick!?

 

[an_idol_mind]

I prefer to provide my quotes without context:

"You now have a bottle of blood."
"Correction: a bottle of ink."

"What's your status?"
"Single and hung. Yours?"

"My libido stinks of blood."

"If you love him, you will freeze him."

Also, while not a character quote, there was one point when I was DMing and I described a passage wide enough to fit two men walking a breast. One of my players, having never heard such a statement before, drew in her confusion a pair of stick figures walking a breast down a corridor on her character sheet.

 

[Phlebas]

Also, while not a character quote, there was one point when I was DMing and I described a passage wide enough to fit two men walking a breast. One of my players, having never heard such a statement before, drew in her confusion a pair of stick figures walking a breast down a corridor on her character sheet.

While DM'ing i was setting the scene for an escaping apprentice who was stealing her masters luggage

"You see your freind katy with a large chest....."

katy 'with the large chest' is now a recurring NPC....

 

[Midknightsun]

A group in one of my campaigns is running in SGoS, heading towards one of the lairs for the 10th time (they are masters of the "hit and run"), so I'd thought it would be more than reasonable for some Drow to take the initiative and set up an ambush for them. What I thought would be a warning turned into a Total Player Capture. Yeah, DC 13 fort saves are apparently tough. They wake up to find themselves in a jail cell.

DM: All your equipment has been removed. You find yourselves in a dark jail cell, the sounds of gutteral elven whispers eminating from down the hall to your right.

Halfling Rogue: All my stuff? Even my hidden lockpicks?

DM: Yes, even your hidden ones.

Halfling Rogue: I can't believe they checked there!

DM: Well, they are nothing if not tho . . . er, wait, what do you . . . nevermind I don't want to know.

It gets worse.

Halfing Rogue: I look around the cell for something to pick the lock.

DM: Er, well, theres a chamberpot . . .

Halfling: I try to pick the lock with the chamberpot.

Not exactly a phrase in character, but funny nonetheless.

 

[Ambrus]

PC cleric trying to explain the concept of a soul to a hatchling dragon PC.

Cleric: It's a part of you, just like your arms. What would you be without your arms?
Dragon: A wyvern.

 

[STARP_Social_Officer]

Me, trying to con someone: "I am Lord Marchley, and this is my colleague, Lord Smellers."
Other player: "I don't want to be Lord Smellers!!"

Other player: "What do you think of the plan?"
Me: "I like it."
Other player: "Well, that settles it. We're not doing it."

Hunter: The Reckoning
Other player: "I have a great idea how to kill this vampire."
Me: "How?"
Other player: "Let's get a light airplane from somewhere, fly to his house..."
Me: "Oh god."
Other player: "And 9-11 the f*cker!"
Me: Hmm...how about "NO!!"
Didn't matter. He did it anyway.
(shudders)

(points to the barbarian)
"Don't make me make him hurt you."

The bard was hitting on just about every woman we encountered. As he tried it on and failed with a dryad, the party's fighter just sighed and said:
"Seriously. Dude. Just go hire a hooker or something, please, 'cos this is getting out of control."

In my old campaign, druids were divided into two types - older druids, who used "thee" and "thy" a lot and were very much your "wizened old man" type, and the younger ones. Mostly through the player's characterisation, the younger druids were all portrayed as stoners. The PC druid attended a druidic council, and the entirety of the meeting was as follows:
"Dude?"
"Dude?"
"Dude."
"Dude!"
"Dude?"
"Dude!!"
(pause)
"Dude?"
"Dude."
Classic. Good times, good times.

Being attacked by a half-orc with a large axe, and having just killed the others in the attacking party, the mage got herself out of trouble by shouting one word:
"SIT!!"
And he did. The mage gained himself a cohort in the process.

This is totally out-of-game, but it paralysed us for several minutes. As so often happens (we ain't called the Side Tracked Association of Role Players for nothing, you know), we got off on a tangent and the conversation turned, for some ungodly reason, to hentai. One player was saying that it was akin to juveniles drawing pornographic pictures in their schoolbooks, when someone's phone rang. The distraction caused us to tune out, momentarily, only to come back in just as the player said "Look! I drew a penis!"
This caused severe breathing difficulties for everybody. Purile, perhaps, but it was the non-sequitur nature of the comment that made it funny.

Also, that same player was once known to say "vegetarianism is just one step away from Communism." We've thrown that back at him very often.

 

[STARP_Social_Officer]

Oh, and one more. I was playing a Wookie when I guested in a Star Wars campaign.
Player: "We've got to get out of here before they come back with more guards."
Me: "OOOHHHRR..WRAAAW...OOOOR...ROOOA."
(pause)
Player (to me, not my character): "I swear to God, if you do that again, I will literally put your head in the microwave."

Some people just don't appreciate Method acting...

 

[Moon-Lancer]

a warforge with a low low wisdom. hes solution for most things was

"I stick my head in it"

By that i mean we find a pool of water... and of course after sticking his head in it, it turns out to be a blob thing. The player did this just to ruin the suspense of encounters he suspected might take place. Its really funny though.


*edit*

starp, how else are you supposed to play a wookie? lol

 

[STARP_Social_Officer]

starp, how else are you supposed to play a wookie? lol

That's what I said! I guess some people are just different to us, Moonie.

 

[Darklone]

The group finally found the phylactery of the evil lich thing. Too bad it's adamantine and magic. Sooo the big powerful mofos use all buff spells on the strongest party member (Kord cleric) who uses his strength domain power and Power Attack and everything else he has... he smites it ... and manages to cause 1 point of damage. (3.0 Power Attack)

Unbelieving stares. The party psion currently occupied by diplomatic exchanges with a general walks by, watches the act, grins, levitates the box up high, drops it, it breaks. Unbelieving stares by the muscleboys. "Mind over matter" he says and continues to chat with the general (which he charmed).

-----------------

Half-orc barbarian enters throne chamber of some midgets... Tiny goblinoids IIRC. He's greatcleaving his way through the kings guard quite easily. So the king shouts: "Flee, the big thing will kill us!" and they run for the emergency exit. The half-orc drops the last bodyguard and says: "I hide behind the throne." Frowns around the table. Finally the DM asks tentatively: "Ehem, what? And why?" Half-orc player: "As soon as that big thing he's been talking about comes in, I jump out and kill it!"